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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:11:39 PM

strangemelody

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Yup, I do want it all now…I suppose I should find a way to satisfy myself until he is able to. It just makes me sad…I know I can’t put all the blame on him though. I’m not being the best GF or Sub or Dom or whateverthehell I am.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:25:34 PM

ScooterTrash

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I tend to agree with the OP that her description of a good round of sex is kinky, but not so kinky that it should scare anyone...but that's just me, however the ball gag and choking part might be a bit much for a newbie. I also agree with many of the replies however, stating that perhaps she is going to have to work vanilla boy up to this level and NO, he's not going to be that Dominant you envision, anytime soon. I would speculate from experience, it's easier for a Dominant to convert a "nilla" partner to the dark side of kink, than it would be to try to do this from the submissive or bottom side. I would suggest that you get some reading material and educate your partner on the many fine aspects and options of the BDSM world as it relates to kinky sex, that would at least give him some understanding of the concept. You obviously are starting out in the bedroom, so he doesn't have to be a full blown Dominant, but it does sound like he is going to have to be able to Top the scene for you to get the thrill you seek. Get him to understand his own fantasies and things that maybe he has always pushed out of his head as sick. Make him understand that if it's not something on your list of limits, then it's probably not sick in your way of thinking and perhaps should be explored. Worst case...he will run to the hills. Best case, he might start coming up with his own kinky thoughts and catch you off guard. Carefull what you wish for...you may just get it.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:30:18 PM

strangemelody

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What a lovely and helpful response, thank you. ;)

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:50:05 PM

LadyPact

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OP, have you thought about a book called "When Someone You Love Is Kinky?"

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:51:06 PM

littlesarbonn

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I totally understand where you're coming from. It seems that every time I try to add a clown and a midget into a sexual relationship, my partner goes crazy. Once, JUST ONCE, it almost worked, and then the clown freaked out when the midget showed up. I tell ya. I can't win.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/22/2009 11:54:54 PM

WyldHrt

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We're all trying to help, Melody, even those of us who say things you might not want to hear.

My first post came from the perspective of someone who discovered her inner pervert fairly recently. Had the first D I talked to about this (we had been friends for 3 years) given me such a list, it would have scared the sweet livin' hell out of me. He brought such things up slowly, and allowed me to digest them two or three (sometimes one) at a time.
In your case, please keep in mind that the NIQ (nilla in question) is likely struggling with being brought up to believe that real men don't hit, humiliate, or force girls to do things. Even though you are asking for this, he still has to overcome a lot of social programming, and that takes time.

On the flip side, Scooter has a great point when suggesting that you try to engage your boyfriend's inner pervert. If you cannot do that, it is likely that he will never be more than a service top or service sub, which either is or is not going to be enough for you.
Good luck!

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 12:08:42 AM

LadySweetOrSour

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I keep seeing the word "force". Maybe the guy just isn't into it and never will be. There is nothing wrong with him, any more than there is with you OP. He doesn't want to be "forced", nor should it be necessary.

You may just need to accept that this guy doesn't want to do those things with you. You love him as a whole person. Give him the courtesy of letting him be his own person. If someone has to change to make someone else happy, doesn't that ring alarm bells for you?

If this is wrecking your relationship, maybe it isn't really the relationship you want. If he needs to change himself drastically to make you happy sexually, then he alone, as he is NOW, isn't enough.

If this is of dire importance to you, maybe you need to be realistic and realise that this guy is just fine as he is NOW. Forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do is like someone demanding that you leave all thoughts of rough sex, kink, whatever you want to call it behind forever. Would you be happy?

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 12:15:01 AM

strangemelody

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OP, have you thought about a book called "When Someone You Love Is Kinky?"

Hadn't heard of it, but will look into it, thanx!

And yeah, I prolly threw too much at him at once...I realize now that I've been expecting too much and I need to slow down. I'm just *aching* to let out all my kinkiness, but I will wait for him to come around. He can be the boss when he wants to be...but yeah I think my perversion scared him a bit...lol

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 12:25:08 AM

Mistressbinature

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

This is what I told my BF I needed in bed in order to cum. (He's vanilla, but willing to learn...) Anyhow he said that the following was like "way up there" when it came to kink, and that if we start at that level, we'll get so hardcore that everything will stop working and we'll run out of things...yeah, he wasn't making any sense to me either. I mean, how "kinky" is this? Seems like average "rough sex" to me...even kinda tame, compared to things I fantasize about.

What I think I need:

First, it’s nice to begin with the hot make outs, caressing, petting and good stuff like that. To be entwined in each other’s arms.

It’s nice for us both to be totally naked, feeling every inch of each other’s bodies. I especially like kisses on my neck and belly, and little bites/kisses on breasts. Oh and ears!!

Then I’d like to play Master/slave, no more kissing. Time to suck cock like a little slut! Face-fucking would be good, or being made to kneel with hands tied behind back. Some position where you are somewhat standing over me and in control. Feel free to call me a cock-loving whore or something similar. “Do you like sucking that sock, does that feel good in your mouth? Do you like it when I fuck you in your mouth? You’re such a dirty girl, aren’t you?”—stuff like that.

And then to move on to being punished (like spanking), and restrained (handcuffs and such). This is where I want you to inflict pain on me and act like you enjoy it. Like biting breasts until I can’t take it anymore (I do have a bruise too!) Pulling hair, slapping, pinching, clawing, and basically roughing me up. Remember, you are my Master; I am but your play-thing, to be used and abused for your pleasure.

After I am properly put in my place, order me to suck your cock again, and then, with ball gag and restraints in place, fuck me hard. A little choking during this time would be good. Before you cum (which you can always threaten to do, as I love hearing it), pull out, and eat my pussy, while fingering me. You could also “threaten” to finger my asshole, and ask me if I wanted you to; say I was dirty like that, that I would love it, etc.

You have answered your own question? kinky is a relative term, what it is to one is not necessarily what it is to another

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 12:46:45 AM

willowspirit

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Role-playing and having him "act" might work for a while.
It all depends on what you really want -- someone going through the motions? OR SomeOne who truly gets it?
He may always feel that he is being made to behave like whoever "turned you into this freak!" and might never be able to accept your need for this.
He may wonder why you do not need the "real him".
Some sexually non-Dominant men never get over the idea that you don't respond and just adore the way they demonstrate their love for you.
"Why doesn't... why can't she orgasm just from me being me?" might be the bottom line in the back of his mind. There's that ego thing.
Some people will always feel a shame or guilt at just being made to go through the motions of dominating someone they love. It's in their basic human sexual hard-wiring to always be tender -- just like your kinkiness is "hard-wired" into you.

Good book suggestion above!

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 3:35:57 AM

littlewonder

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Seems he's already taking the lead. He said NO.

Take that as his answer. He may very well be in control of the relationship.

He just doesn't want to rough you up. Most men don't. Doesn't mean he's not a dominant partner..just not a sadist.

Either live with that fact or move on. What is more important to you?

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 3:38:25 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

*sigh* I just want to believe that people can be more flexible than that.

Oh god me too, thats why I wouldnt give a blow by blow account of what I need to make me cum, I mean cripes love! Do you not feel a little high maintainance?

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 3:39:39 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

Yup, I do want it all now…I suppose I should find a way to satisfy myself until he is able to. It just makes me sad…I know I can’t put all the blame on him though. I’m not being the best GF or Sub or Dom or whateverthehell I am.

Why would you put any blame on him? If he is not interested, then he is not interested. Although from your OP he is trying to make you happy. It is possible that if you slow down, he will eventually learn to like it, but it's also possible that he may never be into kink. Either way, he hasn't done anything wrong. He is just being himself.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 3:43:39 AM

ranja

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I think you're doing absolutely great voicing your desires so perfectly clear and if your man gets over his initial shock i can only hope he takes this info to heart and starts acting on it.

It might help if you ask him if you can masturbate for him and if he says yes...(and i would bloody well hope he would say yes) you can show him... he gets nice viewing and you get off...
You could ask him for permission always if you feel like masturbating, that would give him a nice bit of power and you get your orgasms...

other than that watch porn together and find out what he likes

I was succesful in seducing my totally boring husband to be a very imaginative and extremely hot Master... oh our life is so much better now...

good luck

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 3:54:15 AM

TurboJugend

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Why does it need to be kinky...because we are in a lifestyle?
Just enjoy what you do...or don't do it.....kinky or not kinky.

At OP

<<<just noticed I am kinky anyway :P

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 4:13:25 AM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

In your case, please keep in mind that the NIQ (nilla in question) is likely struggling with being brought up to believe that real men don't hit, humiliate, or force girls to do things. Even though you are asking for this, he still has to overcome a lot of social programming, and that takes time.

This is a good point and one I can relate to. I came to BDSM about five years after I started my involvement in the Gorean Lifestyle and had one slave collared and well trained. Thanks to an on line pro Domme Friend who helped me in the transition, it worked out just fine. It was a huge leap for me and I can only imagine how much greater it must be for a Mundane lad to make that leap and have his thinking rearranged. Ermm an 8lb forge hammer may help especially if you place his head and other body parts on the anvil and tap away merrily.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 4:58:17 AM

janiebelle

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Here is what you need to do:
Go get yourself a horse. Lead said horse to water. Force him to drink until the trough is dry.
In the time it takes to accomplish this, your nilla boyfriend will have turned into a dom.
j

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 7:39:05 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

It’s nice for us both to be totally naked, feeling every inch of each other’s bodies.

Naked??
Oh my god no not after the time I spend looking for lingerie.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 9:33:52 AM

Sunnyfey

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Your asking someone who thinks sex is sweet and kind,

To degrade you, to incite violence, to "force" you to do something ect.....

You have scared the crap out of his poor kid. Dont think about yourself and what you want for a minute, try seeing it from his point of view. His girlfriend who he loves, just asked him in effect, to do something against the law and assult her sexually. Yeah if someone had asked me that when I started having sex, I'd tell their crazy ass to go find someone else.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/23/2009 9:45:54 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

Why does it need to be kinky...because we are in a lifestyle?
Just enjoy what you do...or don't do it.....kinky or not kinky.

At OP

<<<just noticed I am kinky anyway :P

I noticed this was in reply to Me, but do you really not understand?

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