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why is collared "off limits" but married is not? - 5/21/2009 7:51:21 PM

Firebirdseeking

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Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not. Why would that be??

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 7:55:52 PM

DarkSteven

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If she is collared, that means she belongs to someone. She is not off limits for play if her Master agrees to it.

If she is married, that usually means that she's off limits, unless it's an open marriage.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:00:01 PM

DavanKael

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There are a fair number of married folk who advertise on this site for additional partners. If you don't state that you aren't looking, probably some folks will assume that you are. Then, there are also people who are going to send you mail regardless of your relationship status because they are certain that they're the one for you, exception to the rule, whatever.
Davan

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:18:38 PM

lizi

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Some married people are in vanilla marriages and looking for BDSM outside of and in addition to their marriage.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:23:29 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Also... collared isn't necessarily "off-limits" either. And even for those who clearly state that they're not interested because they are (a)married, (b) collared, or (c) both, there are still some individuals who just don't grasp the concept of "Not Interested" and will write. What is even more amazing is that some of these idiots actually expect that they will be treated as if their ignorant behavior is -attractive- enough to sway the disinterested person from the relationship(s) xhe is already in!

Dame Calla

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:45:12 PM

SailingBum

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ive run across both collared with one eye open and married and looking ..and their partner was uhhh clueless. Thats just how some ppl roll...

BadOne

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:49:19 PM

marie2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not. Why would that be??

To some extent I think this is true...or should I say "common". I think it involves some kind of sick code of ethics where bdsm ppl think it's ok to fuck another man's woman as long as it's a "vanilla" relationship. In other words some bdsmers have more respect for the "collar" than the wedding ring. Just more of the usual hypocrisy that sometimes rears it's head.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/21/2009 8:54:27 PM

beltainefaerie

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I perceive collared and married to both be terms open to some interpretation when it comes to availablity, because there is such variance in how people structure their relationships. I would tend to assume that either collared or married would be off limits unless otherwise stated, however, as I am not seeking more play partners atm, it doesn't much matter.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 3:37:53 AM

littlewonder

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Married, taken, dating, collared....if you're involved with someone else..at least for me...you're off limits. I won't go near you with a ten foot pole, not even to befriend you. Yeah..I've had women come after me just because I befriended their husband/boyfriend so these days I just don't even talk to married/dating/collared men. Just makes my life a helluva lot easier.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 3:52:58 AM

slavekal

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Good point, Wandering Bear ("Curb Your Enthusiasm" reference)! I feel the same way. Unless the spouse is in the know, it's cheating.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:05:24 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not. Why would that be??

There's the chance that some people think a collar is more binding than marriage, though there's a certain amount of self-deception involved in this as the two people married decide the nature of the bond.

Seems to be making life unnecessarily difficult, from where I'm standing.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:14:30 AM

Rainfire

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There is a greater variety of definitions of "committed" relationships in the BDSM community with more possibilities and combinations. Because most people are familiar with the concept of polyamorous, there is at times (admittedly incorrectly) the assumption made that most in the community are poly-based. There is also a greater acceptance of multiple partners whether poly, play partners, open relationships, or any other form. It's part of that acceptance that is so good about the community yet can be problematic at times as well.

Unless specifically stated as to a person's current status, most people believe that you are looking for something, especially if you're here at a site like CM. I make it perfectly clear in my profile that I am owned, collared and married to my Daddy/Master, Lumus. In fact, my profile picture is of our wedding day where you can clearly see my collar. (I'm guessing that's why I don't get all the fun cmails that everyone else gets because I'm pretty blunt about my status.)

A good measure of the person would be their response to being told you are married or collared. If they respect your decision, then good. But unfortunately there's a lot of HNG's and asshats out there that don't give a damn and just want to get their rocks off. That goes both ways, males and females. I can think of more than few times that Lumus has been approached even though He wears a wedding ring and tells people He's married. Some idiots don't respect that. It shows a great deal about a person's character. *shrugs*

Block and delete can be a person's best friend here.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:15:55 AM

pixidustpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Also... collared isn't necessarily "off-limits" either. And even for those who clearly state that they're not interested because they are (a)married, (b) collared, or (c) both, there are still some individuals who just don't grasp the concept of "Not Interested" and will write. What is even more amazing is that some of these idiots actually expect that they will be treated as if their ignorant behavior is -attractive- enough to sway the disinterested person from the relationship(s) xhe is already in!

Dame Calla

this, definitely. every time there's an influx of new members, i get a slew of messages, same thing if i change my profile pic.

and my profile states VERY clearly that i am here for the message boards ONLY and not interested in the advances of others. some people just have too much lust hormone to read...

cause i DAMN sure aint all that. period.

kitten

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:37:22 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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If you are breathing most likely you will get cmails. My profile states clearly Not looking for a Dom, i am submissive, but i still get cmails from submissive males promising the world, or Doms just wanting to be 'friends'. i find if i keep my profile hidden it slows it down.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:39:07 AM

Firebirdseeking

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marie2, I think you have it exactly correct. I wonder how those people justify their hypocricy but then again, hypocrites often do not.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 4:48:43 AM

sirsholly

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to me, a commitment is a commitment, be it in the form of a ring on my finger or a collar around my neck

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 5:40:58 AM

SlyStone

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quote:

Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not. Why would that be??

A good many of those collaring you see in profiles are pretend and part of the fantasy of a collaring is to be "taken" and therefore be off limits.

The reality is that many of those people who are "taken"move from to dom to dom like a cow grazing an open field and change collars like they change jewelery, so any debate comparing the morality of one to the other seems silly.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 6:36:13 AM

DesFIP

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Nothing can be assumed. Some collared types are in very long distance relationships and therefore can play. Some are poly. Same with marriages, don't assume.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 7:19:10 AM

IronBear

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My wife is definitely off limits to all with the exceptions of those who we choose to swing with or play sexually (male subs or male slaves collared to her of our home). All females collared to Bruin Cottage are automatically off limits to everyone who is not a member of Bruin Cottage unless I deem a play or sexual contact is to happen.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/22/2009 7:26:10 AM

LaTigresse

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The fuckall is in making any assumptions. Sometimes you just have to ask what their collar/marriage means to them.......and their SO/s.

I don't want anything to do with either. I am selfish that way. Mine mine mine.........allllllll mine.

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