RE: And now the end is near ....

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 6:37:21 PM

sweetkajira

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i appreciate the advice- one question, what makes you believe that i have never seeked professional help??? my little one is seen by a psychiatrist, which took him off the last meds - he has been diagnosed adhd, but ritalin has a bad effect on him, so after trying every add med out there the doctors themselves came to the conclusion that his is a behavior problem more than a dysfunction, such as mental disorder - i know it's easy to say, well your unmentionable has a problem, just fix it!! sometimes it's not that easy. He's in a good school that provides counseling and i have taken him to centers where he's had extensive evaluations - darling, this has been going on for 10years, it's not something that i have ignored, it's not something i am giving up on, so pleasedonotbe so quick to jump to the conclusion that i am too busy being a slave, or as you put it, roleplaying, to care for my unmentionable -

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/5/2006 8:24:34 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I didn't get that implication in your post at all. I was mostly curious about Shayna's comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I work with families in their homes and am part of a team that works with development. I didn't mean to imply that there weren't any medically based reasons for behavioral issues, because I know that they exist, and some to the level of severity that require hospitalization.

Be well,
Julie[/color]

I'm a social worker and in the past spent a number of years doing case management with troubled children and families. I also placed children in foster and adoptive homes, which can be a very challenging situation for the child and "new" family.

Like I said, it's hard to separate out the nature v. nurture aspect of childrens' struggles. The reason I suggested starting with the adults who are parenting is because no matter what physical or psychological problems the child has, the parents have to learn to work together and deal with some of their own stuff in order to best help the child and create an environment where they can all thrive.

I also wanted to say that although being in a D/s or M/s relationship is a decision of the adults in the household, children are impacted by ANY lifestyle decisions of their caretakers. Who's to say what is the most optimum environment? Some people think gay couples can't possibly provide a healthy family environment. Others think one parent should be home full-time. I don't think the "lifestyle" aspect is inherently harmful; it's all the other stuff.

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/6/2006 12:29:05 AM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

i appreciate the advice- one question, what makes you believe that i have never seeked professional help??? my little one is seen by a psychiatrist, which took him off the last meds - he has been diagnosed adhd, but ritalin has a bad effect on him, so after trying every add med out there the doctors themselves came to the conclusion that his is a behavior problem more than a dysfunction, such as mental disorder - i know it's easy to say, well your unmentionable has a problem, just fix it!! sometimes it's not that easy. He's in a good school that provides counseling and i have taken him to centers where he's had extensive evaluations - darling, this has been going on for 10years, it's not something that i have ignored, it's not something i am giving up on, so pleasedonotbe so quick to jump to the conclusion that i am too busy being a slave, or as you put it, roleplaying, to care for my unmentionable

sweetkajira

No, miss. i'd imagine you've been extremely proactive. What i suggested was not all MD's are created equal; i recommended you take him to be seen by a world-class facility and mentioned that there is one in Cincinnati, OH. i never thought you were role playing, nor neglecting your child.

(Whoops, replied to someome else's message.)
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 2/6/2006 12:30:59 AM >

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/6/2006 12:34:12 AM

candystripper

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quote:

I also wanted to say that although being in a D/s or M/s relationship is a decision of the adults in the household, children are impacted by ANY lifestyle decisions of their caretakers. Who's to say what is the most optimum environment? Some people think gay couples can't possibly provide a healthy family environment. Others think one parent should be home full-time. I don't think the "lifestyle" aspect is inherently harmful; it's all the other stuff.

Shayna

As one who raised a child till age 7 with two parents and then as a single mother thereafter, i can assure you, she thrived with me. Circumstances vary.

candystripper

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/6/2006 9:18:48 AM

Shayna

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

I also wanted to say that although being in a D/s or M/s relationship is a decision of the adults in the household, children are impacted by ANY lifestyle decisions of their caretakers. Who's to say what is the most optimum environment? Some people think gay couples can't possibly provide a healthy family environment. Others think one parent should be home full-time. I don't think the "lifestyle" aspect is inherently harmful; it's all the other stuff.

Shayna

As one who raised a child till age 7 with two parents and then as a single mother thereafter, i can assure you, she thrived with me. Circumstances vary.

candystripper

Candy, you made my point...it's not *necessarily* the specifics of the family's circumstance. It's the love, stability, etc. that a parent (parents, guardians, etc.) provide :)

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/6/2006 9:36:20 AM

LadyJC

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Joined: 5/18/2005
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Could it possibly be he is just trying to get attention? My sister has 4 unmentionables the oldest is 7, he sometimes acts out just for attention. My sister is a young mom with 4 and goes to school full time. She is also single.
My brother was 4 and couldn't talk. One of the best shrinks in Canada was told that he was mentally retarded, he'd never be able to go to a normal school, get his license, or hold down a job. He's done all 3 although he's never really driven. He's got a temper problem and always has.
Sometimes it could be the dynamic of the situation, does he act out more when there's problems at home? Unmentionables can definitely feel the tension when parents are arguing, usually they over hear them and feel like it's their fault. Not to mention that consistency is key...if they do something and don't get punished, then they do the same thing and do get punished...wouldn't they get a little confused? I know I did.
What seems to be the problem is that you didn't talk about the rules they should have and be equal to all. I.E Taking a cookie right before dinner should equal a consequence you both agree on.
Taking someone else's toy...should equal a time out and then a discussion as to why that was wrong. Just a few examples.
LadyJC

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/6/2006 4:35:44 PM

LadiesBladewing

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Our home has had its issues with challenging unmentionables, and have had to face the particular challenges that a willful unmentionable can bring into a relationship.

I would like to present the possibility that you can both get through this... first, by yielding to the situation, and second, by recognizing that at least -part- of the problem right now may not be between the two of -you-, but drawn from the anger, hostility and pain in the greater familial relationship. When unmentionables are involved, often we forget that -their- anger and hostility at dealing with boundaries (especially if they are of an age where they are preparing to enter the world and start placing their own boundaries, and have lost interest in the boundaries of their progenetors) can end up reflecting into every other area of the family. Frustration can also creep in, especially if one is in a leadership position and feels that no matter the best efforts to bring some measure of discipline to save everyone from the pain of inappropriate behaviors, it becomes clear that there is nothing one can really do in regards to the willful unmentionable.

Be gentle with one another now. It is difficult for both of you. Don't let your frustration and your anger cloud your appreciation for the efforts one another are taking as you try to sort out this very difficult time.

For you, as the first to recognize and feel the strain of this extra burden, you have the opportunity to re-shape this into something that will strengthen your relationship, even while he is figuring out how to maintain his leadership in this situation. Forgive him, and let him know by your thoughts and actions that you understand what a difficult place this is. Let him see that it is difficult for you, as well, but that you understand that he is truly trying to do the best he can for you, himself, and your unmentionable.

This isn't a potential failure -- it is a potential success, just waiting to happen. I don't know why your unmentionable is pressing the boundaries, but no matter why it is happening, this is an opportunity for your family to expand its capacity to love by believing in one another and facing this challenge with a certain strength of character -- which will make you flexible in ways that you may not even appreciate at this painful moment. Like giving birth, it may be painful and seem like it will never end, but it -is- possible for something exceptional to come out of the challenge.

Just a few thoughts.
Lady Zephyr

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/7/2006 2:39:37 AM

candystripper

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The test below may be useful to parents with disturbed children. i cannot endorse it; nor did i major in Psychology.

http://www.upub.net/products/ifbap.htm

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 2/7/2006 2:40:03 AM >

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/7/2006 2:43:13 AM

candystripper

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There are two Social Security disability programs that include disabled children.

Under the Supplemental Security Income (SSI) program, a child from birth to age 18 may receive monthly payments based on disability or blindness if:

He or she has an impairment or combination of impairments that meets the definition of disability for children and
the income and resources of the parents and the child are within the allowed limits.

Under the Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) program, an adult child (a person age 18 or older) may receive monthly benefits based on disability or blindness if:

He or she has an impairment or combination of impairments that meets the definition of disability for adults; and
the disability began before age 22; and
the adult child's parent worked long enough to be insured under Social Security and is receiving retirement or disability benefits or is deceased.

Under both of these programs, the child must not be doing any "substantial" work, and must have a medical condition that has lasted or is expected either to last for at least 12 months or to result in death.

You will find helpful links to the online forms and the steps you need to take to apply for childhood disability benefits at www.socialsecurity.gov/applyfordisability. At this time, you cannot complete an application for SSI childhood disability online, but you can complete the Child Disability Report Form online. You can also view the Fact Sheet and Checklist in the Child Disability Starter Kit to see what information you will need and the kinds of questions we will ask when you have your disability interview in your local Social Security office or over the phone. The Disability Report asks for information about the child's conditions or impairments.

Call 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) or visit your local Social Security office right away so that you do not lose potential benefits, even if you complete the Disability Report Form online.

www.ssa.gov

candystripper

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RE: And now the end is near .... - 2/10/2006 4:04:11 AM

phoenix1

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kajira... I read somewhere on the net that ADHD is really a food allergy in some children and that's why the meds don't work... you might want to do a search about that...

maybe your child is resentful by your submissiveness to your Master... if your family and friends comment on it, maybe it's bothering your child as well and he is too young or too intimidated to express that to you... (in addition to the more accurate medical/health reason for the hyper-activity or rebelliousness)...

I have some experience with helping to raise an ADHD child... I've given a lot of time and attention trying to figure out how to truly connect to that child in a way to get to the root of the behavior and after doing that for several years... well... I did not accomplish that goal.

The only advise I can give you is to "keep loving your child through it all"...
time goes by quickly and before you know it, your child will be an adult and on his own. He has a challenging road ahead of him, with his condition... but he can always look back and know in his heart... "my mother always loved me a lot".

This may sound like corny advice to the average reader... but trust me... to a parent of an ADD or ADHD child... it's advice you need to hear almost daily!!

As for your Master... wow, poor guy. He sure has a lot he's dealing with. I'm surprised he's not drinking all the time! Maybe your schedules and lives are too hectic, busy and overstressed. I assume both of you are working full time... you have at least one child, who has an issue that is very challenging to deal with... his ex is still a part of your life to some degree... and etc.

Sounds like you both need some relief from the pressure. I hope you find some soon. Good luck.

< Message edited by phoenix1 -- 2/10/2006 4:05:54 AM >

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