RE: It's not even that kinky!

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/26/2009 2:32:15 PM

TheOtherKat

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Sort of like asking a poly person to be monogamous. You can't blame them for your unhappiness if you force a poly person to be monogamous because of YOUR happiness, and then you both end up being unfulfilled.
In my opinion, it seems like you're being selfish, and this will only end up in either you being unfulfilled and blaming him, or him succumbing and resenting you. The fact of the matter is, you're sexually incompatible. No amount of force is going to change that, and nature versus nurture has nothing to do with it if he's Just Not That In To It.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/26/2009 2:47:49 PM

Apocalypso

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Remember how different your frames of reference are here. What you consider "a little bit kinky" he may well have never come across, even as a concept, before.

This obviously depends on him and you, but possibly a bit of lighthearted roleplaying? He might find it a bit easier if he can take on a role to start rather than changing who he feels he is.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/26/2009 10:44:13 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

Sadly I do have to currently take the dominant role--not something I'm at all used to. But I'm only being "dominant" in order to force him to be my Master! Hmm, yeah, that doesn't sound too likely, now does it? It's hard enough doing the D/s thing in the bedroom; I can't imagine it would ever expand beyond that. But he did show such promise a few times! He knows how to take control, to give me what I want...I guess he just can't go all the way yet...

Ummm. In the first place I don't think that can be forced. Either he will be or he won't. If you're forcing him, it sounds like you're the Dominant in this situation. Plus, if he is just not into it and doing it only to please you, you won't be with a Dom anyway, but you'll have a service Top. Would you really want to be with someone who does not like this at all but is only doing it to please you? Don't you think if you're forcing him to be a service Top, he might get a little resentful and then you wouldn't be perfect for each other anyway? If you want a Dom, maybe you should look for a Dom, and you and vanilla man can be bestest bestest friends, since the sex will never turn out to be mutually fulfilling anyway. He'd be no more happy being forced to be kinky than you were trying to be vanilla.

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

Maybe you have a point that I'm being too stubborn to realize. He wants to change me too! I tried to enjoy "normal" sex for most of our relationship. And now that we're trying to do things "my way" we're both frustrated. I feel like he has it in him to be dominant, but maybe it's not my job to force it out?

"I tried to enjoy 'normal' sex....." sounds like you didn't enjoy it at all, and now that you two are doing things "your way" you're both frustrated. Sounds like you're frustrated no matter what. How long can you stand the frustration? And maybe, could it be, you're stubborn enough and want it so badly that you think he "has it in him to be dominant" but he really doesn't? If he doesn't have a Dominant bone in his body, no amount of forcing is going to make him into one. You will just end up with a frustrated and unhappy vanilla man.

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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/27/2009 4:10:43 AM

Daddyssidney

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I have had similar issues but I was the vanilla.. LOL..... My Daddy is into all that you spoke of and He had to introduce those things slowly in O/our relationship. If He had come to me with all that in the beginning I would have ran for the hills. W/we were able to work it out because He is naturally DOM and i'm naturally submissive. W/we have been together for over a year and He is still molding me to His liking.
Be Well
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RE: It's not even that kinky! - 7/27/2009 5:08:49 AM

pixidustpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

Sadly I do have to currently take the dominant role--not something I'm at all used to. But I'm only being "dominant" in order to force him to be my Master! Hmm, yeah, that doesn't sound too likely, now does it? It's hard enough doing the D/s thing in the bedroom; I can't imagine it would ever expand beyond that. But he did show such promise a few times! He knows how to take control, to give me what I want...I guess he just can't go all the way yet...

when i was married to my first husband, he decided to humiliate me by tying me to the bed and doing wicked things to me (so HE thought) . i loved it. he then proceeded to be abusive in other ways (yay broken bones!) and never dominate me sexually again, because i liked it.

when i was married to my second husband, we spent 16 years together before finally acknowledging that neither one of us was really happy...and he was never dominant at all with me.

i am who i am. you are who you are. yeah, it may be just bedroom games for you, and that's fine too.

but if its something you *need*.....and he isnt able to deliver because of HIS needs/nature, then you're starting off terribly unbalanced and things arent going to go well in the end.

my