penitentialarts
Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009 Status: offline
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This is a problem that can affect all sorts of folks, despite role or gender. I am a bisexual switch (male), but I have spent the majority of the last 12 years in a heterosexual dominant role. I have taken several breaks along the way, and am just now coming out of the latest one. There are several things that have led to the breaks I have taken - local scene politics, vanilla life issues, and more. Ultimately, though, I find that I'm just bored with the same-old, same-old. The local scene is also pretty watered down. The local "public" dungeon doesn't allow you to touch anyone's genitals unless it is with the intent to cause pain, and the dungeon monitors stop scenes where the sub is being "too loud." There are some good private parties that attract more experience people, but they are fewer and farther between. A lot of the older, more experienced folks have left the scene, and there is a certain "blind leading the blind" quality to many groups, since most of them are relatively new to things. When it comes to finding submissives, more are wanting to de-emphasize the S&M and focus more (or sometimes exclusively) on the D/s. Fewer are interested in the edgier, more primal side of things, and more seem to be swept up in the Harlequin-style romanticization of BDSM relationships. A lot of subs today seem to be focused on the de-sexualization of BDSM, too. Fuck that. I want the dark side of things - intensity, fear (when appropriate), pain, mindfucks, mind-altering experiences, lust, and everything else that is hard to find in vanilla relationships. Without that, it's just roleplaying, bad poetry, dressing up in kinky clothes, and whining, which is boring as hell. After surveying the current local landscape, I finally decided a few months ago to explore other areas of my sexuality. I had not actually had sex with a man before, so I tried that. I loved it. I had never done a BDSM scene with another man, so I tried that, too. I enjoyed it, but the two of us just didn't click in other ways. I am currently in negotations with a "sissy" who wants to be feminized - if it works out, I bet I will enjoy that, too. Though it may sound like it, I'm not being promiscuous - I'm just going through the cycle of dating people in the hopes of finding a long-term, monogamous relationship. I would love to find a relationship with a dominant woman, but there don't seem to be many out there who are single, looking for a male submissive, and not into cuckolding, orgasm denial, and chastity (I just can't get into those things). I also decided to try looking in different places than I have in the past. Though I have ads here and on other similar kinky/fetish/BDSM personals sites, I decided to try some mostly vanilla ones and CraigsList. The vanilla ones haven't worked (I didn't really expect them to), but I have had some great luck on CraigsList, of all things (to my great surprise). I have found that once you sort out the ones who are looking for one-night stands, the ones who are looking for money, the one-liners, etc., maybe 1% of the advertisers are actually interesting. When you look at how many ads get posted on there, though, you realize that a 1% return actually results in a pretty high number of people. I don't mind deleting 99 emails to find one that is worth replying to - it's a numbers game, and I don't get offended by one-line emails like "swm, looking to fuck 2-night" with penis pictures attached. I don't answer them, because I don't have time for people who won't take the time to write a decent email, but I don't get insulted, either. The local scene will probably look more interesting to me down the line, but right now I'm just bored with it, like you are. Exploring some new sexual/relationship avenues is getting me excited again, though, and I have found over the years that taking breaks from the scene can be very refreshing, too. - Jesse
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