CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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I don't disagree with the priciple of the protection idea, but the way it is actually played out in some situations bothers me. I mentioned one or maybe two in an earlier post. Here are a couple of other possible scenarios I have observed more than once that concern me:
(1) The sub knows what sort of relationship this is but nevertheless falls in love with the protector and wants to become his slave/submissive or even his "one" slave/submissive. This is a very, very common situation. Giving up power is kind of addictive (understatement of the year). When you give up a little, such as that given up by the protectee, it can open the emotional floodgates. And guess who the emotion gets projected onto? Given that such protectors usually already have a slave(s) or reasons not to own this particular submissive, this eventually causes messes and if it doesn't leave the protectee in worse shape than she was before she met you, it may very well leave the protector in a horrible place when she decides to get revenge on him for not falling in love with her. (Yes, people who need or could really use protection are often rather irrational in that disasterous way and in many others. Handle. With. Care.)
(2) This one is more ambiguious and kind of hard to resolve. I've observed over the years that many submissives seem emotionally...young. There are a lot of personality features that go into this impression but the ones that lead them to seek out (or attract) a protector who helps them find a good mate are naievity and a difficulty in learning from certain experiences (not all experiences, but certain emotional lessons seem never to be grasped by some people, as if, like Peter Pan, they can never leave a certain stage of growth). The areas in which certain submissives don't learn are very narrow--I'm not making a sweeping generalization about all growth. Just growth about certain things, and those things do vary from submissive to submissive. But, in my experience, growth and change can and do occur if the submissive is left alone in life to cope, and learns from hard experience: Sometimes, the protector tries too hard to protect and that learning does not occur. That is Ok if the protector manages to find the submissive a good situation (suitable controlling mate who will take over for the protector) before things blow up. But if the submissive is immature and impatient and things do blow up, she's back at square one, having learned nothing. At least in the school of hard knocks, one eventually learns that if you hit B, B hits back, be it the first time or the hundreth time you get KO'd.
(3) There is a sham version of this that goes on. I did mention this in my other post but want to expand upon it. It's the thing that Celtic Prince mentioned: the brazen annoucement to all who come across a profile that this woman is UNDER SO AND SO'S PROTECTION! If you are helping someone vet responses to their personal ad, if you are sincerely helping them find a dominant partner or coaching them in how to make good decisions about this on their own, then the last thing you want the sub to do is put this fact up on a huge marquee board above her head. It immediately turns honest or potentially good dominants off (dominants want to control, and who wants to attempt to wrest control, not from a submissive but from another dominant who is "protecting" her, regarding you with suspicion, and, by implication of the protection, already controlling her in certain ways?) So you alienate the best prospects right off the bat. What are you left with? The stupid doms... and the doms who will try to beat you two at your own game by writing things they know the dominant part of the audience wants to hear rather than being themselves. A person who writes a submissve's profile who doesn't know that she is being helped and advised, will be a lot more open and give you both a much better idea of his personality than one who has been forewarned. (Of course for honesty's sake, if the person is clearly sincere, you will need to tell them sooner rather than later what is going on, but for the first few exchanges, you can learn a lot if he thinks he's just talking to some gullible or dumb submissive.)
Once in a very rare while you'll come across a dominant who doesn't mind going through another dominant to get to this particular submissive, but in my experience, the submissive has to be pretty damn special and the dominant also extrememly unusual (patient and forebearing) for this to happen. This sort of person comes around about once every year if you're lucky, every two-five years if you are not. Can your protectee wait that long for someone close to perfect or could she be happier with someone maybe not saintly enough to put up with the whole protection business but certainly good enough to treat her well and control her in the ways that she needs?
I'm just another submissive, and despite all I know I sometimes feel in need of protection myself because my knowledge doesn't protect me very well from my nature. But boy, those PDPs (public displays of protection) really annoy the crap out of me. If someone like me with zero stake in the matter is thinking, "God, what a stupid game!" when they see a sub profile with that on it, imagine what the dominants are thinking!
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RE: Under Protection???????? - 
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