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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/23/2009 10:34:36 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I refuse to deny/shitcan those friendships. Friends ARE friends.

Exactly. Beyond that, romantic relationships come and go. Friends are what keeps us sane during terrible times.

I'll also add that a D type that demands that an s type give up friendships of the opposite gender shows insecurity and lack of trust. Hell, I'm even friends with my ex and Master has no problem with it.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/23/2009 10:36:09 PM >

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Post #: 21

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 4:52:13 AM

oceanwinds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

First of all, it is wonderful to read of such love and trust between you, oceanwinds and your late hubby. When people commented negative on the way you conducted your friendships, they only talked about their phantasies and wishes, because they could not imagine having a friendship with somebody of the opposite gender without sex.

Friendships enrich our life and i never saw a reason to limit them to the same gender, my first husband and my second husband have or have had like me friends of both genders. It is certainly a question of trust.

Thank you ZenDragoness
Yes, we did have a specialness. I'm a little sentimental at this time, since his death anniversary comes closer. I am grateful though to have found another who i can genuinely care about in such degrees of vastness:)

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Post #: 22

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 4:54:47 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I refuse to deny/shitcan those friendships. Friends ARE friends.
Exactly. Beyond that, romantic relationships come and go. Friends are what keeps us sane during terrible times.

I'll also add that a D type that demands that an s type give up friendships of the opposite gender shows insecurity and lack of trust. Hell, I'm even friends with my ex and Master has no problem with it.

Wonderful post OsideGirl, and totally agree. Sounds like your Master is secure within himself and for both of you that truly is a blessing.

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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Post #: 23

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:06:22 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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Friends are friends no matter what flavor. I have very few of the deep/close/personal variety so I treasure them appropriately. Even my aquaintences are valuable and I would not give them up for someone else's insecurity. I do not have a problem myself with my partner having friends. I figure if someone has committed themself to me then I should trust in that.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 24

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:10:14 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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I guess I'm going to sound like the lone dissenter in this thread...

Firm and I have an intimate relationship. It isn't just sexual relations that makes us intimate, though... it is our level of friendship and companionship with one another. If Firm were to develop a very close and intimate friendship with another woman... to become "best" friends, as it were... it would be by taking that position away from me and in essence, lessening the intimacy of our relationship.

Call me old-fashioned or narrow-minded, but I believe that I should be Firm's one truly intimate woman friend... just as he should be my only one truly intimate male friend. While it is fine to have casual and even good friends of the opposite sex, we have a responsibility to never jeopardize the intimacy of our relationship... or put it in a position where it might be questioned by ourselves or others.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 25

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:11:59 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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Joined: 4/14/2009
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We can have physical bonds..emotional..intellectual and spiritaul..
I have friends who at the moment don't have a gender..as well as males and females ;and in thinking about this ..I realize I have always had male friends...more than female..
a fishing buddy..an arts buddy...a Wiccan buddy...a tai chi buddy..
Many times in our home on a Sunday gathering it woudl be mostly men and me..at a potluck etc..
ALL 4 of my 'husbands" over 20 years.. enjoyed and accepted this...
They also had female friends...that were friends first..
I think our lifestyle of
POLY recognized our infinate capacity for love so it did not matter the gender..

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/24/2009 6:18:31 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:15:36 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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From: North Carolina
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I have friends that are both genders and all labels in BDSM. Their gender has nothing to do with the friendship I find with them. Friends are friends and gender does not make a difference in that friendship to me.

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Post #: 27

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:18:51 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
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Okay i seem to be a lil different than most, i am usually sexually attracted to most Men i consider friends on some level there is that connection. whether or not we act upon it is a different story. I can't help it but my reactions to Men are usually sexual in some way - it doesn't mean i fuck all of my male or female friends lol but the posibility is always there if its decided we act upon it. I can be an acquaintance of Men i am not sexually attracted too but a more indepth friendship not that i remember. So yes, a Man insecure in his ability to own me would probably demand i give up my friendships with other Men, however, the Men i am usually involved with understand the undercurrents that connect me with Men and are confident of their mastery and enslavement of me that they understand it and aren't threatened by it. I do have friendships with women also but yes they are different in nature of why we connect, but even with women there are at many times a sexual connection.

People always believe that a sexual connection means you fuck everything that you sexually connect too, this is not true in my opinion. I enjoy sexual connections with people, its how i many times connect and react to Men especially. Its simply me and i think this society has created a mental block of how many times Men and women do react to each other and have attempted to make it non-accepting or existing.

grins, i love one of my best friends outlook -- she cracks me up with her honesty -- her favorite idea is -- if you can't fuck your friends who can you fuck?

Anyway, i accept and yes many times need some kind of sexual connection with my friends, it allows for intimacy and closeness wherein instinct can play a part without people getting weirded out.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 5/24/2009 6:23:32 AM >

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Post #: 28

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 6:27:54 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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Thank you for your viewpoint. Since it works for you both, it is a good thing. We all are different yet in many ways the same, and finding what works for us imo is the most important thing.

Intimacy is shared just with the one that i am involved with, though my world extends beyond that one, and have been blessed to have a few close like-mind people to travel with.

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 29

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 7:20:14 AM

chamberqueen

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Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I have very few friends that are female. I was raised by my father, ended up working in a field that is almost entirely made up of men, and prefer discussions about new high tech equipment to going shopping. I have one very dear female friend that I email back and forth with daily, but other than that the majority of people I consider to be my friends are male.

However, I guard against feeling too intimate with them. I am a pretty private person, and while I will answer any direct question there are a lot of things that I simply keep to myself. If I feel that a man is starting to think of me in a romantic or sexual way I back off and put a distance between us. I had a colleague tell me just last week that they all just think of me as "one of the guys", and I think that's a wonderful compliment. No one feels like they have to stop a conversation because "a woman" just walked into the room but they have a true comfort level with me. It is the same when I teach; within 5 minutes they have stopped wondering why there is a woman giving the class but simply pay attention to the material.

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Post #: 30

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 7:25:47 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

While reading the posts on the thread about cheating, a question came to mind. As stated before through posts most of my life has been under the 'vanilla' umbrella, and both late hubby and i had friends of the opposite sex that we bonded with in different ways then sexual. Our best friend had a close friendship with us both, and she and him enjoyed some things that i didn't. It was nothing for them to go to an Air-show, for example, while i stayed home. It was very natural for us to be with other friends, without considering ourselves cheating. Sir and i also have different friends with different interests and it would not occur to either of us to look at that as cheating.

I find having friends with both genders rich and rewarding, and would be sad if i had to drop them because of someone's insecurites.

How do you feel about having friends [of the opposite gender] that you bond with on a different level. then your D/M or s-type? Though I cannot understand why, but would having friends of the opposite sex be different in this type of lifestyle, verses others? In my vanilla relationship..oy, still cant get use to that word, people thought we were strange, not well accepted. Perhaps it is just a human thing of trusting the other.

Thanks for considering answering my question.
oceanwinds

Neither gender nor sexuality is a consideration for friendship in my world. While gender is fairly obvious (most of the time) the bulk of my friends I have zero idea what their personal/sex life is like. I am fine with that.

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(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 31

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 7:52:43 AM

missturbation

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Most of my close friends are male, lifestyle and nilla, though in reality i make no distinction between the two. I can count the amount of close female friends i have on one hand and still have fingers and a thumb to spare.
I find males much easier to get along with, it bothers some people that i'm constantly surrounded by men rather than a group of women but i just tell them straight why. I won't go into that here though.

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Post #: 32

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 7:59:27 AM

oceanwinds

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I been fortunate to have a few good girlfriends. We just enjoy each other, and they know i am not into the catty crap etc. This Aries is too busy going where the Angels don't dare, and exploring minds. Am mostly a mind person and love to pick them to not find fault but to discover how they tick. Mostly am a loner, who needs a lot of quiet time. I have found the precious gift of friendship in either gender that permits one to be who they are without shoving their beliefs down one's throat. Odd too i have friends with very different views, and if we can find a healthy balance, perhaps there is hope for the world at large.

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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Post #: 33

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:24:30 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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I have been doing a little more thinkings, and believe it would sadden me if friends held before had to be eliminated by a Dom's order. I have even seen this happen a lot in the 'other flavor relationships'. Also to lose a close friend because their Dom orders that would be sad as well. It is something that i am glad i never had to experience. A close friendship would take time to build over time, and to have another just say no more, to me is cruel.

On a personal take, i cant comprehend the why's for this, and how someone can give up a close friend for their Dom.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 34

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:31:23 AM

DavanKael

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I have, for as long as I can remember, had a greater affinity for males than females and, of course, that has manifested in my having more males friends. I will say that in recent years, I have added more close female friends to my inner circle of people but males still have my most visceral affinity (Though my closest friend is a female).
Davan

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Post #: 35

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:31:41 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I could see this if that friend had a provable bad history of crime, drugs or violence or even if that friend has a bad history with the Master such as stealing, threats or even had deliberately been the cause of a previous relationship. In such a case I would have no hesitation in ordering severance of contact after explaining the issues at stake. End game is the security of home and relationship.. Been there done that and will do it again if necessary with no room for negotiations or compromise. My way or the highway? Definitely!

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(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 36

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:59:18 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I could see this if that friend had a provable bad history of crime, drugs or violence or even if that friend has a bad history with the Master such as stealing, threats or even had deliberately been the cause of a previous relationship. In such a case I would have no hesitation in ordering severance of contact after explaining the issues at stake. End game is the security of home and relationship.. Been there done that and will do it again if necessary with no room for negotiations or compromise. My way or the highway? Definitely!

In that example, yes and understandable. Also i would assume the s-type with you would need to be taught healthier boundaries.

Even in my late marriage there were 2 people that we both met, and hubby did not approve of them, and advice accordingly.

Mainly speaking of healthy relationships.
Thank you IronBear for your response, as usual your words are logical.

< Message edited by oceanwinds -- 5/24/2009 11:00:12 AM >

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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Post #: 37

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 12:36:23 PM

Andalusite

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My friendships are important to me, and I am not willing to give them up unless someone has a specific problem with a specific person. A lot of my male friends are gay, so there is no competition factor there, some of them are men I used to be in relationships, but either way, I am a very honorable, straightforward person, and I don't cheat. If someone cannot trust me, then they aren't a good match for me in the first place. In general, I want anyone I date to get along decently (at least civil and polite) with the majority of my friends. Sometimes there is a minor personality clash between a couple of individuals, but in general, I'm a fan of being able to be a part of each other's lives.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 38

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:09:09 PM

junecleaver

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Aside from the male friends I already have, I'm not really allowed to make new ones. He hasn't told me in so many words, but I know he would not be thrilled that I gave personal information out to a man (as that is the only way I see a friendship forming between me and someone new.) If I really met someone I thought could be a great friend, I might ask for permission but I really doubt it.

I also stopped talking to all ex-doms/boyfriends at his request. At first, I felt a little offended by his request and insistance that I not talk to them as I too am trained to automatically think, "OMG YOU DO NOT TRUST ME!" But to be honest...call me insecure, crazy, or jealous...I don't WANT him to talk to his ex-girlfriends either or really any other relatively attractive woman. It is not becacuse I don't trust him. I know he goes out of his way to remain faithful to me. It is because it makes me feel special to know that I am the only girl in his life. It's not just a matter of not sticking his P in some chick's V. It's an emotional intimacy that I think at least for now I want maintained between the two of us. If not talking to ex-boyfriends makes him more comfortable in our relationship, it is not that big of a deal to me as he is far more important to me than any other man I know or could imagine meeting.

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Post #: 39

RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/24/2009 10:33:30 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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~Fast Reply~
Sir knows i have friends, male and female, both vanilla and kink. None of T/them would i ever want to give up, and He doesn't expect me to.....W/we trust E/each O/other. For this and many other reasons, i am the luckiest submissive/woman in the entire world.

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Post #: 40

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