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RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 10:58:02 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

It's gotten to the point they just shake their heads and say yeah, sounds like something you'd do.

----------

THAT aint right!
those folks have no call to do that to you...
so much for depending on fellow man, huh?

and i am asked why i hate people?
they let you down every time.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to Slipstreme)

Post #: 41

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 5:00:06 PM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

My sister saw a newsletter from APEX (Arizona Power Exchange) sitting on my coffee table a few years ago and initially thought it was some law enforcement pamphlet. (Due to the APEX insignia containing handcuffs) After a closer inspection she gasped a little...called me a freak (In that loving, sisterly tone) and gave me her most solumn promise not to tell anyone about it.

Of course...that promise lasted about a week or so. Now my mother understands why smilezz and I giggle while watching documentaries about Torquemada.

Damned siblings..

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 42

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 8:11:26 PM

chainedupnick

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

Ohhhh boy. Well... let's just say that my uncle having searched online and found a document relating to the person who was "giving me a job" didn't go well for me. Now him and the rest of my family aren't letting me out of their proverbial sight in an attempt to keep me "safe from that sort of thing." Hopefully I can shrug them off my leash so I can give it to Him sometime in the near future.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 43

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 8:31:43 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

so much for depending on fellow man, huh?

and i am asked why i hate people?
they let you down every time.

No...I disagree...

there are so many caring helpful people...

I bet there have even been people who were there for you, Veronica.

*shrugs*

you already know this, don't you?...

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 44

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/9/2006 9:03:17 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i got found out at college today. Some girl in a group needed a cigeratte and i walked up with my collar on as usuall and the lock as usually hanging down.. and she was like.. "what does that mean" so i asked her what she thought i ment and she was like "you have a Master?"

LOL

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 45

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/17/2006 1:27:01 PM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Well lets see I work with my Step father, my mother, and my uncle. I ordered 300$ bucks in leather acessories (it was a really good gimp mask, I just fell in love with them after Pulp Fiction) and had it shipped to my workplace, where i promtly ripped open the box, and was trying it on, in front of my family the didnt even bother to ask questions...

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 46

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/17/2006 8:06:38 PM

Grizzlebear

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I told 2 of my family member one was a close Aunt she didnt like the ideal of the lifestyle. The other was one of my sisters . Sister got very mad ayt me we got into a fight sister didnt understand my lifestyle and didnt want to hear anything about it . But she wanted me to understand her being a Lez I told her if that make her happy go for it but dont reject my lifestyle because its not yours. They both got mad and now we dont talk or see each other anymore.

< Message edited by Grizzlebear -- 2/17/2006 8:08:55 PM >

(in reply to Moloch)

Post #: 47

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/18/2006 12:36:26 AM

slave4Darby3d

Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

LA,

You posts are a delight to read...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 48

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/18/2006 2:43:59 AM

merrynb99

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

I found, being new to all this, that I needed to pour my heart out to someone. Did so by email to a friend who had gone through quite a tortured transition to homosexuality. He was so great and understanding, and it really helped.

Then his ex-girlfriend cracked his password, discovered our emails and using "cut and paste" emailed it out - his words AND mine - to 500 people, including family, friends, bosses and people we had both worked with. It was without a doubt the cruellest, nastiest thing I've ever known anyone do. This from a girl who used to wish us "love and light"!

As a result of my descriptions of bdsm practices, she got a restraining order against him from seeing his son, which I thought was particularly vindictive.

However, what it did for both him and me was to understand that those of us who live unconventional lifestyles will always live with the risk of exposure and the risk of losing reputation to people's perceptions. In fact, we really did find out who our friends were.

My family were a little stunned and worried about me, but also tended to say, "that's just so YOU, Merryn!" lol. I also had friends who were envious and curious, and found it a revelation in terms of their preferences ...

But above all, it was also - to quote someone else earlier in this forum - a kind of "coming home" for me. I realised that I am proud of who I am and the choices I've made, I have tried to live with integrity, and I don't regret a thing.

Reputations can be made or broken by people's perceptions of this lifestyle, sadly. It depends on you though, whether you can live with it.

(in reply to slave4Darby3d)

Post #: 49

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/18/2006 4:43:14 AM

doll

Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline

Most of my family knows about me being in the lifestyle and my parents and sisters are understanding and supportive of it. In fact, both of my sisters are in the lifestyle now too, the rest of my family called me a freak and said I needed "jesus".

My ex-husband found out that I was and used it against me in court in an ugly custody battle... damn close-minded judge. Needless to say, I lost that battle, but I haven't given up yet.

One of my best friends in rl is a Mistress and most of my rl friends are in the lifestyle too.

_____________________________

Official Member Of MoGa's IN-crowd!
*sexylicious doll* as proclaimed by DRH
*dollface* as proclaimed by Lady Hib
*parkay* as proclaimed by buttah

(in reply to merrynb99)

Post #: 50

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 2:24:29 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

LOL, two years ago I sent the wrong Amazon wish list to the family for Christmas. I didn't even realize it till my Aunt asked my sister what was up with all those weird books I wanted. *grins* No one but my sister has had the balls to ask me to my face. I guess don't ask, don't tell works in families also.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 51

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 2:44:30 AM

smalltownboy

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Oh god yeah.

Up until I moved out a couple of years ago, it was nigh on impossible to keep anything secret from my mum! Always slyly poking away, tidying stuff in my room.

I remember when she found my chaps, which, to be fair, I'd hardly hidden. I got a bit of stick about them! "I found a pair of trousers with the crotch and arse missing! Where on earth do you wear them!?" A nice question to discuss over a family dinner! Awesome.

I'm sure she's found my toys and the occasional tube of lube. I was a teenager! What did she expect in my room!?

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 52

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 3:06:11 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My husband knows and my sister. I dont tell people my private business but If I am ever found out I dont mind at all.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 53

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 4:33:56 AM

slave4Darby3d

Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

My kids were actually the first to find me out. (15 and 17) I had told two very trusted friends, but that was all.

After surgery to remove breast tumors Master and I celebrated my cancer free follow-up with piercing both nipples. I kept them hidden, and any marks I had at the time for a good while. One day my daughter and I were having a girl talk in my room and she asked about the rings in my nipples. I realized that the shirt I had on was outlining them. I answered her question. She than asked another. and we talked. After a little while she asked some questions that were detail oriented and truly none of her business, and I let her know that was private now. She understood and we went back to her topic.

I found out a couple of days later that she and her brother had talked about it - and were ok with it. I found this out, figuring out that he'd notice the same thing (rings or bruises) and ask. He said he knew, his sister and he had talked, he was cool and had no questions.

I pulled them both together on my bed (our desigated family totally safe, say whatever and noone gets mad, it stays here, meeting space) and we talked about it openly again. And, yes they were both cool about having a kinky mom. Wanted to make sure that I didn't exercise it with Master while they were in the house. I told them that they would see me act submissively to him freely in my own home, but that anything truly sexual or active BDSM would not take place when we were here (besides lovemaking, which they understand in a committed adult relationship)
I told them that the details of my interactions are private and to respect that...which they do...and I do in reverse to them.

I asked for, and got, their assurance that this is not discussed with anyone, even their father (my ex husband), boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

noone else has found out, but I would explain it to the same level as to my kids if I were...

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 54

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 4:59:49 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

Yep I think I am pretty much busted---My unmentionable has always kmown I've mentored in the L/life since I was a New Orleans police officer---but she has referred to it jokingly more and more often---then not long ago we were having a chat about the new boyfriend and she mentions, "yeah Mom he's a submissive"----<coffee spews across the table>--

then a few days ago, I was at My manager's house working on a presentation for work--well My wireless kicked in by accident and up comes yahoo with an offline from the boy that starts out "Mistress..."---she saw that--but backed away from the screen to say----OOHH! well what you do in your private life is your business--then proceeds to talk about Mistress Heather.

Not thrilled that unselected person or persons at work know--but it is freeing, I will say to be able to relax a tad.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 2/19/2006 5:00:29 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 55

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 5:30:40 AM

bear372217355

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

It's funny you use the word "freeing", because that is exactly how I feel about it. Everytime someone comes across a pic of me or of mi'Lady, on the internet and promptly calls, emails or runs up to me or her about it, we just smile and say "yes that is us". Some people are cool with it, some ask what's wrong with us. Either way it's one more person I need not hide it from.lol. I could careless who knew or knows.

I do like it when someone that finds out is intereseted about it though. It feels good when some one asks about the lifestyle in an inquizitive way. I love educating some one who is genuinely interested or removing the stigma from the minds of those that know about the lifestyle, but don't know what it is all about.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 56

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 5:39:07 AM

Prunesquallor

Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Aunt: Hey how are you?
Me: Good, and you?
Aunt: Great, I've lost a lot of weight lately, want to see a pic?
Me: Sure! *gets pic* That's great, you look awesome! I've lost a lot too, I will send a pic
*sends pic of me in big black collar, not even thinking*
Aunt: You look great! That's a nice collar too.
Me (a bit anxious): Oh thanks, yeah that's just something I like to wear
Aunt: So you aren't a submissive?
Me (long pause of silence)
Me: Are you telling me that my aunt is a submissive?
Aunt: Actually I'm a dominant, you can call me Auntie Maam

What a wonderful conversation! lol

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 57

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 7:14:22 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My sister saw a newsletter from APEX (Arizona Power Exchange) sitting on my coffee table a few years ago and initially thought it was some law enforcement pamphlet. (Due to the APEX insignia containing handcuffs) After a closer inspection she gasped a little...called me a freak (In that loving, sisterly tone) and gave me her most solumn promise not to tell anyone about it.

WOW and here I thought that the floggers and crops hanging on what appears to be the livingroom wall would have given you away

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 58

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 8:16:40 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

My older sister got around to reading my AOL profile one day about six years ago and asked what some of it meant (it's totally vanilla now, though). I answered her questions, and a few months later, she was making floggers and asking about how to become a professional dominatrix and did I think she would be a good one (she wouldn't).

Of course, telling one person in my family anything at all means you've told the entire family, so everyone else knew within probably 24 hours. Mom just said the older I get, the more bohemian I become, and that we should be careful. She also told Master she'd kick His ass if He ever hurt me. My little sister, when Master and I were at Mom's for Thanksgiving a few years ago, spouted off that I was His "puppet," to which I replied that if she believed that, then she really has NO idea who I am. Master just laughed. Mostly, though, they know, but they don't want to know, and that's fine with me. But then, I've always been a little "different" than the rest of the family, so this really came as no surprise to any of them.

As for friends and job.... the friends all know, and they love me anyway. The girls I work with suspect, but they don't really want to know, either (although one of 'em keeps mentioning the large steel contraption we built in our basement rather frequently). Bottom line is, I'm out, everyone knows I'm "different," and I have nothing important to lose if someone doesn't like my lifestyle.

Oh, and the book someone else mentioned is When Someone You Love is Kinky. Check out the letter on Page 69. A very dear friend of mine wrote that one long before the book was written, and when the call went out for contributions, she asked me if she should submit it. I thought it was very nicely done and recommended she do it. They didn't change a word.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 59

RE: Have you ever been found out? - 2/19/2006 8:57:00 AM

MasterHyde

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

When I was about 20 years younger, I was still living with the parents and though I had no real life experience or knowledge about this lifestyle, I did have a mean stash of bondage and SM porn. My stepmother was doing laundry one day, and decided to through my bedsheets in the wash (I usually did my own laundry). Well, she stripped the bed found a few dozen magazines under the mattress. There was no blow up. She just left a note there, saying "What would Jesus think of this?" <groan>

Mind you, at the time, I was still much involved with the church. I may have already been appointed Youth Leader, or that may have come a little later. I don't remember for sure. I was already feeling some shame about my interests, and this note didn't help any. I think I "purged" my collection at least twice in those years, deciding my feelings were wrong and trying to make a clean break from what I thought were my "sick fantasies." That didn't work very well. The fantasies were still there, and eventually I met some people who were involved in the lifestyle. I was relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one with these thoughts. I was even more happy to find out that some of these other people were sane, law abiding citizens who weren't hurting anyone, and who really enjoyed their lifestyle. That was the beginning of the end of my shame and confusion.

Many years later, and I am out to almost everyone. Most of my friends are kinky. My family knows. My employer knows. I actually met one of my formers slaves in the office where we both worked at the time. I was open about my lifestyle, and she was curious enough to approach me and ask me if the office rumors were true. I said they were, and one conversation led to another, led to her eventually moving in and becoming my slave.

_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 60

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