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Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 3:51:44 PM

kittensslut

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/8/2009
Status: offline

I've been involved in this sort of thing for a few years, but have always met people from munches, groups, and through friends. I recently traded phone numbers with someone I seem to click with online, and we'll be talking tonight about meeting next week. I will be driving up there (three hours), having dinner with him, we'll get to know each other, and he's suggested that if things go well from there, we'll get a hotel room.

I'm aware of the dangers of meeting people from offline and even people I know at hotel rooms three hours from home. I have a friend who lives in that town and I'm going to ask him if he'd mind me crashing there that night. I'm going to tell this Dom that I have a friend I'd rather stay with and see his reaction to me saying no to the hotel room regardless if we get along.

Is there anything else I can do to make sure I'm safe?

Post #: 1

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 4:11:14 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Meet in a public place. make sure you have 300 pound body guards or one really talented martial artist on hand. Or a trained testicle biting dog.
Carry a tazer, pepper spray, and a billy club.

(in reply to kittensslut)

Post #: 2

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 8:42:22 PM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Perhaps consider both of you driving an equal distance from your respective homes. For a first meeting I would never drive all the way to meet someone. I think it's a great idea that you are choosing to stay with a friend than get a hotel room. Perhaps save the hotel room meeting for a few visits down the road when you have a better idea that he's not going to turn psycho on you in the middle of something or after you've been woo(e)d.
Good luck.

_____________________________

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 3

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 8:51:13 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensslut

having dinner with him, we'll get to know each other, and he's suggested that if things go well from there, we'll get a hotel room.
WHY? ...........RED FLAG RED FLAG
This is not a self serve drive thru

. I'm going to tell this Dom that I have a friend I'd rather stay with and see his reaction to me saying no to the hotel room regardless if we get along.
VERY GOOD IDEA....YOU are worth getting to know as a WHOLE woman and do not have to do it in a room with a bed and maybe no chairs..
after dinner..a walk..? go to another place for coffee or dessert and the kind on a plate...or if he is staying then he may get a 2nd meeting
for breakfast.MINDS FIRST

Is there anything else I can do to make sure I'm safe?
STAY in public places..have a friend call periodically..leave instructions and addresess of where you are MAKE IT knwo you have safety systems in place.." oh jsut a sec..have to do my call in"

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/19/2009 8:53:27 PM >

(in reply to kittensslut)

Post #: 4

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 9:10:27 PM

RLMK

Posts: 48
Joined: 6/6/2009
From: SC
Status: offline

Er, as my sig might indicate, I'm a big proponent for self-defense. I realize everyone faces risks, which is why I think everyone should carry, but anyway... +1 on the public place, etc -- NOT A BAR! Or any other place where someone "helping you to your taxi" is possible.

I know some women are uncomfortable w. them, but the plain fact is that men are stronger, faster, and larger than women, and short of a firearm, there really isn't anything too effective.

A decent chunk of the populace is immune to pepper spray, tasers only work while the batteries last, and only as long as the current is on (it's one of the reasons police use them more than batons -- less risk of injury.), a baton's effective, but takes strength, skill, and gets you WAY too close...

_____________________________

Always happy to introduce new people to shooting. Please feel free to contact me for such an introduction. Even if you aren't certain about your desire to become armed, an adult should know the very basics of how to safely handle and unload a weapon.

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 5

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 9:22:40 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

I see you already have the testicle chewing dog RLMK...

Capsicum is a very painful molecular compound. I do not see how you can be immune to a foreign compound in your eyeballs.
If push comes to shove be prepared with a hollowed out egg with lye inside of it and get ready to punch the mofo in the throat.

Or bring a friend. A very buff friend. As other have said before go to a public place. With your buff friend.

(in reply to RLMK)

Post #: 6

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 9:41:18 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Jeez you guys. A woman is more likely to be raped by her husband than by a guy she's dating for the first time. Have dinner at a well-lit family restaurant, and bring your own car.

I've scened plenty of times immediately after the first meal. Those women are (1) still alive and (2) still talking to me happily.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 7

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 9:54:33 PM

RLMK

Posts: 48
Joined: 6/6/2009
From: SC
Status: offline

I realize it burns -- in my competitive days, we used some horrible Hungarian stuff containing it to prevent us from feeling pain -- it'd give you a 1st~2nd degree chemical burn, but you could keep going.

However, there is a decent percentage of the populace who's immune -- it's a chemical compound in solution, not a particulate, and depends on the body's reaction to it. -- it's the same chemical in hot peppers -- and different tolerances are why some people can't handle any hot peppers, and others can eat habaneros all day long. (Sorry, that might have been a flashback to the old biochem days...)

Yes, er, the pup is highly vicious, as can be clearly seen from the pic*... If you're susceptible to being immobilized by dog slobber, then he's a real threat..

*He is now full grown, but that means he's all of 25#, instead of 2.5#

_____________________________

Always happy to introduce new people to shooting. Please feel free to contact me for such an introduction. Even if you aren't certain about your desire to become armed, an adult should know the very basics of how to safely handle and unload a weapon.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 8

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:03:08 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

A person is more likely to get raped by someone they know... this is true.

This is not always the case, Redmagic1. There are sick individuals that exist in the world. I mean the bad kind of sick that have no remorse and are horribly sociopathic. There is a reason why this issue strikes so close to my heart, and no one should be subjected to its horrors. Safety first, play later.

(in reply to RLMK)

Post #: 9

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:06:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Plan to visit your old friend for the weekend, and meet this guy for lunch or coffee. However if he lives in this town and he's pressuring you to agree to have sex immediately, then why does he insist you meet in a hotel? Unless of course, his wife would object to you coming over?

That's red flag to me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 10

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:28:34 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Just a warning. This will be an Angry Rant.

HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU PEOPLE EVER GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE?

Just because she has a Pussy doesn't mean she is going to get raped in fact it is believed that more men are Trick Rolled daily then women are raped they just don't report it. Since there is no reportable statistic there is no real way of knowing.

That being said I spent most of my Teenage years into my early 20's on Party Lines Meeting people, driving hours, and in many cases having consentual sex after talking to people for less than 2 hours.

To the Op, you are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT! however if things get strange or if you get a strange vibe from him then just leave only comit to the hotel room if you really want this to happen and believe you both want the same things after that I don't care if you decide to get fitted for a glass eye so he can skull fuck you. As an Adult you only meet people by going on dates.

All the TERRORists can get a fucking grip. Is Rape an Option? YES it is EVERY DAY for EVERY WOMEN it is said that a woman's odd on being raped are increased the second she steps outside her door. Do you expect everyone to stay inside and never leave their homes?

No, what I think is happening is that a whole bunch of people are Regurgitating the same BULLSHIT you hear all the TERRORmongers throw about how they know the girls who were killed by SlaveMaster and how the nice guy they thought they were dating almost raped them and if they hadn't managed to get away the may be dead right now. LOOK I GET IT, meeting people is SCARY however for fucks sakes can we keep shit in the realm of reality? Not every man who is into BDSM wants to Rape the submissive they are talking to.

The very SMARTEST thing I ever heard someone say is that the make sure to show up at the meet destination an hour ahead of time and talk to the Public Place Manager or a Server and explain to them that you are on a blind date with a person you have only talked to over the phone and to please take special attention and in the event you look uncomfortable to please come over and give me an opportunity to leave. If I am uncomforable I will stand up while you are there and leave the establishment and would appreciate if you would stay there till I leave.

It was Brilliant it isn't a scene and there is no reason for alarming anyone and with the Manager or the Server at the table it is easier to just walk away.

PEOPLE YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE.

Stop living behind these horrible possibilities and realize that if you never meet people you are doomed to be as pathetic as those who live with their parents till they are 40.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:31:34 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Plan to visit your old friend for the weekend, and meet this guy for lunch or coffee. However if he lives in this town and he's pressuring you to agree to have sex immediately, then why does he insist you meet in a hotel? Unless of course, his wife would object to you coming over?

That's red flag to me.

Not always I perfer to use Hotels, it is a Neutral place and if things go poorly no one knows where the other lives.

Married or not someone I am meeting on the fly does not need to be in my home even if it gets sexual, until I have commited to that person I like to have my Personal Space STAY personal.

I do happen to be married but that's okay cause my wife would be there at the hotel anyway.

Again the point is that no one should be expected to open thier vein of life to everyone they are just getting to know. There is such thing as protecting your bottom line.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:49:06 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Just a warning. This will be an Angry Rant.

HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU PEOPLE EVER GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE?

Just because she has a Pussy doesn't mean she is going to get raped in fact it is believed that more men are Trick Rolled daily then women are raped they just don't report it. Since there is no reportable statistic there is no real way of knowing.

That being said I spent most of my Teenage years into my early 20's on Party Lines Meeting people, driving hours, and in many cases having consentual sex after talking to people for less than 2 hours.

To the Op, you are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT! however if things get strange or if you get a strange vibe from him then just leave only comit to the hotel room if you really want this to happen and believe you both want the same things after that I don't care if you decide to get fitted for a glass eye so he can skull fuck you. As an Adult you only meet people by going on dates.

All the TERRORists can get a fucking grip. Is Rape an Option? YES it is EVERY DAY for EVERY WOMEN it is said that a woman's odd on being raped are increased the second she steps outside her door. Do you expect everyone to stay inside and never leave their homes?

No, what I think is happening is that a whole bunch of people are Regurgitating the same BULLSHIT you hear all the TERRORmongers throw about how they know the girls who were killed by SlaveMaster and how the nice guy they thought they were dating almost raped them and if they hadn't managed to get away the may be dead right now. LOOK I GET IT, meeting people is SCARY however for fucks sakes can we keep shit in the realm of reality? Not every man who is into BDSM wants to Rape the submissive they are talking to.

The very SMARTEST thing I ever heard someone say is that the make sure to show up at the meet destination an hour ahead of time and talk to the Public Place Manager or a Server and explain to them that you are on a blind date with a person you have only talked to over the phone and to please take special attention and in the event you look uncomfortable to please come over and give me an opportunity to leave. If I am uncomforable I will stand up while you are there and leave the establishment and would appreciate if you would stay there till I leave.

It was Brilliant it isn't a scene and there is no reason for alarming anyone and with the Manager or the Server at the table it is easier to just walk away.

PEOPLE YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE.

Stop living behind these horrible possibilities and realize that if you never meet people you are doomed to be as pathetic as those who live with their parents till they are 40.

Steel

It is not that I am living behind a horrible possibility but I have lived this possibility. It is not a pleasant possibility and the thought of a slightly rotund stinking man still haunts me every once in a while. Fuck him though he will burn in his own made hell and rot.

I do not go on party lines. I do not have consensual sex with people after meeting up with them in two hours? Do they have communicable diseases? WHO KNOWS!

What I do know is that as long as you go through the motions and guard your ass well you will be fine. As RedMagic1 has stated:

quote:

A woman is more likely to be raped by her husband than by a guy she's dating for the first time.

It can happen to anyone. It can happen at anytime, at any age any place any where someone can get violated, maimed or killed. Are you a strong enough person to avert the risk? Are you a smart enough person to do so?
I know I will never let it happen again. I will not let it happen to me or anyone else. When it comes to defending myself I am hypervigilant.
You are allowed to rant Steel. Just like we are allowed to voice our concerns.

Rape is an option and it is a Terror.

While we are on the level, I respect your concern for people needing to get over how Scary it is getting over meeting new people. I have opened up. It is true. You must get over it. There are too many good people in the world with good hearts.

I am very done with this Topic.

Good Day.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 13

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 10:54:54 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

It's not so much the risk of the person being a creep as it is the risk of the person being disappointing.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 14

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 11:04:28 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Awwwww see now THERE is the Bread and Butter. You are worried the Man might not live up to the fantasy so keep yourself in the Fantasy as long as possible and cling onto the UNreality.

I just don't get it. If you meet people you get to create your own realities and learn new things from new people.

I know some people think that because I am a Big guy and tend to scare the shit out of people I just don't get the danger factor. you would be wrong I have been stabbed and had an Ice Pick put through my hand by women who wanted my Wallet and not my Body. I still meet people and I still do things the way I always did I refuse to let Fear control my life.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 15

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/19/2009 11:19:49 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Trust your gut.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 16

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 4:31:38 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Is there anything else I can do to make sure I'm safe?

bring a buddy who can defend you, attend self-defense classes and/or apply for a permit and learn to safely carry and use a weapon for self-defense.

(in reply to kittensslut)

Post #: 17

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 4:56:31 AM

ChasingOblivion

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

Not to sound like the village whore or anything, but I've met more than my fair share of men online for sex (that was kinda the intent) and met them offline unescorted. Many of them at their homes, and most of them I did end up having sex with.
Why, you ask?
I like sex. Gasoline is expensive, and I'm not going to jump through a hundred hoops just to get to the good parts.
I've never been raped, or shot, or stabbed or any of the horrible potential outcomes one hears about on the evening news.
Most of that good fortune I credit to the fact that I try to exercise some common sense and stay away from anyone who sets off my skeeve factor. Although I'm willing to admit that I may also just be lucky.
If your inner voice is telling you to run away, LISTEN.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 18

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 5:23:14 AM

EchoMirage

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/12/2008
Status: offline

this isnt 1998 anymore. people have been meeting offline for over a decade. anyone with the slightest bit of common sense should know how to handle meeting someone new. what do you do when you meet someone at a bar or club? why do people always treat net meetings as something so dangerous and taboo? its been done millions and millions of times already. but, like airplane crashes, you only hear about the bad ones. what about the thousands of good meeting that happen every day?

how many stories have you heard about girls meeting creeps at bars, clubs, parties, etc, but thats considered normal. yet meeting someone offline is so dangerous and wrong? its shouldnt be treated any differently then going to a party and meeting someone there. its really not a big deal anymore.

(in reply to ChasingOblivion)

Post #: 19

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 6:01:07 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

The very SMARTEST thing I ever heard someone say is that the make sure to show up at the meet destination an hour ahead of time and talk to the Public Place Manager or a Server and explain to them that you are on a blind date with a person you have only talked to over the phone and to please take special attention and in the event you look uncomfortable to please come over and give me an opportunity to leave. If I am uncomforable I will stand up while you are there and leave the establishment and would appreciate if you would stay there till I leave.

Steel

What a fantastic suggestion. Although I've never been that skittish about meeting someone in a public place. It is a wonderful suggestion for those that need the extra comfort level.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 20

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