RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure?

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AAkasha -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:00:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire quote: ORIGINAL: lilboycaught Will there always be a disproportionate number of males to females and will it always be largely money-driven? It isnt just BDSM where this exists... so why should it be DIFFERENT here? In vanilla dating, there are is almost always a group of men to one woman. The ones that spoil her the most are the ones that get her attention. Why do people never question buying a woman a drink or dinner, but if you actually REFER to buying someone something then it is bad. A vanilla man who is going to get hte attention of a anilla woman is the one who is going to spend on her, more times than not. The one who buys her dinner, buys her flowers and candies... but as long as they dont call it tribute thats ok. Would it be less problematic if rather than calling it tribute, a domme called it her idea of a dream date? Dinner, getting to unwrap a gift, things like that? It isnt, and it never will be, exclusive to FemDomme. DV Amen. I wish you would go post in the thread in "Ask a Mistress" about dating and courting. The submissive "tightwads" are coming out of the woodwork to defend their right to be cheap. And remain single. Akasha

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:06:06 PM)
quote: AAkasha Men who enjoy suffering, surrender and sacrifice - sexually and emotionally and mentally (sorry, most of the femdoms want the WHOLE submission, not just the cock part) - are VERY limited and in high demand. And they always will be. Akasha Well said! I'm mostly reminded of a 50 something year old 'gentleman' who approached me claiming to be the worlds best pussy licker and how he'd licked miles worth of pussy and I should give him a shot! It was disgusting to think of the nasty things he's put his mouth on and I told him so and told him to go away and blocked him. The asshat made another profile (harassment) and told me "You don't decide when the conversation is over I do!" snort These are the kinds of 'submissive' men that are the majority and you wonder why dominant women demand their pound of flesh? Service comes at a price, and since all those types are looking for is a service, then they need to pay up. Instead of complaining about women demanding their dues, why not start complaining about how obnoxious and hateful your gender can be?

slavekal -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:15:06 PM)
Let's not forget, though, the ratio of women to men in the world is about fifty-fifty. And as men age, the odds increase in our favor. A fifty year old man has way more options than a fifty year old woman. When we're young, it's the other way around. We desire women more than they desire us, in the immediate sense, but they need relationships more than we do. At least it seems that way. I ain't never seen a GROOMS magazine.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:16:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy Instead of complaining about women demanding their dues, why not start complaining about how obnoxious and hateful your gender can be? I'd rather not do that either. But, then again, I'm a bad sub.

Venatrix -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal I ain't never seen a GROOMS magazine. Most women just want the wedding. The guy is optional.

stella41b -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 3:41:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy Instead of complaining about women demanding their dues, why not start complaining about how obnoxious and hateful your gender can be? Trust me, and I write from experience, there's nothing gender specific about people being obnoxious and hateful. All they appear to need is that deluded sense of 'privilege'.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 4:49:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilboycaught Okay, it's obvious most people here want to focus on ME rather than the post. And on the title of the post rather than the substance. People are reading meaning into the words that simply isn't there, and reading intentions, attitudes and interpretations into ME rather than discussing the subject. I suppose this fulfills some basic need for them. Maybe there's a basic human need to judge, condemn, misinterpret and, especially, lecture others. I guess it goes with the territory. That having been said, I would like to get back to the OP and ask, in a nutshell, is this is far as femdom is going to go? Will there always be a disproportionate number of males to females and will it always be largely money-driven? Excuse me?? Aren't you judging? Lilboycaught, I think you've been caught having a tantrum in your OP because you haven't been picked by one the really fine Dommes that are here on Collarme. And I quote from your OP: "I think that’s a clear indication that if any trend ever existed to establish female domination lifestyles as mainstream, it has utterly failed. Very few women are actually interested in a real female-led lifestyle, and the minority who aren’t asking for money are often plain women who use it to get attention from men. How truly “dominant” they are is questionable." Now if that doesn't sound like judgment and condemnation, I don't know what does. Face it, there are a lot of male subs to go around, and just like in vanilla "situations" where there are multiple men hanging around nearly each and every woman, She is going to pick the best of the best. So you'd better start spiffing up the attitude & yourself and, maybe, She'll look your way. When I was single, I could've wah wahed and bitched and moaned that I didn't have a Dom, but no, I took a good hard look at myself , tried to make improvements & made more of a "what can I do for You?" type of profile. I may sound harsh, but these are the facts. Life is not always nice. There are some really fine Dommes here on Collarme, and a number of Them are regular posters on the boards. Make yourself one of the cream of the crop and you may find yourself owned someday.

cloudboy -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 4:52:56 PM)
quote: As a "lifestyle femdom" whose career has nothing to do with kink and who married a man she dominates, but does not rely on him financially, I have to say female-led relationships (that don't require money for services) are doing just fine. With the explosion of the Internet, while you have more visibility for money dommes, pro femdoms (who work in dungeons) and scammers, you also have a large influx of generic horny kinky guys who think femdom is the flavor of the month and are just looking for easy satisfaction. These guys and the unethical "money dommes" are a match made in heaven so they can pair off and go do their thing. It would help your credibility if you were more honest about your professional femdom status. ----- As for the OP, most if not all porn is produced with men in mind, and its not free. The difference between CM and other traditional dating sites is that many professionals advertise and promote their business here. It would be a mistake to confuse CM as a kind of kinky Match.com. Its more of a free-for-all here. Hell, all the profiles have porn ads in them..... Places like Match.com might be different if prostitution were legal, because then women might move their services into traditional dating sites without fear of being prosecuted. Still, I don't think it would mirror what you find here.

catize -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 5:04:51 PM)
quote: Try two searches: Somebody has waaaay too much spare time! quote: Haven't had a single answer yet. Maybe if you paid us we would give you the answer![:)]

lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 5:48:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: lilboycaught Well, certainly that business would dry up if it was a common thing and easy to find. It's not, that's why there's so much money in it. Back in the 1970s, some sub men used to say "there's no such thing in sex as a truly dominant female." They really believed that. They probably don't any more, but it brings up the point about ratios. There are way more submissive men than dominant females. It's just a fact, and CM is a testament to it. Is that always going to be the case? If it is, then I think any academic analysis would be that femdom is a dysfunctional sexuality. I'm not saying there aren't individual cases where it works brilliantly and creates very deep romantic love. I'm not (hear me? NOT) commenting on anyone's individual relationship. Okay? Again, NOT commenting on anyone's individual relationship. Let me say it again so we can avoid the next 60 or 70 irrelevant posts. I am NOT commenting on anybody's personal relationships. I KNOW femdom is capable of producing the best love that life has to offer. But there's a serious problem when you have 6 or 7 male submissives for every female dominant. This isn't something to laugh at. This isn't something to shrug off. This is a serious societal problem. Not as serious as racism or sexism, but I know all of my colleagues, even the ones in the sciences and arts, (I'm a university professor) would immediately spot the descrepancy and ask...WHY? Just because it's about sexuality doesn't mean it's not important. Sexuality is a critical component of a person's identity as well as how they interact with society. There are many threads about this, but something you need to consider: The idea of a kinky, sexually dominant woman is the creation, mostly, of male fantasy, and it's reinforced by male het porn, which is produced by men, for men and SOLD to men. The women like this are mostly a caricature - pure and simple. The men who seek this seek a fantasy. The unfeeling, sexually aggressive, never satisfied, ultimately cruel (but only in the way he likes it!) domina, it's a male fantasy. Sorry! The born dominant woman is a woman who enjoys her sexuality /sensuality, she is sadistic but not in a way just to indulge men. She has her OWN fetishes and is not afraid of them. She does not "model" herself after those femdoms portrayed in porn - if anything, she thinks they are a joke, and, the men who behave in the manner of those movies, they are NOT attractive. These "born dominant women" do not conform to the stereotypes - what they have in common, though, is that they desire male submisison, they get excited by surrender and vulnerability, and they are, in varying degrees, sadistic -- but with consent, of course. What MOST of these men - the hordes of men you talk about - are seeking is the self serving fantasy they created in their own head. There's a huge market for that, becuase it's no strings attached - in the fantasy, they are free from obligation, being assertive and having self esteem. And in many cases, it's a momentary rush - one night a week, three nights a month, or whenever they are horny. But that's as far as their 'surrender' goes. Men who enjoy suffering, surrender and sacrifice - sexually and emotionally and mentally (sorry, most of the femdoms want the WHOLE submission, not just the cock part) - are VERY limited and in high demand. And they always will be. Akasha That's a great post. Probably gets the gold star for "best yet" on the basis of content. The Akashic Record. I've heard of it.

MsMillgrove -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 5:55:14 PM)
Coming in very late to address the OP: In discussing the fact that femdom isn't as much of a trend or as popular as you once thought it would be--you have two distinctly different suggestions on "why" is this. (just assuming for sake of discussion that femdom lifestyles haven't caught on as openly as you felt they would .. looking in the past...ahead to now) You feel that the society's attitude toward sub males plays a role. And you think that the prevelance of pro-dommes, and those who seek "tribute" have overrun the minority of lifestylers who don't require money or tributes. CM functions partly as a marketing device for women who seek to gain money thru exercise of their dominantion skills. It's not really the correct venue on which to base your assessment of number of dommes overall.. who are not into money/tribute. Here's some numbers from my city. I am personally acquainted with about 50 femdoms in my area. Two are prodommes, one is a phone domme for money and the other 47 are lifestylers. That's my experience. Sure doesn't match the numbers on CM. On the second point, I think you have something meaty to discuss. I agree with you. Sub men are portrayed as weak and in most society ... vanilla and even kinky crowds--the sub male is considered a comic figure or a loser. We know they aren't. Taking it a step farther--there are predjucides too on the kinks male subs may have... If a straight man cross-dresses, he might as well buy a ticket to Siberia as far as gaining any respect from straight males, that kinl is practically the kiss of death for males who might like respect from other males. I have a lot of compassion for the men who persevere anyway with their fetish.. and will accept them as subs, even tho I am not all that keen on men in dresses. I think there are other factors at play as well. Women are not encouraged to be dominant. In America--we rank 52 in the world (yes!) for woman in elected political positions. Think on that one for awhile. It only shows that in the US we don't believe that women belong in positions of leadership. The unwillingness of women to run for office is the primary reason we are ow on the totem pole of female leadership. What is behind that? We don't know, but it's one area I hope to see changing in my lifetime. So yes, I agree with you the femdom lifestyle did not become a "trend" as you had hoped. What do you plan to do about it? Will you raise your daughter as a strong female, encourage her to be dominant? Would you do that? Do you treat your mother as a queen? that creepy old lady next door--do you treat her as the Duchess she is? Well, there's lots you can do, right in your own backyard, to change the situation. I hope you give it some thought.

Andalusite -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 6:25:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal You are probably unique. Most women are not looking for this guy and that guy to drop in whenever they feel like it for a free session. I have found that many lifestyle dommes are looking to be served, not just to play. At parties and such, they might just want to play, but on a day to day, they have expectations of their subs. We're obviously not communicating clearly, I just said that I didn't expect service or money. When I played casually, I mostly did so at parties, since it felt safer, but I always planned ahead of time to meet someone there, rather than just randomly playing with someone who happened to show up. I also had egalitarian kinky relationships in which I topped my boyfriend at the time. They didn't serve me, there wasn't a D/s dynamic going on, and they certainly didn't pay me, but we spent time together doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, hanging out with mutual friends, going out on dates, etc. They could indeed just get an hour (or more) of play when the mood struck them, subject to our work schedules and such, most of the time. quote: ORIGINAL: subtee This is likely a naive post ~ I know almost nothing about the pro Domme thing ~ however, what if there was a separate designation for pros as opposed to those seeking a relationship? Different color, different section, some way for those who want to charge can find and be found by those who want to pay. Others who would like only to find relationships could skip. On bondage.com, they do have that system - a $ in the user's profile, next to their name. Back when I used to be active there, I don't recall seeing any posts complaining about prodommes, tribute, or scammers. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: lilboycaught But there's a serious problem when you have 6 or 7 male submissives for every female dominant. ... This is a serious societal problem. Not as serious as racism or sexism, but I know all of my colleagues, ...would immediately spot the descrepancy and ask...WHY? The truth is, it's not a serious problem for female Dominants. It allows us to chose the best male submissive that suits our needs. It is also not a serious problem for the submissive males that we have chosen to serve us. The only place this could be considered an issue would be among those who were in the surplus of the ratio. ... It seems that is what you're asking for people to do in relation to Domme/sub ratios. Almost as though you feel that if the numbers aren't even, male submissives are slighted in some way. They aren't. It just means that they have to realize that they have to offer the qualities that will, hopefully, get them the attention of the Domme they seek. I know that BDSM and D/s aren't just a hobby, but bear with me for a comparison for a moment. There are so many things that draw more men than women - some of them have been able to even things out a bit, but the fact is, that there are lots of things that do have a correlation with gender, and I don't see anything wrong with that. There are lots more men than women who are into professional team sports, auto racing, wargaming, martial arts, etc. There are far more women than men who enjoy knitting, quilting, Dressage (horseback riding), gymnastics, figureskating, etc. Computers (gaming, programming, and just being on the Internet) used to be about 90% men, now, it's a lot closer to 50/50 overall. There are other things that have had a similar turnaround, by changing in a way that appeals to more women (or more men, for those which started the other way around). In order for female dominance and topping/sadism to become more popular with women, it will need to change in ways that attracts more women. Pretty much the only way for that to happen is for male submissives and bottoms to encourage more women to give it a try, and to behave in ways that women enjoy. Even if it does draw more, though, it might still be 70% or 80% men, just because, like football and basketball, more men just plain like it. I don't see how that's broken or a societal problem. The answer to "why" is that it isn't what most women want in their romantic relationships/sex lives/however you want to put it. The high percentage of purportedly submissive men who approach Dommes and female switches in ways that actively discourage them/turn them off is also a part of "why." Back when I was searching for a partner earlier this year, around 80% of the "submissive" guys who contacted me were spammers or otherwise negative, while around 80% of the switch, top, and dominant men initiated positive contact.

AAkasha -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 6:30:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: As a "lifestyle femdom" whose career has nothing to do with kink and who married a man she dominates, but does not rely on him financially, I have to say female-led relationships (that don't require money for services) are doing just fine. With the explosion of the Internet, while you have more visibility for money dommes, pro femdoms (who work in dungeons) and scammers, you also have a large influx of generic horny kinky guys who think femdom is the flavor of the month and are just looking for easy satisfaction. These guys and the unethical "money dommes" are a match made in heaven so they can pair off and go do their thing. It would help your credibility if you were more honest about your professional femdom status. ----- Man, are you bitter. Most people are very aware of my femdom erotica web site since it was 100% free to everyone for ten years, from 1995- 2005, and most supported my choice to go to membership status, in 2005, without resentment or anger. Once again it's the bitter, cheap men that want everything for free and thing femdoms just "owe" them everything, including a decade of free content. If having a membership site now makes me a "professional dominatrix" when my career in marketing and running my own business (outside of kink) support BOTH me and my husband (who is a full time domestic "slave" as some put it) -- then I guess I am a bigtime fraud. Funny how that happened at the flip of a switch. Glad there are people like you keeping it real - and reminding ALL how bitter subs can be. I don't hide my site - it's in my sigline. But thanks for the plug, you always do bring it up and it drives traffic to my site. Akasha

AAkasha -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/18/2009 6:31:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilboycaught That's a great post. Probably gets the gold star for "best yet" on the basis of content. The Akashic Record. I've heard of it. Thanks hon!! :) Akasha

Arillis -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 6:20:53 AM)
Wow, the voice of reason in this dreary desolate waist land of internet molded self appointed titles. Indeed there is a great deal each and every man can do to forward the recognizing and accepting of women of dominance but let us not lose sight of the fact that along with dominance comes responsibilities rooted in ethics integrities and righteousness. Neither should we lose sight of the fact that those qualities are for the most part in in evidence.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 6:29:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Read slavekal's post, lilboycaught. There just isn't a huge preponderance of sub men relative to dom women. There's a huge preponderance of "sub" men, sure. But attentive men with a positive attitude who do what they say they are going to do? There might be more of them than there are dominant women looking for romantic relationships. This has been something I've been wondering about for a while. There are way more sub men than Dom women if you go by nothing more than the boxes checked. It's like the Dom men... if you only select the ones that are Dom and not just HNGs, the statistics change. There was one sub man who came here named bootlicker. His first post ran along the lines of "Hello, Dommes. I'm a man who likes to serve. Can you tell me what ways a Mistress would like to be served?" He stayed single for maybe a month before a Domme snapped him up. He wanted a relationship, and he was willing to put his own kinks after his woman's. That's the kind of man that gets taken.

LadyPact -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 6:49:45 AM)
Completely agreed, Steven. I could list scores of sub males who were snatched up quickly because they were genuine in submission and service. Something that those who are hoping to find a fetish delivery service do not experience.

lizi -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 7:16:25 AM)
This is slightly off topic but still pertinent...it's the same for another situation where the men seem to outnumber the women. Male Doms and female submissives. The Doms may outnumber the subs but the man who pays attention to the woman as a person and not as a 'fetish delivery service' (as LP said) will find someone interested in him as well. Everyone is pretty much saying the same thing here. Regardless of what the numbers are- stand out personally as a good example of your chosen orientation and you should find what you seek.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 7:24:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Completely agreed, Steven. I could list scores of sub males who were snatched up quickly because they were genuine in submission and service. Something that those who are hoping to find a fetish delivery service do not experience. Yes, and there are a few young men, that are relatively new to the forums, I expect to see grabbed quite quickly.

cloudboy -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/19/2009 7:26:12 AM)
You are a part time professional dominatrix. This makes you more than a lifestyle Mistress. According to you, none of your perspective or femdom-malesub characterizations come from professional angles, and that's just a patent falsehood. Having a professional perspective is fine, but denying and pretending you don't have one is misleading.

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