RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate first?

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/11/2009 4:53:37 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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God, no. I can't afford to keep smashing keyboards, never mind desks.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/11/2009 11:48:33 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
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i always seem to find myself submitting before anything...

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/12/2009 4:19:15 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow
i always seem to find myself submitting before anything...

<~~ Her slave seems to find himself submitting TO anything.

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Post #: 103

RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/15/2009 2:45:37 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Submitting is sometimes a totally unconscious thing.
I passed in the car our eyes met. I knew.
I turned round parked behind him got in his car and slapped him across the face.
We both laughed and went for a drink. He was warm, loving and attentive.
He later told me 'I have no idea why I allowed you to do the things you did to me'
He is a wonderful submissive man.
He ended the relationship because he wanted to try being a dom.
I think we both regret that he did but sometimes there is just no going back.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/15/2009 4:01:18 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Submission at first sight, a wonderful concept Ma`am. One of my first ever posts was how do submissives and dominants meet in public, how do they KNOW. I guess sometimes, they just do.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 1:19:59 PM

ryansway

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Assume that Domme and sub are attracted to each other and have been talking for some while, in a broadly vanilla, friendly, sort of way. Which side is to make the first move, thereafter?

The reason I ask is that I've come to realise that there seem to be two entirely different assumptions regarding this. At one pole, I know that some dominants will give a command, bluntly, and watch to see how it's taken. They'll see it as their role, as it were, to 'get the dynamic moving'. Other dominants, though, are entirely the opposite. They'll wait till the sub offers strong signs of submission - and that repeatedly. It's important to them, I'm told, in order for them to start feeling dominant towards the sub.

I have a funny feeling that I'm not asking the right question here. If your intuition says that might be true, please do say so.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 1:38:11 PM

ryansway

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on the question of" who made who", a while ago, 'my then girlfriend' and i were talking about bondage and offered to swallow if she could bind me ,well she talked me into it ,that was her first step into my mind,the next thing i knew she was she was a hard core sadist ,and i could or would never say no,'not that i could say anything with her panties stuffed in my mouth ',,, but what i want to say is ('at least in that instance ,it started with the smallest of things and worked into a dark and wild journey')

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 3:16:11 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
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Alright I have to admit I skimmed this. I did not read all 5 pages. Peon you handled it probably closely the same way I would have. If I am interested, and she does not make the first move, I will drop a hint, MAYBE do it a second time, but if she does not pick up on them, I assume she is not interested in this. By jokingly saying things like Yes Ma'am, for the first time he does it, it offers him a way to save face if it gets rejected. he can gauge her reaction, and find out if it is something she welcomed, or did not like. You dropped a few hints, (I don't picture myself doing the bathroom one) and she either was not "feeling it", or was too clueless to pick up on them. If it was the latter, what does that say about her as a Domme. There is always a learning curve when getting to know one another. If a Domme can not factor in for this, then I think she is unrealistic. I would think, if she was interested in you, she would have recognized that you were a willing sub, and addressed the finer points of how you went about it, and started "molding you" later on. It sounds like you made the effort, but unfortunately it blew up in your face.

As to the other reason i responded here. I happen to have a bit of first hand experience, with a Domme who would not let me go pee. And all of you joking around about what would you do if she said no, and the mention of drinking water...HA! I had to drink beer! ALOT of it. It ended poorly, but with hilarious results for a reader. The story is in my journal if anyone is patient enough to scroll through it. It is the entry on 3/13/08. About 5 pages back. Dommes and subs contact me all the time and tell me how funny that story is.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 3:18:37 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Submitting is sometimes a totally unconscious thing.
I passed in the car our eyes met. I knew.
I turned round parked behind him got in his car and slapped him across the face.
We both laughed and went for a drink. He was warm, loving and attentive.
He later told me 'I have no idea why I allowed you to do the things you did to me'
He is a wonderful submissive man.
He ended the relationship because he wanted to try being a dom.
I think we both regret that he did but sometimes there is just no going back.

Wow this is an awesome story.

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Post #: 109

RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 7:28:13 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I have a funny feeling that I'm not asking the right question here. If your intuition says that might be true, please do say so.

Well, when I read the subject of your message, I wanted to offer you an award for writing the most baffling question I'd ever seen on this forum. It's a "chicken or the egg" question, and I have no idea what the answer is, but I'm greatly entertained that someone thought to ask it! I will be thinking about it for, oh, probably the next 10 years now. ;)

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 7:29:44 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow

i always seem to find myself submitting before anything...

Nice AV! D?

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/17/2009 7:32:24 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Submission at first sight, a wonderful concept Ma`am. One of my first ever posts was how do submissives and dominants meet in public, how do they KNOW. I guess sometimes, they just do.

Agreed. I wasn't even looking for a pet when I found my Dear One. In fact, just the opposite. I was NOT looking for a pet... 2 and a half years after meeting him though, I'm glad we found eachother.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/30/2009 4:57:16 AM

MissDita

Posts: 33
Joined: 4/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I do want to see signs of submission first. However, they don't have to be strong and they don't have to be repeated. It can be something soft and simple, such as the lowering of the eyes during a conversation or the certain turn of a phrase. It can be something very subtle that most people wouldn't even particularly call submission. It can even be something in the air. The energy that I get from a person.

When one of these things happen, I absolutely zone in on it and take advantage of the opportunity. Yes, I will give a command or make a request just to see if it will be carried out.

I mostly agree with LadyPact, but for Me it's clear. The slave has to show his submission first. A slave that first has to be convinced that I'm dominant enough to earn his submission is just not worth My attention. But most of the time it's clear from the first moment, if someone is intimidated and feels submissive towards Me. But I like protocol, and he will have to seduce My dominance. It's like a dance, seeing submission draws out the dominance, the dominance makes you go deeper into submission... So anyone can make the first move. But I think it's enough that I take the time to talk to you and get to know you and tell you more about Myself. If that's not enough to make you decide if you want to submit to Me and show it,... well I'm sure not going to help you with it.
I think it's just about a click. If it's there than you feel it and you act on it. Slaves have the right to find that a Mistress has to earn his submission, but most of the time they won't click with Me and I won't be interested.

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RE: Does the sub submit first, or the dominant dominate... - 8/30/2009 5:56:49 AM

MissDita

Posts: 33
Joined: 4/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

LP and PS,

I did the lowering of eyes thing, but I think I overdid it. I think she thought I was a bit deranged in some way. I even did things like 'Can I use the toilet?' - to which her reply (with a slightly worried expression on her face) was "Yes. The door's right there. You used it on the way in - don't you remember?"

LP - no, whatever I did, she took no advantage of it. Not at all. I think, at bottom, we just didn't click, so there was nothing I could do that would have 'worked', anyway.

On reflection, I think she may have been feeding me horseshit. She invited me to believe that she'd been a 24/7, naked slave to a master and mistress for some years in Italy. Then she'd had a full-time lesbian relationship. Now, though, she'd decided that she'd had enough of all that and wanted to be a dominant to a male sub. Basically, she didn't know what she wanted.

*Sigh*. She was fruitcake, wasn't she?

Typical. Just my luck. Well, she was too young and had an extraordinarily big nose, so maybe it was a lucky escape.

Hi peon,

I don't think you there was anything wrong with your behaviour, on the contrary. But I'm afraid She wasn't really a Dominant. (or maybe in a different way than I am, because there are many different kinds)
So I think you indeed had bad luck untill now, and lots of subs go true this. So if you meet the right Dominant, it's possible that She will really react positive to your behaviour.

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