quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Sorry am not a Dominant but... could the problem be a lack of humour...?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

The thing is, many times we get involved in relationships or fall in love with a person because of some trait that fascinates or challenges us. After a time, like any new toy, that interesting characteristic is probably not going anywhere, but unless we've become attached to the entire person in the interim, we may come to notice that set of traits that first attracted us, like moths to the flame, is scorching our asses, and the only solution we can find is to put out the fire or move away from the fire, in our fear that it may consume us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
Sometimes, too, the reason that someone attracts a dominant individual is because that particular dominant individual wants to -control- something as conceivably uncontrollable as what that particular yielding individual is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
The dominant party who secretly questions hir capacity to hold authority may, interestingly, look to hold authority over individuals who have aspects of themselves that they've indicated that they will not yield, and the authority-holder, in such cases, will often measure hir 'success' by whether or not xhe could force this person to give up those things that were, already, off the list. If xhe succeeds, then regardless of the damage it has done, that authority-holder can see hirself as a 'success', and the 'failure' (sorrow, grief, loss, anger) will be on the other party.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
This is the situation when one hears such lines as "I know xhe doesn't see it, but I was only doing it for hir own good."

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
On the other hand, if the person yielding authority is clear and firm about holding on to those things that xhe has held outside the sphere of authority, then the authority-holder who is insecure may rant about "topping from the bottom" or "being a poor s-type", again, shoving the problems of the relationship off on the other party, in order to make it -clear- (in part to hirself, though xhe doesn't, in many cases, believe hir own press) to all and sundry that -xhe- was a GOOD authority-figure and it isn't hir fault that this individual "couldn't see what was good for hir".

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
Anyway, all of this may just be rationalization -- but it's what I've observed, so I thought I'd share.

Dame Calla

quote:

It's strange isn't it that as yet no Doms have come forward to answer this?

quote:

as yet no Doms have come forward to answer

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

For so many people this brand of "strength" is just a 'self-fulfilling self-esteem boost cycle' mask worn outside to be socially and financially successful or attractive. Some may wear their masks incredibly well and some may even be honestly aware of how it's a mask and are okay with that (since it can still be an extension of self) but, as a Dom, when my girls come home, I want all masks off. I don't see/like the need/want to wear one in a place where you are ideally supposed to feel comfortable in your vulnerability (which is another brand of strength).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

But then a problem would be assuming that for all it is a mask and not actually reality. Being competent and self assured in every day life doesn't have to be made up for financial gain and also does not mean inability to be a submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

There is nothing wrong with vulnerability in the right context, we can all be vulnerable but I think for some encouraging it or extending it is not best for them. I like relationships that promote the positives and whatever that means, stripping off masks is great but thriving in insecurity is far from good for someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I'm a strong, creative, intelligent woman.

quote:


I run a house, I teach/lecture, I write and am in the process of setting up a publishing house. That seems to attract some very interesting dominants but then what is it in that which also repels them?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
but moreso that it's just a part of each of us that gets poked at to grow at least somewhat because being able to function in society would require it of us.

Also, I think I more had situations in my head where the individual can feel a certain divide because of societal impositions in that way.

quote:


Surely. But we all struggle with insecurities. The main reason we keep ourselves from being stripped naked in front of another is because we, at that moment, run the risk of being denied in our most armor-less state, which is the core of insecurity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Seems to be simply the quality of people you're meeting. Such qualities as you describe would be positives to me, pursuits I'd expect a girl to continue and perform well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

. I do not find it strange that more dominants have not replied, I think this is because what you are positing in your OP is something you see but that does not actually exist that often.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

For so many people this brand of "strength" is just a 'self-fulfilling self-esteem boost cycle' mask worn outside to be socially and financially successful or attractive. Some may wear their masks incredibly well and some may even be honestly aware of how it's a mask and are okay with that (since it can still be an extension of self) but, as a Dom, when my girls come home, I want all masks off. I don't see/like the need/want to wear one in a place where you are ideally supposed to feel comfortable in your vulnerability (which is another brand of strength).