Evasive Mistress or Fake

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Evasive Mistress or Fake

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Evasive Mistress or Fake

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 6:45:51 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Hi everyone. Please bare with me I am fairly new at this. I am a GWFsub and have been conversing with a Mistess online for approximately 3 weeks. We both live in the same state. For some reason she will not call me on the phone. Although in her messages she mentions meeting/different scenarios, etc., I need personal contact. I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed? I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.
Thank you
Friskie

Post #: 1

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 7:14:00 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

Hi everyone. Please bare with me I am fairly new at this. I am a GWFsub and have been conversing with a Mistess online for approximately 3 weeks. We both live in the same state. For some reason she will not call me on the phone. Although in her messages she mentions meeting/different scenarios, etc., I need personal contact. I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed? I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.
Thank you
Friskie

Now, granted I do things my way, and other people do it theirs.

But - after 3 weeks of consistently talking to a sub and if I was still interested in talking to them, I'd definately want to talk on the phone, and meet shortly thereafter for just coffee or the like. I am not saying rush the getting to know one another phase, but I am saying I would want to move that getting to know one another to face to face sooner rather than later. Admittedly, I have very little patience for online contact.

I think that period of time is ample to move to talking on the phone if you are serious about meeting. I think it's appropriate to discuss intentions - is she actually interested in meeting, how long does she see that taking, and meanwhile a good discussion on the phone may help you decide either way about meeting. If she's sincere, she *should* be able to discuss a reasonable timeline with you based on her past experience. It's up to you whether or not that timeline works for you.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/21/2006 7:15:03 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 2

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 7:42:22 AM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I tend to be

A) the nervous type that hesitates to meet someone right off.

B) busy in life to the point where sometimes my free time is difficult at best.

Each person is in a different situation, and we all have our different comfort levels. I think you should tactfully communicate your needs to her. If she will then either contact you, or tell you why not ... at least you will be communicating. If she doesn't answer, is evasive, or flat out disappears, you don't want to be in that situation anyway.

fergus

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 3

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 7:49:41 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub

Hi everyone. Please bare with me I am fairly new at this. I am a GWFsub and have been conversing with a Mistess online for approximately 3 weeks. We both live in the same state. For some reason she will not call me on the phone. Although in her messages she mentions meeting/different scenarios, etc., I need personal contact. I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed? I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.
Thank you
Friskie

I think you should say that you need personal contact and that if she is not interested in this or cannot do this at this time please tell you directly.

This way you say what you need without asking her what she needs or is doing -- you are stating a limit or need and that, in my opinion, is a perfectly valid and necessary thing to do when you are starting to see if there is compatibility.

If she doesn't tell you or if she tells you she is not interested, eat some ice cream or your comfort food of choice, hang out with friends for a while, maybe even cry, and try to move on and find someone else to talk to and pair up with.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 4

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 7:53:27 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub

Hi everyone. Please bare with me I am fairly new at this. I am a GWFsub and have been conversing with a Mistess online for approximately 3 weeks. We both live in the same state. For some reason she will not call me on the phone. Although in her messages she mentions meeting/different scenarios, etc., I need personal contact. I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed? I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.
Thank you
Friskie

You say you have been chatting for 3 weeks...is this everyday or once a week?

If you've only chatted 2 or 3 times in 3 weeks, I wouldn't worry at all.

If you are chatting on an almost daily basis for 3 weeks, then I would say a phone call is 2 weeks over due.
Personally, I would press. I don't like long online or even phone relationships. I'm looking for real people and want to meet someone as soon as possible for a number of reasons that vary from assessing the level of sincerity to measuring the chemistry between us.

IMO if this person is detailing scenarios with you in chat but won't discuss taking the relationship to the next step...they are possibly not what or who they claim to be.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 5

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 8:04:07 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

You say you have been chatting for 3 weeks...is this everyday or once a week?

If you've only chatted 2 or 3 times in 3 weeks, I wouldn't worry at all.

If you are chatting on an almost daily basis for 3 weeks, then I would say a phone call is 2 weeks over due.
Personally, I would press. I don't like long online or even phone relationships. I'm looking for real people and want to meet someone as soon as possible for a number of reasons that vary from assessing the level of sincerity to measuring the chemistry between us.

IMO if this person is detailing scenarios with you in chat but won't discuss taking the relationship to the next step...they are possibly not what or who they claim to be.
[/quote]

Agreed. If the OP is spending hours a day 'talking' to someone and they're evasive over an actual phone call then a few red flags would be going off for me in my head. They may just be busy or what have you, but that's usually given as an answer. Evasiveness however is somewhat worrying.

Good luck.

Isara.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 6

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 8:08:53 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I have to agree with what the others have said. I prefer to be speaking on the telephone after a good initial contact. Three weeks of chatting and email, if it has been daily, should be enough time. That might be just Me, and different people have different comfort levels, but is she is avoiding the suggestion, then there is nothing wrong with asking as directly as possible. If the issue is still side-stepped, you may want to re-think it.
Good luck.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 7

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 8:18:49 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all - I am feeling a bit easier about this. To me it seems I need to be a big girl :) and tactfully drop her an email today stating pretty much what you all have conveyed.
I'm afraid I have a good clue what this outcome will be. Just feel very foolish that I didn't pick up on this earlier.

(in reply to fergus)

Post #: 8

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 8:27:00 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

I think I'm moving to Tennessee :) I actually laughed when I read your quote. Excellent!!!
Mistress, this makes somewhat sad...you know I feel like I have wasted a ton of emotion. I suppose all is not lost, live n learn - right?
friskie

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 9

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 8:30:52 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

I should have been more clear, we have communicated only on line every day, sometimes 3-4 times daily. I have asked her to call, and this has never been addressed or commented on.

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 10

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 9:47:59 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

I don't enjoy talking on the phone. It is not my preferred method of communication. If a submissive or slave NEEDS this so damned badly, then they probably are not right for me anyway. They'll end up spending their time in my home on the phone to other people. For some, a telephone is an umbilical cord, for me it is a tool.

Telephones are to pass data, that is all. I would probably not initiate a telephone call unless or until things seemed pretty good in the relationship otherwise because my telephone call would consist of "Hello, This is Purr, make your judgements about my voice now because I'm hanging up." I don't see a need to gush poetic into a piece of plastic in my hand. Transferring large amounts of data and having long thoughtful exchanges are better done in person or in writing. Hearing a voice without a face or other context only serves to confuse things more. A voice without anything else can be so easily faked that it has no value in making a judgement about the person.

If you are serious and you want to see if she's serious, just ask, then get your butt in gear and talk about when you'll meet. That's much more important. If you have a pile of excuses lined up to prevent you from getting there to meet her, then it's your issue.

You'd probably call me a fake.

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 11

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 10:07:51 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your responses. Lots of great input. Well at the end of today, I'm gonna do it. Now you all know the curiosity is going to kill me. I will definetly keep you posted by tomorrow or Thursday and let you know the outcome. Which I think we all know will be additional avoidance or a major scolding.
Thank you all again - everyone was very helpful.
friskie

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 12

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 10:20:50 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Good luck. And, you needn't feel too nervous ;)

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 13

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 10:52:56 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

friskiesub
friskiesub
friskiesub
friskiesub
Tell Me, the people who pick up your garbage do so twice weekly. ( I bet they know you pretty well based off of your garbage. ) Would you walk out the door on the day they are stopped in front of your door and hand them all your phone number and tell them to call you to have some cyber chat on the phone with you?

I hope you say yes you would because if you would be willing to give out your phone number to a complete stranger Im sure you would also do the same to people who are intimate with your weekly garbage as well. With a phone number I can gain much information about you. Maybe it is possible that this Mistress is not only protecting Their self but in the process and Their actions also protecting you with out you even knowing it. Three weeks ? It takes longer then that to gain a Drs appointment to let the doctor see your most private parts and areas about you. I dont think the Mistress is being evasive and ESPECIALLY is no fake. you are dabbling in a place thats extreamly dangerous to those who havent a clue and your diving into the empty pool for many would be a turn off.
you come off as being someone who has some how lost something. It sounds to Me that you gained something if you desire more out of this contact, so I dont think you are giving credit where its due. A person who needs live contact doesent come to online first to find it and expect others to jump to their own whims and needs. If you need live go to a live place to find what you seek. And I hope you take things a bit slower then you seem to have here. It takes two to be involved and it sounds that you were just as involved in the beginning of this relationship as the other person was and to up and put some kind of restriction apon it with out word is well a red flag in My book. ( notices the gurl says she is moving out of state and yet this Mistress is close to where she lives now. Sounds like someone else had a need they were trying to fill quickly as well. )
shakes My head.........
friskiesub
friskiesub
friskiesub
friskiesub buy a cat! join a local group in your area to gain some more experiance in the reality of this lifestyle and understand that 98.9 percent of those online dive into the fantasy side of their minds here and the same thing you are seeking could be the same thing others are seeking as well. after just three weeks dont end up becomming a whinnie pissie sub who isent getting their way. Its SO SO unbecomming.

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/21/2006 12:04:36 PM >

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 14

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 11:05:22 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub
I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.

Hi, Friskie. Welcome to the message forums.

I prefer the direct approach and would enjoy if someone was direct with their approach.

I'm also not someone that enjoys the phone, and would be more apt to meet someone in a public place, versus giving out my home phone number immediately (or after three weeks of online only chat). I've made the wrong decision a few times, and had my phone line tied up by a few men that I had no interest in, and they could not accept the direct "no" approach to their advances. Once the number is given out, it's not so easy to change (nor do I want to change my number). If you meet them, and don't click...you just walk away. While I don't want to think negatively from the get go, sometimes it's the safest approach, to be cautious. I tend to get a good feel from the online email contact and proceed to chat, and then to meeting in real life, if all goes well for both of us. Then they get the number.

I tend to only give out my personal number to folks that I already know.

K

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 15

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 11:11:56 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

MistressDread: You had a few good points. I was merely joking about moving to Tenn. Maybe I should provide a bit more info. I receive 2-3 emails from the Mistress almost daily. She has always been very informative. Not in to small talk. I must have been mistaken, I thought there was more to a Mistress/sub relationship then sex.
In chatting with other people of the same lifestyle, something here doesn't sound quite right. What is she hiding???
I will take a few things you said into consideration.
By all means gang - If I appeared to sound like a whinnie sub - I do apologize.
friskie

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 16

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 11:15:45 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm not one for giving out my phone number easily either but this can be got around by using voice on Yahoo or Skype for instance.

Go with your instincts not your impatience... do you think they may not be what they say they are or are you just being impatient?

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 17

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 11:18:03 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

I hope you say yes you would because if you would be willing to give out your phone number to a complete stranger Im sure you would also do the same to people who are intimate with your weekly garbage as well.

Wow that's an insanely hard font/colour combination to read. I'm sorry, but I can't see the link there between asking for a phone number and someone doing something illegal like searching through my rubbish.

quote:

buy a cat! join a local group in your area to gain some more experiance in the reality of this lifestyle and understand that 98.9 percent of those online dive into the fantasy side of their minds here and the same thing you are seeking could be the same thing others are seeking as well. after just three weeks dont end up becomming a whinnie pissie sub who isent getting their way. Its SO SO unbecomming.

Wow that's an insanely hard font/colour combination to read in the original, but again, I've got to disagree with you. I don't think that telling someone to get a cat, and calling them a "whining pissie sub" is terribly effective or constructive. They asked for advice? And sure, you gave it, but it seemed overly harsh to me. And maybe that makes -me- a whining pissy dominant, but hey.

In my opinion? Asking someone who you're chatting online with, a lot over a few week period for their phone number isn't unreasonable. Relationships, even D/S ones can be on varying levels, and yes, I understand that, but it seems a bit off to me that someone would engage in an online relationship with someone, D/S or otherwise, without at least a phone call.

There -may- be a reasonable explanation, I know I avoid talking to people much of the time, or I did when I was in school because of my accent and the fact I used to stutter terribly. Especially when tired.

quote:

A person who needs live contact doesent come to online first to find it and expect others to jump to their own whims and needs

I've found that often they do. At least the coming online first part ;) Because it's an anonymous environment for them to engage with other like minded people who understand, rather then vilifying them. It's often a first port of call as it were, for people who then either go on into real life, or who, decide that perhaps this isn't for them.

We were all new once. Prone to making “newbie” type mistakes, and maybe this is one of those situations for the OP, but nevertheless, constructive criticism and observations are always a lot more effective.

Regards.

Isara.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 18

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 11:52:44 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for responding. As a matter of fact...my fear is that she is not who she claims to be (or was).

(in reply to Oumae)

Post #: 19

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 12:09:16 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Wow that's an insanely hard font/colour combination to read.

ThankYou

quote:

I'm sorry

Im sure You are.

quote:

but I can't see the link there between asking for a phone number and someone doing something illegal like searching through my rubbish.

actually I said nothing about anyone searching thru rubbish and by the way there is nothing illegal about going thru anyones garbage once its put to the side of the street. Once on government property ( city, county, state. ) its concidered community property including when it reaches the dump.

quote:

I've got to disagree with you.

Grand! Thats what forums are for!

quote:

I don't think that telling someone to get a cat, and calling them a "whining pissie sub" is terribly effective or constructive.

I could give a rats ass what You think and My brand of alternate lifestyle teaching is just that, Mine. Judge Me lest Yea be Judged.
actually the get a cat comment was in referance to her name friskie as in Cat[friskie] watches as the comment swwooshes right over the Isara's head.....

quote:

In my opinion? Asking someone who you're chatting online with, a lot over a few week period for their phone number isn't unreasonable

You are nieve then. It can be dangerous to those who have Z E R O experiance in a alternate lifestyle such as this poster stated she has.

quote:

I understand that, but it seems a bit off to me that someone would engage in an online relationship with someone, D/S or otherwise, without at least a phone call.

Ive been online for 16 years of Training online in BDSM and Gor and S/m with never once My phone number being given out for such actions or issues. You seem a bit off to Me as well.

quote:

There -may- be a reasonable explanation, I know I avoid talking to people much of the time,

Oh so NOW theres a tad bit of support here for the Mistress who is being called Evasive and Fake by a newbie who hasent a clue ? I guess better late then never......

quote:

I've found that often they do. At least the coming online first part

That was My WHOLEEEEE POINT! You dont come online and do what you wouldent do in real life First and foremost.

quote:

Because it's an anonymous environment for them to engage with other like minded people who understand, rather then vilifying them

Ding dong Hello knock knock knock knock, They dont call this a ALTERNATE LIFESTYLE because everyone walks around with tu tu 's on and eats cotton candy. The point made well here by you is that this is an anonymous environment for the most part and anyone who expects another on line here in this anonymous environment to become a reality when most all do NOT coome here for that reality is not being truthful to theirselfs nor rational to the concepts that hey I talked to you for three weeks here so You should FEEL IM your freind hey yepp IM A GOOODDDDD FREIND and I should have your phone number so that I can yep look up who you are in real life, yes sir get that real name for starters from that phone number and ohhhh well so much for that anonymous environment and then lets go a step further and hey yea get the address to this persons name oh hell ya and well My good ness I got a name a address and guess what now I know this person has a hubbie and three kids because public records being all that they are well such information is associated with addresses and names now online for most any with a lil savvy to gain.. yep now I know this person is submissive and so could possibly be a easy target . mm yes of course Im still this anonimous Mistress here online and she hasent a clue Im watching her outside her window and her teen age kids at night ... nope hasent a clue and well goodness I hap chanced seen her hubbie leave to work and kids go to school and her walk out to take out the garbage and well seen her give the garbage man her phone number with her bathrob on...... I think as a Sadistic Dominant Rapist into illigal acts Ill make My move..................... course here online Im just the anonimous Evasive Mistress who most think is Fake.....

quote:

constructive criticism

Ive seen get inocent folks dabbling into this lifestyle DEAD.

quote:

Date 2/21/2006 11:27:00 AM
I think I'm moving to Tennessee :) I actually laughed when I read your quote. Excellent!!!

quote:

I was merely joking about moving to Tenn.

I seen no joke in these words were My point and others might of seen the words the same way I did. There is a method to My Madness friskiesub and My Madness is just one part of this lifestyle you are discovering and stepping into. Be KINK AWARE! The both of you.

[Mod Note: Please stop abusing the font face/color feature]

[Dread Note: Please stop asking Me to stop doing what Im not. Im not abusing anything. Have a great day!]

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 2/21/2006 12:36:15 PM >

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Evasive Mistress or Fake

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094