quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

FR

I don't believe respect is 'earnt'- it's not money - it's like love - it happens or it does not.  You cannot force it however much you try.

What baffles me is that when someone demands respect and they are always told - 'No!.... Respect cannot be given nor demanded, you must earn it!' 
Erm... am I the only one who sees the irony there?

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I think a lot of times people confuse respect with trust.  I think everyone deserves a certain amount of respect at the get-go at least respect as a fellow human being.  I don't need to trust them, just basic respect.  My dad taught me "Trust everyone but always cut the cards." 

And I tend to agree with you that after the initial basic respect, a person gains or loses my respect based on their actions.  Prior to knowing a person's actions why would I assume they deserve no respect at all?  Trust, on the other hand, has to be earned. 

quote:

I think that there are different -types- of respect, and that there is a modicum of respect due in certain situations that is not applied to a -person-, per se, but to an office or a position, and which should hold its station irrelevant of the office/position-holde

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

Should it be given freely to everyone? Or should one have to earn it?

I think that there are different -types- of respect, and that there is a modicum of respect due in certain situations that is not applied to a -person-, per se, but to an office or a position, and which should hold its station irrelevant of the office/position-holder.

For example: There is a measure of respect that one has for offices like "judge" or "physician" or "Senator" or "Prime Minister". Regardless of the person, the office is treated with a measure of dignity. Even when, say, a President shows some human flaw, the office garners ones respect as a representation of what it is meant to be.

There is another kind of respect that is garnered for skill. We respect the obvious effort it took to learn to do something or become something, regardless of the characteristics of the person. "He may be an ass, but he's a really good chef!"

Then there is the respect we offer to an individual who seems to have hir act together, and who exemplifies some or most of the characteristics that we see in a leader, either personally or in a group to which we belong. I think it is -this- kind of respect that people talk about when they talk about having to "earn" respect. It takes a while to get to know someone well enough to be able to say "This is a genuinely -worthy- person, who has earned the right to stand up and be seen in this dignified way, and be treated as a worthy individual by me. This is someone I look up to, and someone I am willing to take advice from with all due seriousness."

To me, this is completely separate from what I consider "courtesy", which are the basic manners that we use in how we associate with others. It is the absence of basic -courtesy- that generates the idea of 'rudeness', and courtesy, at least to me, should be applied liberally, without concern for whether an individual has 'earned' any particular status or not. Courtesy can be expanded on in order to display respect, but there is a base level of what I consider "good manners" that can be obtained for just about any situation, and the use of these courtesies, including some marginal use of things like titles and forms of address, is not so much an issue of 'respect of someone else' as it is 'self-respect'.

Dame Calla

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

And once again, here we are debating/discussing something that is useless to actually debate or discuss. No one, absolutly no one, defines respect in the same way as another person...and you can pull up every single definition of the word that has ever come into use, and you will still never have EVERYONE in agreement.

quote:

Here are some of the properties of respect.
-Respect is something most people want/expect/demand.
-Respect is something one has to gain. And to do so, one has to work for it.
-Respect has to be kept. And to do so, one has to work even harder.
-Respect is easily lost. Be careless or don't pay attention and it is gone before you know it...*chuckles*...very much like money in that aspect
-Respect is almost impossible to regain once it is lost.

Are these YOUR properties? Or are they actually defined, factual properties of respect?
The bolded areas, I am sorry, but are you sure that you are not confusing respect with trust?

quote:

I think that all too often, people confuse respect with courtesy; yes the two have some similiar ideas; but in reality, they are two different words with two very distinct, and different definitions.

Respect is earned; courtesy, on the other hand, should be extended to everyone without thought ( yes I know...I am not the most courteous person , but then, I have never tried to be )

quote:

ORIGINAL: WoodenPaddle


Now the age-old question. Does one have to EARN respect? Or should everyone be respected right from the start?

quote:

ORIGINAL: WoodenPaddle

*lol*...I agree on that. Now, to make it a bit harder, can anyone define the exact border between courtesy and respect?
I really doubt it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It is My belief that I can extend courtesy to everyone.  Respect is something that has to be earned in one way or another.  There has to be something about that person who has gained My admiration in some way.  That can range from anything to personal accomplishments or position they have worked for.  It can be based on a lot of things, but it does have to be based on something.  In other words, I have to know the person, or at the very minimum know of the accomplishments, for someone to earn My respect.