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RE: public humiliation? - 5/30/2009 2:01:07 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		See now.. I don't see myself as lifestyle.  I am not just this, nor do I identify as being sub so deeply that I can only show myself to be sub to all.
For me, there is life as is.  I dont have to crow about it.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
 My friends and family will all be there.  And we would hate for people to be unable to turn up as themselves just because someone might be offended?  But then, I wouldn't count our friends as normal or average or freaky - just our honest to god, true to themsleves, friends.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: public humiliation? - 5/30/2009 2:49:17 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

See now.. I don't see myself as lifestyle. I am not just this, nor do I identify as being sub so deeply that I can only show myself to be sub to all.
For me, there is life as is. I dont have to crow about it.
Kyst


I do not think that being comfortable in who you are and wanting to express yourself in your own way necessarily equates to 'crowing' about it. I also do not think that the.darkness was trying to say that all she is is submissive, if that is what she was trying to say then she was lying.

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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: public humiliation? - 5/30/2009 6:35:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My point being that the submissive me is private.  I show that when it is inspired.  I have been known to wait on my mate in public! lol but that always seemed to be a GF thing to be, not sub.  I doubt anyone who didn't know would ever peg me as sub in a social setting.  And as someone who is not 24/7, I often wonder what is it exactly that sets showing you are sub with no shame, vs being a regular good GF?
Kyst

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Profile   Post #: 83
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 1:26:27 AM   
pdv99


Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		The answer has to be "It depends" - Where? when? In front of school gates as children are coming out or in a bar late in the evening? What else were you planning to wear?

I guess my point is that we should be careful not to involve children, who may NOT have suitable support to interpret "sexual" acts (I'm not just talking BDSM here, I have reservations about the "sexualisation" of many aspects of pre-teen culture). However, in a purely adult environment, I guess you'd get just the odd frown, a few catcalls, some whispers and a fair bit of giggling in you tried it in most towns in the UK on a Saturday night. I can't imagine anyone being any more offended that they would be at the antics of the average stag/hen party(bachelor party??) that parade around the bars of most town centres at weekends. People who are offended by such things tend not to be around at such times.

So my feelings are - pick your moment and go for it. For myself, I'd suggest the more conservative/ conventional the rest of your outfits, the more subversive the impact will be!

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 7:10:52 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

My point being that the submissive me is private.  I show that when it is inspired.  I have been known to wait on my mate in public! lol but that always seemed to be a GF thing to be, not sub.  I doubt anyone who didn't know would ever peg me as sub in a social setting.  And as someone who is not 24/7, I often wonder what is it exactly that sets showing you are sub with no shame, vs being a regular good GF?
Kyst


Well, I am not a submissive and have never claimed to be - well, apart from when you(generic) have to fill in limited profile info.  Personally, I wouldn't fill in anything - but you have to so... when in Rome...
 
Who said about 'showing' anything?  It's about being yourself and not what others expect you to be like.  If people are uncomfortable with seeing a collar in public... oh well.  If people are uncomfortable about walking past someone in a burkha.  Oh well.  If someone feels uncomfortable walking past a homeless person... oh well.  You feel uncomfortable walking past a woman in a wheelchair wearing a bag... oh well.  If you are feeling awkward walking past a man in female attire .... oh well. If your uncomfortable walking past two men holding hands... guess what?
You can't shove people under the carpet or into the dark just because it offends you.  You shouldn't try and deny peoples right to be who they are just because it doesn't fit your sense of what is normal.  It's blind quite frankly.  And bigoted.
 
You think being submissive is private.  I think it's about being normal.  I don't dig the whole 'inspired' thing.  And that is probably why we disagree.  You are submissive when your 'inspired' or some people do it for play.  Other people, like me, just are.  We don't pretend it to get our rocks off.  We don't rely on inspiration to trigger it.   We aren't a submissive or a slave because we just do it when the need arises.
 
And I get you don't understand that.  It's cool.  But I refuse to allow people to run my life how they want unless a law demands it, just as you wouldn't want people telling you how insignificant you are or how you shouldn't serve your man.
 
I list as a slave on CM  - because it is the nearest thing that will assist people to understand what I am capable of and BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE.
I am above all other things a human being.  I am Darcys and I am me.
And no person will deny me that and if they demand conditions - then they aren't people with any kind of empathy or integrity.
 
People are seriously fucked up in the head if they believe that it's all sex all the time.  Being a wife isn't about sex all the time - and neither is being the partner to a dominant man.
 
the.dark.
 

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 85
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:01:54 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Well, I am not a submissive and have never claimed to be - well, apart from when you(generic) have to fill in limited profile info.  Personally, I wouldn't fill in anything - but you have to so... when in Rome...
 
Who said about 'showing' anything?  It's about being yourself and not what others expect you to be like.  If people are uncomfortable with seeing a collar in public... oh well.  If people are uncomfortable about walking past someone in a burkha.  Oh well.  If someone feels uncomfortable walking past a homeless person... oh well.  You feel uncomfortable walking past a woman in a wheelchair wearing a bag... oh well.  If you are feeling awkward walking past a man in female attire .... oh well. If your uncomfortable walking past two men holding hands... guess what?
You can't shove people under the carpet or into the dark just because it offends you.  You shouldn't try and deny peoples right to be who they are just because it doesn't fit your sense of what is normal.  It's blind quite frankly.  And bigoted.
 
You think being submissive is private.  I think it's about being normal.  I don't dig the whole 'inspired' thing.  And that is probably why we disagree.  You are submissive when your 'inspired' or some people do it for play.  Other people, like me, just are.  We don't pretend it to get our rocks off.  We don't rely on inspiration to trigger it.   We aren't a submissive or a slave because we just do it when the need arises.
 
And I get you don't understand that.  It's cool.  But I refuse to allow people to run my life how they want unless a law demands it, just as you wouldn't want people telling you how insignificant you are or how you shouldn't serve your man.
 
I list as a slave on CM  - because it is the nearest thing that will assist people to understand what I am capable of and BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE.
I am above all other things a human being.  I am Darcys and I am me.
And no person will deny me that and if they demand conditions - then they aren't people with any kind of empathy or integrity.
 
People are seriously fucked up in the head if they believe that it's all sex all the time.  Being a wife isn't about sex all the time - and neither is being the partner to a dominant man.
 
the.dark.
 


That sweet lass is probably one of the best and most concise posts I have read anywhere on this matter. Thank you my friend for that.. Darcy must be jolly proud to have you as his.



< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/31/2009 8:02:51 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:12:24 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominika

HI Missturbation, I like your suggestion about the leash in the sleeve. It would probably be even more effective that way because it's a wee bit more constricting and naughty because it's hidden.

I don't think I should have named this post public humiliation, because the idea isn't about that, but more so about my control. As silly as it sounds, I just don't want to normally walk down the street with him. I don't want him to walk behind me either. I like the idea of him being physically attached to me.


The leash in the sleeve i've done, noone noticed anything as far as i'm aware.
If it's just about control then it probably is a good solution for you.
Personally i think there are many ways of doing public humiliation which run a lesser risk of people in general being offended.
 
quote:

. Not everyone is offended,and you have no right to make up their minds for them. I have never "offended" anyone, and if I did, would deal swiftly and stridently with any passerby who declared themselves the defender of general public dignity. If the person next to you has a problem with me, it's their business if they bring it up with me, not yours.

It is my right to give my opinion and thats what i did. I know there are people out there who would be offended and as i said before if i had um's, my parents with me and saw something like that i would be offended. So hun it would not be the person next to me you would be dealing with in that circumstance, it would be me.
As for defender of public dignity, not at all. There are people out there who as i said before are offended when i wear a tennis skirt with huge knickers, tough on them. You want to take your slave out on a lead and someone is offended, well tough on them too, its your choice. All i am saying is it is my personal choice to think collars and leashes in public are not acceptable and that i would should a um or parent etc be with me not be happy. But hey if you can stand the heat for it as i said before, go ahead.
 
quote:

I go out knowing that there is the possibility that I will offend someone or piss them off, doesn't mean it is intentional, other than I am not going to be a prisoner.

Like i have said there is always someone who is going to be offended by something. Spitting in the street for example is disgusting im sure most would agree. Anyone who does this knows they are being disgusting and doesnt give a shit what anyone thinks, they have no common decency. It is quite reasonable to think that taking a slave out on a collar and leash is going to offend someone, its the uniqueness of it, the non-conformity, the 'odd one out' status it brings. Therefore to take ones slave out like that you know there is a high risk of causing offence, therefore it becomes intentional and therefore it shows a lack of thought for others. In my opinion.
 
quote:

I still got some guy calling me a whore.
I smiled and said thank you

I've been there
 
quote:

Everytime you walk out the door, you risk offending someone, somewhere.  If you don't realise that, I find it a bit strange.

I suggest you read my posts again. I have said many times there is always someone offended by something.
 
quote:

 Because I am aware that I can have an impact on other peoples lives, my life pretty much revolves around not caring what they think or how they behave as long as I am being myself, true to myself and I am prepared to back up my choices.

And i will defend your right to do that to my grave. It doesn't mean i have to agree with or respect your choices though.
 






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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:28:28 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've been following this thread and trying to figure out what bothers me in many of the responses. There have been valid points both for and against showing kink in public.  Isn't the underlying issue the basic freedom that no one has the right to choose for anyone else what they consider to be appropriate? In the US, UK, Australia (or any other country with the guarantee of personal rights and freedom) no one person or smaller group can decide what is right for the rest of the population. You may feel justified in being public with a lifestyle choice and that opinion belongs to you but it may not be the choice or opinion of the person who is walking next to you on the street. Both people have equal rights. Where does one person's choice begin to encrouch upon another's? This is where the OP's question comes in. Many posters have offered more discreet solutions or situations where the OP could indulge in her choice without running more of a risk of trespassing upon someone else's choice.

We are talking about personal interpretations here on a subject - not facts. Which is why everyone will be coming from different directions. It's a question of figuring out where you are on the subject and then finding your way through to a satisfactory solution for most of the people involved since it will never be possible to make every single person happy.

My own feeling on the OP's question is leaning toward the postings that stress discretion and/or the right situation. Just because I'd want to do something doesn't mean everyone else in my neighborhood would agree with it and my desire is no more or less important than anyone elses.

(in reply to dominika)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:33:21 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I agree completely unless a law stands in the way and even then some laws are bloody stupid. What i think you have missed though is that everyone here (that i have read) is speaking from personal opinion, whats right and worng for THEM. Noone here seems to be claiming one true way on this issue.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:46:38 AM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline 		I do not want to sound like a dark stalker, but in fact what you wrote was what i wanted to express and i have that language barrier.

Especially that part:
"You can't shove people under the carpet or into the dark just because it offends you. You shouldn't try and deny peoples right to be who they are just because it doesn't fit your sense of what is normal. It's blind quite frankly. And bigoted."

cuts to the point.

That was the reason i told that story about the lesbian couple in front of the ice cream store. They were not

having sex!,

they kissed.

And the same goes for the other thread where i did not accepted the ad nauseam used sacred vows concerning marriage, they are only sacred if and when you wed in a religious way, if not it is a contract.

I wish that religion and the politcally correctness and save the children movement are religions too, would not so often cloud the brains of their folllowers.


< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 5/31/2009 8:48:14 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 8:55:57 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		After thinking about this I went back to reread this thread. I did interpret the postings I read as having more inflexibility to them than what you are suggesting and I could certainly have been off base with that. It did  seem to me that some of the posters were indeed saying -this is the way things should be. I merely wanted to say that in any situation both sides are equal because that sentiment seemed to be missing  

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:11:23 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
That sweet lass is probably one of the best and most concise posts I have read anywhere on this matter. Thank you my friend for that.. Darcy must be jolly proud to have you as his.


Thank you Master IronBear.  From you that means so much.
Master sends his regards.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:12:20 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

After thinking about this I went back to reread this thread. I did interpret the postings I read as having more inflexibility to them than what you are suggesting and I could certainly have been off base with that. It did seem to me that some of the posters were indeed saying -this is the way things should be. I merely wanted to say that in any situation both sides are equal because that sentiment seemed to be missing



Its ,like the beautiful and lovely Miss (who I may be meeting soon and therefore am incredibly excited about) said almos the voltaire quote "I do not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it" rigidity comes across very easily on forums but generally it isnt the case, everyone does have their own perspectives, I know in reality I would heavily moderate my behavior in many public settings, but that doesnt mean I agree it should be the case.

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:24:46 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Like i have said there is always someone who is going to be offended by something. Spitting in the street for example is disgusting im sure most would agree. Anyone who does this knows they are being disgusting and doesnt give a shit what anyone thinks, they have no common decency. It is quite reasonable to think that taking a slave out on a collar and leash is going to offend someone, its the uniqueness of it, the non-conformity, the 'odd one out' status it brings. Therefore to take ones slave out like that you know there is a high risk of causing offence, therefore it becomes intentional and therefore it shows a lack of thought for others. In my opinion.

 
My point is that a person should consider that people who are ignorant are everywhere.  And it doesn't matter if you are a slave going out in a collar or a woman going out shopping.  One does not trump the other that it should be 'more considered'.  Being oneself is not intentional offense.

quote:

And i will defend your right to do that to my grave. It doesn't mean i have to agree with or respect your choices though.
 
Which is admirable.  However I don't need defending because I am not doing anything wrong.
And sure, you don't have to respect me nor agree.  I would never ask nor expect anyone to not be who they are.
Unfortunately, some other people do.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:27:33 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

I do not want to sound like a dark stalker, but in fact what you wrote was what i wanted to express and i have that language barrier.


I do hope you are still enjoying the forums!  Language barrier or not.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:30:42 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

And sure, you don't have to respect me nor agree.



Whether or not people have to, I have to say the.darkness reading your posts on this thread has inspired an awful lot of admiration in me. It would be wonderful if more people were as confident in who they are.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:44:15 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

My point is that a person should consider that people who are ignorant are everywhere.  And it doesn't matter if you are a slave going out in a collar or a woman going out shopping.  One does not trump the other that it should be 'more considered'.  Being oneself is not intentional offense

Being oneself and going out in something or doing something which you know will cause offence is intentional offence.
 
quote:

Which is admirable.  However I don't need defending because I am not doing anything wrong.
And sure, you don't have to respect me nor agree.  I would never ask nor expect anyone to not be who they are.
Unfortunately, some other people do.

I'm not saying you need defending, i'm not saying in your eyes you are doing anything wrong either. You know that i respect you, i just don't respect your choices with regards to this matter.
I'm not asking you to be anyone but yourself and if that meant going out in a leash then go ahead. All i'm saying is don't expect me to agree with your choice or keep shtum about it should i see you and be in certain company.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:47:30 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Being oneself and going out in something or doing something which you know will cause offence is intentional offence. 
 


In that case Misst, no one should do anything, anywhere, ever.
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:51:51 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Many posters have offered more discreet solutions or situations where the OP could indulge in her choice without running more of a risk of trespassing upon someone else's choice.



I often ponder these kinds of comments... if I cannot wear and use cubby's collar in "public" then perhaps others should not be allowed to wear their outward symbols... crosses, stars of david, wedding rings...

before you say "wait, those are religious symbols" - so is MY COLLAR. it isn't a symbol of just my sexuality or my kink or my romantic commitment... D/s is MY RELIGION


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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: public humiliation? - 5/31/2009 9:56:48 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Being oneself and going out in something or doing something which you know will cause offence is intentional offence. 
 


In that case Misst, no one should do anything, anywhere, ever.
 
the.dark.

 
Not at all.
People should just accept that the things we do etc can and will perhaps cause offence to someone at some time and not hide behind they didn't know it would cause offence or it wasn't intentional. Every time we mingle with the public we could be causing offence by our choices and we need to face up to that fact and be prepared for the consequences.
I choose not to intentionally upset people with less conventional things like wearing a leash in public, being shackled, cuffed in public, wandering around in serious fet wear because i don't personally want to cause that offence.
You may choose to do the complete opposite which is all good, but please dont try and tell me you didn't know it would cause offence or that it wasn't intentional.

edited for badddddddddddd typos

< Message edited by missturbation -- 5/31/2009 9:59:10 AM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 100
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