RE: Explain to me online training ? (Full Version)

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RedMagic1 -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:01:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lustycat

Boijen....

why are you here? we are low life pieces of sh*t to you. move on and leave us alone. and get rid of that nic of yours, you do not deserve it. You need a good Domme to put you in your place.

That was completely uncalled for, and I would request you take it back.  As you can see from my post above, I took issue with what she said, too.  However, BoiJen is owned by an excellent domme, is highly intelligent, and is respected, at least by me.




Prinsexx -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:05:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lustycat

Boijen....

why are you here? we are low life pieces of sh*t to you. move on and leave us alone. and get rid of that nic of yours, you do not deserve it. You need a good Domme to put you in your place.

Cool it might I suggest?




stella41b -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:08:26 PM)

You know it's funny. I clicked on a thread titled 'Explain to me online training' but what I've actually found is as thread which appears more to be about meeting people and forming relationships online as opposed to real time.

Now is this online training before you actually meet someone and form a relationship or afterwards? And if it's before then where does the training come from? Do you train yourself? Do you pretend that someone is training you or do you simply take an existing relationship you have with someone and decide to call that relationship or interaction training?

Or is this training to find people, meet them and somehow form a relationship with them?

You see I always thought that training is something which happens between two people - a trainer and a trainee - and not only have they found each other and met (online or offline) there is also a relationship between them.

Or can you be trained by complete strangers?

Hmmm, interesting thread.




BoiJen -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:09:42 PM)

Ok ok...I just finished laughing my ass off...my sides hurt.

RedMagic, I get what you're saying. That showing someone information they are not willing to accept can and often is pointless, no matter how much it may show a need to grow or slow down (cuz I can't think of another set of words to describe "not rush into things"). Compassion is an area of growth for me and I have been shown situation after situation in which compassion overcame force. And yet when faced with the choice of compassion v. force I often use force. I'm still figuring that one out. Change and growth are often self motivated experiences for individuals. I feel that the comparison of "online" to real relationships is insulting. I also have a hard time accepting that when faced with "how the internet has ruined this lifestyle" my own age group gets thrown in as the primary culprit when individuals well outside of my age range claim that their "online interactions" some how feed the community in which I live and associate myself with. In other words...I take it personally and respond as such. Thanks for responding with something other than what's already been repeatedly stated.

In Leather,

MsKitty's boi, Jen




Apocalypso -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:10:34 PM)

Thankfully one person is not a valid sample group, or I would have to concede defeat to BoiJen's argument that online relationships are solely for those without the ability to function socially.




lustycat -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:21:13 PM)

ok, i don't know what to say now. i feel that the ones living online are being attacked here. we are living a lifestyle just as people do in real life. Yes it is difficult to live online, but it is also difficult to live this lifestyle real time (sometimes). In many ways it is easier to throw away the computer and do this totally the old fashioned way and meet someone and explore the options.

BUT... we all are living this life as we want too. So why are we being attacked for doing it differently than the real life ones. And why do i not have the right to defend the ones online. I have been on both sides of this street and they both are equally as hard, but it depends on the people involved how hard it is or can be.

rose




Prinsexx -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:28:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

You know it's funny. I clicked on a thread titled 'Explain to me online training' but what I've actually found is as thread which appears more to be about meeting people and forming relationships online as opposed to real time.

Now is this online training before you actually meet someone and form a relationship or afterwards? And if it's before then where does the training come from? Do you train yourself? Do you pretend that someone is training you or do you simply take an existing relationship you have with someone and decide to call that relationship or interaction training?

Or is this training to find people, meet them and somehow form a relationship with them?

You see I always thought that training is something which happens between two people - a trainer and a trainee - and not only have they found each other and met (online or offline) there is also a relationship between them.

Or can you be trained by complete strangers?

Hmmm, interesting thread.

I agree. The dichotomy as far as I can see is not between on line or reality (as no such dichotomy exists) as between relationship and non-relationship: clearly a dichotomy.
Edited to add the hyphen between non and relationship so that I am not misunderstood.
Edited to add further that dichotomy is between dick and dyke in Websters.





tazzygirl -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:30:58 PM)

the point your missing is they cannot measure my experience. yet you still say nothing about the rest. i dont need my life, my emtions, my relationships reviewed by anyone to make them valid for me. no one does. and the fact that you seem to keep stating that what some GROUP says the found on some clinical study is more important... therefore.. more valid.. than my own experiences.

quote:

What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation?

There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation.

Is homosexuality a mental disorder?

No, lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations are not disorders. Research has found no inherent association between any of these sexual orientations and psychopathology. Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality. Both have been documented in many different cultures and historical eras. Despite the persistence of stereotypes that portray lesbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several decades of research and clinical experience have led all mainstream medical and mental health organizations in this country to conclude that these orientations represent normal forms of human experience. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual relationships are normal forms of human bonding. Therefore, these mainstream organizations long ago abandoned classifications of homosexuality as a mental disorder.



American Psychological Association. (2008) . Answers to your questions: For a better understanding of sexual orientation and homosexuality. Washington, DC: Author. [Retrieved from www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.pdf.]

quote:

Why Are Some People Homosexual or Bisexual?
Most scientists today agree that sexual orientation (including homosexuality and bisexuality) is the result of a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors. In other words, there are many factors that contribute to a person's sexual orientation, and the factors may be different for different people.


http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sexual-orientation

quote:

Why me?
You may ask yourself, "Why am I gay?" But no one really knows the answer to this question. There are many theories as to why some individuals are orientated towards homosexuality rather than heterosexuality, but they are only speculations at this point in time. Most of these theories follow one of three approaches: 1) nature; 2) nurture; and 3) a combination of both nature and nurture. The basis of the nature theory for homosexuality is that individuals are born with a certain genetic makeup that predetermines their homosexual orientation. The nurture theory posits that one's environment and experiences can predetermine his sexual orientation. Other scientists believe that homosexuality is a result of both nature and nurture. The question you must ask yourself is why is it important to determine why you are homosexual. No one asks why heterosexuals are "straight."

http://www.livestrong.com/article/13933-homosexuality/?utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_Articles

quote:

The nature versus nurture debates concern the relative importance of an individual's innate qualities ("nature", i.e. nativism, or innatism) versus personal experiences ("nurture", i.e. empiricism or behaviorism) in determining or causing individual differences in physical and behavioral traits.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nurture

quote:

What is Nature vs Nurture?
It has been reported that the use of the terms "nature" and "nurture" as a convenient catch-phrase for the roles of heredity and environment in human development can be traced back to 13th century France. Some scientists think that people behave as they do according to genetic predispositions or even "animal instincts." This is known as the "nature" theory of human behavior. Other scientists believe that people think and behave in certain ways because they are taught to do so. This is known as the "nurture" theory of human behavior.


http://genealogy.about.com/cs/geneticgenealogy/a/nature_nurture.htm

they still cannot emphatically declare that its nature.. or nurture.. aka learned behavior. i believe people are what they are for a reason. i dont question the reasons. if you are straight, you are straight. if not, then not. the reason why has no bearing. but, even the APA in 2008 agreed that some scientists believe its a combinantion of both... or one.. or the other. so my statement saying that
quote:

how many still say homosexuality is learned behavior?
is founded.

if someone wants to have sex with a donkey, i would ask to watch. i think its hot on a voyeur level... but definitely not for me. i am bi on command, but not for myself. i stopped questioning the kinks of many a long time ago. just because i didnt understand them doesnt mean i can berate or belittle someone who does.

i dont need peer reviews to validate my life. as someone shoves study after study before me, i would merely smile and push them back. they have no bearing on my life. studies done just two years ago can change tomorrow.

but, i will once again ask you... why do you feel the need to belittle the experiences of others?




AAkasha -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:34:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Ok ok...I just finished laughing my ass off...my sides hurt.

RedMagic, I get what you're saying. That showing someone information they are not willing to accept can and often is pointless, no matter how much it may show a need to grow or slow down (cuz I can't think of another set of words to describe "not rush into things"). Compassion is an area of growth for me and I have been shown situation after situation in which compassion overcame force. And yet when faced with the choice of compassion v. force I often use force. I'm still figuring that one out. Change and growth are often self motivated experiences for individuals. I feel that the comparison of "online" to real relationships is insulting. I also have a hard time accepting that when faced with "how the internet has ruined this lifestyle" my own age group gets thrown in as the primary culprit when individuals well outside of my age range claim that their "online interactions" some how feed the community in which I live and associate myself with. In other words...I take it personally and respond as such. Thanks for responding with something other than what's already been repeatedly stated.

In Leather,

MsKitty's boi, Jen



I would argue that online relationships are as dysfunctional as the people who are in them.  If two dysfunctional people use online relationships as a TOOL to avoid real life intimacy and relationships, of course they are dysfunctional. If two functional people enter into a mutually rewarding online relationship as a supplement to their real life relationships, then what's the problem?

Also, how do you define "online relationship"? Boijen seems to imagine it's roleplaying with text back and forth and e-collars.  Not everyone does that. Online as a means of communicating with other people, as a supplement to telephone, cam-to-cam and also the supplemental intimacy that comes from shared hobbies, deep discussions and shared problems/problem solving is far, far different than two online 'entities,' or fake avatars like in Second Life that exist only to perpetuate roleplayed fantasy.  These are two vastly different examples, yet both are "online relationships."

If a couple meet 4 times a year for 1 week at a time, but the rest of the time are communicating by email and phone, is that an "online relationship" and in the category of the dumpster as BoiJen claims? Or is it only those ones that are "online only"?

I need real life S&M and a lot of it in order to be happy and fulfilled. But I also really, really enjoy online relationships (well, phone + online + some visuals of some sort); there is something about the written word that turns my crank, so if a guy can articulate surrender to me and then prove it on the phone or in visuals, I find that like -- custom porn. I also met plenty of guys who I had hot chemistry with online and zero chemistry in real life; it is what it is.

FWIW, I met my husband online, had one of those nifty "less than" online/phone relationships for about two years, met in real life, was engaged a few weeks later and was married less than three months later to him.   I wonder what study I should send that case study to?  Sometimes you know a soul mate pretty quick; but our "online relationship" was not just a symptom of two dysfunctional people seeking escape from real life relationships (we still had a real world life outside of online), which is the category you find your case studies/etc. about.

Akasha




flogger -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:47:09 PM)

The idea that some individuals have that "online" is somehow an acceptable comparison to a real relationship is incredibly unhealthy and a growing concern for the APA (American Psychology Association). The next generation of shrinks are already discussing how to aid clients with social dysfunction disorders in overcoming this misconception.

oh oh, I pasted this from the above. I know a lot of folks who are gonna be in trouble if this is correct I knida understand the concept and I try to stay away from the fantasy, but sometimes I get the urge to just fuck online. But actually watching tv at same time.




Prinsexx -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 6:51:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flogger

The idea that some individuals have that "online" is somehow an acceptable comparison to a real relationship is incredibly unhealthy and a growing concern for the APA (American Psychology Association). The next generation of shrinks are already discussing how to aid clients with social dysfunction disorders in overcoming this misconception.


Sure. And whilst it remains a private industry their main concern is to make money by 'treating' all of those socially inadequate 'on-liners'.
And before you flame me I'm a professional therapist, a slave and guess what have an on line relationship.





Apocalypso -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 7:26:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lustycat
ok, i don't know what to say now. i feel that the ones living online are being attacked here. we are living a lifestyle just as people do in real life.
Ok, I accept my last comment was possibly a bit counterproductive, so to try and counter that.

BoiJen has not attacked anybody personally in this thread. At all.  I disagree with her and I'm dubious about the validity of the cited studies due to their methodology.  But she's consistantly attacked the idea of online relationships, not the individuals.  She's debated assertively and possibly aggressively at times, but that's entirely valid.  Worse she's done is make a few snarky comments.  And this pot is not going to start talking about that kettle. 

If you want to defend your relationships, fine.  But do it in the same way.  Attack her arguments, not her.  Apart from anything else, your tactics were really bad from your point of view.  Because while I'm actually closer to her view than yours, before I really wished that wasn't the case. 

And if you haven't read the studies she linked to, do so.  You can't successfully argue against something unless you know what it's saying.




tazzygirl -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 8:00:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: lustycat
ok, i don't know what to say now. i feel that the ones living online are being attacked here. we are living a lifestyle just as people do in real life.
Ok, I accept my last comment was possibly a bit counterproductive, so to try and counter that.

BoiJen has not attacked anybody personally in this thread. At all.  I disagree with her and I'm dubious about the validity of the cited studies due to their methodology.  But she's consistantly attacked the idea of online relationships, not the individuals.  She's debated assertively and possibly aggressively at times, but that's entirely valid.  Worse she's done is make a few snarky comments.  And this pot is not going to start talking about that kettle. 

If you want to defend your relationships, fine.  But do it in the same way.  Attack her arguments, not her.  Apart from anything else, your tactics were really bad from your point of view.  Because while I'm actually closer to her view than yours, before I really wished that wasn't the case. 

And if you haven't read the studies she linked to, do so.  You can't successfully argue against something unless you know what it's saying.




I did try and read the studies... anytime i tried to click on a link i got this response

quote:

If you do not have a User Name and Password, click the "Register to Purchase" button below to purchase this article.

Price: US $ 31.50


quote:

Problematic Internet use and psychosocial well-being: development of a theory-based cognitive–behavioral measurement instrument




References and further reading may be available for this article. To view references and further reading you must purchase this article.


Scott E. Caplan,

Department of Communication, University of Delaware, 250 Pearson Hall, Newark, DE 19716, USA


Available online 20 June 2002.

Abstract
The paper presents results from an exploratory study that: (1) developed a theory-based measure of PIU and (2) administered the instrument to a sample of undergraduate students to assess the associations among PIU and several psychosocial variables including, depression, self-esteem, loneliness, and shyness. A new instrument, the Generalized Problematic Internet Use Scale (GPIUS) was designed to operationalize Davis's [Computers in Human Behavior, 17 (2001), 187] theoretical construct of generalized PIU. The GPIUS and several measures of psychosocial well-being were administered to 386 undergraduate students. Results from this preliminary study indicate that the GPIUS is both reliable and valid. A factor analysis identified seven unique sub-dimensions of the GPIUS, including: mood alteration, perceived social benefits available online, negative outcomes associated with Internet use, compulsive Internet use, excessive amounts of time spent online, withdrawal symptoms when away from the Internet, and perceived social control available online. All GPIUS subscales were correlated with psychosocial health variables including: depression, loneliness, shyness, and self-esteem. A regression analysis identified several important psychosocial and cognitive–behavioral predictors of negative outcomes associated with generalized PIU. Results also suggest that one's preference for computer-mediated social interaction, as opposed to face-to-face interaction, plays a role in the etiology, development, and outcomes of generalized PIU.


Thats from the second link. and its all the information that is available without paying for the rest. what i did find interesting was the implication that on line relationships are only sexual. hmmm... i spent alot of time listening to him talk about his children, his work, his ex wife, what foods he liked to eat, what his plans for the future were, my role in those plans, he asked alot about my day, my child, my work... we both worked crazy hours so we would go days without talking except through email, and catch up on weekends.

my meaning here is that it isnt always about sex, just like it wasnt when i moved in. these studies - studies like this one, i am assuming since i cannot see the results - were used in congressional hearings during the fight of internet porn.

quote:

It may seem surprising that, at this juncture, I should speak of "chemicals", when one might be thinking instead of "sex." But, in fact, modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction: Only the delivery system is different, and the sequence of steps. That is why heroin addicts in particular give up sex and routinely compare their "rushes" to "orgasms".

The chemistry involved is as follows: Upon viewing or reading the "expression", the pornography addict experiences an irresistible impulse to self-stimulation. Not so upon reading Melville, or Batman or The Washington Post. For the addict, this impulse has become more intense from pornography than from people he loves or who love him, and also requires ever more extreme forms of pornographic expression to achieve the same level of pleasure. Upon achieving climax, the brain releases opioids-chemicals that are the naturally occurring analogs to synthetic opiates such as morphine or heroin.

It is to ever higher levels of these opioids that the pornography addict has become addicted in tandem with the delivery system that ensures their release. Indeed, he-and today, with the internet, in ever increasing numbers, she-has become part of that delivery system-along with the pornographic "expression" itself. The pornography addict soon forgets about everything and everyone else in favor of an ever more elusive sexual jolt. He will eventually be able to find it only among other "junkies" like himself, and he will place at risk his career, his friends, his family. He will indulge his habit anywhere and everywhere, at any time. No one, no matter how highly placed, is immune. And like all other addicts, the pornography addict will lie to cover it up, heedless of risk or cost to himself or to others.

In the year 2000, ABC-NEWS.com cooperated with the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior in a survey of 17,251 individuals. They found that 6% of those surveyed met formal criteria for a full-fledged internet pornography addiction. Another survey found that 41% of corporations had disciplined or terminated employees within the previous year because of severe problems with internet pornography. The next largest problem was chat rooms at 12%-and many of these involved sexual chat. All other internet problems were much less consequential, and at lower percentages, even gambling. These studies are but the mere tip of an ever growing iceberg.


http://www.discoveryacademy.com/about/resources/senate_hearing_porn4.php

now, some may ask how did i link the two.

well, boi's third site did give me some information. in my attempt to find an actual study and its results that i didnt have to pay for, i discovered the following

quote:

CyberPsychology & Behavior
Psychological Characteristics of Compulsive Internet Use: A Preliminary Analysis

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To cite this article:
DAVID N. GREENFIELD. CyberPsychology & Behavior. OCTOBER 1999, 2(5): 403-412. doi:10.1089/cpb.1999.2.403.


snagging the name above, i found this site on a yahoo search engine

quote:

U.S. Senate Hearing Testimony on Pornography Part 4


http://www.discoveryacademy.com/about/resources/senate_hearing_porn4.php

i am not implying boi was leading anyone down a road. having found this, i have to wonder why these studies were done, who originally paid for them, and was the outcome for mental health or only to give strength to the movement to curtail internet access to porn.




ResidentSadist -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 8:07:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

But Sir ResidentSadist the on-line master could surely suggest that his subject empties out a kitchen cupboard (dressed appropriately of course) and when said cupboard is empty and scrubbed clean she might fold herself inside it for a set period of time using an egg timer... would she not learn the same things as being locked in a cage by you? Would you still not have the power for having her do as you suggest/order... would you not be entertained by reading her detailed report after she completed her task? 

Is the idea of submitting or Dominating not always only in the mind?

If you lock a real person in a real cage and she starts saying her 'safeword' would you not have to let her out? who is the boss then?


If only the prisons in the US had safewords... 
You must think the slave is in control and certainly are not familiar with me or post history. 
Let her out....  LMAO.  
Safeword... LMAO 
I am not a "service top". . . . but that is just me.   I am sure many "slaves" rule their master's roost.




thishereboi -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 9:01:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

according to you, its not healthy. why do you feel the need to put down the experiences of others?



Well according to you "we would have arguments and i would be physically sick for days. "

Sorry but that does not sound real healthy.




GoDolphins -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 9:03:36 PM)

Online to me seems fine if it's just a "playing" thing, or if it's going to lead to a real life relationship. 




tazzygirl -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 9:04:35 PM)

ah, but it was our dynamic. he was Master, and our arguments typically were caused by me.




thishereboi -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/28/2009 9:10:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lustycat

Boijen....

why are you here? we are low life pieces of sh*t to you. move on and leave us alone.
She never said you were low lifes. Why are you putting words in her mouth. Everyone is entitled to post their opinions in this thread.

and get rid of that nic of yours, you do not deserve it.
Which part does she not deserve? The boi, which she is or jen, which is her name.

You need a good Domme to put you in your place.
She has one. A very awesome lady. Maybe your projecting your own lacking on her?








LillyoftheVally -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/29/2009 2:09:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I would argue that online relationships are as dysfunctional as the people who are in them.



*nod*

This is the problem with debates about online, people get on their high horse about how it isn't as good, and then people get defensive, I really can not understand why it happens because the only person who should be allowed to measure the validity of your relationship is you.

Anyways in relation to training, I hate the word personally but I don't see why it can't be done online. Not everyone in D/s has a punishment dynamic and for many it is all mental. Or do we need all our sense? Does that mean that people with sensory loss can't get involved in ds? What about those who have physical disorders? Using the internet can be done it just removes the ability to engage in some activities, of course for many those activities are crucial for some not so much.

I am a perfectly right thinking human being, I have been involved in physical d/s relationships and online ones. For me each has their place, though I do not think that I would be satisfied with the idea that the relationship would never progress I can imagine why many would be perfectly happy with that arrangement and who the hell is anyone else to tell them that it makes them sad or pathetic or dysfunctional?

The fact that you couldn't do something does not instantly make something wrong, that is a pretty backward way of thinking.




Prinsexx -> RE: Explain to me online training ? (7/29/2009 3:05:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


I am not a "service top". . . . but that is just me.   I am sure many "slaves" rule their master's roost.

Welcome home...or was it me that was away?
A slave ruling the roost?
Surely not.

Prinsexx: Resident Thread Finisher





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