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pinnipedster -> RE: What are your staple kinks - the must haves? (8/9/2009 5:01:07 PM)
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I don't know where the OP got the idea that bondage is that important to most Dommes. In my experience, it's rather low on the list for most of them. At best, it's seen as a tool, not an end in itself. There are exceptions, though so far they don't seem to have any particular interest in tying *me* up. The ladies I've met and corresponded with would probably just as soon have a sub who held still on his own.
I myself find this frustrating, as bondage is my own main kink -- I like a lot of other things, but almost all of them are better when combined with bondage. And I like bondage for its own sake. I'm almost always been disappointed to some degree in my BDSM experiences, in that the bondage isn't complete enough, or prolonged enough, or is lacking entirely. I hope someday to find someone who likes to tie me up just for the heck of it, even if she has no other particular plans for me.
(I've been frustrated recently in that a relatively new CM member in my area advertises that bondage is her main kink, that her subs must expect to be bound during sessions -- but she's only interested in younger men and won't even answer my emails. Oh well. Her choice, but sad. Seems like when I was young, all the dominant women were looking for "mature" men....)
My other "must have" almost isn't a kink -- it's that any non-casual partner would have to be accepting of my cross-dressing in some fashion, even if it was entirely outside the context of any BDSM play. I'm flexible about how it wiill fit into the relationship, but there has to be some place for it; it's too big a part of me to ignore or try to suppress. It would be like asking me to give up my sense of humor, or liking to read.
ETA: Oh, and "bondage" doesn't have to be rope bondage, though there are some things you can do with rope, artistically and practically, that would be difficult to do otherwise. But straps, cuffs, and the like are all just fine too. It's the restraint that matters.
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