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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 9:45:06 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

One of the shortest words in the English language can sometimes be the most effective.

Say no.



If you wish for it to be a little longer, you may add a "Fuck" in front of it.



Or simply leave out the 'no' and add 'off' after 'Fuck' for particular emphasis.


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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 9:51:26 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


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Status: offline 		Alternately, embrace your inner Domina, shove a ball gag in his mouth, and tell him to STFU about it.

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:17:03 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		I did post there. Wasn't sure that was the place to address "stuff".

I'm not the Domme in the relationship, I'm just really independent and handle what needs to be handled. There is no whipping or any such thing going on. He definitely is the emotional dominator in the relationship. I want him to be happy. I love him deeply which is why I am so conflicted by the whole thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You have a very similar post in the Intros forum.  In this post, you mention casually that you may be the Domme in your marriage.  Is that right?

If so, then tell him that you are sick and tired of his whining about a sub.  The next time he mentions it, give him a solid whipping for it.  You have a ton of anger about this situation (rightly so IMO) and this will give you an outlet for it.  I know that hurting him is not something you want to do, but it's cheaper than therapy, and the guy deserves it!


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:20:27 AM   
MzPrizz


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Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		It was a great help and thank you. I have shared my feelings with him and he constantly reassures me of his love for me and that I am enough. He doesn't want to replace me, he wants to do this WITH me. He wants it to be an experience that will bring us closer. I see what he is trying to accomplish, I just don't know that I am capable of contributing my part to the equation. He wants to know what is holding me back and causing these feelings and honestly, I can't tell him. I've been trying to dissect it so I can address each "thing" and there is no one "thing" that I can figure out and it's frustrating the hell out of me. He is open to giving me whatever support and reassurances I need but I can't figure out what I need. It's not a place I enjoy being.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Oh hun, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It seems to me that you and your husband have very different views. I don't know if you can get over it, embrace it or whatever, I am not even sure if it is something you should try until you have got what issues you feel that you have resolved.

Feeling that you are a disappointment to him is a terrible feeling, please tell me that you have told him that is how it makes you feel? I am trying to be pragmatic here as I only know your side but the desire I have to shake him, really really hard, is pretty intense.

You can't force yourself to do something that 'every cell in your body screams against' that is not a good idea, not healthy and won't be good for you at all.

I started on this path because I wanted to, I have questioned my motivations, I have questioned my ability, and I have questioned my enjoyment, I bounce back and forth more than anything in the world, but I know I want to do it, I know when it is right I am the happiest I can be.

I am so sorry I can't be more help.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:23:31 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		Let me rephrase, so as not to be unfair to him. It's not "badgering" in a negative way. It's good natured "ribbing" I guess you'd call it. He doesn't mean to be hurtful. Then he feels like he is a freak and I don't want HIM to feel bad about what he wants. We otherwise have a great relationship. We do talk about this, a lot. I just don't know at what point one concedes the race and who is the one who gets to "win" and who has to "lose" when both are so equal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz
I also know I can't live everyday with the constant badgering, knowing that I am a complete disappointment to him and that inevitably it will all end anyway because he will grow to resent me so deeply for depriving him of what he wants.

This is not a healthy reason to do anything.  It wouldn't be a healthy reason to go bowling with him even though you think bowling is lame.  And to add a third for this reason... let's just say the stars don't indicate domestic bliss.

He seems unsatisfied for a reason that has nothing to do with sex.  And so do you.  I hope the two of you figure out a way to talk about what's really going on.


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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:26:50 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz

It was a great help and thank you. I have shared my feelings with him and he constantly reassures me of his love for me and that I am enough. He doesn't want to replace me, he wants to do this WITH me. He wants it to be an experience that will bring us closer. I see what he is trying to accomplish, I just don't know that I am capable of contributing my part to the equation. He wants to know what is holding me back and causing these feelings and honestly, I can't tell him. I've been trying to dissect it so I can address each "thing" and there is no one "thing" that I can figure out and it's frustrating the hell out of me. He is open to giving me whatever support and reassurances I need but I can't figure out what I need. It's not a place I enjoy being.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Oh hun, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It seems to me that you and your husband have very different views. I don't know if you can get over it, embrace it or whatever, I am not even sure if it is something you should try until you have got what issues you feel that you have resolved.

Feeling that you are a disappointment to him is a terrible feeling, please tell me that you have told him that is how it makes you feel? I am trying to be pragmatic here as I only know your side but the desire I have to shake him, really really hard, is pretty intense.

You can't force yourself to do something that 'every cell in your body screams against' that is not a good idea, not healthy and won't be good for you at all.

I started on this path because I wanted to, I have questioned my motivations, I have questioned my ability, and I have questioned my enjoyment, I bounce back and forth more than anything in the world, but I know I want to do it, I know when it is right I am the happiest I can be.

I am so sorry I can't be more help.



I think it's wonderful that he wants to be so supportive, but he doesn't appear to understand that you don't want this experience, so doing it "with" you is irrelevant. You mentioned in your OP that you had some experiences in the past that almost ended your relationship. Those sorts of things are difficult to forget, and might be affecting your feelings now.

All the best,
LadyJulieAnn

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:28:53 AM   
Acer49


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz

My husband has been into this for years and encouraging me to be "domme" together with him over a "sub" yet to be found.

We've dabbled in other alternative lifestyles with disastrous results that nearly destroyed our marriage.

I am also the victim of sexual abuse and have obvious issues surrounding sex. I know I need therapy, have no insurance right now.

Sexually we are very active. At least once a day every day. Not "vanilla" by any means. I am bisexual. We use whips, toys, spanks, hair pulling, light bondage. I love the idea of dressing UP like a domme and taking pictures or whatever. I'm more of a "sex is fun, let's have a good time!" sexual person. I cannot act, I cannot humiliate people no matter how much they want me to. I'm just not that type of person. Perhaps I am more comfortable being submissive but I know I'd bust out laughing before I'd be able to refer to my husband as Master.

Of course my being sub to him is not what he wants. The idea of a strong, dominant woman excites him. It doesn't matter apparently that I am dominant in every other aspect of our lives. I'm a take charge person. I like to dominate a room full of men and women. Make them want me, even if I don't want to have sex with them. It goes back to my own victimization I'm sure. See note above about my need for therapy.

I am however bombarded by his desires every waking minute of my day and during sex. "well, if we had a sub, she could do this" or "If we had a sub, she could that". I can't ask for a cup of coffee, to clean the high cobwebs or even for equal nipple attention without him saying "well, if we had a sub, she could do that for you".

We have a large family, I work a full-time, high stress job, I am frankly tired of fighting with him about this. Life is too short. I am about ready to resign to his desires knowing full well that it will cause an irreparable break in my spirit. He thinks it will bring us closer together. He doesn't understand that my coping mechanism will be to shut down.

I am here to learn and gain insight. He is completely convinced that I "have it in me" to do this and enjoy it. Apparently, I don't know myself as well as he does. If I just "try" it I will love it and will tell him he was right and that I don't know how I lived without this all my life.

I live everyday with a lump in my chest and a pit in my stomach because I actually consider doing what goes against every cell in my body that is SCREAMING not to do it.

I also know I can't live everyday with the constant badgering, knowing that I am a complete disappointment to him and that inevitably it will all end anyway because he will grow to resent me so deeply for depriving him of what he wants.

I know this surely goes beyond what a message board can typically provide but I'm sure there are those who started out skeptical and did learn that they loved it. Right?


THis is not going to come out nice so I will apologize ahead of time. You husband is being a selfcentered insensitive jackass. You have issues to deal with before you attempt what he desires. If he wants to see a Dommee so bad, then he needs to get one. You already have the sub are covered. but of couse if he does tha, t what is he rhen? non essential


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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:41:06 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz

It was a great help and thank you. I have shared my feelings with him and he constantly reassures me of his love for me and that I am enough. He doesn't want to replace me, he wants to do this WITH me. He wants it to be an experience that will bring us closer. I see what he is trying to accomplish, I just don't know that I am capable of contributing my part to the equation. He wants to know what is holding me back and causing these feelings and honestly, I can't tell him. I've been trying to dissect it so I can address each "thing" and there is no one "thing" that I can figure out and it's frustrating the hell out of me. He is open to giving me whatever support and reassurances I need but I can't figure out what I need. It's not a place I enjoy being.



Ok, so I understand that, it seems you both have opposing views, he thinks it will help you think it wont.

There doesn't have to be a reason to not want to do something, there are things that I would never want to do and no explanation for it I just know that it isn't something that will be good for me. It seems that this added pressure on you is actually really not a good thing. I can imagine how annoyed you are that your self analysis is bringing you no closer to the truth. However from my perspective the issues you briefly touched on at the start of your post seem to be something that needs to be resolved first. I don't know how it works in the US but are there no free councilors?

Though I can almost envision how your partner does this, in good fun as you say it isn't feeling much like fun to you. It appears to be wearing you down, causing you to question yourself and the relationship and give you a hell of a lot of stress which from what I can see is the last thing that you need.

I know that it must be hard not knowing what you need, but I do think that this needs to be on the back burner, maybe there is something in it for you which is stopping you from saying no. So that means I think you need to say to him that it really isn't something that you can consider at the moment, give yourself and your relationship some space from this issue because otherwise it could become too much. If he is as supportive as you say then he should simply except that as reason enough.

Then you need to work on you as a couple, I am telling you this now, as someone who has been added to relationships in the past, if the couple isn't totally solid the addition does nothing but make it worse, and it is not only unfair on you and him but also the addition, please trust me on that.

I think the worst thing you could do is go down this route until you have addressed your own demons.

I wish you so much luck in that.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:43:12 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		LadyJulieAnn and Others, let me rephrase again so I'm not confusing. I am very strong-willed, he is very strong-willed. We are equals in our relationship. Depending on where we have been in our life circumstance, he has had the upper hand I guess you could say. Eventually, I will speak up for myself and level the field again.

The BDSM aspect has evolved from our mutual enjoyment of each other and sex. For me, there is no better feeling than alternating dominance and submissiveness and recognizing the paradox. One is top, one is bottom or however that works. He recognizes my strength and power and wants to share that WITH me and WITH someone else who would be a submissive compliment to us. Im ok sharing it with him and see no need to bring anyone else into the mix.

I also struggle with what we would be able to give a sub. I don't want a third and I don't believe he does other. This is recreation, fantasy, part-time, play thing. I am not able to see a PERSON as that. I see a person with feelings, needs and desires, even if those desires are to serve another (or others). This is not another sex toy in the box. It's far more complex than that. My head is not available for concerning myself with the feeding and nuturing of another person. (Mentally and physically). I feel there is still much more WE have to learn about and cultivate in each other before we could even entertain inviting someone else in. No matter how "part-time" it might be.

He has never done this either and I don't want to do him a disservice by leading people to believe he is a selfish monster. He is not. He would do anything for me. THIS is the ONLY thing he is stuck on. Figures it's got to be the ONE area that I feel so strongly that I can't back down on. He is curious. He reads the ads on Collar Me. He has an idea in his head based on what he sees. I think he sees and desires the physical aspects of BDSM but is glancing over the emotional aspects of it which are really the core of the whole thing if I'm not mistaken. I have asked him to "man up and say what he wants, I even put words in his mouth, answer the question and say "it's ok if I'm right" (which I know I shouldn't do) and he insists he doesn't want anyone else, he doesn't want to end the marriage. He is happy and satisfied with me. He doesn't want to dominate me, no matter how often I offer to submit. He wants us to do it together, to be together. I figure we can just take up golf or something and it's a lot less messy.

I don't know what he hopes to accomplish. Do I say "fine" and let him fail at this miserably? I'm afraid to hurt someone else in the process and I don't want him hurt either. There is no good way for us to go about this and no matter how many different ways I say it (as you tell, I'm quite verbose. I can say the same thing 1000 different ways) I can't seem to communicate with him effectively on this matter. I have even joined local online BDSM groups which hold events so he can SEE the reality of it all and he won't go to any events or participate in online discussion.

I just feel like I'm floating in this and I need to be grounded. Or something. I appreciate your thoughts and feedback.

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:44:05 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I have shared my feelings with him....... He doesn't want to replace me, he wants to do this WITH me. He wants it to be an experience that will bring us closer.
Sorry...but i see this as utter BS. 

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:51:44 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		And it totally could be. I have learned enough about him to know that he could totally be manipulating me in order to get what he wants, free reign to bang someone else, if that's what it is. I've even told him this flat out, that I don't have 100% confidence in his motivation and he insists. I have to take what he says as what it is I guess at some point. At some point you have to trust.

We have had violations of trust in the past and he knows it. I also know that those influence my current feelings. At what point do I say, the past is the past and we have grown from those experiences and it's time to trust again? How long is someone required to repent? I don't believe in continuing to punish someone for past events.

Gah. Do I have "big, fat, sucker" tattooed on my forehead yet?! Am I that naive or am I in denial?!?

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:53:48 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		And thanks again for your thoughts. I appreciate all of them. Sugar coating is something I have no patience for. I am so dense that I often miss the message behind subtleties. 

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:55:40 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz

. He recognizes my strength and power and wants to share that WITH me and WITH someone else who would be a submissive compliment to us. Im ok sharing it with him and see no need to bring anyone else into the mix.


That really should be enough, if he recognises your strength he should listen to you if you say that it isn't what you want, he shouldn't question your own self awareness.

quote:


I also struggle with what we would be able to give a sub. I don't want a third and I don't believe he does other. This is recreation, fantasy, part-time, play thing. I am not able to see a PERSON as that. I see a person with feelings, needs and desires, even if those desires are to serve another (or others).


Precisely what a person is, however different people do have different desires, and that may well be the desire to act as a 'beta' or play partner however if YOU can't see it in those terms then that is the most important thing, your relationship is meant to make you happy not struggle with concepts you can't relate to.

quote:


It's far more complex than that. My head is not available for concerning myself with the feeding and nuturing of another person. (Mentally and physically). I feel there is still much more WE have to learn about and cultivate in each other before we could even entertain inviting someone else in. No matter how "part-time" it might be.


So true, and indeed one of the best reasons to decide to not indulge in multiple partner relationships. As I said in my previous post to you, for you to ever be able to add people to your relationship in whatever context you have to be totally stable, something that I do not think that you have at the moment from how you have described it. As you say it will impact on this other person.


quote:


THIS is the ONLY thing he is stuck on. Figures it's got to be the ONE area that I feel so strongly that I can't back down on. He is curious.


Totally natural but totally unhelpful to you. I can understand a fascination with it maybe it is a misguided attempt to get you to open up. However if you do not really know then you can't and that means that it is an annoyance at the very least.


quote:


He reads the ads on Collar Me. He has an idea in his head based on what he sees. I think he sees and desires the physical aspects of BDSM but is glancing over the emotional aspects of it which are really the core of the whole thing if I'm not mistaken.


And a pretty common idea that is too, it can be about the activities but as you say in any activity involving human beings emotions will always get involved that is inevitable, if you do not feel able to deal with that at the moment especially as you would be taking a dominant role it is a really bad idea.

quote:


I don't know what he hopes to accomplish. Do I say "fine" and let him fail at this miserably? I'm afraid to hurt someone else in the process and I don't want him hurt either.


Indeed human emotions are not something to be played with.

I will write something to you on the other side about my past relationship if you like and that you can show him how it can affect people. I can totally understand your frustrations and why you are struggling.


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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:56:31 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
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Status: offline 		edited due to gross irrelevance

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/15/2009 10:57:15 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 10:58:00 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Coming back but a little less flippant this time... If someone's needs are sooo important in a relationship that your own emotional wellbeing becomes a side issue then I'm sorry the whole relationship needs careful examination. together with the likelihood that you're not with the right person.

Consider that you can want someone to be happy and love them just as deeply as a friend without the emotional costs to you.

Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice and it doesn't matter whether you are vanilla, sub, switch or dom, you don't always get what you want and it doesn't always go your way. Neither of you should be in a win-lose situation, but rather a win-win situation where you both feel comfortable with each other and with sharing a relationship.

This involves considering what you both need and want, not what other people appear to have. If he wants so badly what other people appear to have over your emotional wellbeing, then maybe he needs to man up and admit that he needs to find what he needs with other people, and not with you.

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 11:05:24 AM   
traceoflace


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/26/2009
Status: offline 		I think most men have the "bring another women into the mix" fantasy.  I think many are smart enough to realize that nothing good will come of it.

For me, I would just tell him its a hard limit. I DON'T SHARE.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 11:06:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just a thought.

You have issues that you know you need to fix.

You know you have issues regarding your relationship with your husband that you need to fix (trust).

Your stomach ties in knots over this situation between the two of you.

Why on earth would you even think about bringing another person into this?



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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 11:06:54 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: traceoflace

I think most men have the "bring another women into the mix" fantasy. I think many are smart enough to realize that nothing good will come of it.


How very wrong you are, I think that for some it is the worst possible thing for the individuals and the relationship but for some it is precisely what they need to make them happy. The thing is (and this is lush) people are different.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 8/15/2009 11:07:51 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 11:08:27 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		Stella, I think that's the part that scares me the most as unhealthy as it is. I'm afraid he will chose "other". I recognize that I'm not in a frame of mind to deal with ANY emotional dramatics right now. I'm not ready to deal with this being the wrong relationship. I want to stick my head in the sand and pretend it's ok for now. It's exhausting to even THINK of the alternative. It's my own weakness. I am afraid to lose what I have no matter how unhealthy it might be. I don't like that I don't have the strength for it now, but I just can't do it. I'm tired of battling crap. I need a little respite or something.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 11:10:21 AM   
MzPrizz


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		I don't want to because I wouldn't want to risk the well being of another person. I have reached a point of resignation and desperation that perhaps TRYING it and failing is the only way to make it go away.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just a thought.

You have issues that you know you need to fix.

You know you have issues regarding your relationship with your husband that you need to fix (trust).

Your stomach ties in knots over this situation between the two of you.

Why on earth would you even think about bringing another person into this?



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Profile   Post #: 40
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