RE: Please help me understand!!

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/15/2009 8:20:50 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Precisely. Gakk... memories of my childhood are rushing back.
OP.. You need to get yourself a nice cattle prod and zap that hubby of yours every time he suggests it. Laughing or not, he is doing it to make you throw your hands up and do it his way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have to say the thing that annoys me most is that the man is being SO EFFING passive aggressive about the whole thing. He isn't just teasing or joking around, he is continuing to nag, hoping that he will break her. Using humour in a passive aggressive way instead of being direct.

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Post #: 61

RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/16/2009 9:28:18 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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Strikes me that the husband is not as happy in the marraige as he is telling the OP.
He seems to be exibiting a level of denial that is quite amazing- swinging didn't work, so now he is onto the next new thing - which is going to make him happy - right?
I have to wonder why on earth he is still married if he is so unsatisfied with what he has.

It seems to not have a lot to do with the OP either.
The boy needs to figure out what he really wants, and i am not convinced that a sub is that thing. A little self awareness could go a long way to being happy with himself.

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Post #: 62

RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/16/2009 2:50:24 PM

MzPrizz

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2009
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Thanks again for your thoughts. Still processing the insights. He managed to go a whole day without saying anything, even without my asking, but then commented again on it. I finally said, "you have not one single educated idea of what you are proposing. You don't even know enough about it to know why it is you want it." Then he fell asleep. (we are exhausted from being at the beach all day with the kids)

I told him to read the books we have "The Loving Dominant" and "Ethical Slut". I read The Loving Dominant yesterday afternoon and by the end was crying. There is no WAY I could do this. Ever.

I feel like I am doing him a disservice here. Keep in mind, this is just MY side of things. As much as I try to be fair and represent both sides, I'm only human. I forget who mentioned it but I hope that you are wrong that he won't be happy with just one person and that it's inevitable that he will cheat or we will split. He knows that with my history of trust violations as a child and since I've been with him that I couldn't handle infidelity.

Also, no, I have not considered him having a sub on the side. I'm a jealous enough person to know that would eat me up as well.

He made a comment today to me that he wanted to explore me. To learn more about me. Whether sexually or emotionally, he could learn a lot from taking to the time to learn ME. We all struggle with failings. I don't expect him to be perfect. Just as I know I am not.

Thanks again!

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Post #: 63

RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/16/2009 3:46:00 PM

TazDevil

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post like yours all ways make me stop and go hum........ you have sexual abuse in your past, that line makes the worming bells go off in my head, but I can see both sides of it at the same time so I all most just wont to say aGGGGG..... best help I can give you is trust your safe, no one know you better after all

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RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/16/2009 4:12:12 PM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPrizz
This is usually when he would say, "I don't want to lose this. It's not that important to me. I will drop it."........for 5 mins before he starts with the good natured ribbing and joking about it and it just builds from there.

I'm not a racist. My jokes about black people are good-natured ribbing.

After a while, jokes aren't funny, aren't natural, and aren't good.

When growing up I had a neighbor who used to "oink" everytime his wife walked passed him. To him this was joking and good natured ribbing. Hell even thought it was a good means to the end. In the end it destroyed her self esteem and their marriage. If something causes someone else pain how is that a joke or playful ribbing and this situation is obviously causing the OP pain.

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/16/2009 4:13:26 PM >

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Blessed be,
Nika

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Post #: 65

RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/16/2009 4:22:55 PM

DarkSteven

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MzPrizz, your last post sounded healthier about this mess than any other you've made.

You are investigating this. And deciding it's not for you. You're giving as much of yourself as you can for him.

Please understand that what he is asking is NOT common, and even in successful poly households, people have issues with jealousy, etc. You owed him that you would consider it, and you've done so. You owe him nothing more.

Think of one of your children coming up to you and asking for something they want. They will ask for it forever and grind you down if you don't stop them. Eventually you have to say, "I said NO and I meant it. If you ask again, you will get punished." You need to do the same to your husband - "I looked into it and I cannot make it work. Why are you bugging me about this?" Suggest that he may need therapy if he keeps it up...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 66

RE: Please help me understand!! - 8/17/2009 2:16:47 PM

MzPrizz

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Joined: 8/15/2009
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Thank you Steven. I hadn't ever looked at it that way.

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Post #: 67