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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 4:49:57 PM

PeonForHer

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Watch it, sunshine - unless you know how to get out of a full nelson . . .

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 4:54:53 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Watch it, sunshine - unless you know how to get out of a full nelson . . .

Just dont give me an essay, okay.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 5:17:00 PM

pollux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
The things I can do that are useful I wouldn't want to offer, though - they'd feel like utterly the wrong reasons for starting a relationship. I wouldn't want a partnership with a woman who only wanted me because I could fix her computer or do building jobs for her. My romantic sensibilities would be somewhat injured!

I feel similarly.

A given woman might realize that her sensuality is a feature that is attractive. And she might take steps to enhance or make known this sensuality. Still, if a man focuses on only this sensuality and what she can do for him sexually, it turns her off.

Context of the question matters. In general, however, I feel similarly about the skills question. I find the underlying message to be a turn-off in the mix of things.

Cheers,

Sea

What? You don't want to be involved in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship where all you do is provide services for someone else based on your skills, and all you get is pain and humiliation in return?

Hell, Sea... you can skip the BDSM and just get married for that.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 5:22:33 PM

DesFIP

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And what special skills do you have to offer in return? If you haven't spent the time studying and learning to become competent and more in a craft, why do you feel you rate someone who has?

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 5:48:04 PM

Venatrix

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FR - I don't require that someone have any special skills, nor do I claim to offer any in return, though no doubt most people have something they can offer. One thing I do look for is someone who is willing to be helpful. Give me a hand with chores or errands, and I'm perfectly happy with that. Oddly enough, there's a huge number of men who have time for play and sex, but when the dishes need doing or groceries need to be bought, they are surprisingly unavailable. I wonder why that is?

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 5:54:43 PM

PeonForHer

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StoneFox does have a special skill, DesFIP. She's just refusing to reveal what it is. My guess it's to do with martial arts and she knows how to knock out a horse with a single punch.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:07:14 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
What? You don't want to be involved in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship where all you do is provide services for someone else based on your skills, and all you get is pain and humiliation in return?

Hell, Sea... you can skip the BDSM and just get married for that.

Marriage is not a word, it's a sentence ;-)

To elaborate, I do not rule out the type of relationship described above but it is lower in priority.

Even for such a relationship, a direct question about skills is a turn-off in the mix of things. Even here the matter is grey. It depends on how the question is approached, when it is approached, how the overall energy and compatibility feels. In summary, how the question is approached determines how much of a turn-off it is, and the outcome depends on whether there are other points that can mitigate against this turn-off.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:10:01 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
how to knock out a horse with a single punch.

Your post made me think of a book I thumbed through at a friend's place just a couple of hours ago:

http://www.amazon.com/Alphabet-Manliness-Maddox/dp/080652720X

I was particularly amused by the section about drop kicking someone ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:16:04 PM

StoneFox

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Funny you mention that...though it's not my skill (and really, you can stop asking...I'm not going to tell it in a public forum...sorry

), I actually did do MA dor a number of years and even got together with one boyfriend specifically because it was something we had in common. I remember we liked to spar together. In the end, nice guy, he just wasn't the one for me.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:20:48 PM

PeonForHer

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Looks excellent. I have an extremely camp gay friend who'd love that - seriously.

Right, let's all guess StoneFox's secret talent and see who comes the closest. SF herself can judge. If it's not kung fu, it's got to be something to do with weapons. I bet she's adept with a claymore or a quarterstaff. Or maybe she can strip and reassemble an AK47 in record time.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:32:00 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StoneFox

Funny you mention that...though it's not my skill (and really, you can stop asking...I'm not going to tell it in a public forum...sorry ), I actually did do MA dor a number of years and even got together with one boyfriend specifically because it was something we had in common. I remember we liked to spar together. In the end, nice guy, he just wasn't the one for me.

I know . . . . It's just not the same unless the knuckles are bare, the blood's up, the crowd are yelling, you can feel bones crunching under your fists . . . is it, SF?

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:33:12 PM

undergroundsea

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I read just a couple of chapters. That book might offend some people. It is clearly written for sake of humor but draws upon male stereotypes, which include violent and chauvinistic behavior. In some portions, how one feels about the stereotypes will diminish the value of humor. I laughed the hardest about doing a drop kick to set straight a friend who makes eye contact at a urinal.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:36:01 PM

undergroundsea

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I must warn everyone. I became a to-be-feared yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do in the eighth grade. Furthermore, I watched the Karate Kid and have waxed cars. Lastly, I know how to lip sinc to English while doing martial arts moves. I will defeat my opponents and steal their Miller Lite.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:41:05 PM

AlexandraLynch

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I've come to the point where I will believe the man is truly submissive if he does the dishes. I can find all manner of people who want me to tie up their cock and put clothespins on their balls.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 6:53:04 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch
I've come to the point where I will believe the man is truly submissive if he does the dishes. I can find all manner of people who want me to tie up their cock and put clothespins on their balls.

I recognize that my perspective is limited because I do not have firsthand knowledge of what women encounter with respect to someone seeking to get his rocks off.

That said, I think the matter is too comlex to say that a man is submissive if he does the dishes. A man might do dishes with an expectation of some play as reward. A man might do dishes because doing dishes is play if framed a particular way. A man might do dishes because he likes to serve but might not like to be ordered. A man might volunteer to help with dishes as might any person to be helpful and thoughtful.

Coming back to the point about specific skills, to me asking about skills is focusing on what can the other do for me, which can become contagious. I respond to service at different levels. To be used for free labor carries limited appeal, and it appeals to the masochistic component in me. I consider loyalty, sincerity, and the desire to please to come from other components. Pushing away the components that drive these traits could also push away the traits themselves.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 7:53:40 PM

StoneFox

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Nice ;)

I usually cook (and I do cook really well) but the thought of doing the dishes afterwards makes me want to burn down my house and just buy another :D A guy who understands he'll be doing the dishes afterwards and I don't have to ride his ass about it for it to get done...::sigh:: dreamy!

< Message edited by StoneFox -- 7/5/2009 7:54:16 PM >

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 9:44:19 PM

littlesarbonn

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Personally, I have a lot of skills that are beneficial to a relationship (and yes, they have gotten me pretty far almost every time I've been in a relationship). I just find myself being really apprehensive about discussing those skills because I honestly feel like I'm being viewed ONLY for what little things I can bring to the mix, like carpentry, trained massage, or whatever else I might have that's of an advantage. I agree with the previous poster who pointed out that sometimes a woman who is dominant will come forth asking for pretty much the world, and her ONLY skill is that she is dominant and female. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but it's amazing how often that seems to be the case. And the funny thing is: Sometimes, that's all they have to offer, and they'll get tons of responses. But the responses they won't get are from the established submissives who have been around the block a few times, because we've come to the point where the attractive woman who claims experience doesn't always make her the "right" woman for the situation.

Honestly, if someone was to ask me for all sorts of skills (and yes, I do have a number of them), I'm more often than not going to be massively picky as well. For some reason, they tend not to like that.

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 11:13:35 PM

AlexandraLynch

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Ah, there's the truly lovely part...."and I don't have to ride his ass for it to get done."

Mind you, I am not merely using him for free labor. In that situation, I prefer the sub mostly naked, and I sit where I can enjoy the view. (grin)

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/5/2009 11:50:14 PM

StoneFox

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And AFTER the dishes get done is when the recreational ass-riding gets done? :wink wink:

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RE: Subs and Skills - 7/6/2009 6:35:18 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Looks excellent. I have an extremely camp gay friend who'd love that - seriously.

Right, let's all guess StoneFox's secret talent and see who comes the closest. SF herself can judge. If it's not kung fu, it's got to be something to do with weapons. I bet she's adept with a claymore or a quarterstaff. Or maybe she can strip and reassemble an AK47 in record time.

She can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue?

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