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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/25/2009 5:23:23 PM

oceanwinds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I do the opposite, myself... I've told the new guy I most definitely am a threat... at least if he mistreats her in any way. :)

chuckles here..and a wicked one at that.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/25/2009 6:17:55 PM

AlexandraLynch

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I'm polyamorous, and have often gone to bed with compatibly minded friends as an afternoon's diversion. That said, we stay friends. I have quite a few friends who, yes, have been my lovers in the past, they've married or settled into a monogamous relationship, but we remain friends. They're my family, and some of my friends, male and female, are heartbrothers or heartsisters, and I feel that way about them, their kids are my nieces and nephews, and we're a family, just not one of blood relation.

I don't ask a sub to give up their friends. At some point I would like to put a face with the name, but the guideline is this: If you're doing something that makes you want to keep a secret from me, then you shouldn't be doing it. Do I need a transcript of it? An itinerary with reciepts of where you went? No. But if it's something you feel you can't mention, then it's wrong for you to be doing.

I tend to feel that maintenance of close, emotionally intimate friendships is not necessarily a bad thing if the man I'm friends with is also close and emotionally intimate with his wife. And under those circumstances, I much prefer to have the close, emotionally intimate friendship with both of them.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/25/2009 9:34:15 PM

greenearth21

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A very close (male) friend of mine once told me that its difficult for a male and female to be friends without the sexual tension. And I'm still trying to figure out "why". Unfortunately my "guy radar" is broken...always has been so at times I find myself in that "whoa...wait a minute...we are just friends" situation which I completely hate because normally it means I have to let go of a great friendship.
However, I have never been great with making female friends. I've actually made it a point to seek out female friends because after awhile being one of the guys gets old and even though I do not seek out women who enjoy shopping a lot or watch sex in the city, nothing beats 'girl time' once in a while. I connect better with males on a lot of levels and that has always been something I put up front when dating someone, or rather make it known that I do have several male friends and they aren't going anywhere for the sake of a relationship.(reverse: bro's before ho's) I dont feel theres a reason/need that one would have an issue with a partner who has a friend of the opposit sex...just a part of life.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/26/2009 9:09:21 AM

allisonludwig

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I've had mostly male friends much of my life (and have just started to develop relationships with women) and now thinking about it, I'm sure that for some of them, their intentions were not the most honorable. I think male-female friendships can work, but should be monitored. I have a close male, vanilla friend right now, and I'm sure he has entertained fantasies about me. Men do have testosterone and may not always be able to control themselves. I think it takes a very honorable man (straight or bi) to have friendships with women and have the best of intentions.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/26/2009 10:47:01 AM

oceanwinds

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Thank you for posting allisonludwig.

One thing I have notice from a lot of the posts that women tend to not have many female friends. I am grateful to have both. I dont compare myself or try to out beat a female friend, which many have told me has been their biggest problems with other girls. i find females who can get past their cultural upbringing, make excellent friends.

I pretty much who i am, so either gender knows what they are getting as a friend. Plus my boundaries will not tolerate certain behaviors around me. So never found the need to monitor male friends, or females.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/26/2009 1:30:43 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I think it's utterly healthy and natural if all are above board with the intentions of the friendship, however that being said I'm mature enough to admit I'd be super jealous if he had a female friend he specifically went to hang out with. And he disttrusts the motivation of most males who claim to want friendships as most of them are just looking for a way to fuck the girl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

While reading the posts on the thread about cheating, a question came to mind. As stated before through posts most of my life has been under the 'vanilla' umbrella, and both late hubby and i had friends of the opposite sex that we bonded with in different ways then sexual. Our best friend had a close friendship with us both, and she and him enjoyed some things that i didn't. It was nothing for them to go to an Air-show, for example, while i stayed home. It was very natural for us to be with other friends, without considering ourselves cheating. Sir and i also have different friends with different interests and it would not occur to either of us to look at that as cheating.

I find having friends with both genders rich and rewarding, and would be sad if i had to drop them because of someone's insecurites.

How do you feel about having friends [of the opposite gender] that you bond with on a different level. then your D/M or s-type? Though I cannot understand why, but would having friends of the opposite sex be different in this type of lifestyle, verses others? In my vanilla relationship..oy, still cant get use to that word, people thought we were strange, not well accepted. Perhaps it is just a human thing of trusting the other.

Thanks for considering answering my question.
oceanwinds

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/26/2009 2:35:51 PM

oceanwinds

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My best friend and late hubby had a passion for military planes, since both came from military families. I enjoyed them at times, but never got all excited. So when he and i talked about it, i was happy they went by themselves and that left me to do things i enjoyed. i trusted them both.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/31/2009 8:45:52 AM

Apocalypso

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The vast majority of my friends, and all my closest friends, are female. I'm very upfront about that and won't get in a relationship with someone who has a problem with that. It's simply too much aggravation.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/31/2009 12:49:41 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Delphinus

I have a problem with having male friends. I keep thinking I'm the type of person that doesn't, but...I'm wrong. It always winds up with one or both of us trying to resist the chemistry. (Because, as someone here already put it, I believe, I wouldn't be friends with him if we didn't already have chemistry.)

I've never crossed the line, but...I don't like having to turn my back and walk away from someone I genuinely enjoy being with. So I try not to go there in the first place. I try.

I've had momentarily blurred boundaries or category confusion with female friends. Like you mention, if there's chemistry there for friendship, the thought can overtake one (even if only momentarily) that there might be chemistry there for something more.

But we can stay friends even if I make a pass and am rebuffed....I think. I mean, there's still that chemistry, right?

I guess it's possible that I'd just desire someone very strongly and it would interfer with friendship. But I'm not sure if that's ever happened to me.

Anyway, because I've been on this end of it, I don't mind my partner having friendships with whatever gender she's oriented toward, but I probably will ask questions and be kind of snoopy and "monitoring" to some degree, and so forth.

My comfort levels might have to do with how strong my partner's boundaries with that sort of thing seem to be, how clearly she communicates to me about what's going on, etc.

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 5/31/2009 5:45:35 PM

penitentialarts

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I have always had friends (vanilla and otherwise) of various genders and sexualities, as have partners. One of my best friends, in fact, is a submissive woman - we have known each other for over a decade. I don't see any problem with having friends of the opposite sex (or gender).

To me, "cheating" is forming a romantic or sexual relationship (or even playing with someone else) without the fully informed, willing consent of your partner(s).

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RE: pondering friendships of opposite gender - 6/2/2009 7:07:34 AM

LaTigresse

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I have to say that I've been watching a thread in the Mistress section, about employment, that has only reinforced my choices in friends. My gawd.

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