RE: What is it that us Dominants do?

RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (Full Version)

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TreasureKY -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/21/2009 4:10:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize Point taken, yet I would still argue that dominion of one’s self and life is just as relevant to those of us who identify as submissive. Yes, we give authority to the one we choose to submit to, but that in itself requires all the same attributes and includes responsibilities, but from the other side. With your definition below, then I am dominant. As am I. Which is why I cannot agree with it as a definition as what it is that dominants do.

Lew2121 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/21/2009 5:15:10 PM)
As a dominant we control, manipulate, reward, punish, teach, lead, pleasure, protect, and keep our subs safe and happy.

leadership527 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/21/2009 5:17:23 PM)
Dame Calla: Gosh, I had a nice long answer written.. one press of the [esc] key and it's toast. So recreating this... quote: is evidence of a nature of dominion beneath I'm not a big believer in the "beneath" concept. All I acknowledge is that there are a variety of roles in my life. There is no "fundamental" role that somehow defines me. Let's take a look at a less loaded example. You know those damned personality tests that corporations love to inflict on their employees? Well, when I take one of those, I show up in whatever the SOB category is for that test. I am task oriented. I tend towards the intellectual and judgemental. I am faster rather than slower. At work, I don't place any particular value on being pleasant. At work, I am the originator of the phrase, "Lead, follow, get out of the way, or I'll squish you like a bug." However, let me come home and spend an hour or two with Carol to unwind then take the same test and you'd think it was an entirely different person. Suddenly I am way more emotional. Suddenly I'm more interested in feeling than thinking. Suddenly I have a lot more interest in people than tasks. And under no circumstances whatsoever can I envision "squishing Carol like a bug." Same guy, same test, same day. Totally different results. So which is the real "me"? For Carol and myself, these questions are not relevant because Carol is a "natural submissive" by my definitions above and I am a "natural dominant". There is no discrepancy between our default behaviors and the specific behaviors we employ in our marriage. However, a dear submissive friend of mine is exactly the opposite of Carol. I would describe her as naturally dominant yet submissive within her relationship. And I do not note any substantive difference in the quality or commitment she brings to her submission. Sure, that difference changes the flavor of the dynamic, but that's about it. It's interesting from an academic standpoint only. Maybe another way to put this? Dominant is, by definition, a relative relationship word. It cannot be used sensibly in the absence of some relationship to use it in. Calling someone "a dominant" is a lot like saying "That water is hotter." Hotter than what?

daddysprop247 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/21/2009 6:49:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: 1. the Dominant person is making the conscious choice to submit, the submissive person does so more out of instinct. 2. the Dominant person submits for their own personal benefit, the submissive person does so for the benefit of others. You are correct, Prop, I was being too literal! You and I do, however, see things and function very differently (no surprise, I’m sure!) Within the context of this discussion, I would say I am ‘naturally’ dominant, I make a conscious decision to be submissive in my intimate relationships. I submit for both reasons; my own personal benefit being that it fulfills me to do so. and that is why i would never consider you "a" submissive, because it does not describe your base/core personality. instead i would say that you are one who chooses to submit within a personal relationship. viva la difference and all that good stuff. D/s does not have to be all about natural inclination, it can be about choice as well. some of us simply think of these roles outside of the context of a relationship, and for some the roles are irrelevant outside that context.

catize -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/21/2009 7:26:51 PM)
quote: iva la difference and all that good stuff. [:)] Life would be very dull if everyone was the same!!!

L8f -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/22/2009 3:52:12 PM)
Provides Leadership, training, and oversees the welfare of their sub/subs...

Andalusite -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/22/2009 5:56:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 D/s does not have to be all about natural inclination, it can be about choice as well. some of us simply think of these roles outside of the context of a relationship, and for some the roles are irrelevant outside that context. For me, it's neither one! [:D] When I first started using a BDSM website, and being aware a little more of what was out there aside from the relationships I've been in, I joked that I was the opposite of what everyone wanted. I tended to be submissive in my vanilla life, especially around large groups of strangers or people who are significantly older than I am, and dominant in the bedroom! While I'm much more outgoing and comfortable around new people now, it still creeps in occasionally, and I still tend to be respectful toward anyone who is old enough to be one of my parents. Submission toward my Master feels very natural, and I also was very submissive toward my last Dominant, but it is neither a choice nor my personality. I have no problem with stepping up and being the leader when something needs to get done, and I am generally self-reliant and in charge of my vanilla life. Most people I've met, including ones who I know are dominant or submissive, just don't push my D/s buttons one way or the other - they're flat on neutral. It doesn't make them any less dominant or submissive in general, or in their relationships, I just don't have any reaction to them on that level.

catize -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/22/2009 6:35:18 PM)
quote: As am I. Which is why I cannot agree with it as a definition as what it is that dominants do. Which brings us right back to the original question; with additions! Everything listed in this thread as to what it is that dominants do are things that I do/have done in various aspects of my life. Sometimes it was simply because it needed done and no one else volunteered; sometimes it was what I wanted to do, and sometimes it was because I knew I could do it better. Few people outside of BDSM think in terms of dominance or submission when it comes to their own personalities and interactions and relationships. Perhaps the answer lies not with what a dominant does but the self analysis that leads to their actions?

variation30 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/22/2009 7:48:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Not wanting to hijack another thread, something Leadership said prompted me to ask the is question:: What is it that us Dominants do? shave our heads, grow a goatee, and wear black leather pants.

leadership527 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/22/2009 8:12:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize Which brings us right back to the original question; with additions! Everything listed in this thread as to what it is that dominants do are things that I do/have done in various aspects of my life. Sometimes it was simply because it needed done and no one else volunteered; sometimes it was what I wanted to do, and sometimes it was because I knew I could do it better. Few people outside of BDSM think in terms of dominance or submission when it comes to their own personalities and interactions and relationships. Perhaps the answer lies not with what a dominant does but the self analysis that leads to their actions? Oh lord, let's not overcomplicate things. How about a dominant is one who dominates in his or her primary interpersonal relationship. Isn't this a lot like, "A lesbian is a woman who has sex with women?" Or my favorite, "A leader is someone who can get other people to follow them." I still like the definition of a dominant as someone who can put and keep a collar around someone else's neck. There ya go. This would all be much simpler if we would keep clear the difference between roles, behaviors, and personality traits (and catching up on variation's post... fashion chuckles) All the things that one may or may not DO to accomplish that end are only behaviors. That's why half the subs are saying, "But wait, I do that too."

Andalusite -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/23/2009 6:08:12 AM)
Well, I have to concede that I can't possibly grow a goatee, but other than that, you're absolutely right. [;)]

daddysprop247 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/23/2009 8:15:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: catize Which brings us right back to the original question; with additions! Everything listed in this thread as to what it is that dominants do are things that I do/have done in various aspects of my life. Sometimes it was simply because it needed done and no one else volunteered; sometimes it was what I wanted to do, and sometimes it was because I knew I could do it better. Few people outside of BDSM think in terms of dominance or submission when it comes to their own personalities and interactions and relationships. Perhaps the answer lies not with what a dominant does but the self analysis that leads to their actions? Oh lord, let's not overcomplicate things. How about a dominant is one who dominates in his or her primary interpersonal relationship. Isn't this a lot like, "A lesbian is a woman who has sex with women?" Or my favorite, "A leader is someone who can get other people to follow them." I still like the definition of a dominant as someone who can put and keep a collar around someone else's neck. There ya go. *This would all be much simpler if we would keep clear the difference between roles, behaviors, and personality traits (and catching up on variation's post... fashion chuckles)* All the things that one may or may not DO to accomplish that end are only behaviors. That's why half the subs are saying, "But wait, I do that too." though i realize it isn't PC in the D/s or BDSM world, there are a few of us within the lifestyle who do believe that there is a correlation between one's role and one's personality, and even to an extent one's behavior. that is because we view dominance and submission, and the state of being "a" dominant or "a" submissive, as things not limited to our fancy D/s lifestyle or even to a personal relationship. obviously, my Master and i are among those. therefore a dominant would be defined by us as "one with a dominant personality" which would include inclinations and tendencies to certain behaviors that those with a dominant personality share, such as many of the things mentioned here by Calla. one who is dominant in their personal relationship could describe someone with a submissive personality, someone who is a "switch," or anything at all. it is just an incomplete definition imo, but again i understand that is not the popular view. it's like the example you used, of definining a lesbian as a woman who has sex with women...how terrible that would be if that were the case! so if i, a 100% Kinsey 0 heterosexual woman had sex with another woman, i would suddenly be a lesbian, based on either a choice or a behavior? that is how i feel about the dominant/submissive thing. it's not about a choice or a behavior, it is about who you are.

Andalusite -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/23/2009 8:36:13 AM)
I don't think it's un-PC, just that they aren't limited to those roles. I'd even go so far as to say that there is probably a higher degree of correlation. There are plenty of dominants who don't switch and aren't at all submissive who don't have stereotypically alpha personalities, and plenty of submissives who don't switch who are very take-charge in other areas of their life. Nothing wrong with your being submissive the way you are, but not every submissive has to be a clone of you, either. Of course you wouldn't be a lesbian - at most, you'd be a bisexual or heteroflexible woman. I'd tend to think of you as still being straight, if you did it only at the command of your Dominant, and weren't actually attracted to the other woman or turned on directly by what you were doing with her.

daddysprop247 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (6/23/2009 8:42:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite I don't think it's un-PC, just that they aren't limited to those roles. I'd even go so far as to say that there is probably a higher degree of correlation. There are plenty of dominants who don't switch and aren't at all submissive who don't have stereotypically alpha personalities, and plenty of submissives who don't switch who are very take-charge in other areas of their life. Nothing wrong with your being submissive the way you are, but not every submissive has to be a clone of you, either. Of course you wouldn't be a lesbian - at most, you'd be a bisexual or heteroflexible woman. I'd tend to think of you as still being straight, if you did it only at the command of your Dominant, and weren't actually attracted to the other woman or turned on directly by what you were doing with her. Andalusite, good grief i hope there aren't any clones of me running around, my poor Master has suffered enough! lol seriously, as i stated i realize my views on this aren't exactly PC at the moment, and that's okay. i also totally understand and recognize that there are a significant number of people who naturally take on either a dominant or submissive role within a personal relationship...it is not a conscious choice or decision, it is just how they naturally express themselves and respond within that particular relationship or with that particular person. and outside of that person or that relationship, their personality may be something completely contrary. and that is all fine and dandy for all and sundry...it is just not what i or my Master would think of as "a" submissive or "a" dominant. heck, in real life interactions with folks, i have actually come across far more submissives in the "vanilla" world than i have within the lifestyle, simply because most within the lifestyle do not relate role to personality.

Liadon666 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (8/3/2009 8:28:04 AM)
we hold the responsibility and care of another being within our hands. and show ourselves worthy of the trust placed in us. through guidance, strength of character, and honour as well as honesty. edited for spelling purposes

DesFIP -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (8/3/2009 11:37:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lew2121 As a dominant we control, manipulate, reward, punish, teach, lead, pleasure, protect, and keep our subs safe and happy. We don't use manipulation, either of us and we don't have a punishment dynamic. Moreover, the end result of his choices is not to keep either him nor I happy but to keep the relationship strong and healthy.

Acer49 -> RE: What is it that us Dominants do? (8/7/2009 1:27:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Not wanting to hijack another thread, something Leadership said prompted me to ask the is question:: What is it that us Dominants do? I would imagine the same thing you do

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