How sadistic are you?

How sadistic are you? (Full Version)

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pinnipedster -> How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 3:39:15 PM)
Just curious. Many of the dominant women here seem to primarily be seeking service-oriented subs. One could certainly imagine a relationship involving D/s without any sadomasochistic activity at all. Most do seem to have some interest in that sort of play (if "play" is an appropriate word) but it isn't always a primary focus. In fact, I sometimes get the impression that many women have fun acting as tops for SM/BD play, but that the satisfaction often seems to derive from the fact that the bottom gets off on the activity -- not really much different from the satisfaction you can get from giving someone a massage, or performing oral sex on them. I'm certainly not trying to imply that women who derive satisfaction from pleasing their partners are "not real Dommes" or any such nonsense. Nonetheless, I am curious as to how important the pain/restraint/humiliation part of the activity is to various women. Some do seem to want partners who can take a good deal of pain, so I assume that they are looking for an outlet for their own fetish -- one who is willing, if not always eager -- while others seem more inclined to use it as a motivator (positive or negative, depending on details). Anyhow, just wondering -- any thoughts?

LadyConstanze -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:02:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinnipedster I'm certainly not trying to imply that women who derive satisfaction from pleasing their partners are "not real Dommes" or any such nonsense. Thank heavens for that! I think I define myself primarily as a sadist, some people actually do have a problem with that as I do tend to be quite soft spoken, believe in manners and all that... Let me put it this way, the feedback I get from somebody who enjoys me inflicting pain is just wonderful, it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, somebody who is a masochist is ideal as we tend to feed on each others energy. Inflicting pain for the sake of pain does little for me, inflicting pain and seeing a positive reaction, that does LOTS for me, seducing somebody into enjoying pain, now we're talking about sheer bliss...

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:11:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinnipedster [/I'm certainly not trying to imply that women who derive satisfaction from pleasing their partners are "not real Dommes" or any such nonsense. Nonetheless, I am curious as to how important the pain/restraint/humiliation part of the activity is to various women. Some do seem to want partners who can take a good deal of pain, so I assume that they are looking for an outlet for their own fetish ]-- REPLY: A BDSM relationship is about style matching desires...building..communicating..finding what works.. If my style is sadisitic..liking restraint...or humiliation or infliction of pain wheather for correction or personal desires( as indicated in your post) then I need to have a submissive who derives satisfaction from it an is happy with it.. and it drives the submission. WE feed each other. How important it is is how important it is to us...each individual with regards to the WHOLE realtionship and the dynamics of it Personally I do not like humiliation but then also see some things as erotic that others see as humiliation..ass worship/play for example is not humiliating for me to do or have done..it is erotic... I also like to inflict pain..push..see struggling and suffering for me there fore it is IMPORTANT yes..to me So it is really all about the MIND You use the word ACTIVITY there for I am assuming you are talking of sessions/scenes rather than an on-going /building/live in? so I would say... to answer..for me it is an important part of what I set up..or live in the day( Its my style) GQ

Politesub53 -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:14:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, <SNIP> seducing somebody into enjoying pain, now we're talking about sheer bliss... Devils advocate time Ma`am. What about someone who stoically suffers, after being seduced into it ? Im thinking of someone not necessarily into paint, but prepared to suffer because A) you seduced them into it and B) They were enjoying your enjoyment ? ( I hope that makes sense )

PeonForHer -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:15:00 PM)
This could have been a real headache for me, a while ago. One: I read that dominants don't want "do me subs" and that the central idea is that it should be all about hers, the dominant's, pleasure. Right: so I've got that worked out. Then, later, I read that dominants - and sadists in particular - get off on whatever effect they're having on the submissive/masochist. This seems to be quite common. So, to recap: a dominant gets off on enjoying her complete power over you, the submissive. It just so happens that this power is used to cause you, the submissive, all kinds of ecstasy. What could be more straightforward than that? [Yes, yes - I know I think too much.]

LadySweetOrSour -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:20:25 PM)
I am not sadistic at all. I get no satisfaction from causing anyone pain or humiliation. I do not think females are superior, nor men inferior. I am simply who I am. Dominant women/men don't fit into a certain set of behaviours, just as so called "vanilla" women/men don't.

Venatrix -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:26:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer So, to recap: a dominant gets off on enjoying her complete power over you, the submissive. It just so happens that this power is used to cause you, the submissive, all kinds of ecstasy. What could be more straightforward than that? Erm, well, yes. That is rather the point. If he's not getting anything out of it, he wouldn't be submissive. Nice to see that you're finally catching on.

Politesub53 -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:28:44 PM)
Welcome back Lady S.

Lockit -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:35:45 PM)
I don't consider myself a sadist. I like some pain play, yes, but I am not extreme. I like it for myself, but I feed off of the responses, the gasp, the eye's going big, the release and sounds... there's more, but you get the idea. I am more into the sensual things and that might sound rather hypocritical if I don't like men being all about the sex, but I don't see it that way. A man who can see me as a person, woman, dominant and be sexual is great, but a man who only wants to play so he can get off and all I am is a way to do that, no thank you. For me, looking into the eyes of someone I care about is a part of my feeding. It isn't all about sex for me and I don't want it to be all about sex for any partner I might have. Could I live without the pain play? Yes, of course I could and I could be happy. I am just happier with it, along with the d/s dynamic's. There are a lot of things I haven't done and I do sometimes wonder if I will evolve and want more, but I do think that I could pretty much remain exactly where I am today and be just fine. First and foremost is the person and if I found a great match for me in other areas and all we had was a female led relationship... I would be very content with that. I have had that before and loved it. So while I am flexable with the pain play and some kinky stuff, I am not flexable in wanting a female led relationship. Some kink I would not want to give up, for example, would be the spankings, bondage and sensual/pain play... but hey... a great man is worth a little compromise. People come first... the rest is desert.

pinnipedster -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:37:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: Let me put it this way, the feedback I get from somebody who enjoys me inflicting pain is just wonderful, it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, somebody who is a masochist is ideal as we tend to feed on each others energy. One thing I worry about is whether my own "feedback" is not really the kind of response many Dommes are hoping for. I don't tend to be loud or cry out or yelp much -- my instinct when I feel sudden pain is to flinch and gasp and maybe grunt a little. I sometimes worry that most Dommes are looking for screamers. The last two women I've had a chance to play with were rather opposite in this respect. One found the way I flinched a lot of fun; the other was really put off by it. So, I suppose it's another matter of taste.

PeonForHer -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:46:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer So, to recap: a dominant gets off on enjoying her complete power over you, the submissive. It just so happens that this power is used to cause you, the submissive, all kinds of ecstasy. What could be more straightforward than that? Erm, well, yes. That is rather the point. If he's not getting anything out of it, he wouldn't be submissive. Nice to see that you're finally catching on. Thank you, V, that's very kind of you. I like to think that though I'm a slow student every now and then I manage to plod my way there eventually .[;)] But it does seem to boil down to this: so long as the submissive has what you might call "an eclectic range of interests" - then, because he knows how much the dominant wants to see him in ecstasy - he controls her. Then you get ludicrous situations - like, as a sub, I've sometimes thought "Don't tell her that you like X. That way, she'll feel that she 'forcing' you and you'll enjoy it even more because you get off on being forced". Gah! Too many words.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:56:24 PM)
I am absolutely a sadist, to the point where I would be perfectly content with a masochist of any orientation. As far as service goes, yes, I do expect to be served by someone who I have that kind of relationship with, but that doesn't mean that I want someone scrubbing my tile with a toothbrush! More like someone to take me to the flea market, or out to the beach. Politesub, I am not interested in someone who is just "enduring". The other person has to like what is happening on some level, not just being grateful when the action stops! I have had people tell me that they don't feel extreme enough for me, and that makes me sad---being a sadist doesn't mean that every playmate has to leave the floor marked for weeks! A person who is enjoying the experience, and willing to push boundaries for me is plenty of fun, too.

Politesub53 -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 4:57:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer But it does seem to boil down to this: so long as the submissive has what you might call "an eclectic range of interests" - then, because he knows how much the dominant wants to see him in ecstasy - he controls her. Do you think Dominants cant see what we really enjoy or really dislike ? My view is my face couldnt hide something that I really disliked, even if I was doing it for her pleasure, and happy to do so.

Politesub53 -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:00:25 PM)
LadyH, I am not talking about enduring just because, I am talking about enduring just to please. Although I may not be enjoying whats taking place, i could be enjoying making you happy. I know that sound stupid but Im a guy......lol

masmiss -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:00:50 PM)
I'm with you GQ. It's all about compatibility. I'm a sadist and my slave is a masochist who enjoys extreme pain. We both get off on it. It's all very individual. There is no general expectation regarding what all Dommes might enjoy when it comes to inflicting pain.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:01:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, <SNIP> seducing somebody into enjoying pain, now we're talking about sheer bliss... Devils advocate time Ma`am. What about someone who stoically suffers, after being seduced into it ? Im thinking of someone not necessarily into paint, but prepared to suffer because A) you seduced them into it and B) They were enjoying your enjoyment ? ( I hope that makes sense ) Stoically suffering, not sure... I would be missing the feedback If they enjoy my enjoyment, great... It's odd, it doesn't make so much difference how much pain they can take (if it is just that, there is always another masochist out there) but the feedback, the ability to laugh together, that he knows it does not come from a "dark place" aka disliking him, that he can embrace it, that is important. I could possibly live without the sadism as I would not get anything out of it if a partner just suffers through it. I possibly have a really odd relationship, a partner who enjoys my sadism in part, he's not into whips but understand that I love them and doesn't mind if I do whip somebody else, actually if we go to parties the voyeur in him enjoys seeing me work them (and he does like leather and fetish gear - as most red blooded males do), we don't have a poly relationship and sexually we are monogamous (though he jokes that he wouldn't mind me having a gf - old male fantasy I guess, reality might be different). Though it never stopped him being friends with masochistic friends I have who do enjoy my skills with a single tail. I really can't complain, I think I have the best of both worlds.

gentlemanprince -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:01:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I think I define myself primarily as a sadist, some people actually do have a problem with that as I do tend to be quite soft spoken, believe in manners and all that... Let me put it this way, the feedback I get from somebody who enjoys me inflicting pain is just wonderful, it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, somebody who is a masochist is ideal as we tend to feed on each others energy. Inflicting pain for the sake of pain does little for me, inflicting pain and seeing a positive reaction, that does LOTS for me, seducing somebody into enjoying pain, now we're talking about sheer bliss... I don't enjoy pain, but I do crave it. A contradiction? Not quite. For me pain does two things, neither of which requires a lot. First, it drives home that I am in my Lady's hands and that she can do with me whatever she wants. Second, it breaks down my emotional barriers; it's hard to keep them up when I am in pain. So it doesn't take much.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:03:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 LadyH, I am not talking about enduring just because, I am talking about enduring just to please. Although I may not be enjoying whats taking place, i could be enjoying making you happy. I know that sound stupid but Im a guy......lol It doesn't sound stupid at all, that desire to please is one of the most vital qualities a submissive can have! When it comes to playing, if that craving isn't there... well... we might as well go out for a beer.

LadyConstanze -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:03:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I am absolutely a sadist, to the point where I would be perfectly content with a masochist of any orientation. As far as service goes, yes, I do expect to be served by someone who I have that kind of relationship with, but that doesn't mean that I want someone scrubbing my tile with a toothbrush! More like someone to take me to the flea market, or out to the beach. ABSOLUTELY, YES! quote: Politesub, I am not interested in someone who is just "enduring". The other person has to like what is happening on some level, not just being grateful when the action stops! I have had people tell me that they don't feel extreme enough for me, and that makes me sad---being a sadist doesn't mean that every playmate has to leave the floor marked for weeks! A person who is enjoying the experience, and willing to push boundaries for me is plenty of fun, too. Oh hell yes, and if you can't laugh together and have some fun, where's the bloody point of more, higher, harder, pushing THEIR limits is enough, heaven knows if I would push mine, I would scare myself!

Politesub53 -> RE: How sadistic are you? (5/11/2009 5:11:00 PM)
I often wonder if I could grow to love something I initially hated. Could the craving to please induce acceptance, and then enjoyment, of things that scared me ? The enjoyment of playing could include things Im not going to like. Thats a major part of the game.

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