Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: when does a mistress go to far?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: when does a mistress go to far? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 1:06:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

Need...he loses credibility here when he say he wanted to be able to screw one of Her other males...asking that would seem to say to me, if i was the Dominant, that he is open to sexual relations with men...while this wasn't what he'd anticipated, lets not make it sound as though having sex with men was a limit for this person.

sting

I don't think he loses credibility- nor do I understand what people are saying about how he needs to be able to take what he wants to dish out. That's a completely illogical idea.

Now, perhaps the dominant wanted to show him what it would be like, for whatever reason. And that's fine as long as he was ok with it. But I'm perfectly fine saying "You will never pierce my nipples, now lay down and let me pierce yours" and don't consider anything wrong with that.

Same as someone saying "You will never do fire play with me, now lay down and let me light you up."

As long as everyone agrees, there is no need for quid pro quo.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sting516)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 1:16:45 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be

i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream. i was refered to her as her slave latly i have been wanting to experence how a man feels. i wanted to dom a guy basicly she does have 2 other male slaves i make the 3rd. but i never saw them only in passing well she told me that she would offer them up, for me to dom and screw. anyhow she told me id have to pay the price and submit to something of her choosing on saturday i was at her house and i entered she did her normal thing and i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no they both got off on me several times while i lay there when it was over with i kept my cool until i was in a safe spot where i could exit without harm and broke it off.




Ok --am I the only one who thinks this is odd? Really, really odd

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 1:25:49 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		i did, but i decided not to mention it as it seems all my posts either meet with unfavorable replies or are completely ignore...even the jokingly lighthearted comments.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 1:36:08 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		thank heavens michael, I thought it was Me!---odd, wanking odd--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 2:50:08 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		i did, but i decided not to mention it as it seems all my posts either meet with unfavorable replies or are completely ignore...even the jokingly lighthearted comments.
========

you're okay bro.
i'll stand by ya here...
they attack ME too just because MY feelings aint theirs
they aint walked in MY shoes...so they figure its okay to say i am wrong..nope---not gonna happen---
they can say they dont understand
they can say they dont agree
they can say go to hell
but i am NOT wrong in MY feelings from MY experiences.
later bro


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 3:03:27 PM   
Bama2toServe


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Knight, i have to say that the only thing missing in this situation is "communication."

Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER do anything in this life or any other life without communication!! Its the key ingredient to survival. (Even if it means getting it in writing. Better to be safe and sure than sorry and confused).


(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 6:53:16 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Obviously, when people post, we get a subjective anecdote. And i have responded to the original post, which to me, was being portrayed like less than a positive experience.

Im sure there are many Dom's who do not go the sub route first. Just because you wish to Dom, does not mean you have to sub first. But if that works for you on your learning curve great.
How a Dom reacts feels and thinks in a bottom situation, i believe would have little relevance to the head space a sub experiences in the same situation.

I personally, would not of enjoyed this scene. There seems to be a abhorent lack of consent. And i mean informed consent. Not having been party to the negotiations before hand, im going on what he portrays the situation to be.

I do not feel that suggesting someone go to a clap clinic is arrogant. It would appear that the Domme in question had scant regard for the sub. Why therefor would she bother to ensure other aspects of safety. To propose that a person who has had sex goes to a clap clinic is a common sense. Not arrogant. Were safe sex practiced, he will no that this advice is not necessary.

Where is the after care? where was the negotiation? and WHERE was the consent? When did the Domme enquire how the sub was travelling? He played it cool he says. But most people who are finding it hot, cannot help but show it is hot. Erections, ejeculations were mentioned by a poster. Were you there? did you see this? or were you told, just as we were told it was not such a great experience?

This situation seems hot in fantasy to others. It is hot in reality to others. But for the OP, it seems luke warm at best.

If this was a hot little scene for you i am glad that you enjoyed yourself thoroughly, if it was not so good, then my original response stands.

little1


(in reply to Bama2toServe)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:10:26 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't find this odder than many other posts I have read on here.

I think the OP was inexperienced and maybe jumped in over his head. It sounds like he was not sure how to communicate his limits or stop, and it sounds like the Dom maybe was insensitive to his naivete at best. At worst, she took advantage of his confusion or eagerness.

I would like to hear more from the OP poster as to how he was feeling, during and after. I can't really tell if this was a dreadful traumatic experience for him, or just uncomfortable. I am also a little confused by the verb "rode me" in reference to oral but that is just me having trouble visualizing.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:39:44 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1
It would appear that the Domme in question had scant regard for the sub. Why therefor would she bother to ensure other aspects of safety.


Why does it follow that the Domme in question had scant regard for the sub? I'm still trying to figure this one. Like you say, we weren't there. When I indulge in play like this my sub/slaves life is paramount yes, but I'm not going to pussyfoot my way through a scene and moddycoddle him every step of the way, we're not playing tiddlywinks here, and if he wants to run with the big dogs then he can't be peeing like a puppy.

It is NOT uncommon for many people, inparticular men, to struggle after a scene in which they have been humbled and humiliated, especially sexually, after orgasm to want to escape the scene of the crime so to speak.

He needs to go talk with this dom and consider whether he cut his nose off to spite his face.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 8:55:28 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am new to bdsm, and have little experence. i was a straight male i was collared 1-28-06 we had met on 12-01-05 she is very mainstream.


Yet another lesson in knowing the person to whom you give yourself. Two months isn't nearly long enough, and you learned a tough lesson. For that, I feel sorry for you, but I bet you do a lot more digging into a potential Domme's character in the future, no?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 9:26:48 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		If you think she went to far, then it was your responsiblity to stop it. Your safety is in your own hands. There's risk in WIITWD and you choose to take that risk. You broke things off, and it sounds as if you will know better next time. Chalk this one up to a life lesson, but from my perspective, nope, she didn't go to far. You did.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 9:48:06 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Ok --am I the only one who thinks this is odd? Really, really odd


I have no idea what to think. Reading his post was like reading morse code from a drunken sailor. One thing stands out from the shadows, which is "the others" who were largely off stage characters, made a rather sudden and intimate appearance, and when one is bound up, one is at the mercy of whatever happens. Its unclear to me what the boundaries were or should have been. To me, this is the great bondage gambit.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/8/2006 11:46:50 PM   
Knight2be


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		i had a safeword it was "cotton" How do you say a safeword when you got a ball in your mouth, and your tied to the table. i coudnt back out and i didnt know what was going to happen until it was to late so i had to just lay there

(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 12:06:51 AM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		I can honestly tell you that this is true. Actually I've taken knight2be on to help him through this transition period and help guide and educate him.

I've talked to his former Mistress as well. She of course says its a misunderstanding, but that doesn't change his feelings of being raped.

My personal feelings are that she took advantage of his eagerness and innocence. Actually just two days prior to the "scene" he described, she asked me "Does he understand what a collar means?"

To me that was a huge red light, as it should have been to her. If you don't know if your sub understands what the hell a collar is, wouldn't you think its time to slow down rather than do a gang-bang?

I think she was horribly lacking in judgment and in her skills of aftercare and helping her subs understand what it is they're feeling. There are a lot of heady emotions that happen when you first start playing in BDSM. Many of which feel like love and can make a sub want to dive in full throttle without thinking. His Mistress should have known better.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 5:53:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyV
I think she was horribly lacking in judgment and in her skills of aftercare and helping her subs understand what it is they're feeling. There are a lot of heady emotions that happen when you first start playing in BDSM. Many of which feel like love and can make a sub want to dive in full throttle without thinking. His Mistress should have known better.

I think everyone should have known better. I haven't heard anything about bad or selfish motivations yet, she obviously took him at his word as an adult that this activity was ok and frankly saying that you can't safe word is a cop-out.

I can respect the perspective that TammyJo put forth- freezing up in the face of dangerous situations, but suggesting that you can't communicate "This is wrong, we need to stop now" because you can't verbally speak is a cop out.

I agree to chalking it up to a life lesson for all sides. If he truly feels he was violated, he should discuss it in therapy. And obviously he should not get involved with anyone else until he really understands what he's agreeing to.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyV)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 6:23:53 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

If you think she went to far, then it was your responsiblity to stop it. Your safety is in your own hands. There's risk in WIITWD and you choose to take that risk. You broke things off, and it sounds as if you will know better next time. Chalk this one up to a life lesson, but from my perspective, nope, she didn't go to far. You did.

Celeste


(edited: I see above that the OP did reply and his story is supported by another poster. However I think my questions in general are valid)

Just a question and this is not a question directed at BitaTruble but at the thread in general -- I, myself, am included in the people who should answer these questions. I have asked them in my head all ready before I replied.

If the situation is as the OP described and he was bound and he was surrounded by three people -- the woman and two men -- how exactly is he supposed to have stopped it?

Given what he posted, why would saying "no" or a safeword (there was not mention of these) have done anything? Given that he seemed surprised by the situation and probably afraid, why would he even have thought that fighting or saying "no" would do much good?

People asking for more information given that almost immediately the scenario was questioned, why would someone who might be feeling very upset by this situation offer us any more?

And one final question. If the OP had been female, do you think your response to the described situation would have been different?

I hope that I, myself, would not treat this situation any differently if the OP had been female. I hope that I, myself, have given the OP enough empathy and offered general encouragement to deal with the situation. If this was a wank or fake post then I do not feel I have lost anything by offering my comfort and empathy -- if it turns out to be fake then I will have learned to not offer the OP such responses (or any response likely) in the future.

I know that errors happen in scenes. I know that miscommunication can be terrible. But I also know that abuse hides in scenes at times as well. I hope this case is one of the first two but I sadly would not be too surprised if it were the third situation.


< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 2/9/2006 6:27:13 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 8:19:33 AM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be

i found myself bound and gagged on my back i was played with and got very hard then her subs hopped on me 1 by 1 and engaged in oral sex in other words they rode me was unable to move or say no



That says it all. You were unable to say No.. This type of "play" was not negotiated.
It was not just abuse... it was rape.


(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 8:40:10 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight2be

i had a safeword it was "cotton" How do you say a safeword when you got a ball in your mouth, and your tied to the table. i coudnt back out and i didnt know what was going to happen until it was to late so i had to just lay there


I gag my pup all the time, and yet he still has a way to communicate with me if need be. He snaps his fingers if he is in distress or wants me to stop what I am doing. Was this not even discussed with you at all? I agree with LA on this, not using a safe word is a cop out. There are MANY other forms of communication besides using your mouth which is gagged. You are a grown man and you need to take responsibility for some of this. You are acting like you had no idea what to do, yet you sure knew what you wanted when you asked if you could "feel like a man and dom". IMO, you need to take time and go more slowly next time. Be careful what you wish for. The story sounded erotic to me and I never saw a problem with what had happened. You didnt state in your OP whether you were in distress or not, not a word or muffle to anyone til it was over. Makes me wonder if your Mistress had female slaves if this would of still been an issue with you. Another thing I dont understand, you say you wanted to dom them and screw them, so now you are pissed that they got to screw you first before you could fuck them? Blaze me if you have to, but these are my opinions and I am entitled to them.

_____________________________





(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 9:11:12 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		Time to re-evaluate who and what you are, and just where you have been spending your free time. Be careful of a term like 'slave'; it's not a designation to be taken lightly.


(in reply to Knight2be)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: when does a mistress go to far? - 2/9/2006 9:12:53 AM   
windy135


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being new to the scene I only had a safe word also but now I have learned that you need another way. I believe Knight came to the post because he was hurt and probably feels very confused and angry. He's straight and liked the idea of topping a man but he shouldn't have been forced. I'm assuming it was his first man/man experience and I'm sad that it was in such a way. My advice is to take some time and learn more about BDSM and the lifestyle. Try to find out what you really want and what you don't want. This will allow you to discuss such matters in the future. I hope your feeling better.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: when does a mistress go to far? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078