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Rudeness - 2/16/2006 4:51:36 PM   
HarleyBeauty


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline 		so what is it that compels people to write nasty emails to a person when they don't like their profile. I changed mine recently because I was tired of the Wanna Bee Masters, and the bull. So I was very straight forward about what I think (hummm a sub with a mind too, what a concept) sorry tangent there, what I want and what i need. I keep getting emails in the bulk folder from Men (?) saying that I am a "bitch". When I try to email them back, they are blocked. Seems rightly chicken to me.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:03:29 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Cause some people have negative minds and want to share that with others like a disease?

Sorry your getting harsh emails.

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:09:26 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		I just looked at your profile and while I agree whole-heartedly with what you say about the chickens, AND with what you are stating in your journal, I suspect that what is happening is that men are not reading down to the more positive part of your profile because that long list of Do Not Contact Me If...comes first.

I can see how that might be off-putting.

Now, the argument here is that you might be thinking: If they can't be bothered to read the whole thing then who needs them..., and that's valid. But it also might cause many nice people to misread your profile as being overly negative and move on without getting to know the real you.

I'm not sure whether you wanted this unsolicited opinion so please forgive me if you didn't. I know how hard it can be to write these darn profiles, trust me!

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:20:19 PM   
jimej6


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		Negativity happens but it is largely due to self-esteem issues, unfortunately it’s an all to common thing. All I can say after looking at your profile is I'm unhappy your 3000 miles a way or Id ask you out for some coffee. You cant let it get you down, abuse and stupidity don’t sound like what you are looking for anyway, Good luck in your search. RP

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:30:10 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I understand your frustration, and I don't believe you should be receiving unsolicited, nasty emails anyway. It just shows immaturity on the part of the sender.
But, in all fairness, as a Domina, if you were a submissive boy, you would be labeled as "do me, do me". There has been a thread or two on these boards which claim that the boys are given a hard time, while the girls get lots of petting and understanding.
It is not only that you have a big list of reasons for "do not contact me" at the beginning of your profile, but even as you move on, your profile sounds like it is dictating what the Domiant must be willing to provide for you. It just doesn't sound very submissive.
I repeat, this doesn't justify the nasty emails. But it might justify a lack of interest in trying to get to know you in the first place. So maybe little to no email? Of course, I don't really know what else you get in your box. Seems I have heard that if you are female, on either side of the whip, the emails flood in.
Profiles are hard to write, and it is not easy to come across the way you feel best represents you. Right now you sound angry. There are ways to be firm without sounding like you are ready to slug someone in the face.
Hoping you don't feel like I am stepping on toes here...Good luck.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:33:13 PM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		well how do you expect them to practice humiliation play? and isolation?

i find the evil mean emails more than a bit amusing . . . . particularly when i, a lowly sub, can elicit such a response from a <coughs> Dom.


(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 5:33:35 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I just looked at your profile and while I agree whole-heartedly with what you say about the chickens, AND with what you are stating in your journal, I suspect that what is happening is that men are not reading down to the more positive part of your profile because that long list of Do Not Contact Me If...comes first.

I can see how that might be off-putting.

Now, the argument here is that you might be thinking: If they can't be bothered to read the whole thing then who needs them..., and that's valid. But it also might cause many nice people to misread your profile as being overly negative and move on without getting to know the real you.

I'm not sure whether you wanted this unsolicited opinion so please forgive me if you didn't. I know how hard it can be to write these darn profiles, trust me!

Cin


I concur. I read her profile and saw exactly what you were trying to say. There is a long list. I was tired of it by the third "do not contact me"... It would be best probably if she grouped it all together in a more concise statement with maybe a bit of humor.. for example:

"Please .. Do not read further or waste my time by contacting me if: You're are married, wanting a playtoy, or looking for online wank material. Or if your picture of a perfect sub is dumb, no opinions, and a human pinyata."

Or she could rephrase all her "do not contact me" into "Keep reading if" statements..

If you're single, keep reading. If you're looking for an intelligent sub adept at conversation, keep reading.

The first part of her profile as it stands now .. sounds jaded and bitchy, which I don't think is what she was trying to express. I think she's just frustrated.

As for the rude emails... I get those from time to time too. For no apparent reason. I got a lot more as a sub I think than I do now. I just trash em and move on.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 6:26:49 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyBeauty

so what is it that compels people to write nasty emails to a person when they don't like their profile. I changed mine recently because I was tired of the Wanna Bee Masters, and the bull. So I was very straight forward about what I think (hummm a sub with a mind too, what a concept) sorry tangent there, what I want and what i need. I keep getting emails in the bulk folder from Men (?) saying that I am a "bitch". When I try to email them back, they are blocked. Seems rightly chicken to me.






I have gotten the same thing.I agree its not a very mature way to deal with things.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 6:54:10 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyBeauty

so what is it that compels people to write nasty emails to a person when they don't like their profile. I changed mine recently because I was tired of the Wanna Bee Masters, and the bull. So I was very straight forward about what I think (hummm a sub with a mind too, what a concept) sorry tangent there, what I want and what i need. I keep getting emails in the bulk folder from Men (?) saying that I am a "bitch". When I try to email them back, they are blocked. Seems rightly chicken to me.


i tried to cover the highlights of your profile and if i missed anything it should be pretty easy to stuff it in there somewhere.

i was thinking it may be in the manner in which you present yourself so i took what you said and sort of edited for you. try it and see if this makes a difference.

i am a huge rudeness opponent and have a zillion posts regarding it. good luck to you! r1


serious only please, and i am not interested in married men, cyber, couples, sadists, or those who only want a doormat or their main interest is in sex.

i am seeking my one partner and companion over the age of 45, someone firm and strong willed with his own life under control, someone who is solvent, and who deires a 24/7 relationship.

i am not a big tv fan, love to ride and listen to nonstop music all day, love politics, law and construction too!

i am a sub with a full range personality and i can be bratty at times so a man with a strong constitution is ideal, and you can always count on my honesty and candor in all things.

some things i hope my partner will also enjoy are: add the list on the bottom of your profile.




_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 7:30:16 PM   
iamready


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnessforsir



i find the evil mean emails more than a bit amusing . . . . particularly when i, a lowly sub, can elicit such a response from a <coughs> Dom.




LOL - well said.



(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 9:16:14 PM   
HarleyBeauty


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your responses, all of them have been read and no one "stepped on toes". My point in my profile is simple. I am tired of the jerks. I know we all have to deal with them and they are everywhere, and admittedly I was pretty pissed off when I wrote it, and expresed exactly what I was thinking without abandin. I especially appreciate the "rewrite" by SimplyV. I could soften it up.

On the positive side I have met a couple of men, who are extremely intellegent, and have possibilities. Both of which have stated that, they were impresses with the honesty and straight fowardness of my profile and saw the humor in it where it actually was.

So for now, I will keep deleting the little boys and consider revision in the future.

Again, thank you all for your comments. I appreciate your time and opinions.

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 9:29:01 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		At least they're reading your profile.
Almost every message I've gotten in the last month from men who say they're interested are from people who clearly didn't read my profile.. as they're all long distance.

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 10:27:31 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnessforsir

well how do you expect them to practice humiliation play? and isolation?

i find the evil mean emails more than a bit amusing . . . . particularly when i, a lowly sub, can elicit such a response from a <coughs> Dom.




Well spake.

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Rudeness - 2/16/2006 11:15:43 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There are some, unfortinately, who enjoy destroying the peace, beauty and harmony of others. thet are sick, sad and sorry individuals who have no joy or beauty in their own lives and hate it when they see others who have such treasures...

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 4:35:28 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

There are some, unfortinately, who enjoy destroying the peace, beauty and harmony of others. thet are sick, sad and sorry individuals who have no joy or beauty in their own lives and hate it when they see others who have such treasures...


what he said...and he said it beautifully

No matter what online dating service you use, you are going to get those kind of emails. Just hit delete and ignore them (unless they are particularly good, then you can always forward them to your friends with appropriate editorial comments).

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 5:07:34 AM   
ItsTimeBendOver


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline 		A question most wortly of an answer. May I politely offer my perspective ... Let us start here:

"OK. Here we go Let's offend some people" & "Wow...my first day on the site and I recieved 138 mail messages"!! (The last two quotes came from a group of 30 submissive profiles). First, am I as a "REAL DOM" supposed to be impressed that she got 138 mail messages? I am offended with the second submissives profile and have not read past the first sentence. So little respect for anyone. No common courtsey. Just because its a D/s site does not mean courtsey and respect for others does not count. Do these submissives interact with everyone in their vanilla world with the same "Arrogance"? I'll bet you a dollar to a doughnut that if they did they would be called a "BITCH".

For some reason it occurs to me that because this is an environment of power exchange that its ok to be "RUDE" with what they write. Sorry YES! I do find profiles that tell me all things they do not want, will not do, and demands they make "RUDE". If you cannot get away with that kind of behavior in the vanilla world, what makes ok in this one?
Unfortunately, these kind of profiles are not isolated. I know, just blame this kind of behavior on DOM wannabes, its an easy way to justify "RUDE" behavior. Perhaps one would be better suited to constructing a profile that is positive, reinforcing, & inviting and then sort out the jerks. Wait, that may take time and effort! Personally I do not see real submissives as door mats at all they are my compliment, my love, my soul .... BUT THEY ARE SUBMISSIVE!





(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 5:52:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItsTimeBendOver
BUT THEY ARE SUBMISSIVE!

And what does that mean?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ItsTimeBendOver)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 6:39:57 AM   
ItsTimeBendOver


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline
Clever Girl! The question you ask demands an answer based on perspectives. I could skirt around the issue by citing how the Webster's dictionary defines submissive, or look it up the the Funk & Wagnall's, but that would hardly be right. So ... perhaps I can answer first with what a submissive is not. First, "SHE IS NOT IN CHARGE". "SHE DOES NOT DOMINATE WITH HER LANGUAGE AND ACTIONS". "SHE DOES NOT TELL A DOMINANT THE WAY ITS GOING TO BE". "SHE IS NOT A DOORMAT". Now what she is ......

A most precious gift. She is love. She is the beginning and end of a Dominants soul. She is a woman, a person, a being. She is to be loved, cherished, and respected. She has freely given the most valued of her possessions ... "HERSELF"

As with all things submissives come in a variety of packages. It is when
a woman holds herself out as a submissive, and uses her beauty as a snare that corrupts. She knows that she will get hundreds of letters from guys, so its of little consequence to her what she writes, to her it simply does not matter. It is never right to build ones own ego at the expense of another. If a submissive seeks that kind of power she is not a "SUBMISSIVE" ... I can never be a true Dominant without a true Submissive and therein lies the key.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 6:41:35 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

A most precious gift.


oh god, not that *gift* thing. Again.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ItsTimeBendOver)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Rudeness - 2/17/2006 6:47:20 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know the answer to this and it quite similar to a question I asked about a month ago.

Some suggestions people gave me was 1) the person is just mean or 2) the person is attempting to get some reaction from you.

I'd put them on "block" and report the email to mod (who may or may not do anything) but I wouldn't reply to the negative email at all.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HarleyBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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