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RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 9:03:11 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What better way to seal a deal and make someone a bit more dependent and connected for years?

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(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 9:04:33 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Ick.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 9:07:49 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		That is truly sad

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 9:10:18 AM   
berrysurprise


Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You and I are going to have to disagree on this.  A submissive who is not being dealt with honestly, with some respect and such.... I don't see as owing anything to that dominant.  It really depends on their agreement in the relationship and since there are two who feel he hasn't been honorable... I would feel comfortable believing he has misrepresented some things.  They may have overlooked some things for the very reasons you give... it is their role... but there comes a point and time when one cannot overlook so much.

I do not believe that it is a healthy thing to blindly follow a dishonorable man and I see this man as dishonorable.

So we shall disagree on this.  This isn't a game... it is life and to be bound to a man who could do what this man is doing... shame on the submissive's because when it gets worse... what will happen?  How many years devoted?  How much damage?  What about the results of any breeding?  No... I can't see this as a healthy situation and nothing... no rules of dominance and submission or anything else will change my mind.  I have spent too many years counseling people who have overlooked, submitted and ended up devistated to be able to change my opinion.

I hear what you are saying lockit, and i do agree that if their needs are not being meet and they are unhappy in their situation then they do need to move on...

As for myself, i would not stay in a situation i had not chosen... i am aware that there are many unhealthy situations where subs & slaves are taken advantage of...

I believe it can be very difficult for those subs/slaves to move on...
but not impossible.

Communication is so important and so is understanding your own needs...

i don't believe any sub should ever compromise on either of those things, for you are right this is not a game and if you always maintain those basic ground rules when searching then most of the unhealthy ones can be filtered away...


< Message edited by berrysurprise -- 5/24/2009 9:13:35 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 2:34:58 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

My apologies Lockit, but I am not blaming them for his behaviour, merely reminding them of their places.



And who delegated it to you to "remind" other people of "their places"? Is it "your place" to remind other people of "their places"?

(in reply to berrysurprise)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 2:56:52 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I was looking over this thread earlier and wandered off after thinking that there are just so many points in the scenario presented that are not good. 
The paramount concern, which has already been pointed out, is the attempt to create ums with the male and within the circumstance detailed.  Omg, noooooo! 
Beyond that, LockIt's comments have had me nodding my head much. 
At the core of it all is this male who's running around telling lies to everyone.  Sure, it's great to figure out why it's happening but really, the fact that it's happening, imo, is necessary and sufficient to end the situation right then and there.  I don't give any quarter to people who cop out and attempt to pursue their 'needs' (Which are often 'wants' but even so...) in a covert fashion.  Everyone else becomes a prop in their little drama rather than a real, living, breating person.  I mean, one sees that dehumanization when the idea of creating progeny is discussed particularly but I believe the mindset is pervasive. 
Another poster spoke about knowing their place (The slaves involved).  While not a popular stance to take, I would ask to what they agreed.  Of course, slavery really isn't what it was oh, 150 years ago, so they can leave at any time and if the realization that ums would be brought into an unhealthy environment if they remain is what causes them to abandon ship, I encourage it.  If both slaves are saying the guy is a liar, I am thinking that rather than going against what they agreed to, the guy is.  Now, might some of his inappropriate behaviors lead a slave to buck.  Sure.  And, that isn't contra-slave, imo, it's pro-survival and a potentially healthy acknowledgment of self.  Worth does not drain away when someone is in servitude to another, or at least it ought not. 
Anyway, my take on this, ladies who are the slaves in question, from the information that's been provided which is, admittedly, limited is: get out of the situation.  Cut the guy off.  No matter what you do, don't create progeny with the guy, regroup and try to walk forward in your life, your lives healthfully.  And, again, my opinion and my opinion only, even if you're a slave, your responsibility in life is to look after the ums that you create before any Master (or one who would call themselves a master). 
Best wishes,
  Davan

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-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/24/2009 3:01:12 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

He has an issue which is medically known as screwing anything that moves.  He saw a pretty girl and lied to her abut being available, and to you two about her.  And the fact that he's complaining about her to you two... he's a true gem.

It's not about kink or vanilla.  It's about self control, or lack of it.

My condolences.


ditto -- I'm not reading anything more into this than what it is on the surface... short attention span theater.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 12:55:16 AM   
lapresence


Posts: 94
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry, have wanted to get back to the thread to post my thoughts, etc.  I work 12 hours a day on weekends though, so it is rather limiting at the moment. 

First, thanks to everyone for their opinions, from all sides.  One of the posters pointed something out that my ex-Master said to redrose.  He said we are not his girlfriend of his wife, we are his slaves.  However, the situation I agreed to was one of openness.  He had intended (or so he claimed) to build a house with seperate quarters for each slave and her family.  Rose and I both voiced our concern about not wanting to live apart from him very early on in the poly relationship, and he reassured us.  Rose met him three years ago, but they seperated because he wanted her to get divorced and she wasn't ready to do that.  It was only last August (when things began with the three of us) that Rose made the choices she needed to make for herself.  She is now divorced and I am so proud that she finally got the nerve to do it.  They, particularly, were growing close.  I did what I could do to aid that bond.  He also made it clear that he expected his ex-fiance (22 years old now), to come back, and that she would be his wife and that we would serve her as well.  We were fine with that plan.   

A few weeks ago, Rose brought up the subject, asking if things ever came to the point with the 19 year old, would she be told about all this stuff, because we don't want to live isolated, the other women, mostly by ourselves with an occasional visit from Master.  He agreed, but again said, "I'm 48, she's 19, how long do you really think this is going to last?" 

If he told us, I would have a little respect for him.  But even now rose caught him in more lies.  What he doesn't know is that social networking sites allow us a little glimpse into the life of this 19 year old.  He's not on those sites, probably because of all the lies he tells. 

Yes, we are leaving, but there are few loose ends to tie up before we make it clear that we know what is going on.  Never a question.  We are seeing the real him, the man who says he wants complete honesty, twist things and make everything seem to be the way the person wants it to be. 

We find it just a little ironic that he found Rose being married unacceptable, and yet he wants his slaves to live in one house, while he marries and lives a completely different life in the other house.  I truly wonder if there are women who can be happy going weeks with not seeing and barely speaking with their Master.  It is not a life I could live.  I need quality time and touch with my partners.  I truly start to whither without it.  And it is a bit harder because I am shy and I moved away from all my family.  Not to mention my job is isolating, working opposite the rest of the world.  But I can't rely on just him either, and I am making positive changes in my life to make me better. 

BTW, as to being corrected, yes, we did not live in a poly household (that was the endgame), we were just in a poly relationship.  I stand corrected. 

My other struggle is simply mourning the lost possibilities.  And my love for this man, even if he didn't deserve it.  And the change in my relationship with rose.  We will be close, but our relationship has to change with the ending of all this, since we both need a man as the primary partner.  I think I got lucky with lightning striking twice.  Doubt I would be thrice blessed.  It makes me so sad.  And I'm going to miss his dogs, some of them really brought great joy into my life.  Sometimes the simplest pleasures are the best.  I can't have dogs myself at the moment, and it's hard to be anything but happy playing with dogs. 

Also, we are not out to get the girl, she is most innocent of all in this.  I do feel bad for her, and if she is like most women, she is going to snoop into his life, want to look at what is on his computer, etc.  He's not exactly hiding the freaky stuff he does.  And maybe she'll accept and they really are meant to be together.  Or she'll learn a really tough and sucky lesson of life. 

I think those are most of my thoughts.  I am sure I am forgetting something.  And I'll remember in the middle of my night.  LOL.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 1:15:41 AM   
berrysurprise


Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		You sound like you girls have worked through this well... i feel really glad that you have been able to identify that he is not meeting your needs and that you have found the strength to move away... many cannot or will not do this part... and end up living in miserable lives

It is a very hard thing to do.  I believe that you will be rewarded and you will find true happiness if you always stay true to yourself... Good on you both and with all the changes that you are going to be going through... know that you have my support! Feel free to contact me if you ever need an ear...

(in reply to lapresence)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 1:41:02 AM   
berrysurprise


Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

My apologies Lockit, but I am not blaming them for his behaviour, merely reminding them of their places.



And who delegated it to you to "remind" other people of "their places"? Is it "your place" to remind other people of "their places"?

 

I'm sorry?? I did not realize that we are not allowed to share our perspectives on here?? To much time can be spent picking apart the way that someone words something... rather than listening to what they are actually saying...

As far as i was aware a slave's role is very different from a sub, girlfriend or wife's ... It was their own words that i was bringing to light...

It was not for or against them in the slightest and certainly not the deepest part of what i was saying...


< Message edited by berrysurprise -- 5/25/2009 1:44:23 AM >

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 4:08:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence
And I'm going to miss his dogs, some of them really brought great joy into my life.  Sometimes the simplest pleasures are the best.  I can't have dogs myself at the moment, and it's hard to be anything but happy playing with dogs. 


Volunteer at your local animal shelter. You will help socialize other dogs so they will become adoptable. And you will make friends with the other volunteers.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lapresence)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 6:45:39 AM   
WIman


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/25/2009
Status: offline 		It is just life.  I am married to a vanilla women becasue I fell in love with her.  I have been interested in BD since my teen years and thought over time she would like it and enjoy it once she was introduced to it.  I must NOT have done a very good job of introducing her ti BD ... 25 years later she still has no interest in it .. and thinks it is stupid .

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 7:50:01 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I never get why someone gets married with the belief they can change the person. 

(in reply to WIman)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 8:52:15 AM   
lapresence


Posts: 94
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice about volunteering at an animal shelter.  I think it would be hard to bond and then say goodbye, which was my problem here in this case.  I'm a receptionist at, for now, two vet clinics.  I have worked the past two years at an emergency vet hospital.  But you don't see many when they aren't seriously ill and/or dying.  And the schedule has been really hard on me, as far as developing social ties down here.  So I got a job just this past week at a day practice.  I want to be able to be a little bit normal, at least in the ways of hours people work. 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 8:40:56 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I'm not sure this is the kind of think you can "figure out."

(in reply to lapresence)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/25/2009 10:02:48 PM   
lapresence


Posts: 94
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I'm not sure this is the kind of think you can "figure out."


You may just be correct there.  I know I can't believe anything he says anyway.  I just need to get over it and move on.  Working on it.  I just like to understand other people's viewpoint and thought processes.  And when I am personally involved, the drive to understand is even greater.  Rose and I were talking about that earlier, we will never know.  Another of life's great mysteries, lol.  But not really, he's not worth it, in the end. 

At least I've learned some more lessons.  And it's brought a lot of stuff up about other things in my life.  I am one of those that latches onto something and I'm not good at letting go.  Especially on men.  But maybe if I recognize it, I'll be better able to overcome that.  I think it has to do with the fact that it took 20 years to give up on my dad.  Hate that that baggage follows me into all my relationships with men.  And how I gravitate to the same type of men.  And I thought this one was different. 

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/26/2009 8:18:33 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Its tricky walking the fine line between "thinking things through" and "counterproductive obsession." Who does not lose this battle from time to time?

(in reply to lapresence)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/26/2009 8:37:43 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Three pages of ripping a guy apart after having heard only one side of the story and while he is not here to tell his side (whatever it may be).

God, I love these forums.



(in reply to lapresence)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/26/2009 11:05:33 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What do you expect DomImus?

LOL... we respond to what is presented and would of course hope it is truth.  If we are going to be totally fair and must hear every side of a situation, about half the threads on these boards might be gone.  We aren't marriage counselers and in a situation where we must get both stories before making comment.  Basically you go on what is said and that's about all we can do.

When there have been times when someone comes in with a topic or situation and then the other side comes in to tell their side... my answers have rarely changed.

Now... if you need to be so fair minded about a guy getting beat up around here... why not take steps to help the poor guy out?  I am sure we didn't change the minds of the ladies involved here as they were pretty much set to start with and if he is actually seeing his beating he can speak up for himself.  If he doesn't see it... is he really effected with the ladies already planning what they are going to do?



_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women - 5/26/2009 1:18:08 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		UGH spare me the drama you got dumped the reason never matters.  men are like buses one comes along every couple of minutes

BadOne


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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 60
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