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ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't consider myself a sadist.  I like some pain play, yes, but I am not extreme.  I like it for myself, but I feed off of the responses, the gasp, the eye's going big, the release and sounds... there's more, but you get the idea.  I am more into the sensual things and that might sound rather hypocritical if I don't like men being all about the sex, but I don't see it that way.  A man who can see me as a person, woman, dominant and be sexual is great, but a man who only wants to play so he can get off and all I am is a way to do that, no thank you.  For me, looking into the eyes of someone I care about is a part of my feeding.  It isn't all about sex for me and I don't want it to be all about sex for any partner I might have.

Could I live without the pain play?  Yes, of course I could and I could be happy.  I am just happier with it, along with the d/s dynamic's.  There are a lot of things I haven't done and I do sometimes wonder if I will evolve and want more, but I do think that I could pretty much remain exactly where I am today and be just fine.

First and foremost is the person and if I found a great match for me in other areas and all we had was a female led relationship... I would be very content with that.  I have had that before and loved it.  So while I am flexable with the pain play and some kinky stuff, I am not flexable in wanting a female led relationship.  Some kink I would not want to give up, for example, would be the spankings, bondage and sensual/pain play... but hey... a great man is worth a little compromise. People come first... the rest is desert.

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ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think I define myself primarily as a sadist, some people actually do have a problem with that as I do tend to be quite soft spoken, believe in manners and all that...

Let me put it this way, the feedback I get from somebody who enjoys me inflicting pain is just wonderful, it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, somebody who is a masochist is ideal as we tend to feed on each others energy. Inflicting pain for the sake of pain does little for me, inflicting pain and seeing a positive reaction, that does LOTS for me, seducing somebody into enjoying pain, now we're talking about sheer bliss...

I don't enjoy pain, but I do crave it.  A contradiction?  Not quite.  For me pain does two things, neither of which requires a lot.  First, it drives home that I am in my Lady's hands and that she can do with me whatever she wants.  Second, it breaks down my emotional barriers; it's hard to keep them up when I am in pain.  So it doesn't take much.

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

I often wonder if I could grow to love something I initially hated. Could the craving to please induce acceptance, and then enjoyment, of things that scared me ?

The enjoyment of playing could include things Im not going to like. Thats a major part of the game.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


Without wishing to sound either patronising or too personal: I think you've evolved quite lot, and especially in the last few months, Lockit.  Things can change damned fast sometimes, can't they?

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

If it was all about pleasing me, then we could indeed go for a beer, I`m that easy [8D]

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

PforH, all this thinking is going to get you into trouble one day; it sounds like you spend too much time second-guessing what the right thing is to do.  Let "her" take control.  Just be yourself, stop all this bloody pondering, and sit back and enjoy the ride.  Metaphorically speaking, of course. [;)]

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

PforH, all this thinking is going to get you into trouble one day; it sounds like you spend too much time second-guessing what the right thing is to do.  Let "her" take control.  Just be yourself, stop all this bloody pondering, and sit back and enjoy the ride.  Metaphorically speaking, of course. [;)]

I can see his plight. Worrying about not getting it right may be natural for most submissives. Have I mentioned the need to please yet....lol

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

You're on.  And all it will cost you is $1,345.57.  There's the air fare, the hotel, the beer, the new leather boots to replace the ones you've slopped beer all over . . .

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ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

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Let me put it this way, the feedback I get from somebody who enjoys me inflicting pain is just wonderful, it would turn me off to inflict pain on somebody who "stoically suffers" or is clearly not into it, somebody who is a masochist is ideal as we tend to feed on each others energy.

One thing I worry about is whether my own "feedback" is not really the kind of response many Dommes are hoping for.  I don't tend to be loud or cry out or yelp much -- my instinct when I feel sudden pain is to flinch and gasp and maybe grunt a little.  I sometimes worry that most Dommes are looking for screamers.

The last two women I've had a chance to play with were rather opposite in this respect.  One found the way I flinched a lot of fun; the other was really put off by it.  So, I suppose it's another matter of taste.

You worry too much, you might not enjoy the style of every dominant, so most dominants don't enjoy the style of each submissive...

One word COMMUNICATION

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

PforH, all this thinking is going to get you into trouble one day; it sounds like you spend too much time second-guessing what the right thing is to do.  Let "her" take control.  Just be yourself, stop all this bloody pondering, and sit back and enjoy the ride.  Metaphorically speaking, of course. [;)]

I can see his plight. Worrying about not getting it right may be natural for most submissives. Have I mentioned the need to please yet....lol

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

You're on.  And all it will cost you is $1,345.57.  There's the air fare, the hotel, the beer, the new leather boots to replace the ones you've slopped beer all over . . .

Englishmen dont slop beer, under any circumstances.....lol

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Oh, I do understand it.  But the point is, the she in question will tell you how to please her.  Trying to anticipate how masochistic to be, or whether women want screamers or grunters, or cross-dressers, or someone who can change light bulbs, is all counter-productive.  You run the risk of losing her interest because you're trying to be someone you aren't, thinking that you're being someone she wants, when she wants someone else entirely.  Now I'm giving myself a headache.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

So, to recap: a dominant gets off on enjoying her complete power over you, the submissive.  It just so happens that this power is used to cause you, the submissive, all kinds of ecstasy.  What could be more straightforward than that? 

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix
Oh, I do understand it.  But the point is, the she in question will tell you how to please her.  Trying to anticipate how masochistic to be, or whether women want screamers or grunters, or cross-dressers, or someone who can change light bulbs, is all counter-productive.  You run the risk of losing her interest because you're trying to be someone you aren't, thinking that you're being someone she wants, when she wants someone else entirely.  Now I'm giving myself a headache.