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Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 8:10:40 PM

nevergrowdup

Posts: 86
Joined: 12/1/2007
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OK, I'll be the first to admit that I am a sexual being. It doesn't take much to get me aroused if a guy knows how to push the right buttons. So, if on a first date and I'm feeling any chemistry, I've been known to break my self-imposed rules and get a little, uh, frisky. But here's the problem. It ruins it for me. I know it's the nature of the guy to try, but I seem to respect guys that have a bit of self-restraint on the first date. After all ... he's the Dom ... he should be in control, no? The longer he leaves me hanging, the more I want him.

Earlier tonight I was chatting with a guy and he immediately started in on the sex talk. I politely pointed out that he'd lose points with me if he pushed too quickly. It's like, what do you really want? Do you want to work me up into a sexual frenzy and get a short term benefit, or are you willing to take things slow and wait until I build up that comfort with you?

Am I alone in this?

Post #: 1

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 8:14:27 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
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*laughs* My wife wanted to bed me on our first date. I declined. No, you're not alone.

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(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 2

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 8:40:25 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Okay I am about to come across very mean.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

Lets get something straight not all men who enjoy sex ONLY enjoy sex.

You are a pretty girl with a great figure and if you are a sexual being.... guess what... I'm gunna wanna fuck you. I am going to want to get freaky with you as many ways as I can until my pecker in a patriotic display does the star spangeled banner and dies the death of a happy penis.

Now the next day, after the happy sloppy sex, when we are both spent and the sexual frustration is gone and we can just be calm cool and collected and get to know each other, THAT is when we will find out all the BULLSHIT that people usually hide so they can get the sex. This is when I find out if you are the psycho clingy "Now I've had you no one else can have you" thing that won't go away. This is when you find out my Grooming Habits and what kind of TV I like to watch. This is when we can finally stop putting the "I Like you but I respect you" Front and get down to the "I want to do that again and am ready to really get to know you."

Now yes not ALL men are this way but you know I think there are more like that then are willing to admit it.

The truth is, at least for me, Sex does not change the process of getting to know you. It just gets rid of the sexual tension that is created by two people who are physically attracted to one another.

However what you express in your OP sounds like you enjoy the chase but not the catch. I will be as honest with you as I can possibly be, on a first date I would be more than game to have sex with you. However, if you pulled that whole "I wanna do this but if we do then I don't think it is going to last." I would pull out and throw you out of my house right then and there.

People are more than the acts they choose to do and not all men are as shallow as you give them credit for.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ENJOYING SEX? And Why should a Timeline have ANYTHING to do with how meaningful a relationship can be?

So what are you doing Saturday night? Andi and I were looking for someone to have over to Pizza and a Movie.

Steel

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Post #: 3

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:07:30 PM

PyrotheClown

Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
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While I have to agree(to some extent) with you on most points mentioned , I have to point out, It's best to find out if they're Grooming habbits and psychotic level BEFORE having sex with them.....then again those are some what handy before even meeting them...

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 4

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:12:14 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Pyro, Good point, however I have learned that most women do not unleash the psycho until after they think they have you caught with the Pussy Snare.

Steel

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Post #: 5

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:30:30 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

I have learned that most women do not unleash the psycho until after they think they have you caught with the Pussy Snare.

Now THERE'S a sig line, LOL!
*smooches the Steely One*

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:37:24 PM

MistressRoxie

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

Yep... the love of my life made me wait for it. It drove me batty too! I kept asking all my girlfriends why he didn't go for it when he obviously knew I wanted it.

Now I'm glad he had the strength of character to know what was important to him and to stick with it. But to be honest, and to the OP, what struck me about him and made me want to get to know him more was the fact that he treated me like a human being from the first conversation I had with him. Rather than going straight to the easy way out and getting me all hot and bothered before we met, he talked with me about who I am first. It set the tone for the relationship that followed and helped this overly sexual girl know that without a doubt, he loves me for me, and not because i'm a great lay!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 7

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:43:49 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

I've tried the quick-to-the-sex thing, but I get much better results if we take our time & get to know each other for a good long while first . . . . . .

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(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 8

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:52:45 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

What is this "sex" thing people keep talking about? Is that the thing that happens after the girl hits me? I ask this because usually I'm not conscious for that part of the relationship. Those girls hit really hard sometimes.

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Post #: 9

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:53:18 PM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

quote:

The truth is, at least for me, Sex does not change the process of getting to know you.

That is exactly my experience also. I had sex very quick usually and it never hindered the process. It is like
SoU wrote, when you get the sexual tension out of the way (at least for little time) you can start with the
real getting to know you process.

But i had female friends who worried a lot about the topic. And some of them were sure, if they wait long
enough till they have sex, than a relationship will develop. Bullshit. A stupid game. One of them came to
me on an evening and my then lover was with us and after she left, he said: She needs to develop a
stronger charecter, that the men are leaving her so soon, has nothing to do with early sex, but all with
her not strong enough personality.

A man or a woman i have to chase is mostly not my cup of tea. Tell me you are interested and we can continue or tell me you are not interested and i can move on to a more willing one.

My first husband played hard to get in our first night, but i had fallen for him before, as i saw him dancing.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 10

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 9:54:24 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

i require being treated with respect....like a Lady, because i certainly am one. For me that would not include a man that has no more control of his sexual urges then a dog humping someones leg. Show me some kindness...courtesy.... appreciate my smile 1st..... i can get sex anywhere.....(i'm not miss America, but i'm not a burn victim either)

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Post #: 11

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 10:01:39 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't move to play so fast, because I fall in love with people I beat. So I make sure they are willing and capable to catch my heart and want to.

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Post #: 12

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 10:26:01 PM

PyrotheClown

Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline

It pretty much boils down to weather or not your willing to burden the risk..

Most people tend to have limits and tests no so much for limits sake, but for a basic outline of principles. The most I can actually say on the matter is, do what you will,there is always a chance that everything will be fine, but don't be surprised when it turns out to be the wrong decision.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Post #: 13

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 10:27:10 PM

LdyWintershade

Posts: 41
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline

I have to say that I agree with nevergrowdup on this point. I, as a Domme, am overwhelmed by the quick step that others do to access sexual dialogues, even in the chat rooms. Though, in fairness, there is a kind of freedom that people feel when nestled safely behind computer screens which allows them to be a bit less restrained than they might be, ordinarily.
Still, I am much more aroused when a sub/slave is craving me for awhile rather than offering to service me right after, 'good evening, Mistress'. It is presumption, on their part to assume I want them....to assume they are worthy....to assume, at all. On the other hand, I have spoken with others who make it clear that they are eager to please WITHOUT directly making the offer. As a Domme, I may want them just as much, but as nevergrowdup points out, if I can not exercise control over myself, what kind of message am I sending a would-be slave about my ability to assert control.
Now, at the risk of being a sexist, I do have to wonder if this is a male/female phenomenon or what? Some of the replies I've read here seem rather adamant about it being a Dominant's whim to indulge or not...while I don't disagree, I am curious if that opinion is based on status as a Dominant, or gender as a Man?

(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 14

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 10:46:28 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Stop.
Hold up.
Pause.

If you start talking to someone in a chatroom and in seconds they are describing the sexual plans they have for you then Yes. That is Creepy and Tacky.

However if we are on a FIRST DATE (like the Op Describes) then it should be understood that we have talked at least once and there is some form of chemistry. (Sorry folks I don't do blind dates)

IF there is Chemistry.
IF there is Desire on both sides.
IF there is no reason NOT to (Lack of safety lack of protection)

Can someone tell me how I am showing LACK of control by doing something we both WANT to do?

Can Someone tell me how the OP saying:

quote:

Earlier tonight I was chatting with a guy and he immediately started in on the sex talk. I politely pointed out that he'd lose points with me if he pushed too quickly. It's like, what do you really want? Do you want to work me up into a sexual frenzy and get a short term benefit, or are you willing to take things slow and wait until I build up that comfort with you?

Is saying anything other than "I want to have sex with you, and if you keep it up I WILL have sex with you, but because you did it so quickly I have no respect for you."

WHY PLAY THAT GAME?

It would be something completely different if she were saying "I don't want to have sex with you and if you keep it up then I will have no interest" Instead she says she is into it, she says she would throw him a roll.

If two Adults want to have sex how is one showing a lack of control by doing it?

Seriously maybe this is a Gender thing, if it is could women please explain wanting to and doing so and some how the guy makes the mistake or showing by doing so? Because I thought I was out of highschool like over a decade ago.

For those who agree that it shows lack of control can you PLEASE explain that in this particular situation HOW someone is not in control by doing something they both WANT to do? Who said it is better to wait? WHY is it better to wait? And if you find that when you do have sex with someone quickly and it always goes bad is it possible that the problem is YOU and not because you had sex early on?

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LdyWintershade)

Post #: 15

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 10:57:59 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

littlesarbonn,

c'mere into the shadows and I will show you.... I promise this won't hurt a bit! LOL

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 16

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 11:15:47 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

... But here's the problem. It ruins it for me. I know it's the nature of the guy to try, but I seem to respect guys that have a bit of self-restraint on the first date. After all ... he's the Dom ... he should be in control, no? ...

I think it goes on a case by case basis.
With some, building the sexual tension might be delicious.
With others, you might get to the point where action becomes a legitimate option fairly quickly, and further flirting would just be like piling more frosting on the already frosted cake.

It might also depend on whether I've been getting any for a while.

If the answer there is "no", that might influence my actions.

I do like to create and maintain the sexual tension if it's possible, though. Sometimes that part can become like the main part of the cake and sex itself like the frosting.

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Post #: 17

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 11:22:39 PM

ChasingOblivion

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

I was out of High School a long time ago, and my attitude towards sex is pretty simple:
If I meet someone, we like each other, and we both want to, we're going to have sex. I don't put an arbitrary time limit on that. Maybe we've known each other for years, maybe a couple hours, but if he (or she, depending on the day) turns out to be a whack job later, it's not going to happen again.
It's just sex. We're human, we need it, and it's fun. People make things way too complicated.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 18

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 11:31:02 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I dunno, I've had just random encounters a couple times, but, they weren't satisfying to me at all. I've found that it's actually very very difficult for me to have some sort of a physical relationship or even a one night stand with someone if I don't have deeper feelings for them. Do I have a time frame though? Of course not. It may happen in a day, it may take weeks or months depending on the person.

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Post #: 19

RE: Moving in too fast - 6/9/2009 11:42:21 PM

PyrotheClown

Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasingOblivion

I was out of High School a long time ago, and my attitude towards sex is pretty simple:
If I meet someone, we like each other, and we both want to, we're going to have sex. I don't put an arbitrary time limit on that. Maybe we've known each other for years, maybe a couple hours, but if he (or she, depending on the day) turns out to be a whack job later, it's not going to happen again.
It's just sex. We're human, we need it, and it's fun. People make things way too complicated.

Death is imitate, yet every body seems to make a big deal about that.

(in reply to ChasingOblivion)

Post #: 20

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