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RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 2:19:06 PM

Lockit

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beeble... stop confusing me! lol No matter how I read it... no matter how many times... my mind just gets twisted in some sort of dyslexia or something! I don't know what I said! I do know what I meant! lol Dang it, think it for me! hehe

I mean if someone is not treating a dominant like they are just someone to help them get off... and the op wants a relationship... not just a kick for a day... he isn't do-me. lol Now if I am still not making sense... leave it... I'm lost and most likely won't be found for a day or so! lol

*%#!@?! getting old with dementia! This backwards thinkin and talkin is pissing me off! Even when I am not... I think I am! I need a secretary or personal assistant!

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Post #: 41

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 3:44:13 PM

beeble

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From: UK
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quote:

ShaktiSama wrote: *shrug* I find the statement "just because the vanilla world embraces certain elements" to be the key concept here. If the vanilla world provides all that you could want and none of what you don't--why bother to deal with the bdsm community?

Maybe the vanilla world doesn't provide all of what they want. Maybe they want to see if there's anything more. Maybe they realise that the BDSM community does a lot of some particular thing so think that we'd be a good place to ask.

quote:

To pursue your Indian food metaphor--if all you want is samosas in London, you don't need to walk into a pricey Authentic Indian Food restaurant to get them. You can stop at the stand on the corner and get exactly what you want with none of what you don't, at a much lower price. So why not do it?

Way to go with the obnoxious elitism...

quote:

The things that set the bdsm "community" apart from the vanilla world are the politically incorrect power dynamics within non-sexual parts of the relationship, and of course the more extreme activities associated with heavy masochism and sadism, emotional and physical.

You seem to be saying that, essentially, it ain't BDSM unless it involved 27/4 D/s or heavy sadomasochism. Why so narrow?

beeble.

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Post #: 42

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 3:46:47 PM

beeble

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quote:

Lockit wrote: beeble... stop confusing me! lol No matter how I read it... no matter how many times... my mind just gets twisted in some sort of dyslexia or something! I don't know what I said! I do know what I meant!

Hehe. I meant that Politesub seemed to have read your `aren't' as `are'.

quote:

I mean if someone is not treating a dominant like they are just someone to help them get off... and the op wants a relationship... not just a kick for a day... he isn't do-me.

Yes: that's exactly what I thought you said.

beeble.

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Post #: 43

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 3:48:51 PM

Lockit

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Oh thank god! lol... I am not crazy today... or maybe... well just a bit odd.. but not totally out of it! lol

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Post #: 44

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 3:50:52 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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I've been in a couple of relationships as a Top, without any D/s involved. There are a lot of male dominants who are just fine with submissive in the bedroom, vanilla elsewhere, but most of the female dominants aren't interested in it. I think that bedroom-only submissives aren't necessarily bottoms, if they actively enjoy being *controlled* and feel submissive, rather than just being masochistic and physically enjoying the sensations. Either way is fine, as long as they are being honest about what they want/need. Personally, if I were to be in a formal D/s relationship, I'd want the control to extend into other areas.

ShaktiSama, I think it's really weird to call people who are actively *interested* in BDSM vanilla, just because they aren't into D/s, or are in an egalitarian kinky relationship. Sure, some "vanilla" people do a little spanking, biting, scratching, etc., but if done to the point of leaving welts and bruises for a week, it ain't vanilla!

I agree that I've been able to find partners in the past through vanilla interests. I'm personally open to D/s if I have that dynamic with the individual person, but most people just don't push my buttons on either side of the D/s equation. I've had a few egalitarian kinky relationships, but I haven't had a purely vanilla relationship since I was 20. I usually tell the other person what I'm interested in on the 3rd date or so, and so far, nobody's turned me down or gotten freaked out over it.

I agree that most of the women who identify as dominant/top on this site (at least the ones who are active in the forums - I haven't really looked much at profiles for them on the other side) aren't looking for bottoms or bedroom-only submissives except possibly for casual play. On some other sites, there is more interest in the physical S/M, bondage, discipline, etc. aspects. I don't think he necessarily needs to go vanilla in his search for partners, but he might have better luck at a few other BDSM-oriented sites.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 5/10/2009 4:08:01 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 3:54:34 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble
You seem to be saying that, essentially, it ain't BDSM unless it involved 27/4 D/s or heavy sadomasochism. Why so narrow?

*shrug* You can call bdsm and its attendant community "narrow" if you like. I haven't used the word. However, I do believe that people who want nothing but kinky sex in a bedroom, who want NO bdsm power dynamics in the relationship outside the bedroom, and who do not require heavier masochism and sadism in their sexplay? Do NOT need to confine themselves to this community in the search for partners--and in fact might be much wiser not to. Nor am I the only person to say so in this thread.

I'm not sure why I'm being called "elitist" because I reject a definition of "vanilla" which I find to be false, misleading, and misrepresentative of 99% of the people I have met who were not specifically into bdsm, but whatever. If the OP really wants to waste his time barking up the tree of a community which is many times more likely to produce a lifestyle domme than a vanilla service top, he's welcome to do it. Hopefully it will work out better for him than for the hundreds of other guys who haunt these forums and this website, looking for something which they never seem to find, and becoming increasingly bitter, vitriolic and toxic with every passing month and year.

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Post #: 46

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:08:40 PM

Politesub53

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

Lockit wrote: In my opinion I see a do me submissive as someone who does not see who I am and just wants me to service his kink. If you aren't treating people as if they are nothing more than someone to help you get off, you are simply someone looking for bedroom submission within a relationship from what you discribe.

Politesub53 wrote: I disagree with this Ma`am. Whilst there may well be submissives who act like You say, there will also be guys who want to treat you with love and respect, within a normal type relationship, but be submissive only in the bedroom.

I think you missed a `not': if you aren't treating the woman as just something to get you off, you're not a do-me sub but somebody who wants to only submit in the bedroom.

beeble.

Nah, I was just trying to get spanked

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 47

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:11:07 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Politesub, if you want to be a sassmonkey you will have to be a trifle more obvious about it. Watch Peon, he has it down!

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Post #: 48

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:14:38 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Politesub, if you want to be a sassmonkey you will have to be a trifle more obvious about it. Watch Peon, he has it down!

Obvious isnt my way Ma`am. I just creep up on You, and You are spanking before before You can say " Topping from the bottom" ..LOL

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 49

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:15:08 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

In my opinion I see a do me submissive as someone who does not see who I am and just wants me to service his kink. If you aren't treating people as if they are nothing more than someone to help you get off, you are simply someone looking for bedroom submission within a relationship from what you discribe.

I disagree with this Ma`am. Whilst there may well be submissives who act like You say, there will also be guys who want to treat you with love and respect, within a normal type relationship, but be submissive only in the bedroom. There will also be Females that wish to be Dominant ONLY in the bedroom. I must confess that until I was interested in BDSM, I always prefered a G/f who was sexually dominant. That doesnt mean that I didnt treat her with love and respect.

Wouldn't love and respect be the foundation of any lasting relationship, no matter if it is BDSM or vanilla? How much bondage, domination, sadism or masochism they like to incorporate in a relationship should be up to the parties involved. I don't think anybody with half a brain would enter a relationship without at least giving it a thought if they are compatible and talking about hard limits. Initial attraction tends to fade rather quickly if none of the expectations are met.

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Post #: 50

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:18:34 PM

Politesub53

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Exactly my point Lady C. For myself love and respect take priority over bdsm, even if that is a big part of me. I could live without the later, but not the former, if that makes sense.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 51

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:21:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Politesub, if you want to be a sassmonkey you will have to be a trifle more obvious about it. Watch Peon, he has it down!

Obvious isnt my way Ma`am. I just creep up on You, and You are spanking before before You can say " Topping from the bottom" ..LOL

I always liked you, Politesub.

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Post #: 52

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:25:56 PM

Politesub53

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Blushes furiously

<< Ha ha I look like Mal.

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Post #: 53

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:27:34 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Exactly my point Lady C. For myself love and respect take priority over bdsm, even if that is a big part of me. I could live without the later, but not the former, if that makes sense.

It makes a lot of sense, I know couples who got married just because the kink was "compatible" and some people (especially men) get so desperate that they think it will be enough, it usually does end in tears. I'm not sure if I could live without BDSM, luckily I don't have to, but I couldn't live with a partner I don't respect and love, it would feel very empty and lonely. The BDSM factor is something you can address outside of a relationship (depending on what it is and if your partner is open about you whipping somebody or getting whipped), but there HAS to be more if it is going to be a lasting relationship with a partner.

One of the best examples I know is a couple, he is a masochist and she is very vanilla, she's OK with him getting the pain he craves but can't bring herself to do it, because it goes against the grain, they visit a pro domme together, she holds and stimulates him while he's getting tortured and for them it is a bonding experience, it might be a rather unconventional relationship but I think it's beautiful to see how people who love each other are doing what they can to make each other happy. He worships the ground his wife walks on without it being a D/s relationship and she understands his needs. I bet they couldn't give a flying **** if somebody tells them that they are vanilla, perverts or BDSM, they are happy - and in the end that's what counts.

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Post #: 54

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:30:25 PM

Politesub53

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Lady C, thats a beautiful example Ma`am. Thank You for sharing.

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Post #: 55

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:51:31 PM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Nah, I was just trying to get spanked

You know it isn't nice to mess with DDD! You might not get a spanking... but you very well could get a writing assignment! How not to mess with DDD... what happens when one messes with DDD and how sorry you are!

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Post #: 56

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:55:13 PM

Politesub53

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Lockit, what is DDD please ?

As for writing assingments, I once got given one of 1,000 words, to be completed by the next morning. i compalined that this wasnt fair, and was told :

" You are right, make it 2,000 "...... And yes, I hated it but finished it.

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Post #: 57

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 4:58:29 PM

Lockit

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LOL... had you guessing there didn't I? DDD= Dyslexic Domina Donna

And had you been mine... with that writing assignment... I'd have pretty much said the same thing! lol

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Post #: 58

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 5:00:07 PM

Politesub53

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Giggles a tad.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 59

RE: What about me? - 5/10/2009 5:35:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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ROFL at your sig, Lockit!

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Post #: 60

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