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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 12:06:37 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		i tried to have an online relationship in the past and it didn't work.  i need the live human being to at least be in the same room.  If i also see the Person in real time, online is fine in-between meets, but otherwise i don't consider it real.  i actually have a journal entry about that.  At the same time, i know it works for some other P/people just fine.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 12:08:18 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Once upon a time I would have said when people meet face to face it becomes real. But having lived something for over three years that apparently was all an act I can't say that anymore, all I can say is that I don't know for sure what "real" is anymore. I had real feelings, hubby had real feelings, we believed we had a real commitment going on there but that's where it all stopped, I guess. I'll have to go with who ever said "Define REAL?"

I've had a very committed relationship online before, so much so that we're still very committed to each other in an almost impossible to define relationship and it was and is more real then most relationships I've had face to face, so I honestly can't answer you but am interested in what everyone else says, if for no other reason then help me also define what real is.

Jewel

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 12:27:31 AM   
BKSir


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.


I think Mars summed it up better than anyone else so far.  I met B. and my pet online, and even before I met them in person and brought them into our household, even the thought of losing them hurt me.  Then again, I've had people I met in RL and all that, and couldn't give a shit less if they were around or not... 


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 12:28:16 AM   
lally2


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Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		when i read the title i thought - when is any relationship real.  .

i cant comment about on line really, ive never had a dedicated online relationship.  i do know that the feelings you develop for someone before you  meet can become incredibly intense and if at the very start you know its going to be online then maybe dedication to that mindset makes it happen.

but to answer the question as completely as i can i have to go back to my first thought - and the answer is when i feel completely comfortable in my skin, when i can talk about anything and everything and not be judged, when i can be completely me and relax and the future feels secure and they look at me and smile that smile that tells me everything is grand

i think the first five seconds tell you alot but its getting beyond that point, after everything is exposed over months and youre still as happy as pigs in poo thats when it starts to get real for me.

and yes, when emotions run high and everything seems to have gone to hell but you clamber back in the seat and go again - when you can survive that and keep going then you know youre onto something real.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/12/2009 12:39:03 AM >

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 1:01:41 AM   
SailingBum


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.


I think Mars summed it up better than anyone else so far.  I met B. and my pet online, and even before I met them in person and brought them into our household, even the thought of losing them hurt me.  Then again, I've had people I met in RL and all that, and couldn't give a shit less if they were around or not... 



Ive heard some say that only 2 things are real.  What you eat and what you think.  You could argue quite successfully that emotionally pain is not "real pain" as the pain is not there when your sleeping compared to say a broken are where the pain is there all the time.  Food for thought

BadOne


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 1:09:17 AM   
BKSir


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From: Salt Lake City, UT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.


I think Mars summed it up better than anyone else so far.  I met B. and my pet online, and even before I met them in person and brought them into our household, even the thought of losing them hurt me.  Then again, I've had people I met in RL and all that, and couldn't give a shit less if they were around or not... 



Ive heard some say that only 2 things are real.  What you eat and what you think.  You could argue quite successfully that emotionally pain is not "real pain" as the pain is not there when your sleeping compared to say a broken are where the pain is there all the time.  Food for thought

BadOne



Tell that to the veterans I work with who go 3 or 4 nights in a row on a very regular basis, if not more common than not, because of emotional pain causing them night terrors. 


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:02:28 AM   
IronBear


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Tell that to the veterans I work with who go 3 or 4 nights in a row on a very regular basis, if not more common than not, because of emotional pain causing them night terrors. 



Amen to that Brother Amen! The terrors bring on memories and the memories bring on the pain both physical and emotional I was going through at the time..


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:27:25 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


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From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		fast reply

oh great, another grand yet subtle debate in whether online relationships are "real" or not.  nothing isn't truly "real" until they're standing in front of me etc etc etc chest thumping that goes on each this question is raised.

*sighs*



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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:45:38 AM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		It became real to me the first e mail we exchanged. I was new to the lifestyle and trying to figure out just what it was all about (still am :) ). For the first while we just talked of common everyday things and then moved into what types of BDSM relationships there might be. I still , rather fondly, remember when we began talking about some of the "activities" people did in this lifestyle. Scared the hell out of me.
On the PC we had webcam so I could see when he was happy or angry with me or when something was bothering him. As he did with me. On the phone I could hear the caring in his voice , or when he was not pleased with me. Yes we had voice on the webcam too but it always sounded rather tinny to me.. lol
Take care
A.


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:50:10 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...

It's real as soon as those participating decide that it's real

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:53:48 AM   
Antheia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

When either one of you can get emotionally hurt. There's nothing more "real" than pain.


I totally agree with this statement. You don't have to be physically with someone for your emotions to kick in. Be it happiness, anger, hurt etc etc. When it becomes a physical relationship those emotions can become deeper
A.

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 6:49:02 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...


For me, when my hand touches flesh and not a keyboard or phone. When I can smell her scent, feel the warmth of her against me. Look at her curled up next to my feet when watching a movie together. Getting me another cup of coffee or glass of water when I am engrossed in a project. Dumping the wheel barrow when I am weeding or cleaning the horse barn. Crying, whimpering and begging when I am having fun with her downstairs.

That's my "real".


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 7:00:04 AM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...

It's real as soon as those participating decide that it's real


agreed.


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 7:53:33 AM   
WhippedLilFuktoy


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Status: offline 		The definition of real is different to everyone. For myself I find that I can have real feelings(caring about, not loving) someone without the face to face, but to have that REAL commitment and love, I need the touch to make it real for me. And that is my 2 cents...lol

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 8:22:15 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...

It's real as soon as those participating decide that it's real


agreed.


Sorry to sound like a broken record but I have to agree as well. What is real to me might not be real to someone else. Personal experience has taught me that I can love and care for someone without meeting face to face in the flesh. And there were times when planning my move to Lumus that I would cry myself to sleep because He wasn't there in person and I wasn't with Him yet. Meeting face to face solidified everything, to the point where the very first time I showed up at His door, when He opened it, I said "Hi HONEY! i'm home!" even though we'd never met face to face yet. A big risk but we were confident in what we had and trusted each other. And the risk has paid out handsomely this last year and I look forward to the payout in all the years to come.

Now - would what we had be "real" to others? Possibly not. But it was real to us. And in the end, that's all that matters. (Though I understand that we would be "real" to almost everyone now since we live together and He owns and collared me. It works for us.)


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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 10:23:56 AM   
Jeptha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Emotions are real. But remember, you can feel emotions from watching a movie or reading a book. People develop whole relationships with fictional things, like soap opera characters or role playing games....


I think that's a fascinating point. The success of some formulaic movies (and books) is predicated on how accurately they can manipulate your emotions, even.

I'm not sure what else to say about it because, frankly, it's baffling me a little bit at the moment...

I think that the difference is that with personal relationships, whether online or in "real life", you are writing (or co-authoring, if you wish) your own book or movie...

It takes little leaps of faith to establish some sort of trust, I guess, and that makes it feel more authentic - to share stuff that way...

So maybe it becomes "real" when you get a certain track record of reliability going, ...or somethin'.





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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 2:19:20 PM   
YourhandMyAss


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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Real is very much the perception of the people doing it, it's not my place to say weather a phone relationship is more real or valid than a person to person, over an online relationship.

For me personally I would not consider being in a relationship with any one who couldn't be face to face the majority of the time. And in that relationship I consider it a real relationship the moment we express our interest in dating each other and exploring our kinky proclivities together.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Prompted by the "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?" thread, when does a relationship become "real"?

Given the advances in technology, is phone more or less real than PC voice? And so on?

The floor is open...

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 4:04:02 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I need to date someone a bit before I'd consider it to be a real, committed relationship. I'm not in charge of determining when other people's relationships become real, that's for the people involved to decide, but I am amazed at how many people commit to someone they haven't even met yet!

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RE: When is it "real"? - 5/12/2009 5:27:09 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		When is it real? When others tell you that what you have is not the real/true thing, and you just smile. Little do they know. It is real in the eye of the beholder, the phone, the computer, etc. as long as someone feels it is.

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