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A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 6:38:47 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		What do you think Guys? Is a girls lack of submission a deal breaker in a relationship? What would you suggest for this poor sap. I'd tell you the website where I found this but I think it's against the rules.

"Hi I'm Dan and I'm 27. I get laughed at when I ask this question in real life so I'm taking it to the internet.

My long time girlfriend of 3 years is the love of my life. We have so much fun together. She's my best friend. You can do things with her that you couldn't do with most women. She's the only girl I know who plays basketball well and video games. She never nags me about the toilet seat or the mess I've made once I leave the room. She means everything to me and I hope I can call her me wife one day. But, she doesn't let me provide anything for her. Not even the smallest gesture of kindness. She doesn't want me getting the door for her or pulling out her chair for her. She said she'd rather get them herself. When it came to paying the bill at dinner, we use to go dutch during the first 3 months of our relationship. Now we take turns. First she paid, then I paid, then she paid, etc. Apart from that, the only time I can get her anything is on her birthday and our anniversaries. When we first started going out I thought I was in heaven having such a self sufficient, low maintenance girl who doesn't want a man who pays for everything or buys her anything. She was practically one of the guys. Except for the sex of course lol. But now, the man in me wants to come out. I am a born provider and protecter and I'm getting to a point where I don't want her to be totally self sufficient. I want her to need things from me. Because that's what a relationship is based on. Both people being needed by the other. I asked my friends about this and they kind of laughed. They don't have the 'problem' I do. Their girlfriends are more than happy to take gifts and they earn brownie points if they practice Chivalry. Not me.

I don't mean to go back to 1950 or anything but I do want my girlfriend to be a little submissive to me. There's nothing wrong with her being so strong. I just want to be the stronger one in her life. I want to be the rock that she leans on. but she's never really needed me for anything. I feel useless in this relationship. I'm a man. A man wants to leader. But it's like we're fighting for power...and she's winning.

We're physical and all but I want her to be my little girl. She's petite and cute and I can't help but want to protect her and provide for her and be a man. But when I bring it up she says "I don't need to be a man. I just need to be 'her' man." I know that what she said sounds deep and all when I write it but it's left me with a big empty feeling inside. I want to be the Dominant alpha male in her life but...she freaking won't let me! I tried to sort of force my Dominance upon her once but holding the door for her and refusing to let go until she went in. We stood there for a good solid minute just staring at each other as she defiantly said 'no'. People were behind her so I had to eventually accept that. Worst feeling ever. I love her too much to break up with her. Besides, what kind of a reason for breaking up with her is that? "Oh she wouldn't let me hold the door open for her so I called our 3 year relationship off." But this is the only thing that's sort of keeping me from popping the question. When I'm married I want to be the head of household. I'm a Christian and I strongly believe that Men and the head and women are the backbone. What if she won't let me be?

I don't mean to offend any women here but...How can I get my girlfriend to act like a freaking girl?! How do I get her to be a little needy?! Be a little submissive?! Be a WOMAN?!"

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Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 6:56:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I know you the line says that the questions don't mean to cause anyone offense, but that last paragraph implies that females with Dominant type personalities aren't women.  If whoever wrote the above thinks that way, that women are only submissive types, the author is pretty mistaken.

Maybe that's exactly what he has here.  A female who happens to be more Dominant, or one who is vanilla and leans neither way.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:01:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think he should be telling his girlfriend what he said instead of a column and if it's still not working for him then I would suggest couples counseling. If he's still unhappy then it's time to move on if this is a deep seated need for him.


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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:01:46 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		You can't make a Mule be a Horse.
You can't make a Fish be a Bird.
You can't make a Hard Woman be a Soft Woman.

The problem is that the reason he suggests are actually VERY valid reasons to end a relationship. If her actions are emascualting him then this will eventually manifest itself into a resentment.

If when he explains how he feels to her she does not care then I do not care how long the relationship has gone on it will only get worse from here. The main problem is that he started the relationship LIKING the way she was and now that he is Nesting and Marriage Minded he wants her to be the little woman.

He needs to accept her for who she is, the strong willed independant woman who WANTS to do things for herself. If he wanted the girl who wants things done for her then he should have dated one of them she obviously ISN'T ONE!!

I wish him Luck, Either he learns to CONTINUE liking her for who she IS and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, Or he needs to go and find what he thinks he wants now sadly he will most likely find he is unhappy with both and needs to stop putting so much worth into trivial things like openeing the door.

I say this because I do not think he has a Power Based relationship. If he did my advice would be different but as it stands he has a Vanilla relationship and wants to create a power dynamic in it (No I do not think it is even a BDSM Dynamic, just a Power Dynamic) You can't Turn a Dasiy into a Morning Glory after you planed the seed just because you think the Morning Glory would make you feel better about having planted something. The seed that is planted is what is grown later on you can plant more seeds but what you end up with is a Hybrid of the Original seed that was planted. The only way to get a new Garden of to start over with new seeds.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:03:56 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Well come on now Lady. This is a vanilla guy lol. He probably thinks that all women are naturally submissive, needy, and nurturing, and happened upon one who isn't. I mean, when you think about it, most men think like this, which is why I found this kind of interesting. The way that his friends don't have to worry about this problem because their girlfriends do live up to the common belief about women... He may be mistaken but it seems he's in the majority as far as the world outside of D/s is concerned.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:06:30 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		He is who he is and she is who she is and he needs what he needs and she needs what she needs and it does not match and it does not look like there will be a  change........

YOU cannot make someone something else

and he IS a MAN and she IS a WOMAN...as they are..

GQ

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:07:27 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Wow. I'm with LadyP, that last line is really offensive. How does being needy and submissive equate to being a woman?? Some of my faviourite ladies here are Dommes, and I can't imagine anyone who knows them saying such a thing. 
Looks like this couple has a major compatibility issue to me. The fact that they have let it stew for so long without dealing with it one way or the another doesn't bode well for the relationship.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:08:27 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

most men think like this,


NO  they don't..

most men DO NOT want women to be their "littel girl" as the OP states..



GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/15/2009 7:12:22 PM >

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:12:10 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Oh I'm on a constant struggle to try and get my girl a bit more...girly. she's great the way she is, but I want to show her it's Ok to be feminine too...

No, feminine doesn't mean submissive, just...softer...oh well I know what I mean, even if nobody else does....

As for the OP: he's not the guy for her, simple as that.

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Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:12:44 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

most men think like this,


NO  they don't..



GQ



Sorry queen I don't agree. I feel like most men in the world want women who 'need' and depend on them. I'm sure if we did a poll, most men would agree that, even though they don't like high maintenance girls, they do like to provide.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:13:09 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

most men think like this,

NO  they don't


GQ


Thank you for that!!

The only people who think MOST men do anything are those who usually have a Chip or Issue that is still in need of closure.

Most Men ..... There is no such thing. Having a Penis does not mean you are more likely to believe something. I truely hate this Gender Bullshit.

I could easily say that Most Women Cheat on their Partner because the majority of women I have been with cheated on me, however I am smart enough to realize that my Slice of individual knowledge is soooooo small GLOBALY Speaking that I can only blame myself for being attracted to women who do not take Fidelity as Seriously as I do.

Anytime you blanket a group of people you show your own shallow thinking. The individual Mind is an AMAZING thing and capable of so many different factions.

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 6/15/2009 7:14:09 PM >

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:15:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

Well come on now Lady. This is a vanilla guy lol. He probably thinks that all women are naturally submissive, needy, and nurturing, and happened upon one who isn't. I mean, when you think about it, most men think like this, which is why I found this kind of interesting. The way that his friends don't have to worry about this problem because their girlfriends do live up to the common belief about women... He may be mistaken but it seems he's in the majority as far as the world outside of D/s is concerned.


I don't quite see what his being vanilla has anything to do with it.  The fact that some females are fitting his stereotype of submission has nothing to do with it either.  While you might believe that 'most' men think this way, it doesn't make them right.  There was a time that 'most' people thought the world was flat.  That didn't make them right either.  It just meant that they were ignorant of the truth.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:16:20 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think her self-efficiency is meant to emasculate him.  That's just the way she is and it's good that she won't change for just anybody.  However, if they communicate this problem to each other and she decides that he (and his love) isn't worth compromising for then...I think break up is inevitable unless he's going to continue feeling emasculated everytime his lover won't let him be chivalrous or the "man" in the relationship.

P.S.  The last paragraph is very offensive to women even if he didn't mean it.  Just because women are self-efficient (or perhaps happen to be dominant) doesn't make them any less a female.


_____________________________

"If you're going through hell, keep going..." -Winston Churchill

"9 out of 10 guys like girls with big boobs; the 10th guy likes the 9 other men." --Just Shoot Me

"Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun." Lady GaGa.

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:18:20 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		yea I agree Fitz. I don't think a relationship like this is meant to be. And that's what i wrote to him on his little question. But that's me. I couldn't help asking you guys. But now I guess it doesn't matter since I've been informed that the power dynamic between this guy and his girlfriend and us are different. Then again, I do find the idea of a man trying to get 'me' to submit (if I were in this chicks' shoes) intriguing.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:18:42 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Something else is going on there in any case.  100% of the femdoms I know would be happy to go through a door if I held it open.  That's got nothing to do with dom or sub, and that exchange at the door was coming from a different mindspace.  He was holding open the door to get a handle on her, not to show her respect or gallantry, and she was refusing to go through because she didn't want to give him that handle.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:23:46 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

He was holding open the door to get a handle on her, not to show her respect or gallantry, and she was refusing to go through because she didn't want to give him that handle.

RedMagic has a very good point here. The post in the OP did mention that this incident was the guy's attempt to "force" his "Dominance" on her. Bad move, IMO

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 6/15/2009 7:24:28 PM >

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:26:29 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		.................edited

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/15/2009 7:30:00 PM >

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:28:56 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky


quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

most men think like this,


NO  they don't..



GQ



Sorry queen I don't agree. I feel like most men in the world want women who 'need' and depend on them. I'm sure if we did a poll, most men would agree that, even though they don't like high maintenance girls, they do like to provide.


THEY DO NOT..
YOU DO .. YOU...
YOU want a needy submissive little girl..YOU..FINE
Don't lump all guys in there..
Don't mistake your opnion for fact..

and I really take acception to the intimation that a real woman si a submissive..tit..who is needy plus we got the high maitennce shit in there..( could be a whole thread on that BS)

GQ








Hmm...okay...agree to disagree on this one..

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:33:26 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
Hmm...okay...agree to disagree on this one..

Yep.  And Gypzyqueen has a lot of experience, while you have none.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rednicky)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A very interesting question I found online :D - 6/15/2009 7:46:39 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky


even though they don't like high maintenance girls, they do like to provide.


ok I had to...
they don't "like high maintenance girls"..???
ok so they like hair that is not done? nails not kept.? shitty torn clothes?no make-up? shows all worn out? ripped old stockings? a moustache?unkept brows?rough skin?zits?that the woman is not working out?
They do not like to see/or do not like a HIGHLY MAINTAINED woman?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
But they like to provide??..what??so they will give money for food..or what.. a meal out..a shoulder to cry on..beers? a rose?
but have a shit fit if their LITTLE GIRL wants hair do money? facial care? a day at the spa?a brazilian?
.........so they want a smooth nether region
but not to PROVIDE for it.??
but provide for the hot dog and Kraft Dinner before touching it..???


so then I assume the woman is paying for the maintenance??
..fine..ok
but then she is INDEPENDENT !!! isn't she??
..she is not submissive but taking her appearance and maintenance seriously for herself..

I See another book here.."
HIGH MAINTENANCE Women and the Men WHO LOVE THEM


GQ



< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/15/2009 7:51:47 PM >

(in reply to rednicky)
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