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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 8:58:42 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		When i am in a relationship, if i share a confidential bit of information about someone else with my Dominant partner, it is done with the understanding that my Dom will not share that info with another. So anything a friend tells me, is still a secret well kept, and i violate no trust. i was never daft enough to enter into a relationship with a gossip...and a couple of my good friends have called me "the vault", so i suppose i am pretty effective at maintaining discretion.

~ casa nostra slut

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 9:30:03 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		I wanted to clarify my thinking a little. When someone talks with me in confidence, I feel they are sharing with me something that they wish to keep private. Unless it would effect me personally, I listen and don't repeat it to anyone. Sometimes, I have asked the person talking with me, if they mind me sharing this with......, since they might be able to advice better.

There have been time I considered cmailing a person on here to ask if we can talk about an issue or a concept that I am having some problems with. At those times, I want to hear another s-type view and/or if they have experienced these feeling or thoughts. I do not do that, because I do understand, more so in bdsm then vanilla, it would not be them and me speaking, but also their need to share with their Dom. I'm a very private person and prefer to keep it that way, so I basically keep to myself and read the posts. Posts are great but imho, they only offer a small avenue of sharing with others.

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(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 9:57:46 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I wanted to clarify my thinking a little. When someone talks with me in confidence, I feel they are sharing with me something that they wish to keep private. Unless it would effect me personally, I listen and don't repeat it to anyone. Sometimes, I have asked the person talking with me, if they mind me sharing this with......, since they might be able to advice better.





Oh I go along with this. If someone tells me a secret then it is not my secret to tell and if I told anyone including my partner, in my eyes, it makes me a gossip and a confidence breaker.
Sometimes Steve may find out at a later date from the person that confided in me and at times he has turned to me and said 'you never told me about that' The answer is simple, it was never mine to tell.


< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 7/14/2009 9:59:03 AM >

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 10:28:49 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		~~ FR~~ 

That is why one should assume if you are speaking with a slave, and you KNOW that person is a slave, do not presume privacy or "in confidence."  You are then placing the slave in a position of choosing between your confidence and obedience to her Master if for whatever reason he asks her to reveal the conversation.   If you decide to make this choice for her, you should not feel slighted when you are not the person whose wishes are upheld.  In many instances the slaves don't have the "right of refusal" that partners have with each other.  All in all, you can ask the slave to request of her Master whether or not she may keep what you tell her in confidence from him, but all in all, the decision is not the slaves and one who knows she is a slave should not put her in a position of choosing who is more important because 9 times out of 10, i would say you would lose over her Master.

angel

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 10:54:54 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

~~ FR~~ 

That is why one should assume if you are speaking with a slave, and you KNOW that person is a slave, do not presume privacy or "in confidence."  You are then placing the slave in a position of choosing between your confidence and obedience to her Master if for whatever reason he asks her to reveal the conversation.   If you decide to make this choice for her, you should not feel slighted when you are not the person whose wishes are upheld.  In many instances the slaves don't have the "right of refusal" that partners have with each other.  All in all, you can ask the slave to request of her Master whether or not she may keep what you tell her in confidence from him, but all in all, the decision is not the slaves and one who knows she is a slave should not put her in a position of choosing who is more important because 9 times out of 10, i would say you would lose over her Master.


angel


Yes, and for me this is something I came to learn quickly in regards to M/s relationships, as well as others. That is why I basically stick to reading the posts. I honor the other person's relationship and the rules they go by, over any desire that I might have.  

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RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 11:00:55 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR, after continuing read thru

Okay, two issues that I feel the need to address in addition to my first posting in this thread:

* What we're really talking about is 'juicy details' way more than 'mundane minutiae' . .. . Even the most OCD of M/s relationships probably don't need or want to share every little 'JQFriend ate an apple today' kinda thing; it's the 'JQFriend is having an affair / has a disease / knows who's embezzling money at work' kinda thing that's really the heart of what we're talking about here . . .. (Extreme examples to make the point . . . . )

* Secrets. Personally, I dislike secrets, I don't like to be in the position of having to 'keep a confidence', & I'm upfront about that when anyone wants to tell me a 'secret' . . . . . . Nothing personal, it's just not my thing, I'm very uncomfortable with being a 'secret keeper' . .. . & what's amusing is that people frequently wanna tell me their secret even after I've been clear that I may not keep that info to myself . . . . . .

(LOL . . .. & an addendum to the above paragraph is that I don't necessarily run around blabbing other people's business all over the place largely because, mostly, no one cares, in my experience . . . . I've been told plenty of 'hot secrets' (from the sharer's perspective) with the usual caveat that I don't like to keep secrets, & ended up having no one to share the info with who gave a rat's ass .. . . All too often one person's 'hot secret' is another person's 'ho-hum, eating an apple' . . . .)

(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 11:14:55 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i was never daft enough to enter into a relationship with a gossip...


This is an important piece. I think that there is a concern that, in sharing information/conversations with someone that one is in a relationship with, that the confidences of that conversation will be broken. I think that, for most people, myself included, despite the fact that we share near -everything- with the people in our lives with whom we're intimately involved, if someone were to share something in confidence, it would -not- end up as 'gossip fodder'. One thing that everyone in our family is really good about is that none of us are gossips. Now, if I had some information that was too sensitive to share with the family with identifying information attached, I might, if it were something that was really bothering me, share it with someone in my family -- but there wouldn't be a name attached to it... it would be given more as a hypothetical situation OR I would go to a fellow clergy and bounce it there... but I think there is a concern that, in sharing such discussions, etc., with someone else, the security of that conversation would be breached, and that isn't always the case.

Now there are things I won't share in places where I don't have intimate knowledge of the people I'm with, but my family isn't one of those places. I don't gossip, and really don't like others gossiping around me, but to me, sharing conversations of import to me, including exciting or troubling conversations, especially where those I care about might be involved or where I am seeking feedback on how to respond to a given situation doesn't seem to qualify, to me, as gossiping.

Dame Calla


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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 11:18:30 AM   
flogger


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/27/2004
Status: offline 		Being hard of hearing nobody tells me a damn thing. I talk to a fellow Dom and whoaaa behold, I'm in trouble because of he said she said, can you imagine that. Some secret huh that I never heard but ask about to get an understanding. "Dom to Dom" but oh no he shared it.

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 1:14:57 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		~FR~

I always presume that if I am telling something to an owned slave, that information MIGHT get passed on, or if it is in an email, that the email will be read.  It really curtails what I say, sometimes!  I don't know of too many relationships where the sub is required to spill every detail of every convo, but I expect that if  Ms or Mr says, "oh, what did you and Hib talk about at lunch?" that that information will be out there. 

Cat, it bugs the CRAP out of me, just so you know.  I am not the Thought Police, and I am not about to control someone's ability to use their judgement about keeping a confidence.  I personally have the secrets of some folks who are deceased still in my brain, and they will stay there until *I* die.  To me, being able to hold a confidence is a matter of personal honour.  I do not feel ethically correct denying that right to someone else.  YMMV.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 5:59:58 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

~FR~

I always presume that if I am telling something to an owned slave, that information MIGHT get passed on, or if it is in an email, that the email will be read.  It really curtails what I say, sometimes!  I don't know of too many relationships where the sub is required to spill every detail of every convo, but I expect that if  Ms or Mr says, "oh, what did you and Hib talk about at lunch?" that that information will be out there. 

Cat, it bugs the CRAP out of me, just so you know.  I am not the Thought Police, and I am not about to control someone's ability to use their judgement about keeping a confidence.  I personally have the secrets of some folks who are deceased still in my brain, and they will stay there until *I* die.  To me, being able to hold a confidence is a matter of personal honour.  I do not feel ethically correct denying that right to someone else.  YMMV.


Anyone that's likely to share anything deeply intimate knows the score. There's nothing I want to hear where I would have to check myself where HE is concerned. He's a total exception. The way our relationship has been over almost a decade, no-one and nothing can alter that.

It simply makes it impossible for people to bung their *stuff* on me. I don't want to carry anyone's secrets if they want it *kept* from M.

I haven't a single problem *not telling* anyone ELSE. Just don't ask me to *hold* your secrets..........I actually find it horrid.

It's fine for some people, but not for me......I don't want to know your deep and darks with some caveat that I cannot mention it to M.

Anyone that asked that of me is being quite selfish.

agirl

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/14/2009 9:04:58 PM   
HOUDINI1961


Posts: 71
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		i would rather a Master control when, where and who the slave talks to. i think Masters would rather control the outside influences of the slave rather than listen to a bunch of small talk. or even if a Master listened in on all the slaves conversations, then slave would really have no privacy and although speaking to another person, slave would not have "free speech".

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/15/2009 8:33:51 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I wanted to clarify my thinking a little. When someone talks with me in confidence, I feel they are sharing with me something that they wish to keep private. Unless it would effect me personally, I listen and don't repeat it to anyone. Sometimes, I have asked the person talking with me, if they mind me sharing this with......, since they might be able to advice better.





Oh I go along with this. If someone tells me a secret then it is not my secret to tell and if I told anyone including my partner, in my eyes, it makes me a gossip and a confidence breaker.
Sometimes Steve may find out at a later date from the person that confided in me and at times he has turned to me and said 'you never told me about that' The answer is simple, it was never mine to tell.



First, oceanwinds, thank you for your follow up posts for clarity.

Touching on the highlighted part of what allthatjazz wrote, I disagree.   If someone is starting to share something with me in confidence, I make sure they know, BEFORE they share it, that the Man is privy to it, too.  Then, they can decide whether or not they wish to go forward with talking to me.

I agree with agirl - I don't want to keep anyone's secrets if it means keeping it from the Man.  Period.

I also want to say sharing conversations can happen in the reverse, too.  Some dominants allow their submissives to read their emails.  Just as some husbands and wives (non-D/s) have open dialogue.  Just as some partners do.  I have learned to make it a personal practice to ASK the person I want to confide in if they will be sharing my information.  I never assume - in any kind of relationship - that someone who is partnered is going to be willing to keep my information private from his/her partner.  That's a conversation that needs to take place BEFORE confidence is shared.


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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 8:42:25 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline 		Typically, unless i'm told that something is confidential, i share freely with Master. There are a few people i'm permitted to hold confidences with, otherwise, as His slave, He has the right to anything i am.  When i want something kept confidential, i make that clear to the person i'm speaking with before i share the information. That way they know that i'll be sharing something i don't wish to have repeated and they have the opportunity to decide whether they want to hear it or not.  

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"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 8:45:18 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

If you are speaking with someone you know to be a slave, you would be putting THEM in an ackward position of you expected ANYTHING LESS than realization their master could very well expect them to share the information of conversatioins throughout te day.  When in doubt go with the fact that if you are speaking to the slave, you are speaking to their Master.  Whether or not the Man asks for the information is a different story, as most Men are not that interested in all the conversations their slave had with everyone every day lol.  But the possibility he checks her logs, messages, or even asks her to relation what transpired in a specific conversation is a very real possibility.  What he chooses to do with such information is up to him. 

Also, be aware that when a woman is a slave she shares much with her Master automatically, so disclaiming to you or everyone she speaks with that privacy is not guaranteed is kind of a little much.  So, if you are relaying something you don't wish shared with others, be observant of who you are talking too because while they are your friend, they are always their Master's slave first and foremost, and privacy is not yours to dictate to them.

30 points.


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 1:52:44 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		There is one  thought thought that continues to go through meand I do feel it is not found here in bdsm, though I can be totally wrong. Back in the 60's is was normal, at least with the growd I associated with to form a sisterhood. We share a diversified female topics that dealt with who we were today; example what is a hippie, what is a feminist, and this sharing stayed within the sisterhood of friends. Granted we all left and created lifes with partners, but some still remain in the sisterhood of communication of our ideals, dreams and who or what we were. Maybe in not the same circumstances, but I have also known males to go off and do this type of bonding.

Now at 58, I still experience this form of sisterhood, where nothing was banned for discussion, nor the need to go to our mates and share a 'woman's night out. I am glad there are still a few fossils like me and appreciate it. This I cannot really find here, and have made an assumption, not based on facts, it is not permitted. I cannot see for instance, several slaves here as well as submissives just connecting to hold a circle of thoughts and feelings. It is liken to you can post as you wish, with permission of your Sir/Ma'am, but never to get past the boundaries of these posts. Yes, I find it sad, however I have accepted that this appears to be the reality which seems to serve the many. I am not a part of the many, so I just continue to carry own conversations of the depth that I seek with myself.

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 2:28:21 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

This I cannot really find here, and have made an assumption, not based on facts, it is not permitted. I cannot see for instance, several slaves here as well as submissives just connecting to hold a circle of thoughts and feelings.


oceanwinds, i am very fortunate to have a group of friends with whom i can do the very thing you seek. i met them all here, and it's  great to be able to express myself with them without censure. i love those sluts!

i'm also a part of a submissives safe space group at The Woodshed in Orlando. If you and your Sir ever make the trip over for a night at the dungeon, the 2nd Saturday of the month starting at 5pm is when we meet. i'd love to see you there. A friend of mine in Daytona is part of a similar group there. You may be surprised to find a group near you. Check with any s/type friends in your local community. Good luck finding a group....or maybe, starting one on your own!*nods*

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 6:20:01 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp
If you and your Sir ever make the trip over for a night at the dungeon, the 2nd Saturday of the month starting at 5pm is when we meet. i'd love to see you there.



As long as everything goes as planned, we will be at the Orlando munch this month!

We are all so excited and counting down the days until we leave for Florida.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 6:46:29 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Actually a submissive discussion group is quite popular here in at least two different groups. It's subs only no doms allowed, and I assume* I don't know since I have no interest in going* That what's talked about in the group is confidential and supposed to stay amongst group members, and not shared about with those who have not attended, including the one you call Master or Dom* you being generic yo u*
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I cannot see for instance, several slaves here as well as submissives just connecting to hold a circle of thoughts and feelings.

(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 6:52:39 PM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline 		What I wanted to say, only better.

And to the OP, it's more of a couple thing than a BDSM thing.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Sharing all with Master, regardless... - 7/16/2009 8:03:54 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		we recently got into an arguement regarding the same topic.  a mutual female friend had shared some info with me.  I personally believe conversations between friends are in confidence, whether it be email or face-to-face.  he wanted me to tell him what she said, and I refused.

I did feel a bit of conflict, but in the end what influenced my decision was that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I divulged anything.  it was a matter of respecting myself or making him happy. 

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 60
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