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RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 3:54:45 PM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		It is a challenge  to juggle work, kids, and submission.  Waking up an hour before the scheduled alarm clock to have things ready and a jump on the day before work.  Making meals, preparing meat then freezing them so on those tiring days you can heat it up, or throwing already marinated cut up shish kabobs thawed to throw on the grill. 
There is no greater feeling than to be told how proud He is of you , and amazed at how much you do for him with having a job and kids to care for.   
I miss those days of TPE.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 3:55:32 PM   
newone11


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		DavanKael, I see your point.  I should have phrased my intent better.  I was suggesting it as an alternative to simply saying 'No, I don't feel like it.'   The end effect is the same:  sub gets to veg, eat take-out and watch TV.  But, again, your point is taken in that if, using my example, I had been told no then I'd be in the kitchen (again, grumbling quietly because there is no rule that I've seen that requires I have to like submission every minute of every day) fixing dinner.

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 3:57:17 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		 

I just think it boils down to a two way street, no matter how stringent the ds may be in some cases.  Christ almighty, if we're not happy, we're not staying, I don't care how dom or sub a person is or isn't.


(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 3:57:45 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
I haven’t read all the responses.

Once I have agreed to submit there is no ‘fight’ over power.  He has it…..because I gave it to him!  I would hope that I gave that power to someone who could and would occasionally be flexible depending on his assessment of the circumstances.  But if his decision was that I cook dinner then he would get what he wanted.
 

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:09:35 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I thought you phrased it well, NewOne, I was just pulling the distinctions I found between what you were saying and the way that Nicky was presenting her situation. 
Catize reiterates what you said wonderfully.  :> 
If someone's truly regarding submission as drudgery, then I think they need to self-assess and/or look at the situation.  My ex- was not Dominant but I served him as much as I could and he came to count on that and to take it for granted.  It pleased me to please him and to be pleasing.  It wasn't an effort, it wasn't drudgery.  For most of our marriage, it was a joy!  When I reached a point where I didn't care to please him (For example, didn't want to make him dinner and was annoyed by his whining), that was one of the clues to me that the relationship was screwed. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:11:03 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize


I haven’t read all the responses.

Once I have agreed to submit there is no ‘fight’ over power.  He has it…..because I gave it to him!  I would hope that I gave that power to someone who could and would occasionally be flexible depending on his assessment of the circumstances.  But if his decision was that I cook dinner then he would get what he wanted.
 


Ditto.
 
Have to admit i was baffled by the title of this thread, a sub / slave fighting for power? It boggles the mind.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:19:10 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

What's the best approach for a couple when they fight over power? The sub may be submissive but she may not want to submit all of the time, every day. She may want a Dom to take charge but she may also want to make choices that he may not agree with. Like if she wants to sit and watch tv and order in while he feels like a home cooked meal. What if she doesn't feel like cooking. What to do? She likes submitting but she does not want to be forced to do something she has no interest in at the time. Like if you (a sub) weren't into something (like scat of vomit) I'm sure you would say no when the idea is presented. In cases like that, who does the deciding?

If I were a Dom and my slave 'refused' to prepare a home cooked meal as promised:
she'd find hersweetself on the cold tile floor stripped and bound in her own apron strings. soup de jour ; scat of vomit

She may choose to fellate the remote instead

anyway - she should get up and cook something geez

< Message edited by FawneTwo -- 6/3/2009 4:21:14 PM >

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RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:19:42 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		So how would this girl get over her stubborn streak without being bitter about not getting her own way? She knows compromising is the right thing to do but no one likes not getting their way, especially if it means more work for them. Even if it makes her partner happy, that may not be enough to keep her from grumbling. And I'm sure he wouldn't be very content if he saw her hating every moment of cooking. How can this solution work and make both parties happy? I keep hearing you all talk about how things always work out between you and your Doms or subs. How do you keep from being upset for not getting your way?

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Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:23:21 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

So how would this girl get over her stubborn streak without being bitter about not getting her own way? She knows compromising is the right thing to do but no one likes not getting their way, especially if it means more work for them. Even if it makes her partner happy, that may not be enough to keep her from grumbling. And I'm sure he wouldn't be very content if he saw her hating every moment of cooking. How can this solution work and make both parties happy? I keep hearing you all talk about how things always work out between you and your Doms or subs. How do you keep from being upset for not getting your way?


Bluntly she needs to learn to suck it up and be a sub or slave instead of a brat.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:24:26 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Nicky, what makes you think that you are a submissive?  (I am asking that question in utter seriousness)
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:26:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Well in my relationship when I agreed to be Master's slave that was my last decision. If he wants something then I do it. If it's something I am having a difficult time with then we discuss it but the decision still lies with him and I trudge through the task to the best of my abilities even if I'm hating every second of it.

If it's something that goes against my morals and values then we have a bigger problem before us and it's most likely going to end the relationship.


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:33:53 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

)
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

How do you keep from being upset for not getting your way?


Because in my world part of being submissive is realizing and accepting that there will be times that I will not get my way.  Even in vanilla life there are times when one does not get one's way.  Lord knows if I got upset every time I didn't get my own way I'd spend half my life pitching a fit, which really would make me unhappy. 




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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
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(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:38:16 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Because vanilla hasn't worked out for me. Men treat me like glass in real life and are afraid to challenge me, even if I'm wrong. Maybe it's because I'm small. maybe it's because I'm black (I am in a dominantly white area). I don't know. And the opposite sex is especially notorious for this. I guess I'm over compensating by wanting a Dominant man (someone I know won't tip toe around me). I don't really know.

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Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:39:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Some men demand a home cooked three course meal every single night. Others are fine with a frozen lasagna and a salad. The question the op raised is the wrong one. The question should be why didn't she know what would be expected before hand?

If he knows there will be days you are working late or want a pass on the constant kitchen stuff, then why not agree that it's okay to have take out one or two nights a week before you settle into a cozy live in relationship. Every night is too expensive and too unhealthy but if the sub wants to be able to order in a pizza once a week at her discretion, then this should have been talked about earlier.

Usually I do cook, sometimes we pick up chicken parm sub for him and an eggplant for me. I almost always have soup and salad on hand to fill out the meal. But I knew ahead of time that as long as I wasn't serving a traditional breakfast dish for dinner, and I didn't include peas he would be fine with take out one night and a Boston Market chicken another. He's laid back.

If the op needs a laid back dom, or one who is fine eating anything as long as it's on time, then she should add that into her criteria ahead of time. That's basic compatibility.

As far as scat, that isn't sometimes, here it's a never ever hard limit for both of us.

Edit; as far as arguing over dinner goes, what to make, choosing it three days before, this is the one thing everyone I know hates. I've been cooking for over 30 years, lets say 300 meals a year, that means I've had to decide what to buy, what to cook over 9000 freaking times by now. Of course I hate it. And that's why there are frozen lasagna dinners in the freezer, chicken tenders that can be breaded and cooked in minutes,  bags of frozen pasta and jars of several different kinds of sauce. So I can get it done quickly and easily.

And why you learn to cook twice the amount of chicken one night so you have leftovers ready to go with rice and a jar of gravy two days later. Cook smart.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/3/2009 4:45:03 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:42:20 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

So how would this girl get over her stubborn streak without being bitter about not getting her own way? She knows compromising is the right thing to do but no one likes not getting their way, especially if it means more work for them. Even if it makes her partner happy, that may not be enough to keep her from grumbling. And I'm sure he wouldn't be very content if he saw her hating every moment of cooking. How can this solution work and make both parties happy? I keep hearing you all talk about how things always work out between you and your Doms or subs. How do you keep from being upset for not getting your way?


Ahah!  Here we have it. 
All this time you have been saying "submit".  You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means (said in Mandy Patinkin's voice).  What you do is compromise, and that is not submission.
Davan got right to the point, what do you think makes you submissive?
j

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:45:30 PM   
zenny


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

So how would this girl get over her stubborn streak without being bitter about not getting her own way? She knows compromising is the right thing to do but no one likes not getting their way, especially if it means more work for them. Even if it makes her partner happy, that may not be enough to keep her from grumbling. And I'm sure he wouldn't be very content if he saw her hating every moment of cooking. How can this solution work and make both parties happy? I keep hearing you all talk about how things always work out between you and your Doms or subs. How do you keep from being upset for not getting your way?


Opposite to what most "feel" or are taught, compromise is often not the right way to do things. It is the way that sometimes avoids the most conflict. Regardless, either you need to deal with it or your dom needs to find a way to coerce you better. Depending on the relationship it can be extremely hard to effect any amount of pushing.

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:46:41 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Not me zenny. 'Her'.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:51:03 PM   
zenny


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline 		Uh huh.

Regardless, you understood my meaning.

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:51:05 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenny

Opposite to what most "feel" or are taught, compromise is often not the right way to do things. It is the way that sometimes avoids the most conflict. Regardless, either you need to deal with it or your dom needs to find a way to coerce you better. Depending on the relationship it can be extremely hard to effect any amount of pushing.


Zenny, while compromise may avoid conflict, it is not the "win win" situation it is often touted to be.  When there is compromise, both sides have to give in, ergo niether really gets what they wanted from the get go.
When one submits, at least there is only one who ends up with an unfulfilled desire.
j

(in reply to zenny)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Sub and Dom fighting over power? - 6/3/2009 4:52:12 PM   
zenny


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline 		Then we are in agreement.

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 100
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