Acer49
Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MzPrizz My husband has been into this for years and encouraging me to be "domme" together with him over a "sub" yet to be found. We've dabbled in other alternative lifestyles with disastrous results that nearly destroyed our marriage. I am also the victim of sexual abuse and have obvious issues surrounding sex. I know I need therapy, have no insurance right now. Sexually we are very active. At least once a day every day. Not "vanilla" by any means. I am bisexual. We use whips, toys, spanks, hair pulling, light bondage. I love the idea of dressing UP like a domme and taking pictures or whatever. I'm more of a "sex is fun, let's have a good time!" sexual person. I cannot act, I cannot humiliate people no matter how much they want me to. I'm just not that type of person. Perhaps I am more comfortable being submissive but I know I'd bust out laughing before I'd be able to refer to my husband as Master. Of course my being sub to him is not what he wants. The idea of a strong, dominant woman excites him. It doesn't matter apparently that I am dominant in every other aspect of our lives. I'm a take charge person. I like to dominate a room full of men and women. Make them want me, even if I don't want to have sex with them. It goes back to my own victimization I'm sure. See note above about my need for therapy. I am however bombarded by his desires every waking minute of my day and during sex. "well, if we had a sub, she could do this" or "If we had a sub, she could that". I can't ask for a cup of coffee, to clean the high cobwebs or even for equal nipple attention without him saying "well, if we had a sub, she could do that for you". We have a large family, I work a full-time, high stress job, I am frankly tired of fighting with him about this. Life is too short. I am about ready to resign to his desires knowing full well that it will cause an irreparable break in my spirit. He thinks it will bring us closer together. He doesn't understand that my coping mechanism will be to shut down. I am here to learn and gain insight. He is completely convinced that I "have it in me" to do this and enjoy it. Apparently, I don't know myself as well as he does. If I just "try" it I will love it and will tell him he was right and that I don't know how I lived without this all my life. I live everyday with a lump in my chest and a pit in my stomach because I actually consider doing what goes against every cell in my body that is SCREAMING not to do it. I also know I can't live everyday with the constant badgering, knowing that I am a complete disappointment to him and that inevitably it will all end anyway because he will grow to resent me so deeply for depriving him of what he wants. I know this surely goes beyond what a message board can typically provide but I'm sure there are those who started out skeptical and did learn that they loved it. Right? THis is not going to come out nice so I will apologize ahead of time. You husband is being a selfcentered insensitive jackass. You have issues to deal with before you attempt what he desires. If he wants to see a Dommee so bad, then he needs to get one. You already have the sub are covered. but of couse if he does tha, t what is he rhen? non essential
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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
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