Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The voices in my head.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> The voices in my head. Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:01:19 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Since it seems very few people with schizophrenic disorders ever really explain just what it is like to have voices in one's head, I thought it might be of interest to those with quiet heads if somebody did explain. First a bit of background.

I have schizo-effective disorder, and recently, for the 1st time, I did what, apparently nearly every schizo does, I went off my meds. Why you ask, well its like this. These meds can be pretty brutal. I was sleeping 14-15 hours a day, waking up feeling like I had barely slept, and finding no joy in anything, I was a zombie. As well it is the nature of the illness that the drugs must be adjusted regularly, because their effectiveness wears off over time. In other words the voices come back. So one wonders why take these pills that make you feel like shit if they aren't going to work? Now the obvious answer, is that when the voices begin to come back, one should tell their doctor right away. Unfortunatly, another symptom of schizophrenia is irrational thoughts and thought processes. I won't go into the convoluted reasoning I worked out for myself to justify it, but simply that I managed to convince myself that it would be a good thing to try. Well wonder of wonders! I felt better. I slept a normal amount, I enjoyed life, and had enthusiasm. It was great! total justification for getting off the meds.

This lasted for a while, but then things started getting weirder and weirder, it became harder and harder to think rationally. Once that happens, well you are in trouble. The voices come back with a vengeance. Things get worse and worse, until you end up being rushed to the hospital, or worse, you go off the deep end and do something really horrific. Well I ended up in the hospital. Called 911 myself, actually (yes I am sort of proud of that). Well I have a pocketful of drugs now (a different ones than before), a prescription for some more, and the firm intention of calling my shrink first thing tommorrow morning to get an appointment. This thread stems from one of the Drs asking me what the voices I heard were like

I know it differs from one sufferer to another, but in my case, I hear more than one voice. There are 2 different types of voice as well. Firstly there are what I call the general voices, they are generic, They sound different at different times, but they are pretty much all the same. They are all really fucking evil as well. As an example, earlier this evening, one of them was describing to me in great detail how it would feel to strangle somebody. I was on MSN with this nice young sub, and I told him about it. I give him credit, he did not disconnect straight away, however, I bet he was glad there was an internet between us rather than just a table. These guys wil appear and start in with their wierd shit at random times. I have been slow dancing with a delicious woman, enjoying the hell out of it, when all of a sudden this voice begins to outline a plot to commit some horrid deed. It can make it hard to concentrate on the woman.

The second group are the individual voices. there is 20 some odd of these, and each has its own personality and name. Its own imaginary history and so on. They have a specific view of the world, and their place in it.

Basically they claim that they actually live on some other-woldly plane which is ruled by 3 ever warring tribes: Gods, Spirits, and Demons. All my voices are Spirits, and they are all related in one large and very incestuous family. As a rule they are pretty benign. They can be petty and they are quick to anger, and sometimes urge me to violence, it is violence along the lines of punching somone out. Nothing near so drastic as the general voices. I can have conversations with the individual voices, much like one can with any person. Some are smart, some are slow, each is different, but each has continuity.

I know they are all hallucinations, because they all go away when I take my meds. But before I got on the meds, it was tempting to believe that they may in fact be real. Very tempting in fact, I mean didn't Moses hear a voice? When the general voices start in on me, when they urge me to do things that are blatantly wrong, the individual voices encourage me to resist, they try to shout the general voice down and so on. The real trouble, is that just as if they were real beings with real lives of their own, the individual voices are not usually around to help. There have been times when I almost believed the individual voices were what they claim to be, remember that bit earlier about not thinking rationally.

It is not like this for everybody who hears voices, but that is how it was for me. If anybody has any questions, I will be happy to answer them. or if anybody else would like to try explain what its like with their voices, i would really like to hear from you. To compare notes as it were. I have no idea if any others have the same sort of voices as I do or not, the doctors seem singularly uninterested in the details of how the voices present themselves, they only worry if the person believes the voices are real or not. As long as you know they are just hallucinations, you are on the right path. That and some of those nasty-ass drugs that is.

Now I will sit here and stare at this for god knows how long trying to decide if I really should post this or not. Well I have decided..Fuck it, so what if they all think I am completely nuts...I am completely nuts!



_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:16:03 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing with us Arpig.
No, I don't think you are nuts at all.
{But then I could actually be nuts, and not able to tell}
 
The older I get, I find fewer and fewer people that don't have some form of
minor or major mental illness, or some sort of "issues".
 
I worry more about the people that claim to have NO issues, those are the ones you have to really watch!
I have always thought of you as being well educated and articulate.
You look like a college professor in your picture.
 
You have 3 groups of warring tribes? Do you prefer one group over the other?
Have any of the groups caused you to do something you did not want to do?
Do they talk to you when you are asleep?

Are any able to get through to you when you take the medicine?
I hope you can get your medicine adjusted so that the voices go away and you are not functioning as a zombie.
Tell the truth, aren't there a few you like that you would not mind sticking around even when you take your medicine?
 
Thank you for doing a stand-up job of sharing what schizo-effective disorder is like.


< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/14/2009 9:17:48 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:23:50 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Thanks for posting this.  I have had a curiosity about what goes on in the mind of someone that is schizophrenic, but just never have had anyone I could personally ask.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:39:38 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for posting this! You did a very good job at explaining just how the voices in your head work. Now, more than ever I want to get my degree in clinical psychology.

While I don't have Schizophrenia, I do have Major Depressive Disorder and as I describe it two tracks in my mind. On the one hand, I will run a continous dialogue/thought process with myself. On the other, I will try to have conversations and/or go to classes. It does make it extremely hard to concentrate on the external world, expecially when the thoughts of death creep in.

I can't even imagine living with voices in my head, that must be very difficult. Good luck on your new medications!

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:40:40 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Arpig - thank you!

I've been walking this earth for a half a century. I'm a well-read, well-traveled, and reasonably well-educated man. I've lived with a bi-polar woman, I've visited many friends in psychiatric hospitals, I've heard their stories... I had what I thought was a reasonably good understanding of mental health issues. But I learned more about schizo-affective disorder in the last 5 minutes than I ever knew in my entire life. Something about the way you laid it out made it all fit together for me in a way that it never had before. For the rest of my life, every time I have any sort of encounter with anything relating to schizo-affective disorder, I'll understand it better, and be able to deal with it more effectively, than I would if you hadn't taken the time to share that. So, if you're still wondering whether posting that was really the right thing to do... please take that into consideration.

So thank you for the courage it took to share this. And congratulations on how hard you've had to work to develop the coping mechanisms you need to manage your condition. And the best of luck to you going forward.


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:41:15 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		It took a great deal of courage and strength to post this, and for that You should be commended....A few years ago this social service  agency i worked at had this *brilliant* idea to subject us all to this schizophrenia mock demonstration..Basically, the deal is that You had to put these head phones on and listen to these voices. It was okay (in theory) for me until they told me i needed to keep them on while i went to the bathroom...This is basically the point in time that it sent me over the edge... It was too reminiscent of my past...Especially given that the main voice was a male one...And it was less than nice.
i can not imagine how much courage You have in choosing to deal with this everyday. Thank You for giving us a little glimpse into Your daily life.
Kali


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:45:36 PM   
AngelGeena


Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		It helps to hear first hand from someone who lives and copes with this. People tend to fear the unknown and not many will open up and share. Thank you!

_____________________________

Owned heart and soul, bound to MZ forever.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:50:20 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

You have 3 groups of warring tribes? Do you prefer one group over the other?
Have any of the groups caused you to do something you did not want to do?
Do they talk to you when you are asleep?
I only have Spirit voices in my head, none of the other tribes, so obviously I prefer the others...they leave me alone Again, yes, i have been persuaded to things I did not want to do by them, but to be honest the vast majority of those are in fact beneficial things, rather than detrimental, though they too have lapses in judgement, so things do not always turn out right. They can wake me up, so I guess yes they can talk when I ama sleep. Its hard to stay asleep when somebody inside your head is screaming "WAKE UP!!!!!"

quote:

Are any able to get through to you when you take the medicine?
I hope you can get your medicine adjusted so that the voices go away and you are not functioning as a zombie.
Tell the truth, aren't there a few you like that you would not mind sticking around even when you take your medicine?

Yes, there is one that can seem to get through on the old meds, we shall see with the new ones if he still can. And yes I do miss most of the individual voices when they are gone. They are like some sort of extended family to me, in fact they claim that I am a member of their family trapped in an endless cycle of death and rebirth on the material plane due to some botched attempt to magically escape from some Demon's lair. Yeah it gets pretty fucking involved at times.

To be 100% honest, I wouldn't mind having the individual voices, if the fucked up thinking and paranoia could be dealt with, but as they are all caused by the same chemical imbalances, to cure one you cure them all. The voices are not the problem really, its when you start to believe they are real that you get into trouble. Luckily for me the homocidal manic voices are not actual characters, they are just voices, and they are easy to disbelieve. The individual voices, however, they are so very real, and each has its quirks and foibles, some dislike eachother, and won't stay in my head at the same time, they have long involved discussions and arguements amongst themselves without any intervention on my part, often about things in which i have no interest or real knowledge. It makes it funny when they are dioscussing something about which i know very little, because their discussions are invisibly limited by my knowledge, so needless to say there is no talk of quantum mechanics going on.  They are also aware that they are inside my head. They will tell me that they are having a nice stroll or something, or sometimes they will come into my head for a quick consultation while in their world they are miles apart. I know it sounds as if I believe in their world, and in a way i do. It is a world of my imagination, one that lives in all its glory soley within my mind's eye. With them around you truely never are alone, however that can be annoying as well, as you can't makle them go away, you can tell them to or try persuade them to go, but you have no actual power over them.

What does scare me, partivularly with the general voices, is the knowledge that they are not outside of me, they are from my mind, so it is my own mind that is thinking up these fucked up ideas. I sometimes wonder where the impulses that lead to such evil thoughts go when the meds kick in.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 6/14/2009 9:58:08 PM >

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 9:55:29 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Wow!! thanks all for the kind words. I am glad that you all apreciate my posting it, especially Panda, that made it worthwhile all on its own. Back before I started on meds, I, at times, toyed with the idea of making a blog about it, detailing what was happening inside my head at various times of the day, but figured nobody would be interested. maybe I should have done it. oh well too late now, as in a few days they will be reduced to indistinct whispers way far in the background.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:03:49 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Thanks for posting this.  I have had a curiosity about what goes on in the mind of someone that is schizophrenic, but just never have had anyone I could personally ask.
I have never discussed this with anybody else who hears voices, before, in fact before today, only one other person on earth was aware of what it was like in there. And she came to enjoy talking with them through me. She became quite fond of some of them, and had a real love/hate relationship with one of them, they squabbled like cats and dogs. She would say something, I would repeat it to the voice, the voice would answer, and I would repeat it to her. While probably not the wisest thing one could do with hallucinatory voices, it was interesting to say the least.

Sorry, got off track there. What I started out to say was that it is apparently utterly different for each patient. because the voices are created by the patients mind, they will be as individual as the people themselves.


_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:04:47 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		It is a generous offer to open such a door. : )

I have something going on, but I’m not sure it would be accurate to call them ‘voices’. I think however, it would fall under the generally accepted perception of ‘crazy’.

Hope you don’t mind if I play.

I like to refer to it as being segmented. I have concluded that it is the result of being forced to progress through life, at a speed that my learning style is not accustomed to. Each time I was forced to move on caused a ‘break’.

I learned to fake it; in order to adjust for, what appeared to me as, a foreign langue. Not that I couldn’t understand the words being used, but that there was something mixed up about the order of words and concepts. There were no adjustments made for the breaking, so it only continued to get worse with each new phase of life.

These breaks are my ‘voices’. Each one represents a segment of growth, and carries with it the emotional factors that were present when I was living it. I have spent considerable time investigating the emotions associated with each, which has been a huge help in keeping them from taking over, when a situation evokes them, at inappropriate times.

Otherwise, I like my voices.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:08:11 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I like most of my voices too.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to cpK69)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:11:12 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I like most of my voices too.


Do you have images of what they look like?

I do; interestingly, they don't really look a whole lot like me, though they do all resemble eachother.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:11:55 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Basically, the deal is that You had to put these head phones on and listen to these voices
That's really  interesting idea. that is what it can be like when the general voices predominat, it can be very distracting, and like you I find it very uncomfortable to have them babbling on at me while I am doing my business. It is really annoying when they start up right in the middle of sex as well.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:18:20 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Basically, the deal is that You had to put these head phones on and listen to these voices
That's really  interesting idea. that is what it can be like when the general voices predominat, it can be very distracting, and like you I find it very uncomfortable to have them babbling on at me while I am doing my business. It is really annoying when they start up right in the middle of sex as well.


I can well imagine!

"Who are you talking to?"

"Never mind; you wouldn't understand. No, really, just forget it - please!"


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:19:06 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Do you have images of what they look like?
Sort of, in a way, kinda..... I do, in the way you have a mental image of the characters in a book. however, it is complicated by the fact that Spirits can take two forms, a humanoid form, and the form of their animal totem. To make it even weirder (as if all this wasn't weird enough eh?) they can choose their own form, they can be blonde when they want to be, and redheaded when they want to be, tall or short, fat or skinny. They all had a usual form that they were fond of, and they described those to me over the years. One of my favourites was Histael, from how he described himself, he looked sort of like Fabio with angel wings. With most of them, I had only an image of what they look like over all, not of their exact features. With one, however I know exactly what she looked like, because I went looking for her on pictures online, and found her, I knew that she very closely resembles the girl in that picture. I still have it on the PC as a matter of fact.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:22:15 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		ARPIG..wow ty..how wonderful of you to share...
 
I remember crying in the movie THE HOURS when Virginia Woolf tells her husband " "No one can know the demons I fight in the night ..it is my fight alone"

and then in Beautiful Mind I bawled my head off when the professor
says he decided he could speak to the alters who followed him or not..
I felt  Someone knows!  Someone knows!
NOW I Feel it again..here.....ty
 
are you on your meds NOW???
 
I have had several diagnosis and have ceased to care..but I UNDERSTAND some of the voices.....  I have voices inside and out..
I do not wish to go on and on about me...but suffice to say..
IN order to show a friend what I heard in 3 minutes I wrote it all down..it covered 4 loose leaf pages and she could not believe the strings of thoughts ..the dif ppl..the words..commands ..sounds etc and encouraged me to write a book..
IT will be called HIDING IN THE OPEN
We also thought of making a tape of that which I wrote and have dif ppl read it all in with soundss etc..to play for ppl..

LOVE AND LIGHT DEAR ARPIG...

It is hard to have a hotel in your head....


GQ
ps my fav in my head was BRAD...a leather clad biker bar brawling man who kept taking me out to strippers
and also
I have had eye tests and depending WHO is there ..
completely dif  eye sight from sharp to needing glasses..

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/14/2009 10:27:35 PM >

(in reply to cpK69)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:22:25 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69


Otherwise, I like my voices.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I like most of my voices too.


For either of you... do any of your voices ever evolve, or reveal themselves over time to be someone different than you thought them to be?

I'm thinking of how with real people in real life, sometimes when you know someone really well for a period of several years... something happens in the relationship where all of a sudden, you see them in a whole new light, and suddenly it dawns on you that maybe they really aren't as good a person as you always thought they were. You know what i mean? Does anything like this ever happen with any of your "internal people?"

And for that matter... if you actually like these internal people, do you find yourself missing them when the meds send them away?


< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 6/14/2009 10:25:21 PM >

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:28:40 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

I can well imagine!

"Who are you talking to?"

"Never mind; you wouldn't understand. No, really, just forget it - please!"


_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:35:38 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for sharing, as many have stated.
Maybe the impulses that lead to the evil thoughts just change
shape and form, and then must turn into happier thoughts!

Maybe the evil impulses and evil thoughts change into kink genes
when you take your medicine!

 
Your post on "the voices in your head" was fantastic.
You have really enlighted us, you should even consider getting your writing and thoughts on this subject published.
Bravo!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> The voices in my head. Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094