RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (Full Version)

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MsFlutter -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 6:38:24 AM)

I'm going to ask it because I've not seen any mention of it in this thread and I'm not a subject matter expert.
 
Above and beyond being in chastity without interaction/attention for three weeks, is there some kind of (forgive me) maintenance that should be done? Milking, perhaps? What are the health/welfare minimums here?



ignoreme -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 6:54:03 AM)

Well, I thought chastity is chastity and means no sex or anything like it (certainly no milking) but it appears that some people interpret it as 'no orgasm but a lot of teasing'. Which is also a kink of course, but I would call that tease and denial.



LadyAngel1 -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 7:52:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ignoreme

Well, I thought chastity is chastity and means no sex or anything like it (certainly no milking) but it appears that some people interpret it as 'no orgasm but a lot of teasing'. Which is also a kink of course, but I would call that tease and denial.



Chastity in the lifestyle can take on different meanings.  If I were to place a male in chastity for multiple months, it would not be healthy for his prostate  for me to at least not milk him regularly.  I have had males in chastity, and once in a while when I felt like it I would let him out for some tease and denial, leading to a humiliating manual release and then lock him back up.  With one more "traditional" relationship, I kept him in a chastity device, but took him out often when I was wanting to play with what was inside... and when we were done, .. click.



ignoreme -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:43:06 AM)

quote:


Chastity in the lifestyle can take on different meanings. If I were to place a male in chastity for multiple months, it would not be healthy for his prostate for me to at least not milk him regularly.

Is that true? So if you don't orgasm for a long time it's bad for your prostate? I didn't know that.
quote:


With one more "traditional" relationship, I kept him in a chastity device, but took him out often when I was wanting to play with what was inside... and when we were done, .. click.

That sounds like fun [:D]



hardbodysub -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:47:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ignoreme

Well, I thought chastity is chastity and means no sex or anything like it (certainly no milking) but it appears that some people interpret it as 'no orgasm but a lot of teasing'. Which is also a kink of course, but I would call that tease and denial.



Even the dictionary does not define chastity so severely and absolutely.

From Wikipedia:
Chastity is sexual behavior of a man or woman acceptable to the ethical norms and guidelines of a culture, civilization, or religion.

From Merriam-Webster:
The quality or state of being chaste: as a: abstention from unlawful sexual intercourse b: abstention from all sexual intercourse c: purity in conduct and intention d: restraint and simplicity in design or expression

Also from Merriam-Webster:
chaste: 1: innocent of unlawful sexual intercourse 2: celibate
celibacy: a: abstention from sexual intercourse b: abstention by vow from marriage

Prostate milking usually does not even involve orgasm for the male, so it is not precluded by chastity. Another thing to understand is that the word chastity doesn't necessarily mean absolute and permanent. If someone is allowed to have sex only once a month, that is chastity for a month.



AAkasha -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:51:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ignoreme

Well, I thought chastity is chastity and means no sex or anything like it (certainly no milking) but it appears that some people interpret it as 'no orgasm but a lot of teasing'. Which is also a kink of course, but I would call that tease and denial.



Milking may or may not play a role.  It depends on the femdom.  For me, the erotic power comes a lot from the knowledge that his cock is totally locked up (meaning, he can't get the cage off, I have the key, or the combination).  Knowing that his cock is straining inside, that even when he looks at me he gets uncomfortable.  Verbal teasing, teasing with my body, showing him my ass, making him lick or worship me - while getting no release, no satisfaction and not even being able to touch himself. This is subtle, but it's teasing -- this is far different from locking him up and never seeing him with his trousers off and never even mentioning it.

Oh, and making fun of him because he has to pee sitting down like a girl.

Akasha



DePubed -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:09:45 AM)

Regarding Health Problems from Male Chastity--A male produces sperm in his testicles which is released through orgasm, BUT the majority of the fluid that he ejaculates is from his prostate gland. The prostate gland produces the fluid which we recognize as "cum". If, through prolonged chastity, a male does not deliberately release the prostate fluid through sex, then the male's body will independently eject the fluid through a 'wet-dream' or 'nocturnal emission'. However, when a chastity device is worn which prevents erections, then the prostate fluid cannot be released. This is where it gets unhealthy.
When a male does not cum for weeks and months, then the prostate fluid 'hardens' into tiny clumps, similar to kidney-stones or gall-stones. These hardened 'stones' in the prostate then block urination, whichcan back up and cause kidney failure. Also, when the prostate fluid is not ejected due to chastity, then the prostate fluid stagnates inside the prostate and becomes infected.
The way to prevent all of these things and to keep the prostate healthy when chastity prevents erections & orgasms is simply: anal massage.
The 'milking' that people talk about usually is to remove the chastity device, and to stroke the cock to ejaculation; while this is healthy, it give pleasure and orgasm to the male; but you can release the prostate fluid in another way while still keeping him locked in the device, with no cock pleasure and with no orgasm: it is called anal massage. The anal massage gives him no cock pleasure, and no orgasm, but since the anal canal touches the prostate gland, the prostate gland is gently rubbed as the anal canal is rubbed: thus this forces out the male's cum, but not in any way that gives him orgasm. he does not shoot out his load, instead it is just dribbled out and drooled out as it is forced out. Now, the best way to do this, without any effort by a Dominant is called the 'aneros'. Google-search it and you will see how it works: a male kneels, butt up, head down, and the aneros is lubed up and placed into his ass (he can do this himself). Then he stays in that position for 30 minutes clenching his asscheeks--this will massage his prostate, and the prostate fluid will drool out, and he is kept healthy and still kept chaste. Please check out the Aneros (it is a small type of buttplug manufactured to press against the prostate for this very purpose).Thius there is a way for a male to be kept forever bin chastity and also to be kept with a healthy prostate.



MistressSue07 -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:34:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DePubed

Regarding Health Problems from Male Chastity--A male produces sperm in his testicles which is released through orgasm, BUT the majority of the fluid that he ejaculates is from his prostate gland. The prostate gland produces the fluid which we recognize as "cum". If, through prolonged chastity, a male does not deliberately release the prostate fluid through sex, then the male's body will independently eject the fluid through a 'wet-dream' or 'nocturnal emission'. However, when a chastity device is worn which prevents erections, then the prostate fluid cannot be released. This is where it gets unhealthy.
When a male does not cum for weeks and months, then the prostate fluid 'hardens' into tiny clumps, similar to kidney-stones or gall-stones. These hardened 'stones' in the prostate then block urination, whichcan back up and cause kidney failure. Also, when the prostate fluid is not ejected due to chastity, then the prostate fluid stagnates inside the prostate and becomes infected.
The way to prevent all of these things and to keep the prostate healthy when chastity prevents erections & orgasms is simply: anal massage.
The 'milking' that people talk about usually is to remove the chastity device, and to stroke the cock to ejaculation; while this is healthy, it give pleasure and orgasm to the male; but you can release the prostate fluid in another way while still keeping him locked in the device, with no cock pleasure and with no orgasm: it is called anal massage. The anal massage gives him no cock pleasure, and no orgasm, but since the anal canal touches the prostate gland, the prostate gland is gently rubbed as the anal canal is rubbed: thus this forces out the male's cum, but not in any way that gives him orgasm. he does not shoot out his load, instead it is just dribbled out and drooled out as it is forced out. Now, the best way to do this, without any effort by a Dominant is called the 'aneros'. Google-search it and you will see how it works: a male kneels, butt up, head down, and the aneros is lubed up and placed into his ass (he can do this himself). Then he stays in that position for 30 minutes clenching his asscheeks--this will massage his prostate, and the prostate fluid will drool out, and he is kept healthy and still kept chaste. Please check out the Aneros (it is a small type of buttplug manufactured to press against the prostate for this very purpose).Thius there is a way for a male to be kept forever bin chastity and also to be kept with a healthy prostate.

Bravo to you for your very informative post. You are right on the money with your explanation. I do several prostate milking's , massages, and seminal tube milking's a week. I even have slaves that have their own Doctor's tell them that it is very healthy for the prostate. Lol I asked for a prescription with the name blocked out of course. Anyway thank you very much for this answer to this post you are a wealth of information.

Mistress Sue 



kccuckoldmist -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:43:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: ignoreme

Well, I thought chastity is chastity and means no sex or anything like it (certainly no milking) but it appears that some people interpret it as 'no orgasm but a lot of teasing'. Which is also a kink of course, but I would call that tease and denial.



Milking may or may not play a role.  It depends on the femdom.  For me, the erotic power comes a lot from the knowledge that his cock is totally locked up (meaning, he can't get the cage off, I have the key, or the combination).  Knowing that his cock is straining inside, that even when he looks at me he gets uncomfortable.  Verbal teasing, teasing with my body, showing him my ass, making him lick or worship me - while getting no release, no satisfaction and not even being able to touch himself. This is subtle, but it's teasing -- this is far different from locking him up and never seeing him with his trousers off and never even mentioning it.

Oh, and making fun of him because he has to pee sitting down like a girl.

Akasha




I pretty much agree with everything AAkasha has written in this thread.

It takes two to tango and in a committed relationship that is 24/7 regardless of how the people are actually wired means effort from both parties. Sure the more a person is wired to be dominant or submissive the more likely the more things done in a power exchange relationship will be well received, give one emotional energy and deepen dominant or submissive feelings in one. But there will always be times when things have to be done that take energy away and lessen dominant or submissive feelings. Striking a balance and not burning out the other is critical.

Too many want to avoid this reality part of the life and so we get the “if you are truly submissive” junk or the “a dominant should always” type junk as well. These are often people not willing to make an effort and give energy to have that committed power exchange dynamic. The key though is compatibility and for the dominant to be able to manage both their submissive’s energy and submissive level and their own knowing that each will have to do things that range from giving energy and things that give us energy.

The biggest problem with chastity and chastity devices is as other have mentioned something similar that often the mindset between the two participants can be quite different. For the mistress it is a way to be dismissive about the mans cock. But often for most many men a chastity device is in fact focusing more attention to their cock. This is what I see what is going on with the OP as he is wearing something that is causing him to focus on it while his other is treating it like it does not matter.

As what I quoted for AAkasha is what I would call a way for balance in this particular thing one or both desire as it is being dismissive of it and at the same time there is attention being paid toward it. Both people are getting something out of it. I would equate to a man wearing a chastity device but nothing else is going on to a dominant holding a crop but never bothering to swing it.

There is always the ironic/amusing dichotomy of trying to downplay the male’s cock but at the same time accepting and using the power it has over them to control them.




ignoreme -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 1:10:11 PM)

quote:

Milking may or may not play a role.  It depends on the femdom.  For me, the erotic power comes a lot from the knowledge that his cock is totally locked up (meaning, he can't get the cage off, I have the key, or the combination).  Knowing that his cock is straining inside, that even when he looks at me he gets uncomfortable.  Verbal teasing, teasing with my body, showing him my ass, making him lick or worship me - while getting no release, no satisfaction and not even being able to touch himself.

That indeed sounds erotic, and very mean :) especially the part that he has to pleasure you but he has to keep on the chastity belt, that must hurt.
quote:


This is subtle, but it's teasing -- this is far different from locking him up and never seeing him with his trousers off and never even mentioning it.

Yes, very different indeed. I only knew that kind of chastity, and I was clearly wrong in my post.
quote:


Oh, and making fun of him because he has to pee sitting down like a girl.

LOL!



Lockit -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 1:33:48 PM)

Hey ignoreme... I know dominant males that like to be milked and they were not in chastity. Some like it very much. lol



ignoreme -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 1:58:58 PM)

quote:

Hey ignoreme... I know dominant males that like to be milked and they were not in chastity. Some like it very much. lol

Intriguing, gotta try it some time [:)]



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 8:48:18 PM)

My opinion in general on chastity is that the relationship and expectations really need to be defined prior to beginning. It took me a long time to find someone who fit what I was looking for in a relationship such as this. along the way i had some failed experiences that led me to understand more of what was needed for success and happiness for ME. Personally i don't get off on the denial aspect. I can't imagine wanting to lock someone up and forget about them, but i am a very sexual person by nature and i love to be the one that makes someone squirm. I just happen to enjoy the idea of the mind blowing orgasm when I want it.

For my pet, chastity is a part of his service and submission. It requires me to pay attention because he is not local so visits are not frequent enough for me to do what i would really prefer, which is have total control. I do find that sometimes i don't realize how long it has been since i teased or worked him. This is why i insisted he keep a log of all releases from the device for any reason. And there are subtle ways to also push your control, such as he prefers to remove the device when going to a dr or dentist. I allow this but only if he removes it in the parking lot of the office just before the appt and puts it back in immediately after the appt. The "omg i can't believe i have to do this here" is a great mind fuck that we both end up liking.

My mate and i have recently been exploring chastity as well. it started because i support many of his fetishes that are not a turn on for me and he wanted to give back. I really didn't expect it to last or be as exciting as it's not his fetish, BUT one part i always wanted to explore was the taking away of all sensation for his cock except for that by me. I wash it, i oil it, i clean it, i manipulate it. When i want to and how i want to. He has not touched his own cock in about a month, even when he had to leave the device off for a few days due to a rubbing issue. And we both are having so much fun with this. The best part of course is that now he can't masturbate several times a day, he really responds to me touching him for any reason and he has the staying power he thought was gone forever as he approaches 50. 

I personally don't think you are asking too much of your wife to show some attention to you more than once a month. especially not if you are meeting her needs/desires during the time when you are taking the dominant role. Talk to her about what you need to feel fulfilled, but listen to her and understand that if she can't give it, it then becomes your choice whether to continue with something you are not satisfied with, or try to find something else that works for the 2 of you.  Best of luck!



TexasMaam -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:02:20 PM)

I suppose I'm being a bit insensitive but this post made me laugh out loud!

I can well imagine a spoiled, self absorbed sub in a CB complaining about his lockdown in terms of feeling 'cut off, ignored, and kind of pissed'......

lolol you ARE!  Cut off, neglected, and probably pissed.

lolololololol that's the joy of it. I never met a man who 'needed' erotic stimulation during a lockdown, Cripes, a girl walking by in a TShirt or a 30 minute gander at this website is about all a male needs for that whether he's in a CB or not.

roflmao

this is too funny.

I would absolutely neglect a lockdown until it pleased me to taunt him, if and when I chose to do so.  I might milk the prostate for giggles if he'd been a very good boy and if he was getting petulant and pissy about it, then I'd know the lockdown was doing just what it's supposed to do.

It's supposed to be an inconvenience.  It's supposed to make you realize that with a lockdown, 'hands off approach' you can't jerk off every day in the shower.

It's supposed to make you feel as though you can't always get what you want.

Isn't that, after all, what you want?

The ultimate purpose in a lockdown is to experience that anger, or disenchantment, and then move past it to the realization that 'eureka! My cock doth NOT rule my life!'  once you've moved on to acceptance and understanding and appreciation of a woman's acceptance of your pathetic hardon under unlocked circumstances.

If I could do ONE thing under the sun, it would be to lock down my current sub for 6 to 9 months, that's about the time it would take him to pull his proverbial head out of his ass and thank Me for holding the key.  He would go through the progression from feeling pained and peeved, to pissed, to disgusted with himself, to hopeful that he might ever be allowed the freedom of his own pecker again, to finally embracing the new man he'd become by learning that the sun does not rise and set to the rythm of his hardons.

Do you remember what kind of boy you were before you ever had your first hardon?

lolololol you are a funny fellow.  lolololololololol    >>>> exits, giggling, and heads for the kitchen to go find a nice glass of port.......

TexasMaam



ElanSubdued -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:19:44 PM)

Just a few (admittedly) knee jerk replies to responses I've seen thus far. As follows:

quote:

LillyoftheVally wrote: Thing is, and I have said this a few times, if you want to submit then you have to submit to the will of another. That can mean that if they do not want to then they can fuck off for months without talking to you, of course you have to decide if you can cope with that or not.


This may look great on paper, but it doesn't work worth beans in actual relationships. A more realistic question to your close is "as a dominant, do you value your partner"? Because, most certainly, if you ignore your partner for days and months on end, it's not likely you'll hold onto them.


quote:

LillyoftheVally wrote: One would hope that the responsibility of the dominant is two things, to be happy and ensure the submissives safety, the submissives responsibility is to enjoy ensuring the dominants happiness.


This is another example of "looks great on paper", but no so much so in real life. In successful relationships, it has been my experience that all partners are invested and actively engaged in each other's happiness.


quote:

cloudboy wrote: It's funny, because I just don't subscribe to the BDSM school of thought that dominants have all the power and can do whatever they want. Short term, that might work, but after that I'd expect HEAVY turnover. Dominants have a responsibility to their partner and their relationship, and if they fail in those areas -- the relationship won't work.


I'd may have written this differently (possibly in a more egalitarian way), but essentially I think this is a home run. :-)  Indeed, relationships are a two-way street that require commitment and responsibility from all partners.


quote:

LadyNTrainer wrote:
For the submissive:
1. I feel loved when:
2. I feel dominated when:
3. I feel controlled when:
4. I feel appreciated and valued when:
5. I feel securely owned when:
6. I feel attractive and desirable when:

For the dominant:
1. I feel loved when:
2. I feel the desire to be dominant when:
3. I feel confident in my dominance when:
4. I feel appreciated and valued when:
5. I feel secure in my ownership and dominance when:
6. I feel attractive and desirable when:

Share your answers, and listen without judging or criticizing. There are no right or wrong answers, only honest ones. For the purposes of your discussion, the word "should" does not exist, and you are not allowed to use it in reference to your partner's feelings.


Wow.  This is excellent advice. I've yet to see a healthy, long-term relationship that doesn't include liberal amounts of communication, understanding, patience, learning, and compromise from all partners involved.  LadyNTrainer, thanks for sharing such a useful recipe for extinguishing hidden expectations and encouraging communication.

Elan.



hardbodysub -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 9:52:55 PM)

quote:

"Within a BDSM context, a Service Top is a partner who is the active participant, applying the activities or techniques of BDSM "play" upon (a) bottom partner(s), but who does not exercise control or dominance over the situation. The application of such activities may be requested, or even directed, by the bottom partners(s) who have de facto dominance of the context."

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Service_top


Well, I learned something new today. However, I think the use of the word "service" in this context is confusing and redundant. The definition of "service top" above is no different from that of "top", as far as I know.



AAkasha -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:06:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

"Within a BDSM context, a Service Top is a partner who is the active participant, applying the activities or techniques of BDSM "play" upon (a) bottom partner(s), but who does not exercise control or dominance over the situation. The application of such activities may be requested, or even directed, by the bottom partners(s) who have de facto dominance of the context."

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Service_top


Well, I learned something new today. However, I think the use of the word "service" in this context is confusing and redundant. The definition of "service top" above is no different from that of "top", as far as I know.


A service top does the topping because the sub/bottom wants and she agrees to do it to make him happy, sometimes as specific as he wants. 

A regular top does it because she gets off on it.  I often think of myself more as a top than a domina or a femdom, because I am more drawn to S&M, bondage and DOING THINGS to a guy (especially if he is NOT into it, but is doing it because he likes to get me off) than I am to power exchange, if it came down to the two.  I like being a sadist more than I like "being served" or pampered or whatnot.  I was tying up guys and making them suffer long before I knew what S&M was (with their consent, of course, and they enjoyed doing it because of how wet it made me) -- and I have my own long list of bondage and S&M fetishes that are specific to me.  I enjoy doing them to subs, bottoms and vanillas.  The least favorite on the list are bottoms that expect me to do it their way, however.

Akasha



hardbodysub -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:11:08 PM)

quote:

The 'milking' that people talk about usually is to remove the chastity device, and to stroke the cock to ejaculation; while this is healthy, it give pleasure and orgasm to the male; but you can release the prostate fluid in another way while still keeping him locked in the device, with no cock pleasure and with no orgasm: it is called anal massage.


Technically, it's called prostate massage. I've seen just as many people, if not more, who are referring to this, rather than stroking the penis to orgasm when they say "milking". If people don't specify which they mean, and it's not discernible from the context, we really can't make any assumption about it.



ElanSubdued -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:13:12 PM)

hardbodysub,

quote:

hardbodysub wrote:
Well, I learned something new today.  However, I think the use of the word "service" in this context is confusing and redundant.  The definition of "service top" above is no different from that of "top", as far as I know.


My understanding is something like this...

Dominant:  someone who enjoys power dynamics and who likes being in the dominant, controlling, leadership role.

Sadist:  someone who enjoys doing nasty, hurty things to people.

Top:  someone who likes doing fun (possibly nasty and/or hurty) things to people and taking control while doing so.

Service Top:  same definition as "top" minus the "taking control" part.  A service top may take initiative on their own and/or take instruction from their partner(s).

Due to the fact that toppy types are often multi-faceted, someone on the top side may be a subset or all of the things I've described and then some. :-)

Elan.



ElanSubdued -> RE: Chastity, the thin line between dominance and neglect (8/5/2009 10:19:41 PM)

Akasha,

I've immensely enjoyed your contributions in this thread.  What you've shared will hopefully help the OP and his wife as they work through their differing turn-ons and approaches.  Thanks for posting such useful, insightful advice.

Elan.



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