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Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 11:32:10 AM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Gentlemen,

For some times now, I have tried to control the orgasm of my sub through many ways, with little success.
The objective is to stop her masturbating in my absence, She agrees to the objective but is not strong enough to follow through. Anything permanent is of course out of question, any piercing of the clit too. Chastity belts are not enough as she always gets a finger under them, and it is not practical in her life.

More recently, I tried by binding her clit, so that any enlargment of it would be painful and stop her. Of course I do not want to risk her health and do not bind severely. The results are not great, she felt incomfort, but this did not stop her charging through a coming. Also depending of tightness, she felt aroused but inconfortable all the time, which was not the objective either.

We parted ways recently but I like to find a solution for the next one...

Anybody who has an idea is welcome

Kinky regards

Falkenstey

Post #: 1

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 11:35:23 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Tell her not to do it, if she does punish her, then tell her again if she does time to reassess the relationship. Simple. You should not need to 'do' anything other than ask.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 2

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 12:35:40 PM

Cdub2U

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Tell her not to do it, if she does punish her, then tell her again if she does time to reassess the relationship. Simple. You should not need to 'do' anything other than ask.

My point exactly
I generally do not "tell" but request... They have quickly learned that to not follow my "request" is extremely painful, enough where is only happens once! I feel it is far better to teach than punish (unless it for fun!).

< Message edited by Cdub2U -- 7/29/2009 12:36:25 PM >

_____________________________

"Free your mind and your ass will follow
the kingdom of heaven is within"
G. Clinton

"Can't you see, it all makes perfect sense
Expressed in Dollars and cents, Pounds shillings and pence"
R. Waters

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 3

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 12:50:58 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Have you considered not making that a requirement? I might see the value in restricting masturbation in a male sub as they tend to build up. But that doesn't seem to be an issue for many females. Heck.. make me cum and I am ready to go again and again. More sex or stimulation makes me want it more. Less stimulation makes me think.. sex? ehh.. maybe tomorrow.
What is the value to YOU in having your sub go without? What benefit do you think it gives you? What benefit does it do her?

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 4

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 2:37:36 PM

HeadmasterDavid

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/12/2009
Status: offline

You may wish to explore the reasons why she disobeys you. Does she disobey in an attempt to see if she can wear you down? Does she disobey so she can feel loved when you punish her? Does she disobey because she doesn't respect you?

You may not need a solution, because "the next one" will have her own agenda and her own responses to your orders.

(Maybe a nice stainless steel riding crop is in the cards for your toolkit?)

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 5

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 2:48:01 PM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Ladies and Gentlemen,

as for demanding/ requiring/ ordering, we were not in such a relationship that this would work.

As for the reason: I noticed that sub is a lot more feminine, cushy... and obedient when slightly sex deprived. She masterbates several times a day. Just stopping her of doing it directly after coming from work changed a lot. I do not believe in long term deprivation, but in edging a bit and being the sole source of orgasm for example as a reward for good behavior.

Kinky regards

Henry

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 6

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 2:55:49 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I guess it is an individual thing. Make me stop and I just push it to the back of my mind. I am not more cushy, compliant ect.. because my head has shut that part off. The hottest scene I can recall is when my x left the hotel to make the trip back home when I was on a location job, and he forgot something and came back to find me. umm.. busy trying out toys. He ended up staying the night.
Sex for me, only makes me want more.
Some people are into the idea of denial. It might be a good idea to find out what drives your next sub before tying her hands (so to speak) on controlling her sexual needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Ladies and Gentlemen,

as for demanding/ requiring/ ordering, we were not in such a relationship that this would work.

As for the reason: I noticed that sub is a lot more feminine, cushy... and obedient when slightly sex deprived. She masterbates several times a day. Just stopping her of doing it directly after coming from work changed a lot. I do not believe in long term deprivation, but in edging a bit and being the sole source of orgasm for example as a reward for good behavior.

Kinky regards

Henry

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 7

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 3:28:20 PM

NyDaddysGirl

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I guess it is an individual thing. Make me stop and I just push it to the back of my mind. I am not more cushy, compliant ect.. because my head has shut that part off. The hottest scene I can recall is when my x left the hotel to make the trip back home when I was on a location job, and he forgot something and came back to find me. umm.. busy trying out toys. He ended up staying the night.
Sex for me, only makes me want more.
Some people are into the idea of denial. It might be a good idea to find out what drives your next sub before tying her hands (so to speak) on controlling her sexual needs.

You took the words out of my mouth. (It's the same for me.)

Find out what works for that particular sub and run with it.

_____________________________

I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the ground ~ Badlees

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 8

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 3:32:24 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

She either obeys or she doesn't. If she can't even control herself on such a simple task I'd reconsider why you choose such women and how that's workin for ya.

(in reply to NyDaddysGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 3:35:16 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Ladies and Gentlemen,

as for demanding/ requiring/ ordering, we were not in such a relationship that this would work.

As for the reason: I noticed that sub is a lot more feminine, cushy... and obedient when slightly sex deprived. She masterbates several times a day. Just stopping her of doing it directly after coming from work changed a lot. I do not believe in long term deprivation, but in edging a bit and being the sole source of orgasm for example as a reward for good behavior.

Kinky regards

Henry

Well I cum at least three times a day through masterbation and an ex of mine had a thing for orgasm control, like I mentioned he just asked me to not do it, and it was frustrating to begin with but it really doesnt edge anything, cumming was no better after witholding. To be honest I think it can be a pretty pointless thing to control, I know in my case I was told no simply because he could but I guess whatever rocks your boat and all that.

I can't imagine any physical bondage from stopping me though, if I was intent on doing it then I would.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 10

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 3:53:18 PM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I have also this "thing for orgasm control"

(delay but not denial, curiously)

I am impressed by your will to obey an order that cannot be controlled by your owner

Women are all wired differently, your post confirms it. But maybe I chose the wrong words. I do not imply that cuming will be enhanced through frustration. I do say that being frustrated makes her more feminine and obedient.

In your case, did the fact of being frustrated (as you say) not change your behavior at all?

Kinky regards

Henry

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 11

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 4:31:24 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

In your case, did the fact of being frustrated (as you say) not change your behavior at all?

Yup, we broke up.

The thing is that you are asking this question so as to know how to treat people in the future, it will depend on the woman, I am sure many are able to control those impulses. It most certainly did not make me more feminine or any such rubbish nor obedient indeed eventually I lost a hell of a lot of respect for him due to it, he messed up my patterns which for me wasn't really the best thing for me.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 12

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 5:27:25 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

You know.. I have no clue how old you are but I like the way you express yourself. Very self assured.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
The thing is that you are asking this question so as to know how to treat people in the future, it will depend on the woman, I am sure many are able to control those impulses. It most certainly did not make me more feminine or any such rubbish nor obedient indeed eventually I lost a hell of a lot of respect for him due to it, he messed up my patterns which for me wasn't really the best thing for me.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 13

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 5:43:46 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein
I am impressed by your will to obey an order that cannot be controlled by your owner

Leadership tip #1: Never cut an order that will not be obeyed.

It undermines your authority if your words do not change actions. The great skill of dominating your partner -- or dominating a roomful of people in a nonsexual context -- is to inspire others to step up, and attempt something they "thought they would never do," because you are demanding it. Don't turn yourself objectively into a hollow poser by making demands that are flatly contradicted by the woman who is "submitting" to you.

If I were in your situation -- and I wouldn't be, because I only go for women capable of saying what they do and doing what they say -- I would immediately rescind the orgasm control directives, and read up on female sexual addiction. One sample link is here.

http://www.sexualwholeness.com/isw/resources/7093/Farree2001.pdf

If she is masturbating multiple times a day, and is unable to stop even though she says she will, either she has no respect for you, or no control over herself. Either way, you have an Issue (capital I) to deal with, and a nasty punishment session isn't the answer. You have to understand why she behaves the way she does, and deal with those motivations.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 14

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 5:54:58 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If you stop me from orgasm, i end up having very lecivious (sp?) dreams. So orgasm control would do little for me except make my nights more fun.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 15

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 7:15:48 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

      A lot of women get "orgasm control" waaaay to much. I would hope that its more of a problem in the vanilla world, than in the D/s world- but sadly, if I had to bet $20 I might bet that the ratio of unsatisfied women is about the same from one to the other- especially with all the clueless newbies we seem to have around lately.
    I mean of course, that they are unwittingly being "denied" orgasms by bumbling, incompetent lovers.... Now of course a woman is responsible for making sure she gets off one way or another, but if her lover is no help in that area he is likely to be jettisoned.
    To be clear: waaaay too many women have not had nearly enough satisfying (meaning orgasmic and otherwise fulfilling) sex in their lives, and are actively seeking someone with whom they can climax well and often. To put yourself in the category of just another lover who impedes her sexual satisfaction while he gleefully takes his own, is a great way to really piss off a woman.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Women are tired of their satisfaction being pushed aside in favor of a man's. It is heartbreaking when your lover just doesn't care enough about you, to care that you haven't orgasmed, and that the sex hasn't been deeply fulfilling and satisfying for you.

Orgasm control just doesn't work the same for women as it does for men, because we get it all the time. Its so last year. Its so ten years ago. Its so twenty, forty, fifty, its so hundred years ago
Women are actively seeking and demanding men who can pay attenion to their dreams,to their desires, and to there sexual needs for true intimacy and sexual satifaction. We're making up for lost time. Therefor if you can't give it, we're done.

I do think this bears repeating:

Wake up and smell the coffee.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 7/29/2009 8:08:12 PM >

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 16

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 7:31:40 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Well ranted

, but on some level I disagree. A rule like, "You can't touch yourself unless you touch me first," both prevents the sub from being an energy- and attention-sink, and can actually heighten the arousal of someone who gets off on control and service.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 17

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 8:09:52 PM

Loki45

Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
     A lot of women get "orgasm control" waaaay to much. I would hope that its more of a problem in the vanilla world, than in the D/s world- but sadly, if I had to bet $20 I might bet that the ratio of unsatisfied women is about the same from one to the other- especially with all the clueless newbies we seem to have around lately.
   I mean of course, that they are unwittingly being "denied" orgasms by bumbling, incompetent lovers.... Now of course a woman is responsible for making sure she gets off one way or another, but if her lover is no help in that area he is likely to be jettisoned.
   To be clear: waaaay too many women have not had nearly enough satisfying (meaning orgasmic and otherwise fulfilling) sex in their lives, and are actively seeking someone with whom they can climax well and often. To put yourself in the category of just another lover who impedes her sexual satisfaction while he gleefully takes his own, is a great way to really piss off a woman.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Women are tired of their satisfaction being pushed aside in favor of a man's. It is heartbreaking when your lover just doesn't care enough about you, to care that you haven't orgasmed, and that the sex hasn't been deeply fulfilling and satisfying for you.

Orgasm control just doesn't work the same for women as it does for men, because we get it all the time. Its so last year. Its so ten years ago. Its so twenty, forty, fifty, its so hundred years ago
Women are actively seeking and demanding men who can pay attenion to their dreams,to their desires, and to there sexual needs for true intimacy and sexual satifaction. We're making up for lost time. Therefor if you can't give it, we're done.

I do think this bears repeating:

Wake up and smell the coffee.

What a humorous and obviously tongue-in-cheek rant. It certainly brought a smile to my face.

Orgasm control and having a lover who can't give you an orgasm of course are two very, VERY different things. Funny rant though.

_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 18

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 10:36:34 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Kinda of several thought-processes on this point.
I actually really strongly agree with a lot of what DreamerDreaming said: especially the part about partners, be they vanilla or not, not getting a woman off and that not being terribly uncommon.
On the other hand, if I agreed to my partner controlling my orgasms, sticking to that agreement would be important and all sorts of machinations shouldn't be needed.
I will say, though, personally that being deprived of sex is far worse, imo, than being deprived of an orgasm. It creates odd disconnection and substantially increases my sadistic impulses.
Overall, for men or women, I'm not a big fan of orgasm control or denial but each unto their own.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to Loki45)

Post #: 19

RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/29/2009 11:44:05 PM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

MMmmmmm... I love orgasm control.

I have learnt to hold myself on the brink when I'm wound up, although I'm not sure how long I could it for... or if anything would stimulate me so much I'd lose control. I certainly think it would be fun finding out. I certainly would love to be trained further in this aspect.
Sir owns me and my orgasms are his... learning this skill makes me feel uber-subby and I love it.

I do ask for permission to play when we are apart which is generally granted. Hmmm... so far I have behaved and done as I'm told but my mind does think that at 200 miles away he wouldnt know if I had or not.
Controlling by the clit... interesting... hmmmm... gonna go off and think about that one

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 20

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