quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

For all those people who claim that respect is something earned, I have to ask the question what did you do to earn your own self-respect?

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ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

I don't know that I'd consider respect "earned", given what I've seen of human nature. I think respect is "awarded". Some people, we naturally want to respect, based on their appearance, their body language, their social and resource displays, and so on. Other people, we refuse to even award the basic respect necessary for them to "earn" more respect from us. It's pretty arbitrary, and it basically comes down to: don't be poor, don't be ugly, don't be socially awkward.

If you've got those three things in the right balance (and you can trade points in one for the others, of course), then you're going to get a basic amount of respect - at least, people will respect you enough to consider your actions in a positive light most of the time, which will allow your actions to gain you more respect, as long as you don't fuck it up. Congratulations! You're a Worthwhile Person!

If you don't have those three things in the right balance, then people won't respect you to begin with, which means they'll look for interpretations of your actions that will lose you more respect, which means you'll never be respected. Might as well shoot yourself now, and save everyone else the trouble of bothering with your sorry ass.

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ORIGINAL: WoodenPaddle

My apologies is I wasn't being clear here on that aspect.
I was talking about the respect for each other as a person, whether or not that is within the lifestyle.
Respect for an office or certain skills/accomplishments is indeed a whole different matter.
I've found out that I can respect a skill without respecting a person, as with a coworker who is, as a person, not much more than an extremely rude thug, but he sure knows his job and is very skilled at that. So I have no problem working with him. In fact, I'd rather work with a person I dislike but does his share and does it well than with someone who is nice but is a slacker or careless or sloppy.
But apart from his skill at work I really do not care about the way he acts and treats others...so as a person I only respect/admire his skill at work, but not an inch further than that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
For all those people who claim that respect is something earned, I have to ask the question what did you do to earn your own self-respect?

Self-respect comes from whether or not you live upto the standards which you have set for yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WoodenPaddle

(Ok, I just copied this from my blog at another site, but I really am interested in people reactions here as well)

A very old topic, I know. Should respect be earned? Or not? Is everyone expected to give respect to just anyone? Is everyone always entitled to respect?

First of all, like I have said often enough, respect is a very curious commodity with some properties that remind one of money, but unlike money it's impossible to put a set value to it. How much respect does one pay to a certain person? What does one do with repsect? It's not to be bargained for or with, nor can it be used to buy things, and yet it can be used in a way. People are more inclined to do a favor for someone they respect than for others for instance.

Here are some of the properties of respect.
-Respect is something most people want/expect/demand.
-Respect is something one has to gain. And to do so, one has to work for it.
-Respect has to be kept. And to do so, one has to work even harder.
-Respect is easily lost. Be careless or don't pay attention and it is gone before you know it...*chuckles*...very much like money in that aspect
-Respect is almost impossible to regain once it is lost.

Now the age-old question. Does one have to EARN respect? Or should everyone be respected right from the start?

Just like many people before me, I've been pondering this. I don't expect other people to accept my views as the one and only truth, I can only say how I see it.

There are 2 questions at the top. Should it be given freely to everyone? Or should one have to earn it?
For me, the truth is somewhere in the middle. The answer to both questions is: YES.
Everyone should be shown some respect when met the first time.
But yes, I also feel people have to EARN respect.
How can one combine these views? Very simple.

Take this example. Imagine respect to be a scale of 1-100. (Ok, I know it's not easily done, but go along anyway)
Now...at the side of 100 there is someone you respect utterly.
At the side of 1, there is someone you have no respect for at all.
I'd say, when you meet someone, he starts smack in the middle at 50. His actions -and the way his words and actions are in sync- will determine whether he goes up or down on the scale.
That does NOT have anything to do with liking someone. I have some friends I like, but don't really respect. And there are 2 people I really dislike, but do respect. Like and repect are NOT synonyms, or t least, to me they aren't.
Now imagine that scale of 1-100 again. Think of the 5 people who are closest to you (spatially speaking, so perhaps a roommate, a neighbour, the local grocerystore keeper, etc) and try to put them there on the scale. Generally speaking it's impossible to put anyone exactly at a certain point, but some people will be higher on the scale than others. Now why is that? Why do you respect one person more -or less- than another?
My answer is that the person has to earn that place, that amount of respect.
And one can lose it as well....*chuckles*...I could mention a few people who have lost mine, though in all my life, I've ever had the bad luck to meet 2 people who managed to go down below 10, meaning that I won't take them seriously in any way anymore.
And there are only a very few who managed to climb to the top, let's say, over 90.
Of course, things aren't that easy. People you interact with on a daily basis will move on that scale much faster than people you only see once in a while. That doesn't mean the ones you deal less often with are slower/less worthy or whatever, just that you have less opportunity to see whether their actions and words are in accord.
But that to me only shows the truth: respect is given, but true respect has to be earned.
The respect given/shown to people when first met is more something of good manners than true respect in my opinion.

One last note...*smiles a bit*...just before I put these thoughts down, there once again was one who demanded to be shown respect, for no good reason at all, who himself shows no respect to others...one like that moves down on the scale very, very quickly.
Respect is freely given. It cannot be demanded. Those who do have no idea about what respect is, or is about.

I would like to hear the opinions of others about my views. Whether it's in agreement or not...*chuckles*...because I respect the right of people to have their own view...as long as they respect mine.