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RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 1:54:54 PM   
TearsofLove92


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/6/2009
Status: offline 		I'm far from perfect. I'm an evolving form. At one point, I was looking for the final stage of my evolution, the final level that would label me the best. I think a lot of people make that mistake, looking for their own final form that would seperate them from the crowd.

If there was a "final form" to a human, I'd be darn close to it right about now, as I know what I want, have what I need, and know where and how to get whatever else I desire. I know me, I'm happy with me, and that in turn opens the door to relationships, namely the one I've been looking for with that one special girl. The door is open, I just need to find it to finally pass to the other side.

I often appreciate people for their flaws rather than the "perfect" stuff about them. Flaws are in general commonly shared between lots of people, but it's how one individual handles their own personal flaws is what I look for. Everybody has a different take on things, well, different enough to be called different, at least.

I expect nothing but the truth from others, period. Lying isn't a flaw. Lying is a choice, and if made against me, the person becomes a past mistake, never to be lived again, to be thought of only for the purpose of learning, and then forgotton.

Appealing flaws would all depend on the person, as many people can make the bad be good, and the good be bad in themselves, and others.

(in reply to olena)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:03:40 PM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		you never lied? not even a tiny lie?

(in reply to TearsofLove92)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:06:54 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

You claim to be a qualified therapist.

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.

The only replies you listen to are the ones that validate what you think!!!!

Look at yourself, then you may find the answers, and please God dont try and advise anyone else.


Thank you, Frazzle!

You expressed what I was hesitant to say to the OP since I've only been registered here for a short time. But, in that time, I've read many of her posts. Again, thank you! You summed up what I was grasping to say.



_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:08:08 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

you never lied? not even a tiny lie?



No, but Jimmy Carter's mom did......

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:08:50 PM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.


I don't think relations and grammar are related though

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:12:28 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

quote:

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.


I don't think relations and grammar are related though


For Me they are. IMO, judicious grammar use is indicative of the presence of brains, which are a full-on requirement of Mine.. 

_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
~member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's/Mouthy Wenches having been ModSpanked
~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:13:56 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

If there was a "final form" to a human, I'd be darn close to it right about now



Well one thing's for sure - no-one could possibly fault your modesty.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:14:38 PM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessImaginos

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

quote:

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.


I don't think relations and grammar are related though


For Me they are. IMO, judicious grammar use is indicative of the presence of brains, which are a full-on requirement of Mine.. 


but those people have relations too ;)

(in reply to GoddessImaginos)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:15:21 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

You claim to be a qualified therapist.

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.

The only replies you listen to are the ones that validate what you think!!!!

Look at yourself, then you may find the answers, and please God dont try and advise anyone else.


Thank you, Frazzle!

You expressed what I was hesitant to say to the OP since I've only been registered here for a short time. But, in that time, I've read many of her posts. Again, thank you! You summed up what I was grasping to say.




clearly you two think youre perfect enough to make personal attacks. booyah to you. 

.... niether of these comments contribute in any way atall, i wonder at people who take such trouble to be so phucking unpleasant

< Message edited by lally2 -- 8/25/2009 2:16:52 PM >

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:15:47 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessImaginos

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

quote:

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.


I don't think relations and grammar are related though


For Me they are. IMO, judicious grammar use is indicative of the presence of brains, which are a full-on requirement of Mine..


Look I do think that Prins has been ripped to shreds enough the past few weeks, as indeed the op indicates. I think maybe it would be nice to leave the personal remarks out of it and answer the OP, there has been plenty of threads recently where she has opened herself up and everyone has clamored in. This is not about her job/qualifications whatever it is a question about our perception of flaws in ourself and those around us.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to GoddessImaginos)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:17:07 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline 		*frowns at the bad ol' drama monster..*

_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
~member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's/Mouthy Wenches having been ModSpanked
~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:20:18 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

I don't think relations and grammar are related though


Of course, they aren't. What Frazzle and I referred to is that the OP claims to be a therapist (whatever that means in the U.K.), yet her communication skills on this forum come across as those of a child.

When a person making claims to being a licensed therapist can't even conduct her own life or express her own problems in a grammatically, easily understandable manner, then some of us will indeed wonder how competent she is in the field she claims to hold a license in.

I used to date a psychologist (that's the term in the U.S.) for what I believe Prinsexx is using for herself. Started out vanilla, until we got to really know each other. Turns out he was very much dominant, and he's the one who introduced me into BDSM. I was 18, he had just obtained his PHD in psychology and opened his own practice. Both of us knew that our relationship wouldn't last. He wasn't quite as strong of a dominant as what I wanted. But he was willing to take time to help me develop knowing I would move on.

We're still great friends. For that I am grateful.

Nuff about that, though. JMO, put Prinsexx doesn't really come across as having the credentials she claims to have. Maybe she DOES. But if so, she's not applying her 'skills' to her own life.


_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:22:42 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx


Do you see yourself as perfect?
Do you see yorself as flawed?
Do you expect perfection in others?
If no what flaws can you handle, what flaws are actually appealing?
What IS the 'gold standrad' you are using?
If you are D type would you train, iron out those flaws in an s type?




I don't see myself as perfect, I don't see anyone as perfect.......but neither do I think in terms of *flaws* either.

I just think there are some things I'm quite good at and some things I'm not so good at. If the things I'm *not so good at*, hinder my life TOO much then I consider doing something about it. But I'd have to be pretty motivated to do so.

I don't expect perfection in others, I tend to expect them to be like me .....good at some things and not so good at others.

For me , it's not a case of whether I can *handle* flaws in someone. It's whether someone, as a whole, rubs along with me in a combination of ways that finds us compatable.

I haven't got a gold standard.....If I like someone , I like them and that's that.

agirl






(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:23:10 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Prin and I have certainly had our differences but I have to say, some people are doing an EXCELLENT job of showing their "flaws".

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:23:14 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

I used to date a psychologist (that's the term in the U.S.) for what I believe Prinsexx is using for herself.



We use the term psychologist also, but I am assuming she means psychotherapist which is slightly different but equally as valid.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:23:49 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

At risk of saying something unpopular, I think of 'perfectionism' as a disease, a disorder of thinking. Perfection seems to me to be an unattainable state of being, & its pursuit misdirection from more doable goals whose achievement may be both easier to get to & be along a somewhat different path than 'perfection' . . . ..
I really have to agree. Perfectionism...yes it is catching. I think it was encouraged at school, indeed indoctrinated. My teens have gone through a similar process. League tables, Grades, value added erformances...where does that system stop? Even in the vreative Arts there is a superimposed stsndard.

I prefer to go after 'excellence', defined as doing one's best under the circumstances, & with a pragmatic recognition of the flaws that implicitly coexist with whatever perfection that might be .. . .. . Um, with a smidge of wabi-sabi thinking thrown in, the Japanese aesthetic notion that the 'proper' flaw sets off the beauty of the well-crafted object . . .. . .
Thank you for this. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder..I wonder what it is that most dominant males I have known up to this point what is it that they are beholding? Porn on the internet?

& it's weird how perspective really impacts on this one. Let's think about 'way too fucking honest' as a 'flaw' . . . . . That's one that can both be an uncomfortable character trait & something I'd find appealing, within the meaning of your fourth question . . . . & I want to add in something about how we live in a culture (the US) that has placed enormous reliance upon the promulgation of 'perfected images' of 'plastic, perfect, pretty people & lives', firstly for the propagandistic purposes of advertising & then trickling out everywhere from that base desire played upon . .
Yes the Hollywood stereotype. The Barbe Doll Disorder?. .

& regardless of D/s orientation, changing flaws would be just another sub-variant of trying to change the other. & changing the other seems like an unrealistic expectation to have, rather the point is to find those with mutually accomodating sets of likes, dislikes, strengths, flaws, etc, etc . . . . .
OK so let's assume that we culd take away a D type's 'changing' agenda. Isn't controlling a form of changing the other?

I have known people who seemed to have perfectionistic ideals that they 'pursue' (ever so quixotically) & that they hold up in their heads to compare the 'real world' against, generally unfavorably. & they are typically miserable as reflected against those holding more rational observational spaces . . . . . . .

Plus, perfectionism gets in the way of getting stuff done. Since the perfect can't really be attained, especially in a sustained kinda way, then stuff can never really get done. It can be a cycler with procrastination, perfectionism can, the gung-ho alternating with freezing up / abandoning / dejection / despair / crisis / & so on & so forth . .. . .
Yes perfectionism sets an unobtainable standard so why try? why even attempt? Rhetorical questions by the way. .

One giant caveat to all of the above. There's a way in which one can look at everything extant as perfection already achieved, of everything that happens is perfect as is, necessary for this or that moment's perception of perfection. I think that's more the sense that's contained in the following quote:

When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
- Buddha -
Yes: I'm flawed. But proud.




_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:28:53 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		not a minute passes when someone isn't handing out advice about a situation they're not directly involved in. their objectivity isn't in question nor are they facing the consequences their action/inaction can bring. i don't find it odd at all. we're usually able to tell someone else to do the very thing we have difficulty doing ourselves. i don't believe it always stems from hypocrisy, but merely the fact we're vested and as such our response or lack thereof comes into play.

maybe i'm the only one that's experienced this.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:32:46 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

not a minute passes when someone isn't handing out advice about a situation they're not directly involved in. their objectivity isn't in question nor are they facing the consequences their action/inaction can bring. i don't find it odd at all. we're usually able to tell someone else to do the very thing we have difficulty doing ourselves. i don't believe it always stems from hypocrisy, but merely the fact we're vested and as such our response or lack thereof comes into play.

maybe i'm the only one that's experienced this.

porcelaine



I agree. As Oscar Wilde said: "Great advice should always be passed on, it's never any use to oneself."


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:34:52 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

not a minute passes when someone isn't handing out advice about a situation they're not directly involved in.

porcelaine



Not to be snarky, but the OP set herself up for replies she might not want to integrate. I dislike 'victims' that repeatedly come onto forums stating that all their problems are a result of someone else just not 'understanding' them.

If a person is unable to clearly articulate what is they're looking for and what is they hope to achieve, then is it any surprise that they can never find what they claim to want?


_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Flaws - 8/25/2009 2:40:02 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessImaginos

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

quote:

You cant spell, use correct grammer and all your relationships are online disasters.


I don't think relations and grammar are related though


For Me they are. IMO, judicious grammar use is indicative of the presence of brains, which are a full-on requirement of Mine..


Look I do think that Prins has been ripped to shreds enough the past few weeks, as indeed the op indicates. I think maybe it would be nice to leave the personal remarks out of it and answer the OP, there has been plenty of threads recently where she has opened herself up and everyone has clamored in. This is not about her job/qualifications whatever it is a question about our perception of flaws in ourself and those around us.



Well yes, but ...

(and clearly there's more to this than meets the eye - I see evidence of various group cliques at work on both sides but, as an outsider ...)

There's no easy way to say this, but having looked at her profile and read some of her posts, the phrase "slightly deranged drama-queen" springs to mind; if you're going to parade your inadequacies and issues in front of a public audience you can't really complain when some people point up the obvious. I don't know anything about how she makes her living, but if it's true she does so by counselling people I'd be seriously concerned for anyone on the receiving end of her "wisdom".

We're all flawed. It's what it means to be human. But to flaunt one's flaws so baldly is a bit ... I'm struggling for the right word here ... tacky? And painful to watch. Almost a victim mentality. There are several comments in her OP that would have 10 foot “WARNING!” signs above them for anyone even reasonably attuned to normality, and no, I’m not going to point them up, because I’m not a cruel person. Well, I am, but not in those terms

I sincerely hope she gets herself together, and all is well, but (being honest, and I always try to be) I think she's got a way to go yet, from the evidence of that OP – all I'm sincerely hoping is that the journey/fall isn't chronicled in public.

What's that West Wing quote? "2 things people should never be allowed to see how you make em: laws and sausages". Add to that, "journeys of personal development".

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 40
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