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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 5:36:30 PM

PanthersMom

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when it's not "unreal". only the people in the relationship can tell you that, it's different for everyone.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 5:42:56 PM

kallisto

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When the connection is felt between both of us. Doesn't mean it's instantly going to be "the relationship" of a lifetime. But it does mean that it's real enough to pursue. If it doesn't "feel real" then no connectioin was made and no need to go any farther.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:08:02 PM

marie2

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A thing (relationship or whatever) becomes real when a human being attaches an emotion to it, thereby bringing an otherwise non-existant "thing" to life. If you feel something, it has become real.

Whether or not a person is satisfied with an online relationship or not, is another story.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:33:11 PM

NihilusZero

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The 'dangers' of someone playing an act are just as possible face to face as they are online or over the phone (granted the ease with which one can misrepresent themselves is greater with the latter options). Humans are, historically, a rather easily duped species. The question comes down to what prerequisites are necessary for someone to think/feel they "know" someone. I'd say people usually seem to want at least 3 of their 5 senses sated before jumping into the 'official' tub...and which senses those are become, honestly, just personal preference.

It becomes "real" the moment the first interaction of any kind happens. After that, it becomes "real" as far as each individual in concerned...well, pretty much whenever they want it to be.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 5/11/2009 6:34:42 PM >

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:35:55 PM

MarsBonfire

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When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:37:34 PM

ServeMeInVA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.

This sums it all up very well.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:55:58 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.

50 points.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 6:57:18 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

A thing (relationship or whatever) becomes real when a human being attaches an emotion to it, thereby bringing an otherwise non-existant "thing" to life. If you feel something, it has become real.

Whether or not a person is satisfied with an online relationship or not, is another story.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:02:22 PM

SteelofUtah

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So is that 100 point now Nil?

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:10:15 PM

LovelyLadyJ

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My former fiancee and I met online in '97. It was a real relationship long before we ever met face-to-face. The connection was as real as it gets and once we met in person we were unable to be apart more than three weeks at a time. I moved 2700 miles within seven months and we enjoyed eight wonderful years together.

There are more connections than we understand with science today. When he would wrap his arms around me (phone) and hug me goodnight I could "feel" him just as if he were there. He could wake me in the middle of the night just by thinking of me intensly. This was somewhat like when the phone rings and I know who is calling before I answer (dating far before caller ID).

A more recent relationship began on-line, met one weekend when he was home from Afghanistan but did not take it physical and then proceeded, over the next four months to make it a very real relationship from 9000 miles apart until he was able to come home again.

Just like in person, some people will be someone they are not and say things they don't mean but it is not difficult to build a connection without meeting.

One of my three best friends is someone I have never met yet our friendship has continued for a dozen years. I trust him with my life and all that I own as well as my secrets and emotions.

We live in a wonderful age and our chances of meeting people that will enhance our lives is greatly improved with the technology available.

Lady J

< Message edited by LovelyLadyJ -- 5/11/2009 7:12:29 PM >

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:11:42 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

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When a full commitment to BUILDING has been made...

full? Without a doubt you know that the 2 or 3+ of you are commited to
building solidity/consistency and harmony for the highest good of all

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:16:02 PM

ZenDragoness

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The moment somebody is touching me deeply, the relationship is real to me. Be it every kind of relationship or every kind of contact.

My now husband and me felt realness from our first written icq words on friday over our first night on the phone on the following monday till our first meeting face to face some 8 months later.

The real moment is the start, the future of the contact is open, a very real email exchange with a fellow musican stays nevertheless with me for ever, even when we never meet and make music together.

< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 5/11/2009 7:19:40 PM >

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:20:55 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...

Define Real for me please. (Real being a much miss used and over used word here on line).

There is little or no difference in this early stage of D/s, M/s and Vanilla as far as meeting new people goes. I do things slowly when I have a chance. I like to learn as much as I can early on but there are times I will know in a matter of seconds that I do not want to have some one around me. Then again I do trust my Gut Feeling. never let me down yet and saved my life too often to ignore.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/11/2009 7:21:31 PM >

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:22:09 PM

ZenDragoness

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LovelyLadyJ,

what a beautiful first post. Welcome to the boards.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:23:52 PM

ZenDragoness

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But then Iron Bear, do you not also know in very short time, in whom you are very interested and trusting your gut as much as for the ones you do not want around?

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:30:18 PM

IronBear

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Aye ZenDragoness, I do but thus far it has not happened within the lifestyle. It has happened more regarding about someone who wanted to join my crew business wise.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 7:43:01 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

When someone waxes poetic about how she feels when she kneels at her master's feet, and yet he is 3,000 miles away and they have never met, I can't take that REAL seriously.

Cali

This is how I view it as well. I'm not saying that everything online is a farce, but it's not real to me. If I start speaking with someone online, if it doesn't progress into a real life meeting in a reasonable amount of time, then it's just a waste of time for me.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 8:07:22 PM

RedMagic1

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Emotions are real. But remember, you can feel emotions from watching a movie or reading a book. People develop whole relationships with fictional things, like soap opera characters or role playing games.

So there's a difference between feeling something about a person, and committing to that person, warts and all. The second is much harder, takes much more emotional resources, and requires more contact. MarcEsadrian spoke well about cultivating and maintaining committed business relationships. The same thing, but way more, is required for deep commitments to friends and loved ones.

Just because someone feels happy or sad because of something you do, does not mean they will be there for you when the chips are down... or vice/versa. Feelings and actions are not the same. That seems to be the distinction between the different types of "real" that are being discussed on this thread. Actions and follow-through are much more "real" to me.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 8:09:39 PM

Demspotis

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A relationship is real when both people know and agree with sincerity that there is one. The means by which they communicate (for example, IM, phone, letters on paper, or speech or touch in person, etc., etc.) is not what makes it real or unreal.

The difficulty comes in because some people are deceptive to others, creating a false impression of a relationship; and because people can also fool themselves about a relationship, resulting in a one-sided, unreciprocated pseudo-relationship.

Also, some people consider online communication to be a forum for role-playing, and go so far as to consider that any play they do with others is insignificant, "unreal" relationships. But... there is a false premise there: role-playing is not necessarily insincere for all people. Some people may value relationships even if they are formed during and for role-play. We can understand this from offline role-playing. There are large "real-world" role playing games, such as the Society for Creative Anachronism. Even though they are games, though complex and deeply involved, people form real, life-long, and even intergenerational, relationships through them and in them.

And, let's not forget, even in in-person relationships, not in games, but in "real" life, there are lots of people out there who lie, cheat or scam. Face to face, in person. So, the fact that things like that also happen in cyberspace does not in itself mean that online relationships are not real.

There is certainly a difference between relationships that are carried on in different arenas... cyberspace, phone, physical presence, etc., but it's not a difference of reality or unreality. Relationships can be real or unreal in any of them. In the end it depends on the people involved.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/11/2009 11:34:44 PM

Whenready

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Thoughtul replies. Thanks, A/all.

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