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The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 7:58:26 PM

sapphira

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I'm new to D/s, and I'm wondering why many doms use the word "dear." No judgment--just curiosity. Are there other endearments besides "dear" that doms use to address submissives, as well, and are there different shades of meaning among them?

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 8:01:59 PM

Lynnxz

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"Dear" to me sounds like a condescending term.... the same with the southern use of "Well bless your little heart!"

He does not call me Dear, or Girl, or any other silly domlydomdom nicknames. He calls me Spaceship, for a particularly lovely inside reason, and I am happy.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 5/18/2009 8:02:55 PM >

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 8:10:35 PM

marie2

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I've been called dear a couple of times, along with girl, darling, sweetie, etc. In and of themselves, I neither prefer or take offense to terms of endearment like that. I do however, consider the tone in which they are used. If it's meant in a condescending fashion, I won't give the guy the time of day, but if it's meant in a sweet and kind way, it doesn't bother me in the least, and in some cases I even grow to like it.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 8:21:25 PM

Lashra

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I call my sub "honey, baby, sugar, slut, turd" and by his name. I have never called him dear it just is not a term I like a lot.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 8:22:04 PM

OsideGirl

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Personally, I find it condescending when coming from a complete stranger. I'm not their girl, slut, baby, dear, etc. It's presumptive of a relationship that isn't there.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 9:16:29 PM

WyldHrt

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~FR~
Depends on who is saying it and, more importantly, how they are saying it. I'm not too familiar with "dear" much beyond that word you begin correspondence with, but I have been called sweetie, darling, baby, honey, babygirl, good girl, slut, bitch, whore, and any number of other endearments by plenty of Doms, some of whom I have never even "spoken to" via cmail/ email before, lol. I can say that "bitch" or "slut" from the right person is taken in a much more positive manner than "girl" or "little one" from the wrong person. "Babygirl" from the right person, however...

The Ds who use generic nicknames in introduction emails to me tend to get ignored, mostly due to the fact that calling someone you have never spoken to before "little one", "girl", or some such nearly always comes across as condescending and is, in any case, presumptuous.

[Edit]- OsideGirl beat me to it, lol

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 5/18/2009 9:19:00 PM >

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 9:56:33 PM

LafayetteLady

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In a relationship, "dear" or any of the other mentioned terms of endearment (ok, probably not "turd") are wonderful to hear. In those opening emails, it is likely to get someone a virtual slap in the face, because it is completely condescending to someone you don't know and, in my opinion, an attempt to assume power or authority that has not been earned.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 10:04:51 PM

BKSir

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Well, in general I hate the term, to be honest. But somehow my pet ended up being "Dear One". Never just 'dear' though. In the past I've had "Sweet One", "Beautiful One", "Precious One" and even "Silly One". It just seems to be a name that happens without thought, each of my pets have gotten their own unique moniker along these lines, and chances are good that I will call them by that the entire time. Unless, of course, I'm terribly upset. They know it instantly though, because I actually will use their name at that point.

I still have no idea where "Dear One" came from, as I don't recall ever, in 14 years, even calling M. "dear". It's just a term I never use.

As far as my pet being "Dear One", for me I guess it means that he IS dear to me and close to my heart, someone that I care for deeply and indeed hold dear.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 11:05:34 PM

NihilusZero

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I don't use "dear".

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 11:31:31 PM

porcelaine

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i'm not offended by the term because i don't assign feelings or supposed associations with it. it would be impossible to detect this unless i'm inside their head and i see no purpose of attempting to do so.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/18/2009 11:48:30 PM

YoursMistress

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I would feel very pleased to be addressed as "dear."

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:07:54 AM

whatsupsub

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sounds kind of like when former ex's called me "baby". oh my. ewww.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:25:15 AM

peppermint

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If a Dominant wants to call a submissive "dear" or "darling" or "honey" or whatever, it is not MY business to say that doing so is wrong. Why would it be wrong anyway? A Dominant can do as he/she pleases and if that includes calling an own submissive by some pet name, then where is the problem?

My Dom refers to me as "Cutie", as well as calling me by my given name. I will answer to whatever he wishes to call me. I call him "Sweetie", his given name, or when the situation demands, "Sir".

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:38:59 AM

HeavansKeeper

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Other than "Pet", she receives a variety of names: Sweetie, Toots, Little One, Slavegirl, Girly, My Pet, Toy, a large number of terms not fitting for polite company, Sweetheart...

I can't recall using "dear" but I likely have. My grandfather used to call waitresses "Dear".

As per the why, I assume most of the dominants calling their submissives "Dear" (and other cute pet names) are not the one night stand sort. When a relationship exists (especially a 24/7 dynamic) it's not "Listen up, Cum Bucket!" all the time. Sometimes it's "Sweetie, take my boots off." or "Gimme a kiss, Toots."

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 1:10:43 AM

CollaredLisa

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Hmmm... I haven't been called dear before.
He uses "little one" a lot, I like that one. Also he sometimes just calls me sweetie, slut or slave. (these are all nicknames I wouldn't accept from anyone else though)

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 2:22:01 AM

Fitznicely

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"dear" just doesn't feel right in my mouth, so I never use it.

i think it does sound just a bit to patronising.

When I collared my girl, I decided that, as we have UM's, we'd best have a codeword that, when used, is understood to be the UM-safe equivalent of Sir, Master, slave, girl, etc...I chose "darling". With the right inflection and tone of voice, we can communicate meanings and implications quite well and undecipherably. We use "darling" all the time

what else do I call her? Pusscat, slave, girl, slut, cunt...whatever fits the mood...

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 4:31:40 AM

IronBear

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If you step back in time to the periods prior to WW2 and after WW1 and then also to the period prior to WW1 for about 30 years, and read letters and some literature of those periods you will find that the term Dear is oft used when referred affectionately to people, usually used by and referring to people of the middle class and aristocracy. Such comments like "He is such a dear boy", "What a dear man", "You are such a dear, dear friend", and of course "My dear chap..." were common place. Even in my own lifetime I have and indeed still do hear and see them either voiced or written. It is still common at least in Australia and in the UK, I believe, to open a personal letter with "Dear Mr (Mrs, Miss etc)". Now someone unknown to Neets or myself coming up and addressing Neets as dear does smack of uncalled for and unwelcome familiarity and the reception would be a cold but polite question "I'm sorry but do I/we know you?" or "Have we met somewhere ?" I can guarantee that if I was away from Neets but in eyesight, she would be messaging me using the loved Language of The Fan of the Victorian era. Personally, I see the use of dear as a form of address of someone who has not met the user or his or her partner or even close family, to me impolite and indeed bordering on rudeness, perhaps even insulting.. Just not cricket y'see.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/19/2009 4:34:16 AM >

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 4:49:18 AM

sirsholly

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"dear" sounds condescending

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 4:56:56 AM

barelynangel

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I am with a lot of people on this one -- many times dear to me seems to be someone trying to hard or if a Man uses it lol its like he is sarcastic in the "yes, dear" concept or they simply sound like my gram lol.

I have no rational explanation why it doesn't "sound" right. It just doesn't sound right when people call someone it, even if its not me.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 4:58:56 AM

IronBear

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But then Sirsholly, I have oft been berated for being condescending for addressing some male or other as "My dear chap" or even using the term "Old boy" or again even using the form of address "Lad" or "Lass" when addressing posts. When in fact, I was talking to the person as one human to another and using some modicum of affection, demonstrating that whilst I may disagree I still respected their views.. People here have it appears realised this is just my normal turn of phrase and way of speech which I see no earthly reason to change to appease a few. may I suggest that whilst you may be correct that the use of dear in some or even many cases is condescending, to tar all users of that term with the same brush would be a gross injustice. For me at least, I prefer to make some attempt to ascertain the context in which it was used and the manner in which it was intended before passing such harsh judgements.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/19/2009 5:00:19 AM >

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