CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth A mentor gets a contributing member of the team. That 'team' can represent employer, alumni, or family. What's the equivalent in BDSM? What does a mentor in the BDSM community get out of it? The answer to that question is the "agenda" I referenced. Use any resource you like; but be aware of the agenda. From my experience vantage point; money and/or sex are #1 or #2 depending on the mentor. Well, if you're asking me what _I_ get out of mentoring, it isn't money or sex. First, I don't mentor submissive individuals. I suck as a submissive person, and consider myself only 'successful' in that aspect in that I didn't manage to kill my Keepers, nor they, me, while I went through the experience to earn my crop... which pretty much rules out the 'sex' part, since I'm not teaching other Keeper-type individuals how to give me a tongue-job or polish my floors. Since I don't charge for mentorship, and I don't even offer any classes or books on BDSM-related topics, money doesn't come into the picture for me, either. I wouldn't be ashamed of myself if it did, though -- as you'd probably figure out from my earlier post on combining mentorship and business. So... what -do- I get out of it? - Well, I get some ego-boost for -sure-, because it feels really good to know that someone has watched what you do and thinks it is worthwhile enough to ask you to help them to figure out how to make their -own- goals a reality.
- It also hones my communication and instructional skills... it helps me learn how to communicate what I do and what I am thinking while I'm doing it to a broader range of individuals with a greater base of goals over time.
- I also get a sense of satisfaction out of watching someone else succeed in hir goals. I don't consider it "altruistic". I don't believe in altruism. I know that I do it because it makes me feel good to see that person use what I've put out there and take off with it. In fact, I love it when people I've mentored exceed their own expectations and everyone else's, too -- now that -really- gives me a big ol' boost.
So that's what _I_ get out of mentorship. quote:
Parent 'mentoring'? Don't hold your baby upside-down and shake? Or is there a 'one-true-way' of parenting. Granted common sense isn't common, but if you have a need to attend a parenting class to know that - you need a 24/7 mentor, not a weekend class. Actually, most parents, at least in my limited experience as a 15 year midwife, -do- lean on others who have been through the experience of parenting successfully to obtain tips and guidelines for succeeding at their own parenting challenges. It isn't about "one true way". It is about finding a framework from which to build, and avoiding common pitfalls. It isn't about not shaking the baby upside down. It's about knowing how to handle a kid who doesn't stop throwing tantrums even with time outs or spankings, etc., or dealing with a teenager who is terrified of his impending graduation from high-school because he has NO idea what he wants to do with his life, and none of your suggestions have worked so far. MOST people find it helpful to have someone to turn to when things like this come up, and being a good parent sometimes means knowing who to talk to who may -have- the answers if we don't have them ourselves, and not being too proud to do so. quote:
Same holds true with this lifestyle. In a "community" and on this website where 'one true way-ism'; raises images of the anti-Christ why put value in any mentor's one true way? You put value in what has been shown to be successful, just like in any other walk of life. If someone's "one true way" has been successful and you find that you want to try it out, then you go to the person who has had the success and see if it works for you. It's the same with -anything- we do. Heck, I've used the example a couple of times of music, art, and writing. All of those have their own individual expressions from each particular person, but mentorship is -still- common in the field, because no matter what we do, if someone else has done it, too, there are common areas from which mentorship can be beneficial. Sure, a mentor can't tell you how to draw, or write, or play -- but he can teach you how to write a cover-letter that will encourage an editor to actually want to -read- what you've written and improve your chances of getting published. quote:
If the argument is that the mentor teaches you that ANY way you are comfortable is yours and you should find your personal 'true way'; well hell - that's worth about $1.20 not $120.00 don't you think? Or is spending $120 and a weekend with a mentor enough to convince you that there is a 'one true way'? There -is- a One True Way... but each person has their -own- "One True Way", and every OTW overlaps every other OTW on certain common ground. It is typically in those 'common ground' areas that the mentor finds a purpose. Whether it's worth $1.20 to you, $1200.00 or nothing really is up to the individual. If it isn't worth anything, then one -clearly- wouldn't seek out a mentor. If it's worth something, but you don't know what is -reasonable- for the market, then don't sign up without doing some research first and getting some comparisons to go on. One other thing that I'd like to mention is that most successful people are -busy-. The idea that someone is going to drop everything to mentor another person just doesn't seem reasonable. Yes, for some folks, the sense of pride and purpose is enough, but if someone is busy enough, and mentoring another takes time from their business and their family obligations, then it seems -polite- to me to make sure that there is some kind of remuneration in the mix, and I don't see this as outrageous at all (especially since most business mentors -do- charge for their time and nobody bats an eye... in fact, corporate interests pay a huge chunk every year on behalf of their employees for the mentorship and training opportunities offered by decent mentors). Dame Calla
_____________________________
*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
|