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RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 7:53:09 AM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

Yep it happened, my brother. He attempted to blackmail me. So I "aquired" some information on him. Need I say, we haven't talked to each other in years. And he keeps his stinking trap shut.

A girlfriend who I thought was very vanilla and prudish. Turned out to be a serious sadism enthusiast, who kept her fantasies very well repressed. She blackmailed me too. Admittedly very much consenually at first.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 21

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 9:42:31 AM

Carameldomme

Posts: 65
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

I have always been an extremely private person. If I tell a friend, I'm thinking about wearing jeans tomorrow, I get pissed if she says a word to anyone else.

When I got into D/s, I only told one person, and over the years, I've only added two people to that pile. My husband, and my cousin.

I was a little nervous before I told my husband, but we're best friends and he supports what I do, this was no different. Even though he's not ito it, he goes to parties and toy stores with me.

I decided a couple years ago, that I wasn't going to actively hide it from my friends any longer. When my cousin asked me what I was doing one weekend, I told her, 'going to a fetish party', she said, 'oh'. Then asked me a bunch of questions. Now she goes to events with me when she can and she's been dipping her own foot into D/s. It has come up with a close friend and another cousin, and I just answered their very few questions, and that was that. They don't know the extent of my involvement.

As far as my job and family goes, noone else knows. I have kids and a vanilla job, so I keep it under tight wraps.

(in reply to MichMasochist)

Post #: 22

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 10:43:05 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

When I worked in Boston, I ran into one person on my floor at a BDSM social activity, and two other people from my floor at a club on fetish/bdsm night.

In the place where I work now (in Vanilla County, Michigan), everybody knows because my boss figured it out and announced at a meeting that I am a sadist, and I've made jokes about it on occasion. No one says anything untoward to me, and he loves it that I treat him like my boy. I even showed him the slave collar I bought for my real boy.

When I was still living out east, I brought my toybag, my sub, and my favorite fetish clothing home and my mom got show and tell. I showed her the toys, she had tea with my sub in his best dress and heels, and I modeled corsets and PVC and shoes for her. My mom was very cool.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Carameldomme)

Post #: 23

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 11:36:16 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I went through a process some years ago, one which was forced upon me. Until then, my sexuality and kinks i enjoyed were a private thing between my partner and myself which suits me fine as im a pretty private person, I work on the basic premise that my intimate relationships are private and no one elses business. I had and still do have no pounding desire to have to impress the kinds of relationship I enjoy on outside parties.

Anyhow, some legal shit happened, one of my closest confidantes, who knew of my involvement in bdsm used it against me to defame my character. I found myself being judged by so many people and totally humiliated. It was a very bad situation.

I spent about 5 years out of a bdsm relationship after this time. Then I met Master. He was openly involved in bdsm. His openness really helped me come to terms with the fact that I had nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. I have finally been able to relax and not worry or concern myself over what other people think, I really dont care anymore. I'm so grateful to Him for that.

I still dont broadcast the intimate facts of our relationship, whose business is it but ours anyways.....but....I am more settled within myself...I dont freak when he slaps my ass in front of others, or gives me the look in social situations..I even get to call him Master in front of others (socially acceptable because He is a martial arts master)....Ive even been able to respond to different peoples remarks such as " Why do you jump to attention whenever he says anything" (like there is something wrong with that)...:..with a smile...something if said to me before I would have had to justify or cover up.

So yeah, I have been found out, it was traumatic for me at first, but the beginning of a process which has really allowed me to come home to myself more.

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

Post #: 24

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 11:46:12 AM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

Several times:

Always with someone I had known for a while and trusted.

Something; a book, article, news item would initiate the conversation.

Interesting enough, with out exception, there was a fascination and wanting to know more. It was as if they had long been intrigued and curious and now had someone to ask or it was perhaps their own discreet secret.

On three occasions it in fact led to mild degree of participation on their part.

Sartoris

< Message edited by Sartoris32801 -- 2/7/2006 11:47:47 AM >

_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 25

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 12:09:14 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I had a problem while teaching last year when one of my students googled my name and found some old links to bdsm articles I had written while very much in the community back then. She wrote me an email about wanting to know more, and I informed her that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss any such thing with one of my students.

It just got worse from that moment on. She told several other female students in class, and it was obvious during the semester that a number of people knew about my lifestyle, even though I never discussed it.

During semester evaluations, a few of the students made a point of highlighting my personal life in their comments they shared with the administration. It was very frustrating.

Fortunately, no one in the admin cared or even addressed any of the comments. But I ended up leaving teaching completely anyway because I became very disgusted with students as a result of this. I took a non-teaching job, leaving the field completely because the disrespect teachers often receive, coupled with the lousy pay, just didn't make it seem worth it.

This is very sad.

May I ask, was it secondary or college level students?

I had a student once 'find my books' and then when he asked and I did much the same you did, I also pointed out that I wasn't in the closet and that he was welcomed to come to any organization about the issue he wished but our class was about history. He didn't like his grade once and brought up the issue again but I just looked at him and told him to reread the assignment instructions and then my comments again and if he had a question after that, come see me. Instead he went to the professor (I was just an AI at the time) and the professor ignored the non-class stuff (in fact requested me several time to assist in later semesters) and asked to see the paper himself -- the professor actually graded it down 1/3 of a level and said I'd been a bit too generous.

Anyway, in general since I'm out the problems tend to go away very quickly.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 26

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 12:39:02 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Like many here, i also tend to be very private. Recently i have let some trusted friends "in." They do not know or understand to what extent my submission is, and that is fine with me. Three friends know, one cousin, and one brother. my friends have said "we don't care who you are, we love you." (although one does have difficultly relating to and understand "your world" as she calls it). my cousin's eyes lit up and said i was describing most of the things she has felt but could never understand. She has since asked me a LOT of questions. my brother said if it makes me happy then he supports it, followed by "you realize the rest of our family will think you're crazy and try to rescue you."

i loved the story here about the aunt. Horrible about the blackmailing brother.

Oh...once at work i was emailing a mail coworker, here on contract. Turns out we were in the same yahoo chatroom. Whoa boy! i also met someone in a yahoo chat room....mentioned the town he lived. Hey i lived there too! Mentioned the neighborhood. Hey that was MY neighborhood. Mentioned the street...and neighbors. Hey i was a neighbor that he mentioned!!!

Small world (but i'd hate to have to paint it.)

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 27

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 1:17:53 PM

Hawksgirldove

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline

In the time i have been collared to Master Hawk, i have always been very open nd up front about who and what i am. I dont flaunt it in folks faces... But i and when others ee me, preparing and serving His plate of a food at a buffet befor getting my own, hold a door open, seat him, addres Him as Sir, etc... Well, if they are bold enough to ask- whats that all about. Then they had better be ready for the truth when i reply "We live an alternative lifestyle, where He is head of thehouse, and over me. I serve Him and do these things for him out of love and respect...Just as my grandma would do so for my grandad."

YEs i wear a steel locking colar. The lock is int he back, and my hair generallyc overs it. I have worn it discreetly to my in-laws church. The seem e serve their son. Just last night after dinner, i touched my Master's hadn it was rough and dry. I said nothing but quietly excused myself. My mother in law asked "whats the matter?" He said "Nothing Mom. Dove noticed my hands were rough and dry, and went to get osmthingt o take care of it." I returned and aplied the lotions ot his hands. She smiles and "Oh thats so sweet."

So yeah- the family knows. We dont hide it. The plumber heating contractor found out by surprise, when he came to the door, and i yelled upthe stairs "Sir...the heating guy is here!" HE said "You call Him Sir??? I thought you guys were married?" I said "Yes Sir, i did. I have never addressed Him familiarlly in the 5 yrs we have been together, out of respect." HE says "Oh you guys are intot htat alternative Master slave stuff huh?" I said..Ohi am glad you know alittle about that- yes we are."

One of his guys was surprised, when he came one afternoon, and While HE was working with Master...Me and another owman, stepped out of the bathroom in our robes and towels.... (And realy big blushes, as we didnt know he was there) Wheninstalling a thermostat upstairs... he admired the 3 framed artists renderings fo women in various bondage. Noticed 3 dressers inthe bedroom. Raised and eye brow at Master, who said "Yes I am a lucky Man, i have two women who love me and each other."

Sadly enough the other girl is no longer with us. But yes... we are definitely out!

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 28

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 1:42:49 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.
=======

honestly?

no

i have told everyone that'll listen i like having a mistress

i have no shame
i have guilt
i have skeletons in MY closet
hell even "I" aint in-the-closet

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 29

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 1:54:12 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sartoris32801

On three occasions it in fact led to mild degree of participation on their part.

Sartoris this came up with me once...it has not transpired (yet?) but a male friend would like to watch, and possibly participate. It is still being considered.

(in reply to Sartoris32801)

Post #: 30

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 2:27:30 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I had a problem while teaching last year when one of my students googled my name and found some old links to bdsm articles I had written while very much in the community back then. She wrote me an email about wanting to know more, and I informed her that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss any such thing with one of my students.

It just got worse from that moment on. She told several other female students in class, and it was obvious during the semester that a number of people knew about my lifestyle, even though I never discussed it.

During semester evaluations, a few of the students made a point of highlighting my personal life in their comments they shared with the administration. It was very frustrating.

Fortunately, no one in the admin cared or even addressed any of the comments. But I ended up leaving teaching completely anyway because I became very disgusted with students as a result of this. I took a non-teaching job, leaving the field completely because the disrespect teachers often receive, coupled with the lousy pay, just didn't make it seem worth it.

This is very sad.

May I ask, was it secondary or college level students?

It was university level, a 200 level political science course on international politics. I'd been outed before in the past, but this was the first time I ever experienced someone do it with such determination. The "outing" was also done at the beginning of the semester, so there wasn't even any time developed to where they could have disliked me enough to feel a need to be vindictive.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 31

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 5:57:20 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

I can relate to the vanilla job thing. My co-workers are very narrow minded.

(in reply to Carameldomme)

Post #: 32

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 6:26:21 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: typesgirl

I was sort of "found out" by my sister when she noticed what she considered strange behavior between Master and I. I sat at his feet to watch tv and brought Him food etc. When I explained she was really interested and even expressed to me that she thought she was a sub. It was good sisterly bonding . :)

Well, are you going to send her our eMail addresses???

(in reply to typesgirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 7:21:21 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

About ten years ago I was visiting my grandmother when I noticed the picture my cousin had sent with her Christmas card. It was of her and her boyfriend -- she was dressed in provacative black wearing a leather collar, kneeling at his feet, leash in his hand. My grandmother commented, yes, she guessed they liked to dress up like that for "parties and such." I recall it annoyed me more than anything. I was not surprised that my very free spirited and alternative type cousin had such a picture, or by the connotations of it. I was just annoyed that she had sent it in a Christmas card to our grandmother, as it seemed inappropriate and a typical kind of "look at me and what a shocking naughty girl I am" thing she would do.

A decade later, I maybe have revised my opinion. Then again, maybe not.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 34

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/7/2006 11:02:20 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I have not been found out by my family... but my friends... yuppers. It has come to the point that I am as open with my lifestyle as I can be. The worst part of this is that I am a Witch... so between the two I have been shunned by alot of those that I used to call friends. But Hay... if they turn their backs on me because of my lifestyle choices... then they are not really my friends after all.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 35

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/8/2006 1:17:02 AM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

I was found out by my mother when she went snooping through my belongings. To keep it short, it didn't go well and she did not accept it. Now, we just avoid bringing it up all together.

I have become less and less open about myself as time goes on (from that point to the present). I don't want to jeopardize my job or my friendships by being out. At this point in my life, having a good job, a stable paycheck, and an opportunity to go back to school and finish my degree is more important than expressing my sexuality.

I guess these realizations come with maturity. Hrm.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 36

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/8/2006 9:11:56 PM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

I tend to compartmentalize my life for a very specific reason. Im a very private person and I only want people to know what I want them to know. So no, Ive never been outed as I keep my social life and private life completely seperate from my family life and my work life. The only people who know about my interests, are people already involved within the lifestyle. No one else needs to know as its not their business and I wont have my life disrupted in any way, shape or form because of my personal choices.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 37

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 8:46:54 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

Those who I can trust know in a general sense what I do. This includes some family members, yes.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 38

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 8:56:06 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

i have told everyone that'll listen i like having a mistress

i have no shame
i have guilt
i have skeletons in MY closet
hell even "I" aint in-the-closet

===========

sorry---couldnt edit...it is spose to say NO skeletons..and no guilt or shame

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 39

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 9:49:14 AM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes I wish I could shut up about it, but I've noticed that when I get tired I lose my social inhibitions.

So yeah, all my friends know by now, as do a few select coworkers. It's gotten to the point they just shake their heads and say yeah, sounds like something you'd do.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 40

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