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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/12/2009 12:22:09 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks TM.  I try, and I try not to be trying.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 10:30:44 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


I did the lowering of eyes thing, but I think I overdid it.  I think she thought I was a bit deranged in some way.  I even did things like 'Can I use the toilet?' - to which her reply (with a slightly worried expression on her face) was "Yes.  The door's right there.  You used it on the way in - don't you remember?"

 


You'll hate me for this, but the "Can I use the toilet" would freak me out a bit, I don't really want to dictate somebody's body functions, though it might have resulted in me grinning and saying "Nope" just for the fun of seeing you hopping nervously from one foot to the other. But that wouldn't even be sadism, that would be just the amusement factor.

And if you would lower your eyes all the time, well, if I'm talking to somebody, I prefer eye contact.

Obviously during this encounter the chemistry was really off... You know, would you have actually wanted that she'd pick up on your cues?

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(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 10:51:17 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Gawd, I knew I'd end up being embarrassed by this thread. . . . 

Nope, I wouldn't consciously try any of the eye or toilet trick again.  (If I'd used the latter, and she'd grinned, I'd have grinned with her.  Sheesh.  If only.)  I sort of expected that I'd act a bit like a gawky teen on his first date - and I did. 

Obviously during this encounter the chemistry was really off... You know, would you have actually wanted that she'd pick up on your cues?

Interesting question.  The answer would have been 'yes' at the time, obviously - but now?  Looking back, I think it would have felt completely wrong, but for entirely different reasons.  But I don't know, really.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 12:01:14 PM   
AngelicaGoddess


Posts: 61
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		What would you have done if she would have said NO and handed you diapers? I haven't done that but it seems an interesting concept to really throw a guy off guard! Maybe I just like seeing fear in their eyes too much!

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 12:37:17 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'd have blushed prettily and put them on, AG.   I like to think I have good manners. 

Hmmm.  Seriously?  That would have been fun.



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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 1:42:57 PM   
AngelicaGoddess


Posts: 61
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		Shame that I am not into diapers, I just thought it would be fun to see a shocked face.

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 1:46:23 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Assume that Domme and sub are attracted to each other and have been talking for some while, in a broadly vanilla, friendly, sort of way.  Which side is to make the first move, thereafter?   

The reason I ask is that I've come to realise that there seem to be two entirely different assumptions regarding this. At one pole, I know that some dominants will give a command, bluntly, and watch to see how it's taken.  They'll see it as their role, as it were, to 'get the dynamic moving'.  Other dominants, though, are entirely the opposite.  They'll wait till the sub offers strong signs of submission - and that repeatedly.  It's important to them, I'm told, in order for them to start feeling dominant towards the sub.

I have a funny feeling that I'm not asking the right question here.  If your intuition says that might be true, please do say so.



With me it rarely is a structured thought out move... I just be me and they just be them and whatever happens naturally first happens.  In the few situations where there has been a clear effort having to be made, it has varied; sometimes they submit first, sometimes I'll dominate first, sometimes we'll make a simulataneous gesture.

Not pointing in any one helpful direction, I know, but that's the best I can answer.

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(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 6:34:45 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelicaGoddess

Shame that I am not into diapers, I just thought it would be fun to see a shocked face.


Best way to do that is to roll up the diaper and stuff it under the fly of your jeans.  Then come in and say, "Peon, there's something I need to tell you".  That would shock me. 

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/14/2009 6:35:41 PM >

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(in reply to AngelicaGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 6:38:40 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		With me it rarely is a structured thought out move... I just be me and they just be them and whatever happens naturally first happens.  In the few situations where there has been a clear effort having to be made, it has varied; sometimes they submit first, sometimes I'll dominate first, sometimes we'll make a simulataneous gesture.

Not pointing in any one helpful direction, I know, but that's the best I can answer
 
I think, actually, that pretty much is the answer, Rumpus.  I've come to the conclusion that it grows sort of organically, with one side hardly ever more than half-conscious of doing anything in particular.  Not all that different to the way people get together and get their 'dynamics' moving in the vanilla world, really.

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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/14/2009 8:26:30 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Assume that Domme and sub are attracted to each other and have been talking for some while, in a broadly vanilla, friendly, sort of way.  Which side is to make the first move, thereafter? 


When unsure, I usually suggest best out of three of rounds of paper, scissor, rock ;-)

I think either side can initiate. I think it is less likely to occur so abruptly. In most cases I think D/s flirting occurs that sets the stage for whoever initiates.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/15/2009 4:16:21 AM   
AngelicaGoddess


Posts: 61
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Best way to do that is to roll up the diaper and stuff it under the fly of your jeans.  Then come in and say, "Peon, there's something I need to tell you".  That would shock me. 


Realistic oversized dildos are brilliant for that...

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/15/2009 1:01:49 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I finally made it through the 5 pages of this thread. I'm trying to be better as opposed to reading the first page, then throwing out a post just to discover I haven't read the majority. (thanks Otter)

At one point Peon, you said she changed her profile to, "Not Looking," prior to your meeting. I know you have processed this to death already and are done...but that little bit of information brought to mind that perhaps she had met someone else in the interium, and she was just keeping the date 'because'.

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(in reply to AngelicaGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/15/2009 1:20:14 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Could be, Sthrn.  Either that, or she'd started talking to me, and I was perfect, so why bother continuing?

But, yep, she could have had many people lined up, for all I know.  It doesn't really matter.   

There's no point in analysing the reasons why you've spilt the milk over the dead horse's barn door that's been flogging the water that goes under the bridge with the buttered parsnips . . .

Or something like that.  You know what I mean.

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/17/2009 10:09:17 PM   
epepincanada


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		I have never had this perticular issue, but when all else fails, try joking around about the topic and look for a reaction.  If you see one you just need to "hint" your interest and see where it goes.  

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/18/2009 3:02:12 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelicaGoddess

What would you have done if she would have said NO and handed you diapers? I haven't done that but it seems an interesting concept to really throw a guy off guard! Maybe I just like seeing fear in their eyes too much!


Whats worse is if she says no and gives you a bottle of water to drink.

(in reply to AngelicaGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/19/2009 1:52:25 PM   
Mistressbinature


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Assume that Domme and sub are attracted to each other and have been talking for some while, in a broadly vanilla, friendly, sort of way.  Which side is to make the first move, thereafter?   

The reason I ask is that I've come to realise that there seem to be two entirely different assumptions regarding this. At one pole, I know that some dominants will give a command, bluntly, and watch to see how it's taken.  They'll see it as their role, as it were, to 'get the dynamic moving'.  Other dominants, though, are entirely the opposite.  They'll wait till the sub offers strong signs of submission - and that repeatedly.  It's important to them, I'm told, in order for them to start feeling dominant towards the sub.

I have a funny feeling that I'm not asking the right question here.  If your intuition says that might be true, please do say so.



A smart Dominant will do no such thing. A Dominant must have the sub's permission to dominate; and would it be considered an arrogant pompus of the individual to do otherwise



(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 7/20/2009 3:18:38 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Please find the definitive answer to your question right here.

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/11/2009 3:02:02 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		Ma'am made the first move, dominating Her slave the first time he met Her.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/11/2009 4:14:52 PM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
However, to answer your question:  I'm using a large font because I have a large penis.


You use it to type? This man has skills!

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/11/2009 4:52:33 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for the link, Cloudboy.  More and more these days I find that kind of sentiment to be a breath of fresh air.

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Profile   Post #: 100
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