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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 12:52:32 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I find myself more on the side of Lockit's thinking on this subject. 

I can understand what you mean, Steel...I've met submissives and dominants (and as an aside, my findings coincide with yours=I've met more submissives with a set picture of Mr. Right Dominant and what...he...MUST...be than I've met dominants with the same mindset about a submissive) who have such exacting lists of what is right and what is wrong in their future dominant/submissive that the one standing in front of them doesn't have a chance.

Of course, you can go to the other extreme and find those who...newbie OR (surprisingly)oldie status who are so anxious to have fun and to be in the throes of submission/dominance even at a casual level that they don't really have much in the way of standards/expectations other than that the other person be working along the same wavelength.  When you stop and think about it, perhaps it is encounters with these types of dominants and submissives that have led to the above group...those with impossibly concise standards...and vice-versa.

I do know what I want in a submissive but just like Lockit, it is not locked in to a so narrow-there-is-no-wriggle-room specific degree.  That's not to say it's always been that way...

When I first started in this 10 years ago, there was no way in hell I would have allowed my submissive to play with another.  Then I met my first submissive who was not only playing with another, she was married (happily) to him...and he knew about me.  There was no way I was going to piss on some submissive UNLESS---maybe---we were standing in a fiercely running shower.  Now?  ~smiles~
Taking it away from the realm of play, at one time there was no way I would have instituted punishment of any sort...discipline yes but not punishment.  Now?  Now, I will not only implement punishment when it is called for but I will...on the rare occasion...bring physical punishment into the picture.  Still out of the realm of play, there was no way I was going to let the submissive dictate ANYTHING.  I'd had enough of that from my ex-wife.  Now, I've come around to the view held by many dominants here and elsewhere...tis not so much a matter of dictation as communication from her (which is, after all, what we dominants insist on when we are telling her that we are not mind readers) and, when I make the decision to do as the submissive would like...and know that her submission to me is such that she would follow through if I made the decision to do as she did not like...it is still ME making that decision.  Those that want to be with me ask me what I mean by the statement surrounding that feeling in my profile...the statement that "there is room for two partners in the relationship/dynamic and one leader and it isn't the submissive" and the above is what I tell them.  They ask me what I mean when I say "my way or the highway" and when I explain that it means that if they are going to submit to me, then submit and do it with the understanding that once they do, I expect it always in something approaching that measure or more.  As I explain further, they realize that, as with most things in life, there is indeed complexity beneath the simplicity of those words and expectations but not---I think---unreasonable ones. 

I deal with several submissives.  I make no bones about that fact to any of them.  They deal with other dominants and I know and understand that.  A recent conversation with one of these submissive about a dominant that she wants to see and have fun with pointed out to me the difference in the "me" of now and the "me" of then.  Does that mean that I have no expectations, in terms of behavior, from this one who wants to be something more than "just fun" with me?  No...during this same conversation, some things came out that showed that...when it is someone I care about...those standards of behavior and what I expect in her dealings with me ARE there and yes, sometimes they can be tough.  But then, even in a beginning dynamic, if there is a dominant and submissive spark there that is different from what you experience with others, should not the levels of control and behavior and expectation be explored?  The one that I feel closest to is certainly not the one who would have met my standards 10 years ago...not even 5 years ago.  But then, none of them are who that "ideal submissive in my mind" was.  But what tells me that I have grown up and am not in the "martyr" camp is the fact that I will not settle just to settle and yet I leave room for the variety to be found in human beings without going off the deep end of "anything goes so long as they submit and fuck".  What tells me that I do not fall in the martyr camp is the differences between the submissives I interact with and the similarities of these same submissives in their understanding of where I am coming from in my dominance and in who I am as a man and their agreement with that.
 

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 6/25/2009 1:01:43 PM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 1:17:36 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

So how do you feel about Lifestyle Martyrdom?
I am curious if you believe it serves a point or if it is a bullshit shield one stands behind too afraid to get hurt?  


I don’t see a problem with a list of specific criteria as long as the person with the list is aware that they will be searching for a long time and that patience is required.  The ones who have a long  long list written in stone, and then complain that they can’t find anyone---they are the people I find annoying!

quote:

  What something MUST be for them to surrender or take control of. I see it more offten in submissives then I do in Dominants and

 
I think this is true from both sides; I see many dominants who have the  unrealistic expectations of immediate trust and total submission without a willingness to take the time and expend the effort to get what they want. 


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 1:34:17 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Hey guys it's another one of those threads where everyone is going to disagree on the subject or take ot to an us versus them.

This isn't what I want but I have gotten used to Threads evolving without regard to established point.

That being said I have noticed a lot of Martyrs in the Lifestyle Lately. On All sorts of things but none so much as what they REQUIRE. What something MUST be for them to surrender or take control of. I see it more offten in submissives then I do in Dominants and I for the most part can understand that. However where I get lost is the desire they have to find someone however the archetype the have for thaty person makes them like finding a needle in a stack of needles when all the needles are the same and the one they are looking for isn't maked in any way, and then yet they also say they are not willing to reach in and start looking because they don't want to get stuck by a needle that isn't the one they are looking for.

Did I lose you?

Okay So "Bob" is looking for the "HIS" Perfect sub, but he has been burned by subs in the past so he comes up with this process that for the past 3 years NOT ONE has managed to live up to his standard and won't even try to have a relationship with any of the ones who have shown they are interested because they do not meet his EXACT preference. So he talks about being lonely and talks about looking for the one, and spends long periods of time getting to know people who in the end won't meet his impossible standard.

When this is pointed out to him all he says is "I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less"

Good Excuse that way he can spend his entire life never really getting to know anyone (Thanks Good Will Hunting)

I can say for near Certain all these people who say they know exactly what they want ..... are full of SHIT. I believe they know what the DON'T want and figure the Opposite of that is what they DO want.

Why do I believe this? Because I was one of those people. I was a Martyr for personal desire and would rather die than accept anything that wasn't perfect. I went for women who were this or that because I thought that was what I wanted when in reality, Life is a Fickle Bitch of a Mistress and I ended up married to someone who has all the things I said I would never get involved with. She is younger than me, She is in recovery, and she is a Fucking God Damned Hippie........ and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Had I stuck to my guns I would have let her pass me by and instead I decided to take a chance and see how things happen. In the great scheme of things how long with a person before you get to the point where you realize you don't match that well? a few months? Why not just give them a shot and see what happens you might be surprized at the outcome.

So how do you feel about Lifestyle Martyrdom?

I am curious if you believe it serves a point or if it is a bullshit shield one stands behind too afraid to get hurt?

Steel


I am with you here. 2 years ago I would have never considered anyone more than say 5 years older than me, now I am happy that I wasnt so hardheaded to let someone go due to the year they were born

This sort of "Martyrdom" exists, in my opinion because society teaches us that it must exist. i.e. we are told that in order to be the best one must have the best, so there must be some long and horrible way of deciding what the "best" is. If we were talking video games instead of people ((That's right I just relegated everyone to the same importance as the pixels on my screen :P)) then it would be referred to as fanboyism. My point being that this sort of decision by lack of other options shit happens all the time. people rarely pick what they desire, they just decide that they dont want the other options. We are chossing what is right, we are picking the lesser wrong.

:D


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 2:03:44 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...I am curious if you believe it serves a point or if it is a bullshit shield one stands behind too afraid to get hurt?...


how about both?
sometimes having a bullshit shield to stand behind, to avoid hurting one's self and/or someone else serves a point.
personally, this slave had gone through a few years of seriously fucked up conventionally based relationships with assholes where she submitted anyway and it drove them batshit bonkers and her to being very very sad...so she needed to go the corner and lick her wounds for a while, shield firmly propped up in front of her.

quote:

...I believe they know what the DON'T want and figure the Opposite of that is what they DO want...


an accurate description of this slave in the beginnning of the cornertime/wound-licking process.  she was purposely and purposefully single for three years before meeting Master.  she had come to the conclusion that what this slave wanted did not exist...and was preparing to spend the rest of her life just having fun and not pining for any sort of elusive "One".
 
her bullshit shield wasn't the unrealistic criteria...it was an exercise in deciding what, if any, criteria would provide the oppportunity for a fulfilling relationship. this slave self-imposed a brief period of celibacy, (which didn't last long because this slave is a slut by nature) and then a 3 year term of single---not looking status, while she contemplated her path.
 
no whining about it...turned down offers for dates and took self out to dinner on special occasions like her birthday or Valentine's day.  didn't go about looking for ANYONE to make a relaitonship with---had a few fuck buddies along the way and kept the "sick" fantasies to her self.
 
this slave took classes, read a LOT of books, communed with nature, prayed, meditated...and came out the other end willing to have fun and date fun people, but not looking for any committed relationship of any sort that she had ever encountered.
 
and then, bless the interweb and the MD who suggested a "lifestyle" change in an effort to quit smoking, this slave discovered "alternative lifestyles" with "BDSM Personals".  there were actually folks out there that got turned on by someone submitting to their implements of pain---bless their sadistic hearts!!!---AND actually WANTED submission with regards to any sort of relationship aspect in any potential partner...not just in the bedroom!!!
 
to this slave's amazement, she had stumbled across a potential pool of folk with which at least TWO aspects of a potential relationship sounded very appealing.
 
so she dove in with an open mind.
 
it has worked out better than this slave could have ever imagined.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 2:21:26 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have high standards, I am very picky.  I want a tall, intelligent, secure, independent woman who is beautiful, charming, graceful, and happy.

My best relationships have been with women had most of those qualities but certainly not all.

I spent the last year rejecting women because I wasn't ready to move on, not because they didn't meet the above standards.  Funny thing is now, I am for the first time in my life at a place where I don't really want anyone, or at least I don't NEED anyone.  I am done playing the martyr or whatever word people want to use.

Having tasted a rather intoxicating level of bliss, I won't settle for anything less, but at least now I will be OPEN even if I am in no rush.

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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 2:25:41 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So how do you feel about Lifestyle Martyrdom?

I am curious if you believe it serves a point or if it is a bullshit shield one stands behind too afraid to get hurt?

Steel


In a short term , yes it serves a purpose for the person who hides behind the martyrdom. It gives them time to heal and re-evaluate themselves before venturing back into life. Too often it is easy to become comfortable with playing it safe and walling yourself off to any new experiences with another and that is when it becomes a crutch. Yes I had been guilty of doing so, too fearful of opening myself back up to a new person and too fearful of allowing myself to be that vulnerable. But there comes a point where a person has to say enough is enough and start fully living life and not existing.


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 2:43:00 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

Life is a Fickle Bitch of a Mistress and I ended up married to someone who has all the things I said I would never get involved with. She is younger than me, She is in recovery, and she is a Fucking God Damned Hippie........ and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.


I had to laugh with you at this. That was the case of my late hubby to the tee.  He was older, i was/still am a hippie, and in the beginning a drug addict. We both were not what each other would had in mind but the chemistry just was real strong.

Being hurt is a part of life, and I rather feel the pain of loss then to not experience the deep connections I have been blessed with. Personally, at this age I do not bother to listen to the martyrs of the world. I will let them continue to carry their sword and scream out from the tallest mountain it has to be this way only. I prefer to travel the unpaved and paved roads experiencing life, including all its' ups and downs. At the end I will be able to say I chose to live now, instead of making plans for the 'perfect' partner, lifestyle, etc.

People who must preach their martrdom will have to do so without me.
oceanwinds


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 2:46:49 PM   
Screwtape


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		People are at various stages in their personal journey.  In the loosest term of 'Lifestyle Martyrs' I know what the OP means.  Some people want you to follow some magic formula that their experience will somehow convey.  Anything outside what they consider normal (ironic) and you are obviously naive or just plain wrong. 

The people I find most interesting are usually the silent ones.  The most vocal people are usually opinionated, charismatic and communicative, these qualities are wonderful in there own right. 

Do you openly and respectfully disagree/counter-opinion with people when the situation arises?


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 3:13:34 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
So how do you feel about Lifestyle Martyrdom?


I don't think that there is anything inherently wrong with 'lifestyle martyrdom' as you call it as long as people realize all of the criteria they have put in place and own the fact that they've severely reduced the dating pool as a result. In your example Bob's methodology is not suspect. The fact that he laments not finding a submissive partner in light of his restrictive methodology is the problem. If you are going to raise the bar don't bitch if nobody can clear it.

Also, for every person like you who bet against the odds and won there are 10 people with opposite stories to share about their experiences regarding ignoring their better judgment. Spending your time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole is only marginally more productive than chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 3:22:10 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		DomImus,

Yes My story is the Exception not the rule, However I wish to pointout that it is not the FIRST time I has gone with something that wasn't what I wanted.

I have dated ANYONE who was interested for YEARS. You never know unless you find out. I think a relationship is so much more than the qualities of the people involved it is like two things being combined to make something amazing but until you actually TRY it you will never know.

The Best Example I can give is Cheddar Chees and Apples. Never in a Million Years would I have eaten the two together till someone handed me the two and said "Here" And now it is one of my FAVORITE snacks (The Sharper the Cheddar the better)

I have dated women who on the surface I had NOTHING in common with and found that after we spent some time together OTHER things became so in tune it wasn't even funny. I guess what I am saying is that the Martyrdom I an talking about in my opinion is a Hinderance. Maybe it isn't for some but everytime I have LIMITED myself I have found later that I was just neglecting my options.

Never once have I been happy when I got what I wanted because I always cut myself short. Or even worse I told myself I had to have something only because I didn't want the opposite.

Today I can HONESTLY say that although other relationships did not work and some ended VERY BADLY I would never close the door and wish away any of them because they all served a purpose and all of them taught me well.

Steel

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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 3:30:05 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		On the one hand, I absolutely believe that I am required to be open to the relationships that the gods want me in.

On the other, life is too short to fuck stupid people. (grin)

So beyond evaluating for basic compatibility in terms of intellect and wit....I'm saying, "sure, why not, let's do lunch next week!"  and meeting people and seeing. I never would have thought of having certain people now in my life as subs, but it works, and I will not question that.


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 3:34:18 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I guess I don't fully understand why there must be a checklist and pre-conceived notion. I don't really count myself as clairvoyant nor omniscient. I'd rather simply look at my life unfolding, including the women I meet along the way, and take it as it comes. Today, now, I have a wonderful marriage to a submissive woman. It is what it is. Tomorrow, my life might be totally different and I am single. That also, I'll take as it comes.

As an analogy, I feel like what I am seeing here could be compared to constructing a stained glass window with a picture of my perfect life in it. Then looking at real life through that window... never actually seeing what is there, only getting hints of shapes and movement and being annoyed that they are messing up my beautiful picture. I prefer to open the window and look out at the real world and then decide if I like it or not.

When I met Carol she was nothing that I would've anticipated liking. There was no pre-conceived slot that she fit into. But I didn't see myself as compromising anything. I simply looked at her for what she was. I found redeeming qualities in that. Granted, qualities that I hadn't previously thought were important. I found other things that were less attractive. All things balanced together, it seemed like a good deal.

Must everything be expressed in terms of checklists and point totals?

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 3:50:17 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Hey guys it's another one of those threads where everyone is going to disagree on the subject or take ot to an us versus them.

This isn't what I want but I have gotten used to Threads evolving without regard to established point.

That being said I have noticed a lot of Martyrs in the Lifestyle Lately. On All sorts of things but none so much as what they REQUIRE. What something MUST be for them to surrender or take control of. I see it more offten in submissives then I do in Dominants and I for the most part can understand that. However where I get lost is the desire they have to find someone however the archetype the have for thaty person makes them like finding a needle in a stack of needles when all the needles are the same and the one they are looking for isn't maked in any way, and then yet they also say they are not willing to reach in and start looking because they don't want to get stuck by a needle that isn't the one they are looking for.

Did I lose you?

Okay So "Bob" is looking for the "HIS" Perfect sub, but he has been burned by subs in the past so he comes up with this process that for the past 3 years NOT ONE has managed to live up to his standard and won't even try to have a relationship with any of the ones who have shown they are interested because they do not meet his EXACT preference. So he talks about being lonely and talks about looking for the one, and spends long periods of time getting to know people who in the end won't meet his impossible standard.

When this is pointed out to him all he says is "I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less"

Good Excuse that way he can spend his entire life never really getting to know anyone (Thanks Good Will Hunting)

I can say for near Certain all these people who say they know exactly what they want ..... are full of SHIT. I believe they know what the DON'T want and figure the Opposite of that is what they DO want.

Why do I believe this? Because I was one of those people. I was a Martyr for personal desire and would rather die than accept anything that wasn't perfect. I went for women who were this or that because I thought that was what I wanted when in reality, Life is a Fickle Bitch of a Mistress and I ended up married to someone who has all the things I said I would never get involved with. She is younger than me, She is in recovery, and she is a Fucking God Damned Hippie........ and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Had I stuck to my guns I would have let her pass me by and instead I decided to take a chance and see how things happen. In the great scheme of things how long with a person before you get to the point where you realize you don't match that well? a few months? Why not just give them a shot and see what happens you might be surprized at the outcome.

So how do you feel about Lifestyle Martyrdom?

I am curious if you believe it serves a point or if it is a bullshit shield one stands behind too afraid to get hurt?

Steel


This is an excellent post. I really don't have anything to add except that it is very true to my own observations as well.


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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 4:13:31 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
You never know unless you find out.


You can't win the lottery if you don't purchase a ticket. That being said, there are people who play the lottery regularly their entire lives and never win only to watch someone who has never played before plunk down $1 and hit the big jackpot. There would be no lotteries if rolling the dice was a sure investment strategy.

I see your point. You gambled and won therefore others should gamble as you did. The truth is that many do and they roll snake eyes enough times that they decide to stick to their guns. I'm fine with their no gambling policy so long as they don't whine about never winning.

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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 4:19:44 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Happiness is a fickle thing.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 5:18:23 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I think this is one reason that I've always been inclined to say "let's try it and see what happens"... to meet pretty quickly in person, and get down to figuring out what works, what doesn't, and whether the two balance out for us in living dynamics. I know I tend to be a perfectionist -- and I also know that if I hang on perfection, I get stuck and it sucks the joy right out of my life, since I've given up everything I wanted for the sake of a perfection that is unattainable anyway. How dysfunctional is that?

Anyway, this is an incredibly insightful post -- and as someone else who's walked that road, I accept that there are a lot more -risks- in taking chances, but there is also a WHOLE lot more joy!

Dame Calla

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 5:31:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Steel, I agree that it is an excellent post, and not just because it was something that I was thinking of Myself very recently.  LOL.

I was just recalling in the past couple of days some of the things that I've written on these boards.  When I had first joined up, I was back in the position of wanting a new sub, but not needing one.  After My D/s dynamic had ended with pet, I was convinced that I was only going to take on a sub that was going to fit this concept that I had conjured up in My mind.  At one time, I had gotten involved in this long, drawn out debate with LadyHugs about My reasons for refusing to consider some submissives for certain reasons.

One of them that I insisted on was that I didn't want a sub who was in the military.  Absolutely no way.  Nope.  Not doing.  With Mister P already in the military and knowing the challenges that brings, I knew what that was like in My marriage and I didn't want it in My D/s dynamic as well.

Another was no married people.   Oh goodness, no.  I wanted a submissive that would serve, period.  Kind of silly considering that I'm married.  I used to laugh on these boards about how no married sub could possibly fit the demands that I had.  The ones about talking to the spouse to say exactly what I was going to do when I played, the type of protocol I demanded, and so on.

I hoped for a sub who would be bisexual.  (Yes, I know.  No one's ever heard that before.)  I didn't want hang ups about anal or strap-on play because I enjoy them so much.  If he was a cuck, even better! 

Oh, and hair.  Don't forget the hair!  Yep, I smoke, so it had to be a fellow smoker.  On and on, and on.

I had this perfect notion conjured up.  Not so much things like height, weight, etc., but I knew what I wanted.  I wasn't going to settle.  I had it all figured out..... see?

Well, then clip came along, and I was proven wrong.  Sometimes a person is worth a lot more than the idea of perfection.  On that score, I understand completely what you mean about a preconceived notion of who you wanted, before you met your andi.  Like you, I had to admit that I didn't know what I didn't know, because I had never figured that actual person into the equation. 

So, I ate crow on a few points, which wasn't really so bad.  In exchange, I got better than I could have expected.  Actually, it's turned out pretty damn good.

By this post, I'm not trying to convince anyone who has a military or a married person as a hard limit to change their views.  Those are some pretty big hurdles and I don't try to convince anyone that My situation would work for them.  Still, for Me, it's been working the better part of two years now.  Just imagine what I would have missed if I would have passed clip by because he didn't fit into the box I had created of the perfect sub in My head.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 5:34:31 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Well, there does sometimes seem a sense of martyrdom in my relationships. But it's not because I don't try. At least once a quarter, if I haven't found someone interesting, I will ask someone outside my preference list out. So, I'm dating and trying. I make some friends, run like hell from some, but no romance.
Last Saturday, I spent the night dancing, but there was no romantic spark. There was a young lady who went away to college. She was fabulous. There was a nurse from the area (I don't date where I work) who was gorgeous - I paid the bartender to call my cell and tell me I had an emergency at home (on first meet, she was ready to set a wedding data). I am hopeful, but it sure is lonesome. Some won't work because they want to do public scenes and polygamy and I don't. Some don't want a man with ummms.

So, just because someone can't find someone, doesn't mean they don't try. I'm beginning to think it might be me. :)

I am in the game, just not getting hits right now.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 5:39:35 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Absolutely agree with you.

My miserable martyrdom was about 8.5 years long. I settled for less than I wanted once, and said never again.

This also does not mean the preferences are written in stone, because in life there are very few absolutes.

For those that have strict preferences, the more people you meet, the more likely to find someone that meets them.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To me, sacrificing myself to be in a relationship, just to be in one, would be some damned miserable martyrdom.

I wanted to add......I really think there is a happy middle in there some where. I know I don't have a checklist, height/weight/hair/measurements/degree/etc.....I remain open to whomever. BUT, I will not begin something with someone that has glaringly obvious things that I know without a doubt will be a problem.



_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 6/25/2009 7:42:42 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		With me it's all about openness.  Staying open to new people and experiences.  Yes, I have an idea of what I want, and a few hard limits, but I also know that sometimes life brings me what I need and I am open to that.

I am way past forty, and like many women my age I have had good relationships and bad ones, made some big mistakes and done some things right.  I've allowed myself to be treated like dirt and regretted it later.  I could be bitter and jaded, but I've seen women like that and it's most unattractive. Martyrdom is a bore, and dragging that big ol cross around makes my back hurt and gives me splinters. So I stay open to love and possibility.


_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 40
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