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RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/23/2009 1:07:53 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

My ex felt guilty I think. He chose a very nilla, very sexually hesitant female after we had been split for a couple of years. I believe she is more acceptable than I. There will never be any sort of association to kink with her beside him. I just ignore the little signs he gives me of wanting more. I won't be the stuff on the side. I suggest you ignore it when he tells you what she lacks.
Kyst

(in reply to lapresence)

Post #: 21

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/23/2009 1:12:14 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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His desire or need to submit is putting him in a frenzy... and the fact that a hot younger babe wants to dominante him... claiming his ass... yeah... he will say just about anything to her face. He had to cement that deal with a ring... that doesn't mean wedded yet... because a hot younger babe who is willing to claim his ass... might walk faster than the slaves he has that love and need him and did so without a ring requirement... and he can't as easily find another young hot babe that will want him.

I see a lot of men who are not honorable... and they pick someone who is younger because they aren't as experienced or life smart. He likes her dominant type role maybe (how many women coming into their own at that age don't have a bit of a cocky attitude?), but he doesn't respect it any more than he does those with submissive roles in his life.

He is a lying, greedy, cheater who is passive aggressive and shady... you would do well to lose the extra baggage and keep in mind... she is going to learn a very difficult love lesson.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/23/2009 2:42:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It sounds like he can't really respect a woman who would do these things. That he has women he thinks badly of for sex and ones he can respect go into the love and marriage category. Madonna and whore. How long were you folks with him and neither of you bothered to notice this? Or was it meetings for fun only. Because most people I know give away their viewpoints fairly easily during conversation.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/23/2009 7:58:16 PM

MARAA

Posts: 38
Joined: 2/27/2009
Status: offline

why the hell dont you leave him and make excuses for him??? it is obvious,you can never trust this man again. He does not deserve none of you!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 24

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/23/2009 9:36:54 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence
But he's not being honest. The thing is that he doesn't want us to leave, he wants to lead the double life. He spent almost 10 grand to untie my sister's tubes. But we're just slaves, not his girlfriend or his wife. So we just have to be grateful for what time and attention we get.

He is still talking about all the freaky stuff he wants to do with us. And he hasn't told his ex-fiance either. He met up with her after picking up the ring. Can't wait to blow that one. If he can't be honest, we sure as heck can. We aren't going to tell his new fiance, but we do feel obligated to let his ex know. Otherwise he'll string her along for as long as he can too

I disagree that you should let anyone know, maybe in the hopes that she will tell the new girl?

quote:

I want an honest and loving relationship, but he's not capable of that.

Than you'd better start looking for one, because you aren't in one now.

As to kinky men who prefer vanilla women, you just leave them to their preferences, and go find yourself one who doesn't lead a double life, and can be honest with all involved. M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

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(in reply to lapresence)

Post #: 25

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 12:02:34 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I find that it's easier to accept an older guy falling in love with a 19 year old than I am able to accept 2 women who would stay with the lying creep if he'd just give up his new play toy.

(in reply to redrose)

Post #: 26

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 5:27:18 AM

Titan1970

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

I met my love, just over 3 years ago, and fell for her. We met, discovered that we were needing each other, and becasme partners. I was out of BDSM due to getting into a too extream relationship, so her not likeing it wasn't an issue. We fell in love, and are now living together for about a year and in 6 months will be married. Over the past 6 months or so the urge for Play has grown, so I have started talking with her about it, and about my starting to search for a Partner.

I know in my situation I fell into this relationship, and I am lucky that she is as strong as she is. If she wished me to stop looking I would, as my love for her is more important than BDSM. I would push it back into the background, and we will go to councelling to keep our relationship strong.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 27

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 5:46:44 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
It sounds like he can't really respect a woman who would do these things. That he has women he thinks badly of for sex and ones he can respect go into the love and marriage category. Madonna and whore. How long were you folks with him and neither of you bothered to notice this? Or was it meetings for fun only. Because most people I know give away their viewpoints fairly easily during conversation.

Amen! Had I seen this reply before posting, I would have simply said "ditto" instead of my less exact post. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 5:53:35 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Lies and deception from this man to each woman he is involved with. It seems as though he has money - what else does he have to offer? It doesn't look as though he's ever going to be honest with anyone, why would any of the women in his life stick around? Much less consider having children with him. He's not being honorable to any of the women so even though he seems to want a child badly enough to dig into his pocket for the money to have one who says he'd be honorable to the child either? What can you count on from someone like this? If this were a vanilla relationship would any of this be ok?

(in reply to lapresence)

Post #: 29

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 6:00:34 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

the short answer is he's a shit.

sorta says it all...

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(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 30

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 6:01:43 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

I am sorry you were deceived..he sounds good at it..

First you say this was a "POLY household"..then you say "your sister was taking care of his dogs.."
If she was I am assuming you were not a POLY home but lived apart..?or the dogs lived somehere else where the receipt was found??

THIS is not a POLY household..sound like he is into polyfuckery which is different..
It sounds like he does not respect himself..or those he is in relationship with.
To keep this a secret is devious and insideous..if he still intends to be with you I feel the is young wman should be told what is going on..
AT least save one person from his clutches..

Many relationships...DO work that have vanilla ppl, BDSM ppl .multiple partners...etc but this one won't..it is already based on lies and deceit..
Many ppl want the buffet of fuck without any regard for feelings..respect..communications..or love..

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/24/2009 6:05:59 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 31

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 7:24:21 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

I have non-life friends. I have real life lifer friends. I get along with both; however, my marriage pretty well ended because I wanted to go into the lifestyle, and he did not.
We all know that opposites attract.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

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Post #: 32

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:04:23 AM

berrysurprise

Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

If he is keen to untie tubes for breeding... has he picked this 19yr old for potential breeding?
that is what it sounds like to me...

She may very well have Domme tendencies and he may have sub tendencies also... This could certainly have been her appeal.

It seems to me that he has decided that his slaves are treated and kept very differently to his 'relationships'

Personally I think you girls are questioning him too much... doubting him....

Remember you are there for his pleasure. If your needs are not being meet then you may need to decide to leave... however if you are putting your wants before his own then you really need to suck it up...

I am sure that he has some kind of plan in mind and if his slaves are continually questioning him... you are making his ultimate goal harder to reach.

(in reply to MissJanice2)

Post #: 33

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:14:20 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How can one blame someone else for their poor behavior and make it a submissive or dominant thing? The part where he goes to the submissive's and complains about the younger woman... the part where he isn't upfront with the younger woman about the other women in his life... the part where he is lying by at least leaving things out. HOW can that be presented as the submissive's doubting him and questioning him too much and harming his chance's of the outcome he wants?

What he wants is women blindly following him... getting caught up in um bearing and accepting whatever he wants. I don't see this as a dominant or submissive thing, but a human thing with a greedy man who isn't past using deceit and emotional harm to get what he wants.

You cannot blame submissive's for wanting honesty, some amount of fairness in their own lives and to be dealt with some honor and respect.

How can anyone believe that what he is doing is all good and blame the women in his life for having a problem with it? My god... this isn't a frigging game... we are talking people's lives... not to mention any breeding results!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 34

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:16:56 AM

Scheherazade

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence

I can see your points. Well made too. But he's not being honest. The thing is that he doesn't want us to leave, he wants to lead the double life. He spent almost 10 grand to untie my sister's tubes. But we're just slaves, not his girlfriend or his wife. So we just have to be grateful for what time and attention we get.

He is still talking about all the freaky stuff he wants to do with us. And he hasn't told his ex-fiance either. He met up with her after picking up the ring. Can't wait to blow that one. If he can't be honest, we sure as heck can. We aren't going to tell his new fiance, but we do feel obligated to let his ex know. Otherwise he'll string her along for as long as he can too.

I want an honest and loving relationship, but he's not capable of that.

Some will insist, whoever you meet and whatever you do or what happens are the result of decisions you make. Yes, decisions you make. I see this a lot and wonder about just how it is so many sub/slaves pick the wrong guy, poly or not.

(in reply to lapresence)

Post #: 35

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:24:31 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If I meet up with a rapist or stalker in the course of a business day and am followed home... am I responsible for that too or have some role to play in the outcome of being stalked or raped?

I think we can go a bit far when blaming victims... and there is such a thing even in relationships. I hear this... it takes two to tango.... how about the expectation of a mind reader or a fortune teller? You marry a great person and don't live with them. Then you live with them and find all those hidden things they were able to hide sometimes for a very long time. You find they covered their secrets very well... often called a con man... and then find yourself married to a criminal or drunkard or whatever. Some people are good con men. To jump to blaming victims of good con men and finding some fault in them as a general rule... you are going to find an exception to that rule. You can't hold it as always having something to do with the other party. It just isn't that way all the time. Sometimes.. yes... all the time... no way.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Scheherazade)

Post #: 36

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:36:36 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

He is riding high now with having 3 women at his disposal. I am sure his ego is at its ultimate now having a young girl.....have seen that happen many a time, and the end product is that usually the girl ends up with some monetary or material gain, and he ends up regretting it after she dumps him. Then he will come back to you two with his tail between his legs seeking sympathy and sorrow....until the next one comes along.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 37

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:50:38 AM

berrysurprise

Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

How can one blame someone else for their poor behavior and make it a submissive or dominant thing? or The part where he goes to the submissive's and complains about the younger woman... the part where he isn't upfront with the younger woman about the other women in his life... the part where he is lying by at least leaving things out. HOW can that be presented as the submissive's doubting him and questioning him too much and harming his chance's of the outcome he wants?

What he wants is women blindly following him... getting caught up in um bearing and accepting whatever he wants. I don't see this as a dominant or submissive thing, but a human thing with a greedy man who isn't past using deceit and emotional harm to get what he wants.

You cannot blame submissive's for wanting honesty, some amount of fairness in their own lives and to be dealt with some honor and respect.

How can anyone believe that what he is doing is all good and blame the women in his life for having a problem with it? My god... this isn't a frigging game... we are talking people's lives... not to mention any breeding results!

My apologies Lockit, but I am not blaming them for his behaviour, merely reminding them of their places.

They choose to be his slaves... therefore they need to accept what that ultimately means.

One of the main things it means... (and i am not meaning to sound harsh here) is that they are his slaves... not his wives or mistresses or submissives but his slaves!!! They do not have the right to dictate what he should or should not do in any of his relationships period.

However if his honesty (with them) is something they need... and that is not being meet, then yes, there is an issue there and they need to express that to him.

If however he is confiding in them (which is what 'bitching' about her sounds like to me...) then they need to respect him and if they are unable to cope with him doing that then they need to again let him know...

I am aware that majority of the time people 'bitch' it is usually when they are trying to work out issues or learn to understand someone better. (Same reason why the slaves probably came here to talk about him...) chances that he is doing it to be purely nasty, i think are very slim... after all he is contemplating marrying her????

I wonder how or why people are so quick to blame the Dom for not getting it exactly right? Why question him??? why not trust that he has his own agenda... and he may not have shared it fully with his slaves... I know that my Master keeps much from me... if he did tell me all he was thinking i would probably run scared !!!! lol

< Message edited by berrysurprise -- 5/24/2009 8:55:48 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 38

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 8:57:15 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You and I are going to have to disagree on this. A submissive who is not being dealt with honestly, with some respect and such.... I don't see as owing anything to that dominant. It really depends on their agreement in the relationship and since there are two who feel he hasn't been honorable... I would feel comfortable believing he has misrepresented some things. They may have overlooked some things for the very reasons you give... it is their role... but there comes a point and time when one cannot overlook so much.

I do not believe that it is a healthy thing to blindly follow a dishonorable man and I see this man as dishonorable.

So we shall disagree on this. This isn't a game... it is life and to be bound to a man who could do what this man is doing... shame on the submissive's (if they stay) because when it gets worse... what will happen? How many years devoted? How much damage? What about the results of any breeding? No... I can't see this as a healthy situation and nothing... no rules of dominance and submission or anything else will change my mind. I have spent too many years counseling people who have overlooked, submitted and ended up devistated to be able to change my opinion.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 5/24/2009 9:01:39 AM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 39

RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 9:02:11 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

I'm still thinking of him wanting to bring an um into this....with his slave, rather than the one he proclaims love and commitment to.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 40

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