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Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 5:28:22 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have recently come upon more than one occurence where I was informed that collared submissives/slaves share all conversations, regardless of content, they have with others with their Masters, regardless if the person involved knows about it or not--(It seems this is more a female sub male Master I could be wrong)---I feel this is a huge invasion of  the third party privacy. Am I nuts? Am I alone, should not the third party know that this may happen? Do you feel like a schmuck if you say, I'm sorry, I can't abide by that?

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 5:34:27 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, I always assume that when there is a couple (be it lifestyle or vanilla) that what I say most likely will be shared with the other.  If it is really important to me that it not be shared I would ask before disclosed the information.  Unless I have asked for and the person has agreed to keep it confidential I don't view sharing it with his/her partner an invasion of privacy. 

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 5:47:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If they tell you they are going to do it, then it isn't an invasion of privacy. Because then you are making the decision to tell them already knowing they will share it.

Beyond that, I fully expect that if I mention something to a married friend, that her husband will know about it. If it's something I don't want her to share, I do ask her first if she would not tell him. If she declines, then it's my decision to knowingly share with both of them or not.

However, I imagine that if the communication is about cooking, she isn't going to go into details unless like one friend, she happens to be married to a professional chef. If it simply is in the profile, then usually it is there in a vain attempt to cut down on hng mail.

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:00:33 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		If you are speaking with someone you know to be a slave, you would be putting THEM in an ackward position of you expected ANYTHING LESS than realization their master could very well expect them to share the information of conversatioins throughout te day.  When in doubt go with the fact that if you are speaking to the slave, you are speaking to their Master.  Whether or not the Man asks for the information is a different story, as most Men are not that interested in all the conversations their slave had with everyone every day lol.  But the possibility he checks her logs, messages, or even asks her to relation what transpired in a specific conversation is a very real possibility.  What he chooses to do with such information is up to him. 

Also, be aware that when a woman is a slave she shares much with her Master automatically, so disclaiming to you or everyone she speaks with that privacy is not guaranteed is kind of a little much.  So, if you are relaying something you don't wish shared with others, be observant of who you are talking too because while they are your friend, they are always their Master's slave first and foremost, and privacy is not yours to dictate to them.  If that makes sense.

angel



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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:14:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I think anyone that has a conversation with someone's partner is foolish to assume that what they say is going to stay between them. It seems rather arrogant to think that ones conversation is of such importance that it out ways the importance between two or more individuals in a committed intimate relationship. In fact, I assume that anything I tell X.. he/she will tell his/her partner about the conversation. If I wish the conversation to be one in confidence.. I will make the request to them..."REQUEST"... Not demand...... but even in this situation... it's not something I am likely to do or even consider except under very serious circumstances. I believe the communication and openness between partners in an intimate relationship is of the highest importance and third parties are way down on the importance scale in comparison. If I am going to make a request of confidence... it is going to be extremely serious and not going to be asked lightly. To be honest.... I can't ever recall making such a request.

Lastly, If someone feels offended becuase what they share to me is shared to my girls or vice vrs.... Well to bad for you! There isn't anyone more important that my girls or me for them....



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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:20:07 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I think anyone that has a conversation with someone's partner is foolish to assume that what they say is going to stay between them. It seems rather arrogant to think that ones conversation is of such importance that it out ways the importance between two or more individuals in a committed intimate relationship. In fact, I assume that anything I tell X.. he/she will tell his/her partner about the conversation. If I wish the conversation to be one in confidence.. I will make the request to them..."REQUEST"... Not demand...... but even in this situation... it's not something I am likely to do or even consider except under very serious circumstances. I believe the communication and openness between partners in an intimate relationship is of the highest importance and third parties are way down on the importance scale in comparison. If I am going to make a request of confidence... it is going to be extremely serious and not going to be asked lightly. To be honest.... I can't ever recall making such a request.

Lastly, If someone feels offended becuase what they share to me is shared to my girls or vice vrs.... Well to bad for you! There isn't anyone more important that my girls or me for them....





Agree 100%.   Very well put.  

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:34:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Cat, I'm about to confuse the hell out of you.

Where clip is concerned, he is under what I term as full disclosure.  In other words, anything that I ask him, he is required to answered Me honestly to the best of his ability.  I do make a habit of telling people this.  Even so far as to say things like, if you don't want Me to know what you've bought for My birthday, you have to keep it a secret from clip as well.  If he knows, he has to tell Me if I ask.

I'm sure this is confusing to people where it comes to clip's military service, especially while he is deployed.  I am aware that there are things that he can not tell Me that are related to the army.  I do not ask him about anything in those areas where security might be involved.

Other than that, everything else that My boy has knowledge of, I will know as well.


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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:37:26 PM   
MeaganBlake


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/8/2009
From: Central Ohio
Status: offline 		I am also of the persuasion that if I share something with someone who is partnered, the partner will know it, too, unless I specifically ask that it not be shared. This is true of both vanilla and BDSM relationships.

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:38:24 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR, after read thru

This one's an amusing topic for me because long before I got involved in the out-&-organized kink world I generally found that committed couples shared everything with each other, whether I liked it or not. Even if one said that something was in confidence, that frequently was not how it worked out . . . . .

Since learning so much about how BDSM works for a diversity of persons, I assume that what I'd found to be true of 'vanilla' relationships is even more so with regard to D/s & especially M/s relationships . .. . . I'm actually more surprised when the M/s or D/s relationship does not have that level of communication intimacy . ... .

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 6:45:46 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Frankly anything that I would share with someone could be public knowledge and it would not bother me. There are very few people I tell things to in "confidence" my male sub is one, the other is my daughter. Other than that I assume people have loose lips and will repeat most things that they hear.

~Lashra


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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 7:11:49 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		You're right LP, I am confused, not by what you do with clip--but why it's so important to know everything--if one has complete trust as I know you and others do, why is it so important? What does one gain? Or what does one lose?
 
I know its a nit, its the YKINMK thing, I just don't get this one--its just Me I guess.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 7:19:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think it's just you.  I assume couples share info, I don't see it as a matter of trust or the lack thereof.  It is just what couples do.  My ex still knows my password and I still know his.  I don't check up on him and I assume he does not check up on me either but if he did it wouldn't matter.
As far as in a ds context I would say it may be more into a power dynamic.. they share because its there!  Once again it doesn't have to have a thing to do with trust or the lack thereof.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

You're right LP, I am confused, not by what you do with clip--but why it's so important to know everything--if one has complete trust as I know you and others do, why is it so important? What does one gain? Or what does one lose?
 
I know its a nit, its the YKINMK thing, I just don't get this one--its just Me I guess.

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 7:28:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I share everything with Master. I shared everything with my husband when I was married. It's simply part of being in a relationship that you both share everything because there is that level of trust and communication and intimacy that you desire. It brings two people closer together and makes them feel more a part of each other.


(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 7:44:55 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master would stick needles in his eyes if I shared every conversation. He trusts me and really doesn't care who I talk to because he knows that I have no problem making boundries.

That said, if you talk to me, the story may be told to him.

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 8:22:51 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Master would stick needles in his eyes if I shared every conversation. He trusts me and really doesn't care who I talk to because he knows that I have no problem making boundries.

That said, if you talk to me, the story may be told to him.

This is exactly the way it is with us. He doesn't want to know all content of every conversation/email/chat session, etc. However, I may tell Him anything anyone says at any time. I think it's assumed that is the case.

I loved your humor about sticking needle's in his eyes. That's akin to what He feels like doing when I start telling Him much of what is said on these boards...lol...except I think He feels more like putting clothespins on my tongue

luci

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 8:23:56 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

You're right LP, I am confused, not by what you do with clip--but why it's so important to know everything--if one has complete trust as I know you and others do, why is it so important? What does one gain? Or what does one lose?
 
I know its a nit, its the YKINMK thing, I just don't get this one--its just Me I guess.

It's not that I actually know everything.  It's that, as clip is My submissive, I have the right to know everything.  That there will be no secrets and nothing hidden.  Part of it is My control over him in his giving his submission to Me.  It's a reinforcement in the fact that he belongs to Me.

Believe Me.  It does have it's advantages.  Especially in those areas where I have run into situations of folks in the lifestyle who have not wanted to treat him as well as they should have.  Not that he can't handle himself, but I'm so much better at it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 8:31:35 PM   
BarnacleBill


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		Not all things need to be shared all the time. Trust must be accepted by Both partners. Too much questioning can lead to a oppresive relationship which isnt good.

A Master/Dom should receive honest answers when they are concerned about their sub/slave to keep them from harm. And of course open talk should go both ways as well. Too much talk leads to gossip and words/meanings being twisted even unknowingly.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 8:37:57 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		I go one step further - I don't believe anything I say on-line to be private, ever.

That said, there are plenty of D/s relationships (especially online ones) where the dominant insists on access to all communication and total knowledge of everything that is said.  It rarely lasts long - most of us do not have the time and energy to keep up with our own e-mail, let alone our sub's.  I am sure there are exceptions to this - even ones who may vociferously proclaim it in response to this post.  I share a lot of things with my mate - he's a mn- so I know only about 10% lodges in the cerebral cortex on a good day.  He's very quiet and prefers no to talk about stuff, so I don't make him.

How does this relate to trust?  I guess I just think about it the same as if the sub were a child.  Do you trust the sub enough that he/she won't get into mischief?  Do you feel he/she is seasoned enough not to be drawn into a situation he/she can't control?

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 8:54:27 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		What LovingMistress45 said pretty much sums it up for me.

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/13/2009 10:16:36 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Sir does not demand to know everything I talk about with anybody, but if He asks I will be completely honest & not withhold anything..  AND if anything is really bothering me, I will talk about that with Him too.  I also make sure that, specifically, Doms/men realize there are a lot of things I will NOT talk about with them, as they are innapropriate conversation with me.  I just kind of assume that anything I say to someone could possibly be passed on to their partner, and speak accordingly. 

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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