CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Holey smokes! Do you know how many times people say that in this forum alone? Never settle. Hmmm.. my most memorable dominant was someone I would never have considered. How does anyone know this person is not what they want until they begin to forge a relationship? Heck, it took me 3 months of screwing to discover I was not in love with my ex husband, I was just .. controlled by him.
I always wondered how people are so sure to think "this is what I want, nothing else will do". I am not young anymore and I still don't know what I want. I just know what does not work for me.
Of course I am a freak anyway. I don't seek and generally these things just seem to find me.
I'm of two minds about this. I know what I want. It isn't a lot of specific things, it's just one or two things about the type of relationship I need that have to be there. How do I know what I want? Because I've had lots of experience with having it and lots of experience with not having it or having something different. I've compared and analyzed the two sets of life experiences and determined what factors need to be present to make something right as in so perfect it can't be real for me. And you know how some people start playing the piano when they are very small, 2 or 3 years old, they are just drawn to that piano, and whether or not they become very good, they play it for their entire lives and never lose their love for it? That's been my experience with submission and slavery. Why should such a person, who clearly loves playing the piano and has had decades of enjoyment doing so give it up? So that's my first mind: one or two essential things, not much, but they have to be present and they will play a primary part of any decision that someone is right for me. Basically I need someone who is looking for the same type of relationship that I am. The details almost don't matter to me, as everything else falls neatly into place when that fit of primary needs is there. And I have such a hard time finding the right fit, that I cannot, will not, let any of that other stuff matter. As a result I've been attracted to and pursued relationships with people that many submissives would run screaming from in horror or turn their noses up at their "inappropriateness." I just don't pay any attention to that surface stuff. He (or she) can weigh 700 pounds, if it's a male, his cock can be nine inches or three inches, he can feel like he's a woman inside or be a woman that's certain she's a man inside, he can be a philandering alley cat that delights in screwing other women, even having long-term relationships with them and then rubbing that in my face, he can have a fetish for real dolls or for the bible or for pregnant women (or any other unusual fetish for that matter), he can be a great deal older than me or a great deal younger than me, he can be blind, handicapped, even bedridden, and as long as the couple of essential things I need are there, I'll be overjoyed and consider myself extremely lucky to be with him. How do I know this for certain? Well, let's just say I try very hard not to write about things I am inexperienced with. ;) So, like I said, two minds. Very rigid about the few things I know I need. Very open about everything else. It works for me.
But I guess the point I wanted to make was that sometimes your experience teaches you what you need. I don't think experience teaches anyone to need someone who meets a huge laundry list of rigid perfectionist expectations, however. A person with such a list is either someone who hasn't learned from their experiences or, more commonly, someone who is actively avoiding a relationship while pretending to the world to want one.
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RE: Lifestyle Martyrs - 
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..meloncholy and with lamentations abounding in the mists of the night.
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