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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:00:19 AM

MstrssPassion

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nope... I knew it wasn't you... I replied to the person who posted it

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:01:02 AM

sweetkajira

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did you by chance see the other post i directed to you?

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:03:10 AM

Sunshine119

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

HUH???

I think you need to go back & read my post again. No where did I say dump & run. No where did I mention there was an end. Even the part you quoted me on reflects nothing that you wrote.

As to your comment about how it is easy for a fem dom to pick & chose a sub & it isn't easy for the male dom... that is soooooo untrue.

LOL....I was referring specifically to the line I quoted regarding Doms not doing therapy. I was simply pointing out that, in generaly, most Doms who want a relationship to work out WILL do therapy in order to save it. Consequently, should sweetkajaira's Master/husband really want this to work, he might be willing to go to therapy as well.

But, I think you were correct about most Doms not being willing to go to therapy. After all, they are right, all of the time, aren't they?

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:09:29 AM

sweetkajira

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Eventhough he is a bright open minded person, i do not see him going to therapy with him....i just can't imagine him agreeing to that because he IS always right, and HIS word is always final....so what would the point of therapy be? compromise? that doesn't exist in our relationship because its his way all the time...and up to now it's been mutually agreed upon, i only wish he's ease up just a bit with my unmentionable....that's all...and i wish he'd open up and talk to me about what is really going on with him. He's a stubborn one!

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:10:34 AM

Shayna

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

The end is not near...just change, uncertainty, and fear. Let us separate the problems. 1st, your child is out of control and 2nd, your Dom may leave you.

Time to be pro-active. Get the child to a world-class therapy situation for diagnosis. Cincinnnati, OH, has one; ask a trusted MD or go online. You need a firm diagnosis...is there a physical problem? What part is emotional, and WHAT disorder is it??

i do not know of either of the adults here considered the impact of a disabled child on the relationship before it began. Any hope to remain together surely means Y/you must BOTH face it now. The child may be severely emotionally disturbed; decisions will have to be made.

i wonder if your Dom felt sufficient loyalty and trust and submission whenever the child disrupted things....or did you play the "Mommy Card" and overrule Him?

There are so many varaiables, and i'd suggest you get some short term therapy as well. i doubt your child needs 'effective parenting"; i think you may be looking at institutionalisation. But i may be reading you wrong. In any event, there are important decisions to make in a state of sorrow...therapy may keep you straight.

My prayers are with you & yours.

candystripper

Instituationalization? That's major stuff and a last resort for the most severe of behavior issues, I would hope. Never underestimate the need for effective parenting, and a stable, loving home for umentionables.

If one understands that many unmentionables act out as a result of feeling insecure and as a result of family situations, steps can be taken to resolve those issues and restore some normalcy. I think in many cases it's the adults that primarily need the help in order preserve emotional health for their unmentionables.

Be well,
Julie

I'd like to second Lady Julie Ann's comments. Problem behavior that children exhibit are almost always a combination of nature and nurture. Stability and love, with structure and clear expectations, is the best situation. Of course it's much easier to say that than provide that environment all the time. Stressors on the adult relationship can get acted out in the parenting arena. If the parents aren't able to handle their own problems (relationships, work, health) then their parenting will suffer (impatience, over reaction, etc.). I do not believe in first looking at the child's problems; the parents need to get THEIR act together, then deal with the family as a WHOLE, not isolate a child as "the" problem.

Starting with you and your Master having a heart-to-heart, preferably away from the house and sensitive ears. Steps after that may include professional counseling. Personally, I'd work my ass off to see if you two can work this out before you even consider leaving. Chances are you'll take the dysfunction with you to the next relationship - might as well work out as much as you can in this one.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:10:46 AM

MstrssPassion

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I would prefer to have direct dialog off forum boards. Feel free to contact me on the other side.

I do hope you have read that I clearly wish the best for you & your family. Family comes first & marriage is something I hold in high regard. There is help out there, including kink friendly therapists. I have a dear friend here in Florida that is just that. You would have to check the KAP list. http://www.bannon.com/kap/

Its good that you were able to laugh about the beer can suggestion... can you see know where I got the laugh about the Master holding up on the couch? There are so many threads on these boards about how so many don't let their sub/slaves use furniture (I'm not one of those types of doms).

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:11:48 AM

Shayna

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira

Eventhough he is a bright open minded person, i do not see him going to therapy with him....i just can't imagine him agreeing to that because he IS always right, and HIS word is always final....so what would the point of therapy be? compromise? that doesn't exist in our relationship because its his way all the time...and up to now it's been mutually agreed upon, i only wish he's ease up just a bit with my unmentionable....that's all...and i wish he'd open up and talk to me about what is really going on with him. He's a stubborn one!

If he will do not consider any changes, then the decision is in your hands.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:12:37 AM

MstrssPassion

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Sunshine

You are horribly confused.... I suggested a third party in my posts & the line you quoted was my funny ha-ha about the Master being the one sleeping on the couch

from the original post

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira: Master and i are having some serious issues...and i don't really know how things turned so sour so fast! One minute we were the happiest couple i knew, the next, we aren't speaking to eachother and he's sleeping on the couch.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 2/5/2006 9:18:12 AM >

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:20:52 AM

collieloveruk

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guess you could always pile the beer cans up on his side of the bed then hes got no option but to sleep on the couch if he doesnt clear them up lol but that may be just a tad toooooooo confrontational lol xx

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:26:16 AM

sweetkajira

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Update on the beer cans: i just picked them up threw the empty ones out and the unopened ones back in the fridge....i am a wuss.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:27:05 AM

FTopinMichigan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira
my Master has been very stern with my lil person, and for the most part it has been a blessing - however, there are times where i feel it goes to an extreme, not in the abusive sense, not like the lil person has ever been touched, or yelled at - not at all - but the lil person is always punished, and for the most part i agree, since it's definetly deserved! trust me! What happened the other night, however, was that my Master grounded my lil person and i just did not agree with it, and in our relationship i am suppose to have no say, whatsoever, it is a "blind obedience" type M/s relationship, anyhow, ever since that night he has stopped speaking to me, he sleeps on the couch, and last night he went out and i didn't know where to, or anything. I am so confused.

I was thinking about this since first reading the situation, early this AM, and I'm finding it unconscionable for someone to accept the D/s lifestyle for themselves, to allow it to be perpetrated upon their "lil person."

You have chosen to live this lifestyle (for you and your new husband) and have given of your total self to another. This IS your right. This does not NOT allow for you to relinquish your responsibility for your "lil person," to a man the you choose to marry. Did the young one agree to this lifestyle and the prospect of another, non family member taking complete control over them, especially without your care and input?

Your "blind obedience" should only have to do with your relationship with your husband. How you could see this working it's way to your "lil person,"....I don't know.

I'm sick, just thinking about this situation. It is no wonder the that this
"lil person," is having difficulties.

If you want to have your fun, and live a lifestyle that is YOUR choice, but don't perpetrate it on those that are not able to choose.

A blended family is one thing, but for you to give up your responsibility and control of your own, is unfathomable to me.

Seems from your words that you D/s dynamic is at the forefront of your relationship, and not about your "lil person." If I were you, I'd check my priorities.

K

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:28:39 AM

collieloveruk

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damn and i thought id convinced you lol oh well maybe a big note on the beer cans in the fridge saying ...........I cleared up your mess and WE NEED TO TALK might work

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:31:54 AM

sweetkajira

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thanks for your reply. It was quick to judge, point finger, and offend. But we all have the right to voice our opinion, so i am voicing mine as well. Normally i have no problem debating any issue, since this however, is regarding my own life, there really is no point in me trying to convince you, a stranger, of who i am and who i am not....you drew your own conclusions and more power to you!

God bless you.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:42:36 AM

windy135

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hmmm, about the homosexual tendencies. I think it would depend on if he was topping them sexually or not. Is he topping them just for the control or is sex involved? I'm a true believer that most people have bi tendencies although everyone's is at a different degree. I see nothing wrong with them. But I can understand your concern if the poly life style isn't for you. My sister married a man with 3 kids she moved into his house and the two older boys lived full time with him. One of the boys has had many difficulites and is in therapy now for his aggression. It's difficult. I think you will feel much better after you talk to your Master. Even if the conversation doesn't go so well I think it will feel good to have it out in the open. I wish you much luck*

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:51:08 AM

MrDiscipline44

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Everyone seems to focusing on this like it's an issue the "lil person" and I don't think it is. I think your Master is discovering something about his sexuallity and it's rocking his foundations. The "lil person" issue, sleeping on the couch and not speaking to you are side effects of that. You said yourself that your master is looking for a male slave and looking at tv and cd profiles on here and contacting them. Why is he looking for a male slave? Will this slavery have any sexual context to it? And you said that you don't want to include others in your relationship. Does he know this? If so, maybe he sees this as opposition to his authority?

Also, IMO, blind obedience relationships rarely work. In having this kind of relationship, your master has chosen a lonely road for himself.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:56:25 AM

sweetkajira

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hmmm... good point. His idea is to have a male serve sexually to him, hE ( my Master) being the top...and it's a control thing for him, but he wishes there to be intercourse,

question: could it be possible for a man to have these desires yet not be homosexual or bi?

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 9:58:55 AM

sweetkajira

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thank you so much for your reply : ) Yes, he would be topping....and yes there would be sex involved but him giving not receiving..if that makes any difference lol.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 10:01:24 AM

theRose4U

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quote:

If he is willing, find one of the closest Kink Aware Professionals near you and go. If he is unwilling to go, then go for yourself.

Oh, and by the way, tossing beer cans around because he is pissed is NOT showing that he is in control any more than you. If he expects YOU to submit to him, HE had better get control of himself first.

I agree with the therapy thing completely but I'm not sure that all of this weight belongs with the Master. My .02 is that Master is acutally under too much burdeon and may be starting to feel the cracks. I'm only half way through reading and I'm tired.

1)You have being a master
2) assuming a day job
3) the bossy ex
4) his own wee ones and assuming financial responsibilites that go with that
5) a kajara that I'm reading has issues with individual responsibility for her own actions
6) then having to be responsible for the discipline of not only mom but a wee one with serious problems.
That's before any part of this wheel starts screaming for greese and attention.

While I feel for your situation I'm thinking some responsibility on your part is missing. The wee one is YOUR JOB NOT HIS. Master or not I'm reading that the wee one was part of the package and not his spawn. Making sure that the wee one gets the medical attention that it needs should be a primary responsibility. I'm reading that well we tried this and it didn't work, tried that and it didn't work so I've given up. this isn't a diet where you can get tired of eating salad after a week this is a little person who's entire future will be based off of the support that they get now. I'm not trying to diminish that this is a hard thing to deal with I'm saying if you haven't found the solution that works you have more work to do.
For you, depression can't be allowed to take over and excuse you not living up to your responsibilities. Depression is something that I've dealt with off and on my entire life. Part of being an adult that is responsible to myself is realizing when I'm on a down cycle and doing what it takes to get back to balance.
Sorry if this sounds like a tough love moment...I do value your posts and you're a nice person from what I can see but this is not the time for poor me. Get ready swift kick time...you need to get to a therapist NOW, get yourself in balance. Kink aware is probably best for your marriage counselor which will also probably be needed if things have gone this far down hill. Help...lots of help of whatever kind you can find for the wee one is also necessary. I'm honestly thinking that this stress is a major component of why your marriage is cracked. Getting help all the way around is the door through this issue. Whether your master chooses to pass through is up to him, but as a responsible adult you need to find the strength to help yourself and your child. Personally this shouldn't have been allowed to go on this long.
Sorry for the tough love moment that is only based on your posts but this is how I see it...could be wrong and have been before.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 10:07:28 AM

MstrssPassion

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I'm thinking that many people will find it impossible to post a comment on what is happening with the Master involved in this thread, he is not here to answer for himself & third party admissions even on the part of his wife just doesn't give anyone a clear picture of what is going on.

Sexual orientation is based on the sex that we would be attracted to in a sexual sense. Only he can answer this. Only he can tell us whether he is sexually attracted to males or females or males that appear feminine, whether it is one or the other or all the above.

This can also be a difficult question to answer. I posted on here long ago about orientation. I have listed myself as bisexual on here due to the fact that my partner is female. Though she didn't start off that way & many people may have the opinion that she would never be female... she is, I respect that & thus I am in a lesbian relationship with another woman. Does this make me a lesbian? Am I truly bisexual?

Well?

All I can say is that I am not sexually attracted to any other women. I guess I am a one-woman lesbian. I do not see myself becoming sexually involved with any (genetic) women. Would I include another transsexual or cross dresser or plain ol' man, maybe... sure, if we all got along.

He is going to have to explore his sexuality on his own. He can do so internally/mentally or physically with others. The only concern I would have is that if others are involved that their well-being is considered. With all of the issues this family is currently up against, now is not the time to be bringing in a new family member.

edited to add:

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetkajira

hmmm... good point. His idea is to have a male serve sexually to him, hE ( my Master) being the top...and it's a control thing for him, but he wishes there to be intercourse,

question: could it be possible for a man to have these desires yet not be homosexual or bi?
thank you so much for your reply : ) Yes, he would be topping....and yes there would be sex involved but him giving not receiving..if that makes any difference lol.

As I said above... if he is sexually attracted to someone of the same same then this is being homosexual if he is sexaully attracted to both sexes... bisexual & then again... there is my example of self, sexually attracted to my girl who is not genetic but not attracted to genetic females.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 2/5/2006 10:16:47 AM >

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 10:07:54 AM

MrDiscipline44

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Having a man serving sexually and not be bi or gay? Not in my opinion. You either are or aren't. You are bi or aren't bi, you are gay or aren't gay. A straight man wouldn't think of another man serving them sexually. The visual picture would be disturbing for him and, as I've seen, we men are visual creatures. Maybe your master is curious and wants to find out or sure.

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