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RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 12:31:58 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

lol, Hello Dread.. haven't seen ya in a while.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/21/2006 12:32:26 PM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 21

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 12:34:11 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hellooo Beach

Yesssss Imma buzzy Bumpkin.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 22

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 12:46:29 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I do agree that three weeks is a short time to be giving out your home phone number. Cell phones are a bit less traceable, but I do understand not wanting a stranger to have either number. Personally, I don't often talk with a sub on the phone before a face to face meeting. I want to know to whom I'm handing my number. But then again, I'm one of those people who had someone from online show up on my doorstep and stalk me for almost two years. Three weeks isn't that long of a time to get to know someone, even if you're on IM 24 hours a day with them.

Now, you do need to communicate with this woman. Ask her what her intentions are and about her time line. If you're both worried about meeting, you could arrange to meet at a munch. There are some in Baltimore
http://www.bess-md.org/
http://www.thesacredgarden.org/

It comes down to the fact that not everyone on here is doing BDSM in real life. Some may want to be, but just can't take that final step. If someone isn't willing to move forward in any type of way and can't give a good reason for it, trust your instincts. If you need more than is offered, wish the other person the best and move on. Good Luck!

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 23

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 1:21:36 PM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Dear God, my intent was not to start a revolution. Although I do appreciate everyone's input. Some could have been a bit kinder...different strokes I suppose.
I should clarify - my experience is not totally new.
After reading the different opinions, I think I will wait before making a decision and see how this week plays out. Although I would think she would want to meet at some point. She has made several references to this. I am not very fond of extensive emailing or phone calls. My work environment requires me to do this enough during the day, I certainly do not wish to spend my evenings doing the same. I just simply would like to have a clue where this is going. Yes I could just ask her the same - however some folks do not like subs to do the questioning.
I will give you an update later in the week.
Thanks to everyone for their advice - it is all well taken.
And especially thank you to those of their safety concerns.
friskie

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 24

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 4:31:39 PM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Firstly, and completely irrelevantly, I’m Australian, and yes, the comment about the cat name thing did go over my head. Somehow, though, I get the feeling it’s not the important part of this discussion.

Secondly, You are entitled to your opinion. I never said you weren’t, these are –my- opinions, I had said so and while you can think me naive, I’m a trained drug and alcohol worker, who dealt a lot with domestic abuse and juveniles who got themselves into a tizzy because of the internet. I do not however profess to know all, see all, or understand all. These are my opinioins, and are always labelled as such.

quote:

In my opinion? Asking someone who you're chatting online with, a lot over a few week period for their phone number isn't unreasonable

You are nieve then. It can be dangerous to those who have Z E R O experiance in a alternate lifestyle such as this poster stated she has.

There are –precautions- one can take, that should be taken when going on a vanilla-blind date as well. Leaving the ‘name, number and place where you’re going to be for your date. Leaving contact information for the person you’re going to be going out with that night. Knowing where the public transport is and making sure you’re carrying enough small change to buy a ticket home.

Do I think these measures are extreme? Yes, I do. But would I advocate them for a sub new to the lifestyle? Of course I would. And I’ve done it myself at times.

I’ve also told people brand new to the lifestyle it’s a good idea to have ‘touch in calls’ with a trusted friend, even if they’re vanilla and think you’re on a ‘nilla date. If for example their name is used in the greeting, they know something is wrong and they have to call the police.

quote:

I’ve been online for 16 years of Training online in BDSM and Gor and S/m with never once My phone number being given out for such actions or issues. You seem a bit off to Me as well.

I’ve been told I’ve been off before, and it’s probably not the last time. That said? Such actions, such as not giving out your phone number to someone off the internet after 16 years online for “such issues”, and I’m going to make a dangerous call with you and presume that means “subs wanting to talk because they’re insecure.” –would- put you into a minority.

Most people have a point at which they’re comfortable giving out their phone number, I never presumed all people, and for me? As much of my advice to the OP about time frames was intended as a time saver.

Regards.

Isara.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 25

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/21/2006 4:38:34 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

Hi friskiesub,

I posted this on the other thread before I saw this one, so I'm just reposting it without reading the other responses. Always a bad idea. lol

I can tell you, honestly, that I'm not a big phone person. I don't do phone chat before I meet submissives I'm interested in for the first coffee meeting, though I do confirm by phone that I will be there the day of the meeting. I've had too many "one-handed" conversations. If they want confirmation that I'm who I am, they can meet me.

That being said, there are many men masquerading as Dommes. They contact me all the time, wanting to discuss "techniques." lol You have every right to be suspicious, unfortunately, especially since though the person you're speaking to is in the state, she's not local enough, I take it, for an easy meeting. In any event, women can be as much of a player as men can.

In any event, it's difficult to get a Domme to do anything. lol You can only tell her what you feel. I don't think it's unreasonable or unsublike to be honest and say, as much as you're interested in her, you're holding back emotionally because the relationship is stuck on chat. If she's happy with that, whether it's because she's actually a guy or not, and you aren't, I think you need to make a choice.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 26

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 6:06:54 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

For all you know, you could be talking to a man inpersonating a woman. If your Mistress disappears on you or "dumps" you before a meet or phone, 10-1 it was a M impersonating a F.

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 27

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 6:12:28 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I agree with your points. Way to pipe up.

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 28

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 7:59:29 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

hi

iknow everyone does things different but i think i would act out for her, let me tell you what happen to me i meant a slave online we hit it off very well and he was charming and great so we did exchange phone numbers but each times we were to meet and go for coffee etc. he would not show up or never call to saywhat happen so knew he had a sick mother so i thought maybe that was it so lol i made another date and explain to him do not stand me up again it was my birthday and i was pretty well ready to go again no talk no answer at his home nothing, this give me a sigfn something was very wrong and i sense it but i had not ideal what it was so i drop him fast. he did see me online and pull one of the oldest jokes he told me that my twin and i had been sercetly switching on him and he really believe this it was so strange i am lucky we never did meet something was very wrong with him i am dominant my twin is as shy as they come but he believe it and even call me her name wierd

what i am saying is if she does not call there is a reason why and just be careful

with greeting

mons

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 29

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 10:00:20 AM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I think the phone number issue is one of personal preference. I personally enjoy hearing the tone of voice, the inflection, the sincerity and all the unique qualities a voice can make that a written document can't. Of course handing a phone number out to just anyone isn't wise.

There are many, and I have already encountered some, who pretend to be something they are not, and it is easy to hide behind a computer screen, but not quite as easy to when speaking your true voice with your immediate thoughts. I would suspect something as well... and it is your right as a Domme or sub to attempt to gain comfort in a potential relationship which you feel necessary to proceed.

I am prepared to have My message ripped apart and have My quotes be taken out of context... but I have had a couple of wonderful relationships which began online... and ultimately I do expect to find another... it is not unrealistic to expect the same if that is the tone and indication of both parties.

I think we can all learn from one another... and insults are for the insecure.... with the exception of humiliation and degradation of course <smiles>

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 30

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 10:18:25 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed?

I've read all the replies here and have yet to see anyone address this particular issue. You've spoken to her about a phone call and she just ignores the issue? Not even, "I don't do phone calls", nothing? It's very easy to get a cell phone which has pre-paid minutes and which is untraceable, not to mention her just going to a phone booth to do a voice verify that she's a woman. Having been burned by men masquerading as women, I insist, fairly quickly, with a phone verification. Once that's done, I'll go back to emails and online chatting for as long as someone needs it to be comfortable. "I" need to be comfortable as well.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 31

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 11:00:51 AM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Cheers to you!!! This is one of my exact concerns...the content of our emails contain nothing personal...food likes/dislikes, etc. 99 percent of the messages contain nothing else than scenarios. Call me crazy - but I want to know who/what I someday hope to be meeting. I don't want to meet a man, or impersonator. My apologies in advance if I have offended anyone. :) I am looking for a relationship not just sex.
Today I am going to send her an email inviting her to lunch on Friday. This should be interesting.
Thanks for your reply.
Friskie

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 32

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 11:21:28 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Oh darn I hope I'm not too late on this thread. Still here friskiesub?

I'm not much of a phone person, but it's one thing to not talk on the phone and another thing (as bitatruble nicely covered), to not be allowed to know WHY you can't talk on the phone. Obviously there are no rules to this, but there are patterns one can recognise: and it really doesn't sound like this interaction is moving forwards as such things tend to do - communication is so crucial, and there are so many forms of it. A person can be a goddess on the net and a sociophobe in real life. You DO have the right to find out what's going on although I appreciate it is hard to broach such questions.

Well, here are the possibilities as far as I can see

a) Your domme is a goddess on the net and a sociophobe in real life. (awwww!)
b) Your domme is only a domme in secret and can't take phone calls in case loved ones find out, you are her fantasy but that's all.
c) Your domme lives in a tent near an internet cafe.
d) Your domme gets a buzz off the insecurity of others and being mysterious - makes her feel powerful.
e) Your domme is actually a group of pubescent boy scouts (or male, as aready discussed).
f) Your domme has a really embarassing speech impediment.
g) You are your domme's first sub and she isn't ready to make the leap to real life just yet, doesn't really accept herself as a domme but is thinking about it and hasn't made up her mind.
h) Your domme is...famous in real life? Okay I've run out of things.

B) A) and E) seem horribly likely, and it certainly isn't unsubmissive to need to know where this is going.

You could ask her something along the lines of "What would happen with us if I lost my internet connection?" I think that's not too heavy.

As an aside, once upon a time I was an internet domme (a really really bad one, I didn't last five minutes) but one thing I can tell you is that our 'best' domme on the team was a 27 year old guy called Steve. He knew what the punters wanted. And anyway, we have plenty of TG/TV subby guys so why not a TG/TV domme guy?

Uncertainty is unnecessary stress and a waste of time. I do hope you get an answer soon :)

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 33

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 12:39:33 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I’m a trained drug and alcohol worker, who dealt a lot with domestic abuse and juveniles who got themselves into a tizzy because of the internet.

and yet you think talking online with a stranger after three weeks * might * be ok.
interesting........

quote:

Somehow, though, I get the feeling it’s not the important part of this discussion.

very perceptive of you Isara.
Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

friskiesub when you form your questions and give them titles I suggest if you do not desire to hear raw facts and unkind recorse it wise not to start the thread with a negitive for it is what you will receive in just turn and some peoples negitives are way more negitive then others in this alternate lifestyle and it is why one comming to it learns to be tolerant of the thinnest threads as well as the thickest ropes. of course We all have to excuse the

quote:

Such actions, such as not giving out your phone number to someone off the internet after 16 years online for “such issues”, and I’m going to make a dangerous call with you and presume that means “subs wanting to talk because they’re insecure.” –would- put you into a minority

Yep I might be perceived as the minority.
I do not give out My phone number to those I am being persued by nor do I tell nor teach beginners or vanillas that it * should be * ok to give out their number. however I am a public contact in the US for check in calls and especially for My state I am a safe call to the public at large and all who * know Me * know this fact and also know that My number is here online for any to use as needed in emergancies with in the Lifestyle. But the differance is that I know how to protect My self and have been a part of the BDSM Lifestyle for 45 years and know its in and outs and protect those who dont know how to protect them selfs of this lifestyle. Andd yes even from those perceived by Me to be nieve abuse worker......... ~smiles~

quote:

Dear God, my intent was not to start a revolution.

Oh yes when you call a Mistress you never met Fake thats fightin words.

quote:

Although I do appreciate everyone's input. Some could have been a bit kinder...

you want kind go back to your vanilla world. Thats where always kind and politically correct is. not here in the nonconformist alternate lifestyle world.

quote:

I should clarify - my experience is not totally new.

ahhh first she portrays her self as new, now she is not totally new. One begins to wonder if this Mistress dident pick up on such deceptions allready now............

quote:

I think I prefer My bruttally honest to your deceptive clarifications. LMBAO!

Pitstop Jah luv ya!!! ~kiss kiss on each cheek~

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 34

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 12:50:17 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

...Thanks MistressDREAD! if you find Dick Dastardly on your travels please send him this way...although I do seem to see a lot of Captain Caveman *groannn*.

Well, friskysub, there's an ocean out there...

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 35

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 12:55:59 PM

friskiesub

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Penelope: I knew I could count on you.....Excellent response. I will keep you posted. I did send her the invite for lunch. So I guess we'll see what happens.
Ironically, on Monday I replied to her two emails. Both contained my thoughts on "us" and not so much what is the next scene going to be like. I have not received any mail since then. So I guess my invite for lunch will either bring her out of hiding or send her packing.
I do hope this works out, there has been a fair amount of time spent with this (including emotionally).
Everyone has beene extremely helpful, and I do feel a lot easier with this.
Thank you,
friskie

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 36

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 12:56:34 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 37

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 1:02:03 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Aw shush sweetie. I think too much, and mine is not the only extensive reply ;)

God, it would be cool if it turned out she was actually someone famous though. Someone I know moderated on a site and apparently advised Posh Spice about boyfriends.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 38

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 2:03:22 PM

Beatmehrdr

Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

Boy, this sounds reeaaaal familiar. After three weeks of chatting, ask for a meeting in person at a public, vanilla locale. If she says no, then I think it is pretty obvious that she isn't interested in anything past cyber.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 39

RE: Evasive Mistress or Fake - 2/22/2006 7:58:28 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub

Hi everyone. Please bare with me I am fairly new at this. I am a GWFsub and have been conversing with a Mistess online for approximately 3 weeks. We both live in the same state. For some reason she will not call me on the phone. Although in her messages she mentions meeting/different scenarios, etc., I need personal contact. I have asked her to call me, but this has yet to be addressed? I would hate to just come flat out and ask either a) are you someone "just getting off", or b) is cyber chat all you're interested in.
Please - I need guidance with this one.
Thank you
Friskie

I measure time in months.

Not hours, IMs, or weeks.

If I have a REALLY good connection with someone - I will initiate the idea of a phone call, or better yet coffee, if possible.

That being said, once a submissive mentions that they'd like to move to phone - I tell them bluntly that I do not call strangers - and that when I feel more comfortable I will suggest that.

This is a test.

Will they accept that - and recognize that I have given an answer and abide by my wishes - WITHOUT whining, cajoling, manipulating, pushing and arguing for this call? Or will they keep bringing it up over and over, either in a joke, or a complaint, or a wishful thinking or I can;t wait or asking when I think I might be ready?

Pushing me or challenging MY decision is pretty much a *bad* idea. If I don;t write you off right then and there - I'll bluntly remind you that I have *already* given my answer and that repeating myself is not only displeasing me but something that will work against them.

I move slowly. VERY slowly. I want to know someone, and I like taking my time as I think anyone worthy of my control is worth getting to know.

Patience and time is my first test. I can easily say that none have ever passed that test. Any red flags or warning signs of challenging, arguing, or manipulating adds more time on - usually in the frame of months. I want to see how well they listen, how well they can sit, how well they can take direction and pay attention and how deep their motivations run and to what areas their motivations spring from.

I'm also checking for chemistry, fibbing, compatiblity, and personality.

If all things pointed to a green light - I'd run through my little test faster, but so far that hasn't happened very often at all lol.

So no - I don't think it's a red flag at all. But then I'm not chatting in a sexual sense, so it's obvious I'm not getting my rocks off or cybering in any fashion.

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to friskiesub)

Post #: 40

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