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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


Sure there are groups of submissives also.  I've not sat down and taken the time to divide them up but I can give you some examples.  Let's see if anyone here knows submissives of this nature.

1.  The "I am a submissive and I am especially submissive to you but my work requires me to be dominant in nature so I will not be able to go into submissive mode automatically when I come home".  Many of these types want you to understand and accept this.  Funny but when they get to work, are they allowed that same latitude of time before their "work dominance" kicks in or does their boss expect them to come to work ready to go?

2.  The "I am fully competent at work and social settings submissive but my brain just won't work when Master/Mistress tells me to do something hard".  These are the submissives who handle extremely complex matters at work and who take a great deal of pride in being able to do so (and rightfully so) and yet, when a task is laid out for them...be it simple or complex (although oddly enough, many times it is the most simple task/protocol/ritual that throws them)...they have to have it explained from many angles and then will still question the why and how of it.

3.  The "My last relationship left me feeling lonely and vulnerable and inadequate so I need someone to show me that I am indeed a worthy submissive and a good person submissives".  These are the ones who take care and kindness and understanding and a willingness to listen and the ability to build their self-esteem again.  While some of these end up in love with the dominant who thought there was a gem of a submissive there, sadly many of them end up back with the former dominant who tore them down in the first place "because he's changed and I didn't realize it until he changed but I'm still in love with him" OR they are grateful to the dominant who picked them up and rebuilt them but "yanno, I've realized I need a bit of the asshole and you are just too nice, Sir/Ma'am".

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ORIGINAL: sravaka
How hopeless it seems, if there are all these fucked up "types" on both sides of the slash!

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ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

4.  The doppleganger sub.  Rare, but flee for the hills!  (I was with one years ago).  Doesn't want to please their Dom.  Wants to be their Dom.

Buying loads of albums by my favourite bands?  A sweet attempt at sharing my loves.  Reinventing your fashion sense so it's basically a female version of how I dress?  A bit annoying, but I guess it's endearing.  Redoing how you write your signature so it's more like mine?  Ok, this is getting a bit creepy, frankly.  Getting a phone call from my friends, who I'd introduced her to once, asking if I could ask her to stop coming round to their house every damn day while I was at work, doing an apparently terrifyingly accurate simulation of all my personal mannerisms?  Ok, I think I shall start backing away slowly now.  Until I'm out of sight and can run, anyway.

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ORIGINAL: sravaka


I struggled with similar stuff for many years (and may not entirely be done).  I've never found that intelligence needs to be compromised for someone actually worth being with.

I've yet to find a definitive definition of intelligence. But I just know I have it. It's both a blessing (ie I can work for far higher than the basic minimum wage) and a curse (most people are on a slower planet).

It feels more empty than being single.
Alone in a crowd. Alone in a room. Alone across the dining table or in a restaurant. Alone even in conversation.

 Of course, 2) it's also possible compromise your standards once in a while/temporarily for sake of taking the edge off the waiting/dusting.  (for me this doesn't work terribly well either, but others manage it with aplomb).
But this hurts the other.

For the duration of being on the shelf, one simply goes about fulfilling one's independent ambitions in whatever way seems best.
I set and reset the targets whereas there used to be joint tarfets and prohects.


How do you change motivation?
Motivation comes from need. Satusfying ones own needs can make one stagnant and complacent.

Certainly you won't fake it happily.
So true.

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ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW



I guess what I'm saying is, know yourself. Know who you are and what you need in order to feel right in a relationship -- then set those boundaries as your "no compromise" line. If maintaining your ambitions, stoking your motivation, and appreciating your intelligence are pre-requisites for having a person in your life that you're going to be able to relate to in the way that you want, then start by not accepting ongoing relationships with people who can't offer those things to you. Relating to others contains some sacrifices, yes -- but it doesn't have to be like throwing yourself into the volcano every time. Be who you are -- if it scares someone off, or if they mishandle you, then it's OK not to get into a deeper relationship with that person. If the relationship mutates to something that squashes you, the self, it's ok to walk away without having to fall into an abyss over it.

I hope this made sense.

Dame Calla

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ORIGINAL: HeadmasterDavid

Whenever I am in a new relationship, I usually make a mental note of something that really impresses me about that person. Because that's usually the thing that will be our undoing.
[/qote]
This is the simplest and most straightforward expression of what I have been talking about.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to HeadmasterDavid)

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ORIGINAL: HeadmasterDavid

Try it, and see what might be initially attractive until reality sets in.

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ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I think you're fabulous, Prinsexx.  Hot, alluring and sexy. Smart and wise.
I love the way you think, and the way you share yourself with us here. You are a planetary, and an intergalactic treasure.

You are soooo amazing, and wonderful!

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ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I have found that many traits that I possess which people would identify as powerful tend to intimidate. 
Far more often than not, despite that I truly desire a partner who is Alpha to me, I wind up with droves of individuals attempting to submit.  That's flattering sometimes (Do-me subs are annoying generally) but isn't my priority as I lack a life partner at this time.  It's appealing sometimes, as I am not so hung up on a trait or two that I can't conceptualize someone who doesn't identify as Dominant being a fabulous partner for me.  The difficulty is the intimidation factor.  Certainly, a healthy respect, I'll even take a bit of fear, but when it's all said and done, the person needs to be able to stand with me and I with them and if that's not possible, they're not viable for me nor I they. 
So, I suppose what I am saying is that I think you're keying in on being part of a sub-group of a larger group and that makes the suitable partners fewer in number.  But, I know Alpha when I taste it, don't you?!  And, if a partner isn't able to buck up, then that's not your Alpha. 
Davan

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ORIGINAL: Gromgor

I didn't read all the responses, as I just wished to respond to the initial post. While it might not apply specifically to the original poster, it might apply to others. Were I the Dom in a situation with a sub successful in business, I would simply implement his/her business into the expectations. A sub should do all things well. With elegance and beauty. Your definition of that elegance and beauty might differ, but when it comes to business, success, profit and other such things dictate the "beauty". Your Dom could have simply required that you achieve a certain, almost impossible, milestone. By encouraging you to be successful he more fully claims you as even your success outside of the house is influenced by him. But who am I to say?

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So why is it that what attracts also repels? Would really appreciate understanding more about this.

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ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

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So why is it that what attracts also repels? Would really appreciate understanding more about this.

it's attractive because it shows your strengths, your value, what you are capable of accomplishing all on your own...

it repels because it shows you can do it yourself, that you don't actually need anyone, and that because of these things, they won't get to act like selfish little three year olds demanding your time and energy be focused soley on them(it's an ego thing).